I hate porn :(

[shakedatbody]

There are so many people who are addicted to porn, and this has created rifts and clashes in relationships..coz most married women do not like their husband watching porn on the net/tv or go to striptease bars, night clubs for these things. It's filthy after marriage. I am searching for people's opinions on this, because some days back at camping wid my buddies, we were discussiing these things, and we decided to find out like a POLL about this issue.

[missmom2527]

i so know what you are going though don't believe him when he says he won't go again be cause they always go back. I use to think i was hot s*** and i have lost so much confidence in myself and still fighting it but it is winning by a bunch. everytime i get on our computer i am compeled to look but now he has pretty much figured out how to clear the computer. then he gets all mad at me when i find stuff like i'm the one in the wrong by spying on him. i hate porn so much i to think it is pretty much cheating if you are in a relationship. if your spouse has to look at other people how can you be sure your what they want

[drydania]

I have been reading what everyone has said and it helps to know that I am not the only one that feels like porn isn't healthy in a relationship and that trust and honesty are very important. He has not been doing it (that I can tell) He is spending more time with me and he keeps assuring me that he doesn't want or need it and that he doesn't want to lose our family. I am still having trouble trusting him and I still fell betrayed but I am seeing a LPC to help. I thought that we were doing better, however, the other night I found out that he had been doing it in the living room while I was asleep (this happened about a week after our wedding). It made me so sick to think that I was laying right next to him in bed and he chose to get out of bed and jack off to porn rather than wake me and make love to me. I threw up when he told me. I didn't mean to get sick-it just happened and he got mad and started calling me psyco and telling me that I was pathetic. I lost my temper and hit him in the arm. I have never done that before-I felt so bad. He was mad because I was crying and he covered my mouth with his hands because he didn't want to wake the kids. However, he left bruses on my cheek and chin. I was angry said something that I shouldn't have...I asked him if it would bother him if the kids knew he was a porn loving pervert and this sent him over the edge. He grabed my hair and threw me on the bed and covered my face with a pillow. After the fight was over we both appologized and it seemed to be okay. I have small bruses on my arms and face. He said that he didn't mean to hurt me and that it would never happen again. Should I belive him? He's never done this before. I started it. It is my fault. What should I do?

[portableversion]

Was he trying to suffocate you with the pillow?

 

Looks like he is picking the porn over you. Porn use leads to desensitisation...eventually the stuff he looks at now won't give him that 'fix' and he'll move on to sicker stuff. You know, like "anal gangbang V. XX". AND since he is so used to the instant high that porn gives him, he won't be able to perform with a real woman, or even WANT to. Eventually, he'll porn himself limp and experience ED.

 

Good Luck.

 

I suggest you check out the website called "mothers against pornography addiction." They'll be more helpful than the pro-porn posse here at loveshack.

[ronnieromance]

then he gets all mad at me when i find stuff like i'm the one in the wrong by spying on him. i hate porn so much i to think it is pretty much cheating if you are in a relationship.

 

I'm sorry. This is funny though. Great material. Really good stuff. You ever come to Florida?

 

 

-R_

[sunseed]

I suggest you check out the website called "mothers against pornography addiction." They'll be more helpful than the pro-porn posse here at loveshack.

 

I'm glad you gave her that address and I'm going to check it out myself. Thank you portable! But I don't think all of us in the Shack are pro-porn. It seems pretty 50/50 to me. Does anyone else agree/disagree?

[catgirl1927]

I'm not really pro or against porn. I'm anti-LYING.

[blind_otter]

Any kind addiction is bad for a relationship. Cocaine addiction, sex addition, porn addiction.

 

You can't get a cokehead to stop using cocaine just by spying on him and chasing him around. All that does is make you look like a fool and lose your dignity.

 

How do any addicts get sober? they first realize that they have a problem. If they never get to that point, they never get sober. Period end of story.

 

And addiction is not the problem. It's a symptom of a problem that will continue, in one form or another, until the central issue is addressed in one way or another. Alcoholics who get sober without actually addressing why they are an addict merely become "dry drunks" that continue to cope with reality using some external element rather than healthy coping skills.

[sunseed]

I posted this a while ago but it's not showing up, so I'm trying one more time:

 

Drydania,

It's not accurate to say it's your fault that the fight happened, though it is accurate to say it's your fault that you hit him and said the things you regret. That he acted violently in his way is his fault entirely, no gray area there, besides which his actions were much more dominating and violent than yours. He was trying to subdue you, which he has no right to do. You each need to begin taking responsibility for your own actions only in order for this relationship to have any chance of succeeding.

 

I'm glad to hear that you're going to a counselor, so keep it up for yourself. And I'll go on record here and say that since you have both been violent at this point, you need to get yourselves to a marriage therapist together right away and tell them what happened, and look for ways to avoid it in the future. Crossing the violence threshold could be dangerous in the long run and I want you to be safe.

 

Hang in there and be absolutely sure to take care of yourself right now. It sounds to me like he may have an addiction he needs to address, and you have a lot of pain around this issue. It seems to me also that you have a willingness to take responsibility for both of your problems. Which doesn't help anyone, least of all you.

 

Start talking to your friends and get your supports around you, if you haven't already. The temptation may be to keep this a secret, but I guarantee you that it will make things worse.

 

Check out the following book on sex addiction: _Out of the Shadows_ by Patrick Carnes, PhD.

 

And go to this website for info on sex addiction: http://www.sexaddict.com

 

The Shack is here for you drydania.

[Jersey Shortie]

"I'm not saying you have to like porn - you don't. But you have to be aware that it isn't illegal, it isn't harmful..."

 

Well, in all honesty it can be very harmful. And I am not talking about extreme cases. Even the everyday, "normal" porn can be harmful to women, and how women learn from porn just how little men care for or respect women. Or even what women learn what men *truely* like over the real women in their life. Because obviously the real women in mens lives are not good enough for them.

 

 

 

"....it makes me really, really sad that women just have to live with men not being satisfied by one woman. .......We're held up to impossible standards and punished because we can't reach them....I guess expecting a man to be faithful is just too much to expect. My choices are be alone or be miserable knowing that I'm inadequate to keep a man's attention. Wow, this is SO depressing."

 

You took the words out of my mouth..alot of your other posts hit the nail on the head too.

 

I don't think men really *listen* when it comes to this issue. I don't think men really *get/understand* how incomplete and empty it can leave the woman in your life feeling sometimes. And how it can cause a disconnect in your relationship. (I know this is not true for all women because there are women who accept it and even like porn, but I am obvisously not talking about those women).

 

Why shouldn't I feel insecure about porn? Those women are the *fantasy*, they are put on some kind of sexual pedestal. I know I am pretty. I know I have my own special quarks that make me, me. I know I am sweet. I will make you steak. Watch the football game with you. Dress up in a little teddy. And try different things. But at the end of the day, no matter what I do, no matter how unique I am, he still wants to look at porn. So why am I trying so hard? Why bother. All the things I do, my own attractiveness, my special qualities are still not enough over a fleeting image of a naked women with implants who isn't above the ripe old age of 25. It makes me feel like less to him.

 

When I know a guy of mine has been looking at porn, I don't feel like being sexual with him. I don't want to open up to him sexually or emotionally. I can't be vulnerable with him. Because all those impossible judgements as a woman I face everyday in the real world, he brings into our lives. He is just like the rest of the world that I have to protect myself against. So this causes tension and stress. It causes resentment. Resentment towards him for choosing other women over me at times. Resentment at myself because no matter how hard I work out, eat right, I won't ever be the standard of perfection he loves to enjoy in a movie.

 

Sometimes I think men put porn at the same equal importance as their SO. The amount of men that still look at porn even though it hurts their SOs is amazing. Porn demands nothing of him, it only gives him a promise that every woman he sees wants to show off just for him. It gives him a variety of women in perfections. I can't compete with it. So why even bother trying to make him happy in the real life if something in an image can make him happy.

 

By the way, this is my first post here..but not my first on a message board.

[LightningRod]

Drydania, I think you are over reacting somewhat. Men use sex to satisfy several needs, the need to dominate, the need for pleasure, and the need to be loved. Most women don't understand the first one at all, but I assure you that humanity would die off real quick if men didn't have this instinct. You may never understand it but guys get off exerting their power over women. It is want makes the blood flow you know where.

 

 

Porn is exactly that men dominating and controlling women and that is why it is exciting for them. That is also why there are all sorts of positions, oral, anal, ejaculation etc.

 

Sexual desire for men is somewhat of a curse. You can wake up in the morning filled with desire, you have difficulty concentrating all day, it makes you irritable and moody, and you can be awake most of the night longing for sex. When you do have sex any form of rejection drives you nuts and it is so difficult to get women to understand how to fulfill your desires. Then there is the problem with how you communicate to your wife that you want to do something disgusting to her when you can't even explain why it such a turn on for yourself. You want to totally dominate her and use her, but at the same time you don't want her to think your a jerk so you tone it down, but it isn't really what you wanted.

 

Women cluelessly think that just because they are having sex the are fulfilling their husbands needs. Men can be dissatisfied with sex because the women isn't talking sexy, won't initiate, won't follow his instructions, or isn't doing what they want.

 

Porn is exciting for men because the women are submissive and do exactly what appeals to men. They don't need to be convinced, they don't get grossed out, they don't complain, and don't refuse. It is mostly fake and men know that.

 

Drydania, You can't change your husband he must change on his own. Forcing him to make goofy promises only sets him up for failure. He will at first agree because he has no choice and doesn't want to set you off. If he was a smoker would you make him promise to stop, burst in tears and rant about honesty and trust?

 

Instead of trying to make him promise to change the way you want; why don't you change yourself for him. Tell him you know it is important to him, but that you want to be involved. Sit down with him and watch the porn together. Show him the things that appeal to you or that you would like to try with him and get him to do likewise. While he is watching start pleasuring him, masterbate him or yourself, undress for him, etc. Get involved and make porn into foreplay for you and him.

[LightningRod]

Drydania, you can't make someone promise to change the way you like. People have to change on their own in their own time. Why don't you change yourself for him.

 

Sit down with him and get him to show you what turns his crank and then do it with him. Pleasure him and stimulate him get him to do the same to you. Turn it into foreplay rather than being a dictator.

 

I can see by the advice that a lot of women really don't understand men's sexual needs. Men need sex for love, pleasure, and power. Porn appeals to men because it's is men dominating and controlling women. Humanity would die out in one generation if men didn't have this instinct. What do you think oral, anal, and all the different positions are all about?

 

It might be more comfortable for him to surf the web rather then to tell you to take off your shirt, get on your knees so he can ejaculate all over your face. It might appeal to him and he can't explain why, he is too embarrassed to tell you what he wants, he doesn't want to deal with rejection if you say no, and he may not want to do something that will hurt your feelings or gross you out.

 

You might want him to "make love to your", but he just may want something else.

[LightningRod]

it makes me really, really sad that women just have to live with men not being satisfied by one woman. .

 

Women are too busy these days. They place too much attention to everything else except what a man needs.

 

At the same time women dress so you can see through their clothes and low riding pants so you can see their thong. Then you see it at the movies, TV, and the Internet. Many girls now days will go home with any man who buys them a few drinks.

 

I don't think women are blameless when it comes to how men are.

[sunseed]

There's a lot of pain in what you're saying, but I don't think any of it applies to drydania's situation. I disagree completely that she is overreacting. What she feels is her business and she has every right to feel this way, and to ask for her marriage to exclude smut.

 

Moreover, she most recently asked if she should believe that her husband would never be violent with her again. I personally am befuddled as to why no one else is reacting to this...

[Guest]

There's a lot of pain in what you're saying, but I don't think any of it applies to drydania's situation. I disagree completely that she is overreacting. What she feels is her business and she has every right to feel this way, and to ask for her marriage to exclude smut.

 

Moreover, she most recently asked if she should believe that her husband would never be violent with her again. I personally am befuddled as to why no one else is reacting to this...

 

I think that would make her a dictator. You don't marry someone and then say you have to change now.

 

You are right that violence is not acceptable for any reason. At least he recognized that he did something wrong. Drydania, just make sure that if the relationship turns abusive that you cut him loose.

[sunseed]

"I think that would make her a dictator. You don't marry someone and then say you have to change now."

 

Two things: 1) Are you married? In a life commitment people's selves and deeper behaviors emerge over time, and not all of what emerges is acceptable to the OP. Before you get married, there is no way to know everything that a person will show you long term, so I'm afraid that yes, pragmatically, asking someone to make changes for the relationship (within reason! of course) is acceptable. If they aren't willing to make changes and grow toward the relationship in some cases (I think the preferred term for this is compromise), the relationship may stall or end. 2) More to the point, you're forgetting that drydania and her H agreed not to have porn in their relationship, but he used and lied to her for a long time, and that's wrong. At this time she has every right in the world to stand by her original wish.

 

Again, what she feels is her business.

 

 

"You are right that violence is not acceptable for any reason."

 

Oy, thank you for saying something about the violence! But his saying he knew he did something wrong changes NOTHING. As long as no one's making real efforts to prevent more violence (therapy, for example), these two are at risk of further danger.

[Jersey Shortie]

"I think you are over reacting somewhat."

 

I think this is a perfect example of what most men say when women express issues with porn. So instead of listening to a woman, you try telling her what her feelings and thoughts *should* be on this issue because those are your own feelings and thoughts...instead of really trying to understand from a woman's persepective why they think and feel about porn the way some women do.

 

 

 

"Men use sex to satisfy several needs, the need to dominate, the need for pleasure, and the need to be loved."

 

Women have the same needs almost, the need to be cared for (sometimes the need to be submissive), the need for peasure and the need to be loved. And porn doesn't make some women feel cared for or loved.

 

 

 

"Porn is exciting for men because the women are submissve and do exactly what appeals to men. They don't need to be convinced, they don't get grossed out, they don't complain, and don't refuse."

 

Then just look at porn. Don't have a real relationship with a real human being who has real needs that you have to try to meet and doesn't act like a puppet. If that is what men want and why they like porn so much, then just look at porn and don't have any real relationship.

 

 

"Sit down with him and watch the porn together. Show him the things that appeal to you or that you would like to try with him and get him to do likewise. While he is watching start pleasuring him...."

 

Okay, so not only is porn men's fantasy with picture perfect girls, now we are also suppose to be the tool that masturbates him while he gets off on looking at other women??? You don't have any clue how women work do you.

 

 

 

"I don't think women are blameless when it comes to how men are."

 

Funny how you said you don't think women are blamess for the way *men* are and totally forgot to hold men accountable for their own actions and choices themselves above anyone else. Nice way to derail any accountablity in yourself.

[Pink_Tulip]

Whoah, don't know how I missed all this.

 

DD- to me what your husband did was so unacceptable, I personally would not be able to stay in that relationship after that. So you punched him in the arm. Wrong, yes, but compared to him suffocating you with a pillow? Seriously, I would leave, end of discussion. There really is no middle ground for me on this one so I am sorry I can't be of more help, but if you stay, you MUST get counseling.

 

LighteningRod.... LMAO! You are the perfect example of why so many women are against porn. You have looked at it so much that you are desensitized to a normal, loving, intimate relationship with a woman unless you are able to control and degrader her. Hmmm... wonder where you learned THAT from. There are plenty of men on here who will tell you they would much rather 'make love' with their wife then get off on the nonsense in porn. You are not enlightening anyone about men, only proving the point many women on this board have made about porn. Thank you.

[portableversion]

Men need sex for love, pleasure, and power. Porn appeals to men because it's is men dominating and controlling women. QUOTE]

 

ANd THAT is why we have rampant abuse of women AND children by men.

 

Lightning Rod, thanks for admitting that men are destructive and mutations...I say build more prisons to stick the sick f***ks in.

 

No woman needs this s*** in her life.

[Guest]

"I'm not saying you have to like porn - you don't. But you have to be aware that it isn't illegal, it isn't harmful..."

 

Well, in all honesty it can be very harmful. And I am not talking about extreme cases. Even the everyday, "normal" porn can be harmful to women, and how women learn from porn just how little men care for or respect women. Or even what women learn what men *truely* like over the real women in their life. Because obviously the real women in mens lives are not good enough for them.

 

 

 

"....it makes me really, really sad that women just have to live with men not being satisfied by one woman. .......We're held up to impossible standards and punished because we can't reach them....I guess expecting a man to be faithful is just too much to expect. My choices are be alone or be miserable knowing that I'm inadequate to keep a man's attention. Wow, this is SO depressing."

 

You took the words out of my mouth..alot of your other posts hit the nail on the head too.

 

I don't think men really *listen* when it comes to this issue. I don't think men really *get/understand* how incomplete and empty it can leave the woman in your life feeling sometimes. And how it can cause a disconnect in your relationship. (I know this is not true for all women because there are women who accept it and even like porn, but I am obvisously not talking about those women).

 

Why shouldn't I feel insecure about porn? Those women are the *fantasy*, they are put on some kind of sexual pedestal. I know I am pretty. I know I have my own special quarks that make me, me. I know I am sweet. I will make you steak. Watch the football game with you. Dress up in a little teddy. And try different things. But at the end of the day, no matter what I do, no matter how unique I am, he still wants to look at porn. So why am I trying so hard? Why bother. All the things I do, my own attractiveness, my special qualities are still not enough over a fleeting image of a naked women with implants who isn't above the ripe old age of 25. It makes me feel like less to him.

 

When I know a guy of mine has been looking at porn, I don't feel like being sexual with him. I don't want to open up to him sexually or emotionally. I can't be vulnerable with him. Because all those impossible judgements as a woman I face everyday in the real world, he brings into our lives. He is just like the rest of the world that I have to protect myself against. So this causes tension and stress. It causes resentment. Resentment towards him for choosing other women over me at times. Resentment at myself because no matter how hard I work out, eat right, I won't ever be the standard of perfection he loves to enjoy in a movie.

 

Sometimes I think men put porn at the same equal importance as their SO. The amount of men that still look at porn even though it hurts their SOs is amazing. Porn demands nothing of him, it only gives him a promise that every woman he sees wants to show off just for him. It gives him a variety of women in perfections. I can't compete with it. So why even bother trying to make him happy in the real life if something in an image can make him happy.

 

By the way, this is my first post here..but not my first on a message board.

 

Wow, this is exactly what I need to read! I am seeing that I am not the only one who feels the way I feel and that I am not the crazy one as my bf says.

I don't understand why guys say they are happy with the one they are with yet they still look elsewhere to fulfill their sexual feelings. I feel like I will never live up to what he really wants. I am pretty and I have a fairly nice body, but I know that I am not airbrushed and I will never look like any of the girls he goes searching for. If he were really satisfied with me he wouldnt feel like he needs to keep looking. He has asked me a few times to color my hair because he thinks I would look good blonde. I have very dark brown hair and I feel like that is one of my best features, yet he always wants me to change it. I asked him if he doesnt like brunette and he said that usually he prefers blondes and very tan girls but since I have brown hair and he wants to be with me its ok. So basically I feel that since he still looks at porn and other girls that he will eventually find his perfect girl and I am jsut there until he does. Because of this I feel completely inadequate, and I know that I will never live up to the standards that have been set in our society. And all these guys who say that we are the crazy ones that is just an excuse to try to make it right. We are all attracted to people. If we werent we would never have been attracted to the one we are with. However when you commit to someone, you commit not just physically but emotionally and letting yourself fantasize and want sex with another person will eventually lead to other things. By commiting you have to control those feelings. I dont understand why my bf cant take some pictures of me and use them when I am not home to satisfy him. Why does it have to be some perfect looking blonde? Why is it ok for guys to daydream about having sex with someone else? THe only thing stopping them is the fact that she is not in the room. I think basically I was just brought up on fairytails and now I am expecting to find a Prince Charming who will love me and only me and I am starting to realize that its never going to come true. I feel no matter how good I am or sweet, or pretty, he will always want something else. If you fantasize about having sex with someone else, why not do it, you obviously want to, so to me if you want to then that is what is going to lead to infidelity.

[ali0812]

"I'm not saying you have to like porn - you don't. But you have to be aware that it isn't illegal, it isn't harmful..."

 

Well, in all honesty it can be very harmful. And I am not talking about extreme cases. Even the everyday, "normal" porn can be harmful to women, and how women learn from porn just how little men care for or respect women. Or even what women learn what men *truely* like over the real women in their life. Because obviously the real women in mens lives are not good enough for them.

 

 

 

"....it makes me really, really sad that women just have to live with men not being satisfied by one woman. .......We're held up to impossible standards and punished because we can't reach them....I guess expecting a man to be faithful is just too much to expect. My choices are be alone or be miserable knowing that I'm inadequate to keep a man's attention. Wow, this is SO depressing."

 

You took the words out of my mouth..alot of your other posts hit the nail on the head too.

 

I don't think men really *listen* when it comes to this issue. I don't think men really *get/understand* how incomplete and empty it can leave the woman in your life feeling sometimes. And how it can cause a disconnect in your relationship. (I know this is not true for all women because there are women who accept it and even like porn, but I am obvisously not talking about those women).

 

Why shouldn't I feel insecure about porn? Those women are the *fantasy*, they are put on some kind of sexual pedestal. I know I am pretty. I know I have my own special quarks that make me, me. I know I am sweet. I will make you steak. Watch the football game with you. Dress up in a little teddy. And try different things. But at the end of the day, no matter what I do, no matter how unique I am, he still wants to look at porn. So why am I trying so hard? Why bother. All the things I do, my own attractiveness, my special qualities are still not enough over a fleeting image of a naked women with implants who isn't above the ripe old age of 25. It makes me feel like less to him.

 

When I know a guy of mine has been looking at porn, I don't feel like being sexual with him. I don't want to open up to him sexually or emotionally. I can't be vulnerable with him. Because all those impossible judgements as a woman I face everyday in the real world, he brings into our lives. He is just like the rest of the world that I have to protect myself against. So this causes tension and stress. It causes resentment. Resentment towards him for choosing other women over me at times. Resentment at myself because no matter how hard I work out, eat right, I won't ever be the standard of perfection he loves to enjoy in a movie.

 

Sometimes I think men put porn at the same equal importance as their SO. The amount of men that still look at porn even though it hurts their SOs is amazing. Porn demands nothing of him, it only gives him a promise that every woman he sees wants to show off just for him. It gives him a variety of women in perfections. I can't compete with it. So why even bother trying to make him happy in the real life if something in an image can make him happy.

 

By the way, this is my first post here..but not my first on a message board.

 

Wow, this is exactly what I need to read! I am seeing that I am not the only one who feels the way I feel and that I am not the crazy one as my bf says.

I don't understand why guys say they are happy with the one they are with yet they still look elsewhere to fulfill their sexual feelings. I feel like I will never live up to what he really wants. I am pretty and I have a fairly nice body, but I know that I am not airbrushed and I will never look like any of the girls he goes searching for. If he were really satisfied with me he wouldnt feel like he needs to keep looking. He has asked me a few times to color my hair because he thinks I would look good blonde. I have very dark brown hair and I feel like that is one of my best features, yet he always wants me to change it. I asked him if he doesnt like brunette and he said that usually he prefers blondes and very tan girls but since I have brown hair and he wants to be with me its ok. So basically I feel that since he still looks at porn and other girls that he will eventually find his perfect girl and I am jsut there until he does. Because of this I feel completely inadequate, and I know that I will never live up to the standards that have been set in our society. And all these guys who say that we are the crazy ones that is just an excuse to try to make it right. We are all attracted to people. If we werent we would never have been attracted to the one we are with. However when you commit to someone, you commit not just physically but emotionally and letting yourself fantasize and want sex with another person will eventually lead to other things. By commiting you have to control those feelings. I dont understand why my bf cant take some pictures of me and use them when I am not home to satisfy him. Why does it have to be some perfect looking blonde? Why is it ok for guys to daydream about having sex with someone else? THe only thing stopping them is the fact that she is not in the room. I think basically I was just brought up on fairytails and now I am expecting to find a Prince Charming who will love me and only me and I am starting to realize that its never going to come true. I feel no matter how good I am or sweet, or pretty, he will always want something else. If you fantasize about having sex with someone else, why not do it, you obviously want to, so to me if you want to then that is what is going to lead to infidelity.

[LightningRod]

she has every right to feel this way, and to ask for her marriage to exclude smut.

 

So what is you view on romance novels. That is essentially smut for women. Should I order my wife never to read one.

[sunseed]

My view on porn as my view on romance novels is virtually irrelevant. THE POINT is that if two people are in love and one of them sincerely asks for a sexual outlet/habit to stay out of their marriage, they have a right to do so. And if the OP agrees to it, they have an OBLIGATION to stand by their agreement and to be honest about it.

 

As for advising you on your marriage, I won't. But, do you want her to stop reading romance novels?

[drydania]

Drydania, you can't make someone promise to change the way you like. People have to change on their own in their own time. Why don't you change yourself for him.

 

Sit down with him and get him to show you what turns his crank and then do it with him. Pleasure him and stimulate him get him to do the same to you. Turn it into foreplay rather than being a dictator.

 

I can see by the advice that a lot of women really don't understand men's sexual needs. Men need sex for love, pleasure, and power. Porn appeals to men because it's is men dominating and controlling women. Humanity would die out in one generation if men didn't have this instinct. What do you think oral, anal, and all the different positions are all about?

 

It might be more comfortable for him to surf the web rather then to tell you to take off your shirt, get on your knees so he can ejaculate all over your face. It might appeal to him and he can't explain why, he is too embarrassed to tell you what he wants, he doesn't want to deal with rejection if you say no, and he may not want to do something that will hurt your feelings or gross you out.

 

You might want him to "make love to your", but he just may want something else.

 

 

I appreciate the advice...however, I am a very adventurous person sexually and all of the suggestions you have made I have done. We roll play, experiment with different sexual acts etc. He has told me about the type of stuff he looks at and it is all stuff we do. I might be a little more understanding if I were the type that kept sex very limited but anything he has ever thrown out as an idea we have tried and continue to do. I love trying new things with my husband. He has never had a problem telling me what he wanted and the controlling part can be a turn on. I can't say that I always want to be told what to do but occasionally I like him to take full control and do as he pleases with me. We have both always been very open with our fantisies and I feel like it is a good thing that we grow sexually with each other. I just don't like that he lyed to me and betrayed our original agreement.

[drydania]

Also-after telling my "shrink" sbout our situation and relaying all that my SO has told me about what he was doing, my LPC has diagnosed my husband as an addict and says that our relationship is following the textbook cycle of addiction. My husband has agreed to see the councelor but still thinks that he is addiction free because he has been able to stop for 6 weeks. My theropist told me that I was being an enabler and that I have a part too which I want to work on. I know that some of the people that have posted on this topic have gone through this before and I would like some advice on how to help him through this. I love him dearly and want to be there to support him. HELP please.