Candied-Heart Posted May 21, 2006 Share Posted May 21, 2006 Do you/would you prefer your partner propose with a ring they have chosen or with a 'token' ring or nothing.. and then go shopping for the ring with you? What have you/would you do if you hated the ring? Not engaged, just curious. Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted May 21, 2006 Share Posted May 21, 2006 I wanted him to pick out the ring. He picked out the diamond and had the jeweler set it in whatever he had available. I kept that setting for a full year, but didn't like how it looked with the wedding band, so had it reset. I didn't feel to bad because he just told the jewler to set the diamond and had no input into the setting. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted May 22, 2006 Share Posted May 22, 2006 That's a good point. I guess it would depend on how much thought and time he put into picking it out, and getting just the right ring for me. I don't want a say in the ring. It's his expression of his love for me. It's supposed to express his feelings of us, and our love. Besides, if I have to have the "right" ring... then I better be the one shelling out the dough for it. I think a lot of women forget how friggin' expensive a good ring costs. We want the thousand dollar one, and then grip that it isn't the "right" thousand dollar ring. Yet that guy just busted his butt for months (or years) to afford that ring. If it were my money, then I have every right to get just what I want. But I didn't put the hard work and effort into it, so it's his expression of love. Not mine. Just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 22, 2006 Share Posted May 22, 2006 Wow, a thousand? Somebody got off easy! Around here it has to be 5 or 10 thousand for a gal to seem happy. For me, I'm over all the jewelry thing. I have a bunch of stuff that just sits in the safe. I can wear the everyday stuff more readily and without worry. Even when I traveled extensively over the years I wore a fake diamond ring because I wanted to leave my expensive things safe at home. If I were a gal now considering marriage, I would opt for a simple band. More my style - which represents me well. I do have a beautiful ruby and diamond watch that I wear everyday (shouldn't) but it has always been my favorite piece that I own. I do worry at times only because it's worth about 15,000. and is irreplaceable (estate piece). If I lose it, at least I have enjoyed it for 20 years! Link to post Share on other sites
slinkysu Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 We chose together. Translation - i did all the research, showed him a few designs i liked, he didn't like any of them and we settled on a design he liked but a diamond i liked! Would i have prefered a ring when he proposed? Not really - i'd rather get something that we both chose and were happy with - but each to their own. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 I think as many people these days dicuss getting engaged before doing it, as do the surprise thing! My SO and I have planned a trip to Goa in December where we plan on getting my ring. The cost difference of the diamond should cover the holiday, we get a great time! We will choose the diamond and setting together. He will then take the ring to propose to me in his desired manner!! Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 Do you/would you prefer your partner propose with a ring they have chosen or with a 'token' ring or nothing.. and then go shopping for the ring with you? What have you/would you do if you hated the ring? Not engaged, just curious. My grandmother provided me a ring. Had the diamond portion appraised and it exceeded my estimated replacement and insurance value. Now that is a ring my partner will get and if she doesn't like, tough noggie! :p Honestly, I have always wanted to do something else like put her birthstone around the center diamond. So if she still doesn't like it, tough noggie again! In the meantime, I'll pay for my half of the 3 carat tw or whatever ring. (about $15k) :D Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 I'm still blown away trying to figure out where people get so much extra money that 15 grand for a ring is considered standard and acceptable. Link to post Share on other sites
Alexandra Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 Mine http://img323.imageshack.us/img323/8025/ring8pg.jpg Cheapo as compared to the numbers above. Chosen together. Love it. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 I'm still blown away trying to figure out where people get so much extra money that 15 grand for a ring is considered standard and acceptable. I don't have the extra money, unfortunately many of the women (and their fathers) in the "circle" I'm after assume that I have certain financial backgrounds and education. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 De Beers don't want you to know this, but most Americans have been brainswashed very well by the diamond industry. MAn made diamonds such as moissanite and others are nowadays as durable and brilliant as a mined diamond. And 10% the price. My engagement ring is a beautiful 2.5k moissanite, extremely sparkly. I also like the high quality CZs now in the market, that don't get cloudy. And sapphires and rubies make beautiful engagement rings. Don't spend tons of money in a rock! There are better things to spend it on! Link to post Share on other sites
ladyinwaiting Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 My partner proposed with a ring he chose. It's lovely, he has great taste, but I honestly would have preferred he use the money to pay off his car loan or for a joint holiday! I would never tell him that, though! If you don't want a flashy ring, find a subtle way to tell your partner in advance, or he might just surprise you Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 I once had a beautiful ring that i just adored and had wanted something like it since as long as I can remember. People could easily assume I was too hollywood for such a large diamond. But it was exactly what I wanted. Now It is gone. To make matters worse, I realize those around me never could understand the loss I am feeling. I guess I just felt I was somebody for once. Now that it is gone, I am utterly heartbroken as it consumes my daily thoughts and the loss and told it was my 'fault.' I grew up very very poor and usually without. I received one pair of shoes a year and one new out fit. Yes, I agree others may have it worse, but I finally after 50 years was able to be given what I had always desired. A solitaire as this. I was unbearably proud and could not sleep if it was not where it was supposed to be and have feel very unhealthy in the past month by not being able to focus as I realize this trusted person has stolen it to give to another or 'cash it in.' Wedding bands should be given from the heart. And yes I may appear to be a prude, but with my current status, I will never receive such a gem as this one was, all because I had trusted another only to steal it and I resent there very presence because of it. Am I wrong to feel this way? Even though I had committed myself to not let it ruin my outlook to others even if I believe it was taken. What do I do? Can't get it back now.. I feel so broken by all of this. My one friend, the one who made me smile, laugh and took me to new heights only to realize ? was the only person who could of taken my 5 carat ring. Any one hear with suggestions, seen it? Oh my loss, overwhelms me, folks. Truly and deeply. Link to post Share on other sites
penkitten Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 my fiance bought a ring over a decade ago when he has first started out on his own and stumbled into a sale. so he decides this is the ring he wants his future wife to wear one day and he buys it. i think he pays payments on it for a very long time. it has a huge rock in the middle with baggets on the sides. it is platinum with a second tone of gold on it also. at the time that he bought it he was dating some chick that he knew he would never marry so he hid it at his mothers in a safe and she never knew he ever bought it. later he dated another woman and thought he would marry her, and gave her the ring. she hated everything about it. she also left him the day he put the depoist on the the church for the wedding ( what they had been planning for 2 yrs ). devasted as he was , he got his ring back. time passed and we met and when he proposed to me he thought of selling the ring to buy a new one. he thought i would be mad wearing another womans ring, since the former fiance wore it. however, i say he picked it and bought it and they didnt end up together in the end, and she really didnt do anything to help with the purchase of it, and hated the ring (wasnt good enough for her). it was completely paid for, and i cant see wasting anymore money on such a posession. it is a beautiful ring, and now its sized just for me. all that money he spent would not have been regained if he sold it, and then payments on a new one would take away from our wedding day or honeymoon. i wear it with pride and i dont care what anyone else thinks about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 Good for you Penkitten! Most women wouldn't be that secure. I loved your story. And I'll bet it made your fiance feel really good too. Link to post Share on other sites
penkitten Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 Good for you Penkitten! Most women wouldn't be that secure. I loved your story. And I'll bet it made your fiance feel really good too. ty for saying that. many people think im some sort of looney toon for being ok with a "used" ring. to be perfectly honest, i would care if he actually picked it out for the former fiance. (shes gone, whats she gonna do? lol) i find most of the things i like the best at second hand stores too. clothes at the consignment shop, yard sales are neat places to find a new tea pot that has character, etc. i dont think a ring is any different. however my friends think im crazy for it, so alot of times, i dont bother telling people that some one else wore it anymore. just that he bought it when he was young for his future wife. is that selfish to edit sometimes? Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 No of course it's not selfish but I DO think it's a little foolish. Who the heck cares about what they think? I thought it said a LOT about you. And it says a LOT about THEM that they turn their noses up at your attitude. How superficial. Hey, but if you don't feel like dealing with their attitudes then don't tell people. Just leave it at that he bought it ten years ago for his future bride. My husband thought I'd want to look for a new house with him when we were engaged, since he lived in the house he was living in with his ex-wife. He was surprised when I said "don't be ridiculous." I LOVE the house and I told him that we'd make it ours together. And we have. But I know some people thought it was weird. Funny thing is his ex-wife once asked me if she could bring her sister by to see the house as it is SO different than when she lived here. I mean we really transformed it and made it ours. But like I said, many people thought it was weird that I opted to NOT look for another house with my husband. I admire that you march to your OWN drummer! Link to post Share on other sites
penkitten Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 Touche, i love your house story. it just goes to show what a few gallons of paint, some new flooring can do sometimes. how a womans touch can change things. i know it might sound silly, but did you take before and after pictures of the house at all? to be able to one day look back at all the time and effort it took to transform it into what it is now? honestly, i probally wouldnt have because i wouldnt have thought about it. but sometimes when people rebuild cars or houses they do that sort of stuff, so i was wondering. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 Touche, i love your house story. it just goes to show what a few gallons of paint, some new flooring can do sometimes. how a womans touch can change things. i know it might sound silly, but did you take before and after pictures of the house at all? to be able to one day look back at all the time and effort it took to transform it into what it is now? honestly, i probally wouldnt have because i wouldnt have thought about it. but sometimes when people rebuild cars or houses they do that sort of stuff, so i was wondering. Thanks PK. Well, we DO have pics of everything before. I mean we didn't set out to take "before" pics but just took pics of family events, etc. Oh and video too. So we do have a record of what it used to look like. I mean we even transformed the OUTSIDE. It was just this big, brown A-Frame box. Now, it looks like a Swiss chalet. We put window boxes and shutters and had a great paint job done. I mean the outside is totally different too. It's funny when we come across those old pictures and videos. We can't get over how ugly it all was before. Link to post Share on other sites
penkitten Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 It's funny when we come across those old pictures and videos. We can't get over how ugly it all was before. you go girl!! its not just the house that you have changed. you have changed this mans life and thats what counts. i bet he realises this every day when he comes home just looking at the house, and knowing that everything has changed for the better with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 Awww, thanks PK! I think he does. And I'm lucky too. The second time around HAS proven to be better for both of us. So are you married yet or still engaged? Link to post Share on other sites
penkitten Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 So are you married yet or still engaged? the wedding is in a week sat 6-10 at 11 am Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 the wedding is in a week sat 6-10 at 11 am Wow, so close! Are you nervous or excited? I wish you all the happiness in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
penkitten Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 i am starting to dream of tripping in the dress while walking down the aisle. i never wore a big fluffy dress before, and i am not the girl who wants to be the center of attention. so the thought of having everyone look at me, makes me nervous. dad passed away a few years ago, so my brother will be giving me away. he is blind, so i opted not to put anything like bows or flowers down the aisles, just in case. he isnt afraid of me tripping down the aisle and said if i do trip, he will help me back up haha. but then again, he isnt going to sport a fluffy dress either. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 i am starting to dream of tripping in the dress while walking down the aisle. i never wore a big fluffy dress before, and i am not the girl who wants to be the center of attention. so the thought of having everyone look at me, makes me nervous. dad passed away a few years ago, so my brother will be giving me away. he is blind, so i opted not to put anything like bows or flowers down the aisles, just in case. he isnt afraid of me tripping down the aisle and said if i do trip, he will help me back up haha. but then again, he isnt going to sport a fluffy dress either. Well don't be like me and forget your flowers! Yup, I forgot the flowers. I was SO nervous and was chatting with my stepdad the whole time we walked down the "aisle." (We had our wedding on our deck so it wasn't really an actual aisle per se.) So I walked down the aisle with no flowers! And then my stepson, who was ring bearer, gave me my own ring and gave my H HIS own ring! It was funny though and we laughed. (Stepson was 7 at the time.) Link to post Share on other sites
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