Drifting apart due to long distance job

[Luxie]

My boyfriend of 3 years recently got a new job that takes him out of town for months at a time. I encouraged the job because I knew he has always wanted to do it, and it pays well, but it is very rough on us.

 

The distance and not seeing each other every day is one thing (we live together), but quite another is the fact that his job is pretty terrible. The company he works for and his coworkers are rough people, and Boyfriend is often angry with them and not very pleasant to talk to. He swears constantly and is always upset-- something that is not part of his normal personality. I have told him I hate this side of him and would prefer he did a different job if this is how it's going to affect him.

 

Boyfriend is, however, afraid to quit. The reason for this is because he has always had trouble getting jobs, and we went many years together where he didn't have steady work. He wants to prove that he can hold his own, which is admirable, but honestly I'm losing some attraction to him with all of this. He's never here, he's constantly angry when I talk to him (not at me, but in general and often calls me to complain for hours) and I am just sort of losing it.

 

He claims that after a few more months he will be able to be promoted and come home every night, but I am really hoping we last that long. All of this instability and anger is getting to me. Am I overreacting? Am I a bad person for not being able to keep my feelings the same while this is happening?

[norajane]

You aren't a bad person for having feelings and being affected by his current job situation, and the way it's affecting him. Your feelings are perfectly valid.

 

He has identified a light at the end of the tunnel, though, with the possibility of a promotion. In the big picture, you've been together for 3 years and you both love each other, so a few more months of hassle shouldn't be impossible for you to accept. Committing to a relationship or a person means you are committing to help each other through the rough times, so hang in there and re-evaluate the situation once his job situation changes.

 

In the meantime, keep reassuring him of how proud you are that he's trying to make this work, and how you admire him for working so hard under less than ideal circumstances. Do the best you can to plan fun things for when you can be together to help ease his stress, and make sure he knows that you support him and love him and are looking forward to the time when he doesn't have to have this kind of stress in his life.