raven Posted October 17, 2001 Share Posted October 17, 2001 I am hoping you guys can help, it appears alot of solid advice is going around this forum: I have been dating a man for almost 2 months who absolutely ADORES me......romantic, constantly complimenting, always wants to see me...(by the way I am 32 he is 38). I have been very skeptical about getting into a relationship, call it my defense, for 3 years. I am really starting to like this man.......alot! Recently however, he told me about an affair he had with his best friends wife, he was very nervous about telling me, supposedly this happened long before he met me, and I told him that I hoped he learned from his mistake and not to fool around with married people! We got over it.......Well, recently he has been getting calls on his cell at weird hours of the night morning etc while he is staying over at my house, he would always look upset after getting these calls, but he never wanted to share what happened with me. This morning, at 5 AM!, he gets a call and it wakes us up, I was livid. I asked him if he was seeing someone else, he told me no, but someone was semi-stalking him. He gets up and says he is going home then to beat the traffic, the more I thought about it the more angry I became, and called him at 8 and told him that until he resolved this issue, that we couldnt see each other anymore. I could tell he was hurt by this, and my question is, did I jump the gun on ending it, or should I be supportive and help him through this? I am so confused............. Link to post Share on other sites
Anne Posted October 17, 2001 Share Posted October 17, 2001 I am hoping you guys can help, it appears alot of solid advice is going around this forum: I have been dating a man for almost 2 months who absolutely ADORES me......romantic, constantly complimenting, always wants to see me...(by the way I am 32 he is 38). I have been very skeptical about getting into a relationship, call it my defense, for 3 years. I am really starting to like this man.......alot! Recently however, he told me about an affair he had with his best friends wife, he was very nervous about telling me, supposedly this happened long before he met me, and I told him that I hoped he learned from his mistake and not to fool around with married people! We got over it.......Well, recently he has been getting calls on his cell at weird hours of the night morning etc while he is staying over at my house, he would always look upset after getting these calls, but he never wanted to share what happened with me. This morning, at 5 AM!, he gets a call and it wakes us up, I was livid. I asked him if he was seeing someone else, he told me no, but someone was semi-stalking him. He gets up and says he is going home then to beat the traffic, the more I thought about it the more angry I became, and called him at 8 and told him that until he resolved this issue, that we couldnt see each other anymore. I could tell he was hurt by this, and my question is, did I jump the gun on ending it, or should I be supportive and help him through this? I am so confused............. I hope that I'm wrong, but I think you might have the right idea. Every person I have evr been with has cheated on me, so I know the signs. I think maybe you should try to get more informatin about the situation, instead of just telling himyou can't see him anymore, because until you know for sure, he could be teling the truth and then you would be making a big mistake. Don't jump the gun, but be very catious while dealing with him in the fuure. And don't feel bad about it, he gave you a reason to doubt him when he told you he had cheated before. Link to post Share on other sites
cross-eyed Posted October 17, 2001 Share Posted October 17, 2001 semi-stalking him? oh that's a good one. sure, blame it on someone else. the guy gets a call at 5am on his cell, then he decides he'll get up and leave at that time, to "beat the traffic"? no way. he obviously went to meet or talk to, whoever it was that phoned. the guy is a loser and not to be trusted. you have to be pretty low piece of scum, to have an affair with your best friend's wife. I don't think there's anything lower. if that's how he respected his best friend, the guy knows nothing about morals or respect or being trustworthy. now you are seeing more warning signs that this guy is a dud. people don't get calls on their cell in the middle of the night unless there is some hooch out there who's trying to connect with them. if he was truly being stalked, he would have given you details about it all, instead of not wanting to discuss it. go with your gut. the guy has trouble written all over him. i'm sure he does adore you. most cheaters are the sweetest guys out there, that's how they operate. they'll say and do anything to have women all over the place. maybe things aren't over with him and his best friend's wife? maybe it's now turned into some kind of fatal attraction thing, where she wants their affair to continue? personally, I think he's just a big player. once a cheater, always a cheater and when a man betrays his very best friend by sleeping with his wife, that just goes to show that he is lower than low and can't be trusted. run, don't walk. stick to your guns. better to have a little hurt now then a lot of hurt later. I am hoping you guys can help, it appears alot of solid advice is going around this forum: I have been dating a man for almost 2 months who absolutely ADORES me......romantic, constantly complimenting, always wants to see me...(by the way I am 32 he is 38). I have been very skeptical about getting into a relationship, call it my defense, for 3 years. I am really starting to like this man.......alot! Recently however, he told me about an affair he had with his best friends wife, he was very nervous about telling me, supposedly this happened long before he met me, and I told him that I hoped he learned from his mistake and not to fool around with married people! We got over it.......Well, recently he has been getting calls on his cell at weird hours of the night morning etc while he is staying over at my house, he would always look upset after getting these calls, but he never wanted to share what happened with me. This morning, at 5 AM!, he gets a call and it wakes us up, I was livid. I asked him if he was seeing someone else, he told me no, but someone was semi-stalking him. He gets up and says he is going home then to beat the traffic, the more I thought about it the more angry I became, and called him at 8 and told him that until he resolved this issue, that we couldnt see each other anymore. I could tell he was hurt by this, and my question is, did I jump the gun on ending it, or should I be supportive and help him through this? I am so confused............. Link to post Share on other sites
VA_SALSA Posted October 17, 2001 Share Posted October 17, 2001 I agree with cross-eyed, If he is not true to his "best friend" buy honoring his wife....what makes you so special? Under a different circumstance I would tell you to wait it out. But given this creature's history: Throw out the trash...you do not want to get hurt again. Link to post Share on other sites
Baz Posted October 17, 2001 Share Posted October 17, 2001 I am hoping you guys can help, it appears alot of solid advice is going around this forum: I have been dating a man for almost 2 months who absolutely ADORES me......romantic, constantly complimenting, always wants to see me...(by the way I am 32 he is 38). I have been very skeptical about getting into a relationship, call it my defense, for 3 years. I am really starting to like this man.......alot! Recently however, he told me about an affair he had with his best friends wife, he was very nervous about telling me, supposedly this happened long before he met me, and I told him that I hoped he learned from his mistake and not to fool around with married people! We got over it.......Well, recently he has been getting calls on his cell at weird hours of the night morning etc while he is staying over at my house, he would always look upset after getting these calls, but he never wanted to share what happened with me. This morning, at 5 AM!, he gets a call and it wakes us up, I was livid. I asked him if he was seeing someone else, he told me no, but someone was semi-stalking him. He gets up and says he is going home then to beat the traffic, the more I thought about it the more angry I became, and called him at 8 and told him that until he resolved this issue, that we couldnt see each other anymore. I could tell he was hurt by this, and my question is, did I jump the gun on ending it, or should I be supportive and help him through this? I am so confused............. I think you should go with your instinct and dump the chump, and thats from the male perspective.... Link to post Share on other sites
Ed Posted October 17, 2001 Share Posted October 17, 2001 I would have been just as annoyed as you were. I don't know if you jumped the gun or not. I don't know if your ultimatum to him was done the right way or at the right time, but you got your point across. You did what you thought was the best thing at the time. That's the best anybody can do! As far as being supportive of him...be supportive of what? It's not like he asked you for help with something and you told him no. There are ways to handle annoying and harassing phone calls. If he doesn't know how to handle situations like this, then I think he needs to take his cell phone back to the store he purchased it from and tell them he doesn't know how to use it properly. Neither he nor his callers are using very good telephone etiquette. Why he felt obliged to tell you about the affair is beyond me. One does not have to give their entire life story in order to be intimately involved. Most people don't go around telling other people about this kind of stuff unless they are either proud of it or are in need of counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
BeenThere Posted October 17, 2001 Share Posted October 17, 2001 It's obvious you've aquired a little wisdom in your years and have learned to listen to your intuitions. I know it must hurt right now, and I can only imagine how confused you must be, but You Did The Right Thing!!! So happy to read one of these posts and see a woman finally using her head for the first time. Its SO obvious there's something going on...and if he's being secretive about it, there's a reason! Cut your losses now and save your time and energy for someone more deserving. If it's meant to be; he'll be back...ready to tell you the TRUTH! If not, consider yourself lucky. How can anyone be expected to be "supportive" if they are left in the dark and aren't given any information. Let him hold his OWN hand through this one! I am hoping you guys can help, it appears alot of solid advice is going around this forum: I have been dating a man for almost 2 months who absolutely ADORES me......romantic, constantly complimenting, always wants to see me...(by the way I am 32 he is 38). I have been very skeptical about getting into a relationship, call it my defense, for 3 years. I am really starting to like this man.......alot! Recently however, he told me about an affair he had with his best friends wife, he was very nervous about telling me, supposedly this happened long before he met me, and I told him that I hoped he learned from his mistake and not to fool around with married people! We got over it.......Well, recently he has been getting calls on his cell at weird hours of the night morning etc while he is staying over at my house, he would always look upset after getting these calls, but he never wanted to share what happened with me. This morning, at 5 AM!, he gets a call and it wakes us up, I was livid. I asked him if he was seeing someone else, he told me no, but someone was semi-stalking him. He gets up and says he is going home then to beat the traffic, the more I thought about it the more angry I became, and called him at 8 and told him that until he resolved this issue, that we couldnt see each other anymore. I could tell he was hurt by this, and my question is, did I jump the gun on ending it, or should I be supportive and help him through this? I am so confused............. Link to post Share on other sites
raven Posted October 17, 2001 Share Posted October 17, 2001 I now realize that I HAVE done the right thing, and my past experiences combined with my intuition have obviously served me well here, there is something secretive about phone calls that are not discussed, and the only reason I know about the affair is because the husband/ex-best friend found out about it and wanted to kick his a**! He seemed awfully "perturbed" and after some coaxing finally admitted the problem. Its amazing how some people are so incredibly disguised, wolves in sheeps clothing, he seems so sincere about how he cares for me. Too bad for him, I am a beautiful, self made successful woman who can have her pick, and like others, he will be back and it will be too late........THank you to all who have responded, if I can ever return the favor do not hesitate to ask. I am hoping you guys can help, it appears alot of solid advice is going around this forum: I have been dating a man for almost 2 months who absolutely ADORES me......romantic, constantly complimenting, always wants to see me...(by the way I am 32 he is 38). I have been very skeptical about getting into a relationship, call it my defense, for 3 years. I am really starting to like this man.......alot! Recently however, he told me about an affair he had with his best friends wife, he was very nervous about telling me, supposedly this happened long before he met me, and I told him that I hoped he learned from his mistake and not to fool around with married people! We got over it.......Well, recently he has been getting calls on his cell at weird hours of the night morning etc while he is staying over at my house, he would always look upset after getting these calls, but he never wanted to share what happened with me. This morning, at 5 AM!, he gets a call and it wakes us up, I was livid. I asked him if he was seeing someone else, he told me no, but someone was semi-stalking him. He gets up and says he is going home then to beat the traffic, the more I thought about it the more angry I became, and called him at 8 and told him that until he resolved this issue, that we couldnt see each other anymore. I could tell he was hurt by this, and my question is, did I jump the gun on ending it, or should I be supportive and help him through this? I am so confused............. Link to post Share on other sites
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