What if the dumper wants to try again?

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Can time and patience really bring back the trust that got broken (from both sides)?

 

Yep, he wants to try again. I am hopeful, but feeling cautious. However, I don't want to be so cautious that I don't allow my heart to open again.

[KittenMoon]

Can time and patience really bring back the trust that got broken (from both sides)?

 

Yep, he wants to try again. I am hopeful, but feeling cautious. However, I don't want to be so cautious that I don't allow my heart to open again.

 

I think people can work thing out if there are no major deal breakers that led to the break-up (cheating would be one of mine) and they can sit down an discuss truthfully what led tot he break-up. What they want changed this time around. And then both parties need to make a comiitment to work on themselves for the better of the couple. And things need to actually change before real intimacy can be restored.

 

Go slow and good luck.

[IheartmyBarista]

Can time and patience really bring back the trust that got broken (from both sides)?

I believe it can, but it does take time, love, perserverance and commitment.

 

I consider my 2nd chance reconciliation a success so far. Dated my BF 10 mo before he broke up w/ me. Our break lasted 4 mos and he did come back, on bended knee.....we are 3 mo's into things, and he's been nothing but steadfast and true and doing everything in his power to regain my trust.

 

That is the key. It hasn't been easy. There were alot of raw emotions at first, but things are progressing nicely.

 

However, I don't want to be so cautious that I don't allow my heart to open again.

I couldn't agree w/ this more....be cautious, alert, yet don't let your fear(s) get in the way.....you do take a huge risk in opening your heart again, but the potential pay-off could be wonderful, no?

 

Good luck

[jerbear]

Hey Jen Jen,

 

glad there is a second chance for you!

 

Just be cautious enough yet allow your heart to open.

[BeHappy]

i am very hopeful and believe in love.... make sure you happy the second time around and give your heart a little at a time... i am not sure why you guys broke up... ask yourself do you still love him and can it still be the same...

[Sand&Water]

Can time and patience really bring back the trust that got broken (from both sides)?

 

Yep, he wants to try again. I am hopeful, but feeling cautious. However, I don't want to be so cautious that I don't allow my heart to open again.

 

Are you still in love with him? Has the love faded over time? Do you still have resentment issues? and You must be confused, and hurt?

 

I honestly don't know what to tell you, other than that you should go forward with a clear, positive set of mind and heart.

 

This is an opening for a second chance. If I were you, I'd be scared. Because what if I mess this up...there will be nothing. Are you sure he's 'the man'?

 

Just food for thought.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Are you still in love with him? Has the love faded over time? Do you still have resentment issues? and You must be confused, and hurt?

I never stopped loving him. And while I am still healing from the pain of what happened, I don't have resentment per se....just some trust issues that I hope time and patience will help heal. It's the trust that I am most worried about.

 

I honestly don't know what to tell you, other than that you should go forward with a clear, positive set of mind and heart.

 

I'm feeling hopeful, yet understandably cautious. But much more hopeful for success over time, because when we talked we were both honest about and remorseful for what we both did to hurt each other and tear down the relationship. I would be much less hopeful if one or both of us weren't willing to admit our responsibility or willing to make the necessary changes.

 

This is an opening for a second chance. If I were you, I'd be scared. Because what if I mess this up...there will be nothing. Are you sure he's 'the man'?

 

Just food for thought.

 

Sure I'm scared. But I feel in my heart that we should try again because the feelings are still there and we both want this to work. I'm not going to worry about "messing this up" -- all I can do is try my best and hope that he does the same.

[Sand&Water]

I never stopped loving him. And while I am still healing from the pain of what happened, I don't have resentment per se....just some trust issues that I hope time and patience will help heal. It's the trust that I am most worried about.

 

Good. You know what aspects of the relationship did turn sour. The hard part, is moving forward while keeping in mind that both of you must resolve the trust issues. Stay focused.

 

 

I'm feeling hopeful, yet understandably cautious. But much more hopeful for success over time, because when we talked we were both honest about and remorseful for what we both did to hurt each other and tear down the relationship. I would be much less hopeful if one or both of us weren't willing to admit our responsibility or willing to make the necessary changes.

 

Admiting the flaws of one's actions, is encouraging. It opens up a lot of relief that has been subdued for a long time. What you both have done, shows that you still care about each other.

 

 

Sure I'm scared. But I feel in my heart that we should try again because the feelings are still there and we both want this to work. I'm not going to worry about "messing this up" -- all I can do is try my best and hope that he does the same.

 

The expression of "trying" on your part says bright enforcing things about who you are as a person. And, it's the enchanting personality that one possesses that allows for an invitation of a second chance. And, trust me many people have a hard time doing this. I hope he picks up on that. Again, stay low and walk lightly.

 

Any high expectations, will conclude in disappointment.

[bigdogg1811]

This thread is exactly what happened with me and my ex-gf...she was the dumper and now she seems to want come back. i practiced NC and that's all that was needed, she realized how much she missed me and missed the old days we shared.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

This thread is exactly what happened with me and my ex-gf...she was the dumper and now she seems to want come back. i practiced NC and that's all that was needed, she realized how much she missed me and missed the old days we shared.

 

Do you want her back? And how are you dealing with the trust issues?...the thought that she might leave you again if the chips are down?

[bigdogg1811]

Yes I want her back very much and that feeling is mutual between us.

 

The trust issues for something that if we get back together, we will definitely have to talk about and work out with eachother. If she leaves again, then that's just the way it was meant to be...but at this time we both realize the mistakes we made and we are willing to make changes. she dumped me and after 2 months she realized how stupid she was in doing that and she wants me back. i want her back.

 

We will have to learn to trust eachother again, but that will come with time and patience...patience that we are both willing to give to eachother.

[radiation7740]

I personally do not believe in 2nd chances when an ex dumps me. When my ex wanted to try again I turned her down. She even said she wanted to marry me. It's too late for that. By expressing her desire to try again she handed the power back to me. I kept the power on my end by declining her offer to try again. Therefore she will never have an opportunity to hurt me again. I will not open that door. It was a major ego boost for me when I told her no.

 

I have to be honest when I say this but 90% of 2nd chances do not last beyond 6 months. I believe the probability of getting a 2nd chance is much higher than actually keeping one. I think one of the reasons the 2nd chance doesn't last beyond 6 months is because the dumper comes back for the wrong reasons.

 

I have corrected the issues on my end that led to the break up. I was clingy in the relationship. I'm not like that anymore. If I was still clingy then I would have jumped on the opportunity in the twinkling of an eye to let her come back in my life but I didn't.

 

Other people may want to take the risk of letting the dumper come back and that's fine but I cannot emphasize enough to take it slow. You are giving him the benefit of the doubt by letting him back in. Don't have sex with him right away. Don't spend the night together. Don't jump back into bed just yet. Don't have any physical contact beyond hugging. Don't do any of the above for the first 4-6 weeks of the reconciled relationship.