What is confidence?

[visotech]

Women always say they look for confidence in a man. But what exactly is confidence?

 

con·fi·dence

1. Trust or faith in a person or thing.
   
2. A trusting relationship: I took them into my confidence.
   
   1. 
      
   2. That which is confided; a secret: A friend does not betray confidences.
      
   3. A feeling of assurance that a confidant will keep a secret: I am telling you this in strict confidence.

[*]A feeling of assurance, especially of self-assurance.

[*]The state or quality of being certain: I have every confidence in your ability to succeed.

None of those definitions seem to answer the question...What is confidence, how does one appear to have it, and why is it desireable?

[runner]

its knowing you want her, knowing how to get her, and doing it without delay. desirable cos girls want to be swept of their feet. simple enough for ya ?

[Outcast]

The answer is 4: A feeling of assurance, especially of self-assurance

 

Essentially, you know who you are; you trust your judgement, you are not chronically insecure, don't seek approval for everything you're about to do and a cheering section while you do stuff. This does NOT mean arrogance, however. Self-assurance means having a healthy respect for your own abilities but not thinking you are superior to all others!

[Curmudgeon]

To me it's the ability and willingness to stand up and be counted, to have the power of my convictions and to be true to my values and personal sense of integrity.

[Alexandra]

"Women always say they look for confidence in a man."

 

I'd disagree with your premise not because it's not true but because it's limited to women whereas I think we have reasons to widen it to "People look for mates with healthy confidence/self-esteem".

 

I think definition number 4 is pretty close to the target.

 

"A feeling of assurance, especially of self-assurance." = Self-esteem.

 

In pshychology self-esteem or self-worth includes a person's subjective appraisal of himself or herself as intrinsically positive or negative to some degree (Sedikides & Gregg, 2003).

Self-esteem involves both self-relevant beliefs (e.g., "I am competent/incompetent", "I am liked/disliked") and associated self-relevant emotions (e.g., triumph/despair, pride/shame). It also finds expression in behavior (e.g., assertiveness/timorousness, confidence/caution).

 

As for why it's desirable, I think that's mainly because it's a sign of mental health and it's wanted in the same manner we humans subconsciently look for signs of physical health (face lines and colouring, body proportions, movements, etc.) to ensure the mate we choose is capable of reproducing and transmitting healthy genes.

[Curmudgeon]

HEY! Knock off the "reproducing" talk. No reproducing on my watch, although I'm certainly not adverse to going through the motions.

 

Nothing scares me more than a woman of child-bearing age!

[visotech]

I just don't see how this comes about in a regular converstion. Is it the idea that a person is strong in their opinions and does not hesitate to disagree with the other?...

[Vega]

I used to think it meant that one was secure in their decisions and opinions and didn't need to disagree or be defensive about them, because the opinions put forth by others who may disagree would not change a person's mind or attitude - they would still be confident in themselves. I used to be that way.

 

I don't mean that a confident person couldn't change their mind or opinion about a given topic - they may be able to see things from a different point of view and change their mind about something, but not be brow-beat into submission.

 

I've lost all my self-confidence and I second guess myself all the time now, and I sputter and mutter sometimes when I'm trying to voice my opinion because now, instead of believing in myself I find myself looking to others for confirmation that my opinion is "OK" and I hate that I've become this way. I don't find that attractive in anyone - especially myself.

[Toni_no12002]

basically confidence is when someone is comfortable about who they are.They are happy with themselves.

[LazyUnsigned]

My suggested definition for confidence:

 

The ability to reason with internalized fear and move Productivly along the path of personal intent.

 

 

 

Some chrono-thoughts on confidence:

 

1. No one has it 100% of the time.

2. It must be fostered, practiced, just like a physical workout.

3. Like good physical health, confidence can be increased (yes, repeat of 2).

4. Failure is a *must to produce and refine confidence.

5. It is not an omni-encompassing cure all and should be stiffled before it turns to mania.

 

 

 

My off the hip remark on confidence:

 

*Confidence is great, chocolate is awesome...to much chocolate and you end up with a fat butt, too much confidence and you end up with a fat head.

 

*see ego/id

[Toni_no12002]

Self confidence is when you trust in yourself ,and when you can rely on yourself.You know that you have the ability to get what you want to get.Its all about believing in yourself.

 

Confident people dont think people are better than them all the time.If they make a mistake they dont think "im a faliure" they think about how and why it happened and go at it again from a different approach.Thats why they seem to always get what they want because they dont give in at the slightest failure or mistake.

[KillaPetehog]

Confidence is not about expecting success, or about being successful. It's about not fearing failure.

[Toni_no12002]

its because they dont fear failure that they keep going at something until they eventually achieve what they want