My husbands attraction to his female coworker

[Chump64]

You will have to move quickly if she is leaving. Never knowing is worse than knwing, trust me. I got the worst possible news and it was such a relief to at least KNOW.

 

Have you seen the text messages? Are they all deleted? Insist to see every single text message. They show up on the phone bill. Tell him you are keeping track of the dates and that you want to see the texts. Tell him you are leaving unless you can see every single one.

 

Thousand bucks says they are emailing. Install a keylogger at home (you can download them for free). Buy a remote keylogging program and send it (email attachment) to his work email address. It will secretly attach to his hard drive and will log everything he types on his computer, then send it to your in report format. There are other keyloggers that can be installed directly on the computer if the email program can't get past a firewall. A small device can be installed between his keyboard and the computer tower. It logs every keystroke. Then you uninstall it and download it to see what he's been up to.

 

Are they talking on the cell phone a lot? Put a voice activated recorder in his car, hidden. You will at least get one side of the conversation. Same thing for his office -- voice activated recorder. Fifty bucks at Best Buy or a similar store. Buy one that lasts for 15 hours and the batteries will last long enough to tape one entire day.

 

Bug you own home phone. Put a recorder on an extension line that is out of sight / not used much.

 

Tap his office phone. http://www.spyville.com

 

Demand his pass codes for his work and cell voice mails (or better yet, obtain them secretly).

 

Look for other cell phone bills. Chances are, he will get a different cell phone and hide it, if you insist on the details for the current phone you have.

 

Is all this stuff legal? Nope. (Neither is adultry, btw.) Is he going to turn you in to the cops? Nope.

 

If he has a secure work environment, sneak in at 4 am. Take his swipe card. Have a little gift in hand in case someone catches you. "Oh, it's our anniversary and I am leaving him a surprise!" Always have a lie in your pocket, ready to use to cover your a$$. If he finds you out of bed at 5 am, tell him you had insomnia and went for a drive. Better yet, have a friend call you at 4 am and "ask for help with a flat tire" or "need a ride / too drunk to drive home."

 

 

At the VERY least, demand that he go to counseling. For him to admit that he has feelings for someone else, while in a marriage, is a gi-normous red flag. To let that one slide by and not demand some help is just going to bite you in the a$$ down the road.

[Guest]

Hi there,

I really feel for you and your predicament. I'm afraid to say however that both you and I know there is only going to be one outcome.

 

If shes after your husband and he wants to go for it, there is absolutly nothing you can do to stop it.

 

If I were you I would start going out more myself NOW. I would get myself ship shape, looking great, feeling great. Get out with friends more and get the confidence to leave before the real damage is done.

 

Be satisfied knowing you escaped being cheated on and made to feel a fool by a man who obviously has his brain in his penis.

 

I'm not saying it'll be easy. It'll break your heart, but not as much as it will be if you stay.

 

I had a friend who was the same as this woman. She didn't care who she hurt in the process of getting what she wanted. She seemed proud of the STI's she'd caught going with so many blokes and had no morals. (Hence she WAS my friend...not is.)

 

She would use men and eventually there would be only one of two outcomes.

 

1) The man would go back to his wife when he realised the fantasy does end up just another - not so great - reality.

 

2) She would leave the man when someone richer, better looking, or just more interesting came along.

 

So, your husband is also dooming himself to his own unhappy fate - At least he's not lusting after a perfect woman, with model looks, and a wonderful personality, who is kind and sweet and will make a great wife!!!!!

 

Good luck in whateve you decide to do.

[Chump64]

"Model looks" and getting in shape are fine if you want to do it for yourself, or if you are thinking about entering the dating scene again. But they have little to do with why someone cheats, just for the record.

 

My husband's OW tips the scale at 200 now and then, depending on her yo yo dieting. She's probably a size 4 on top and 18 on the bottom. She's 53 and has a haggard looking face.

 

I ain't no skinny beauty queen either, don't get me wrong.

[Chump64]

And, "Guest" is right. You can't stop your husband from cheating on you. All you can do is verify whether it's happening, then take hold of the situation and decide what you need to do.

 

The only real way to stop a cheater is to ditch the cheater. But you certainly need to know the facts before you take that drastic step.