Last night when I talked to them again, they both called me a f**kin slut!

[vi_pn_babe25]

I never understood why guys will expect you to commit and be faithful to them when they won't make a commitment to you. IMHO, if neither of them wanted to be your "boyfriend" then neither should get to tell you that you have to stop dating. You're entitled to find someone who thinks that you're great and can't seem themselves with anyone else. If they're not it then they shouldn't have a right to hold you back. I think you were well within your rights to continue to date others.

 

The thing that worries me more is why you want to be with a guy that will call you a slut. You deserve better than that and from your past posts it doesn't sound like you have any trouble getting dates. My opinion on what you should do? Dump both of them and find a guy that will respect you and is mature enough not to stoop to name calling.

 

It's always puzzled me too about the commitment part. But you're right I need to just dump both of them, and let them realize that they missed out on a great girl. I didn't want it to end up like this, I dunno if I brought it on or what but like I said, I had my freedom to do whatever I wanted, so I don't think it was ALL my fault. But if both of them wanted to be more with me, why didn't they just say something? At least the guy I liked, because even though we'd acted like bf/gf when we were together, it was never really official ya know? So how the hell was I supposed to know what he really wanted. That's where I was confused. But again, you're right they shouldn't have called me a slut!

[scrybe74]

I'm a guy btw and I agree with your line of thinking. The bottom line is that if he wanted to you BOTH to be exclusive to each other he should have made that clear. (but it also seems that you never made it clear either) As for the guy you don't like that much....please let this guy go. If you were really interested in him you'd take it further but it sounds like he's just a back up. And if he called you a slut as well then they are both jerks.

[vi_pn_babe25]

I'm a guy btw and I agree with your line of thinking. The bottom line is that if he wanted to you BOTH to be exclusive to each other he should have made that clear. (but it also seems that you never made it clear either) As for the guy you don't like that much....please let this guy go. If you were really interested in him you'd take it further but it sounds like he's just a back up. And if he called you a slut as well then they are both jerks.

 

Thanks for your reply, I needed some input especially from a guy's point of view. The only reason why I didn't make it clear with the guy I like was because I knew he was just getting out of a relationship with his ex and I didn't want to pressure him into anything too soon. But now I hope I didn't mess anything up, I realize that he said that, he was also drunk, but still it's not right. But I still have feelings for him. So after he said that about me calling him (don't know why she's calling me because I was acting that way) does that mean it's his way of saying: don't call me anymore, I'm not interested?

[Art_Critic]

If it was really no big deal then why didn't you tell each of the guys that you were seeing another guy too ?

 

So.. you knew how they would react...

 

You were burning the candle from both ends and you got caught.. not a good thing ..

 

Just let them go.. if they weren't worth dating only one at a time earlier then they would be worse now

[vi_pn_babe25]

If it was really no big deal then why didn't you tell each of the guys that you were seeing another guy too ?

 

So.. you knew how they would react...

 

You were burning the candle from both ends and you got caught.. not a good thing ..

 

Just let them go.. if they weren't worth dating only one at a time earlier then they would be worse now

 

Well the guy that I don't really like (the one that's said he wanted to be my bf) I've told before and made it clear to him that I was seeing the guy I like. But he still has stuck around even though I've been honest with him. But like I said the guy I like has never really made it clear to me, so now I don't know how to handle the situation. Should I just stop calling both them all together or do I still have a chance with the guy I like? The thing is I don't want to keep calling him if he's not interested anymore, so just wait and see if he calls? If nothing else I'll just let both of them go, like you said it would probably be even worse now. uhhhh this sucks.

[Sevenmack]

"Well the guy that I don't really like (the one that's said he wanted to be my bf) I've told before and made it clear to him that I was seeing the guy I like. But he still has stuck around even though I've been honest with him."

 

And you kept him around in turn, which says a lot about both him and you. He's a glutton for punishment and deserves it. You've kept him around because you enjoy the attention he gives and besides, he's an option if things didn't work out between you and the guy who you really wanted around. Essentially you're being an attention queen instead of a self-confident mature person who deals honestly with people and ends relationships when your heart isn't into them.

 

All three of you need to grow up. Guy One shouldn't be calling anyone a slut; you have no obligations to be faithful to him until he wants to commit to you. Guy Two needs to grow a spine and some balls; he's the kind of sappy so-called 'nice guy' that always complains when he ends up with women who don't want to make themselves emotionally or sexually available to him. Neither of them are prize catches.

 

As for you? Show some maturity. If you're dating a guy and you're not into him, cut him off. Period. Dragging it out, even in some casual fashion as in your case, merely gives mixed signals and makes it tough on you in the long run. And pick better men to whom you shall give your heart and body.

[2sunny]

You were sleeping with both of them?

 

 

This question should merit an answer and it was purposely avioded.... answer the question so that we may all be able to help with clarity on the situation.... it does have some bearing on what should be done.

[Touche]

This question should merit an answer and it was purposely avioded.... answer the question so that we may all be able to help with clarity on the situation.... it does have some bearing on what should be done.

 

Of course it does. And I noticed that she avoided it. If she was sleeping with both of them, and I think she was, that to me implies exclusivity. I mean just because they didn't say, "Will you be my g/f." doesn't mean they didn't each assume that since you were sleeping with them that you were. Sounds like they each were exclusive to you since they are now miffed with you.

 

So yes, the question of whether you slept with both of them is an important one. In my world that DOES imply exclusivity. And I think they each thought so too.

 

They now both have no respect for you. You'd be better off learning from this and moving on. And next time, conduct yourself in a manner that wouldn't warrant men calling you a "slut."

[2sunny]

Of course it does. And I noticed that she avoided it. If she was sleeping with both of them, and I think she was, that to me implies exclusivity. I mean just because they didn't say, "Will you be my g/f." doesn't mean they didn't each assume that since you were sleeping with them that you were. Sounds like they each were exclusive to you since they are now miffed with you.

 

So yes, the question of whether you slept with both of them is an important one. In my world that DOES imply exclusivity. And I think they each thought so too.

 

They now both have no respect for you. You'd be better off learning from this and moving on. And next time, conduct yourself in a manner that wouldn't warrant men calling you a "slut."

 

She seemed perturbed by the slut reference - even though she had obviously earned it.... even if she WASN'T sleeping with both of them.

 

IF she had been honest with both of them - there would have been no reason for them to have referred to her in this regard. Point is, honesty will help keep things clear every time, thus avoiding these bad feelings. It also gives them the opportunity to make an educated choice based on the real facts in a situation... not speculation. I'm sure they both feel as if they've been dupped.

[kitten chick]

So yes, the question of whether you slept with both of them is an important one. In my world that DOES imply exclusivity. And I think they each thought so too.

Sorry Touche but not everyone believes that. I had to find that out the hard way. If there was no strict discussion of exclusivity then it wasn't required. I will never again believe that if someone's sleeping with me or says that they don't want to see other people that they mean exclusivity. Until I hear the words boyfriend/girlfriend, exclusive, or an absolute I will not sleep with or date anyone else, then I will believe that there is exclusivity. I used to feel the same way you do, not anymore, it's NEVER implied.

[Touche]

Sorry Touche but not everyone believes that. I had to find that out the hard way. If there was no strict discussion of exclusivity then it wasn't required. I will never again believe that if someone's sleeping with me or says that they don't want to see other people that they mean exclusivity. Until I hear the words boyfriend/girlfriend, exclusive, or an absolute I will not sleep with or date anyone else, then I will believe that there is exclusivity. I used to feel the same way you do, not anymore, it's NEVER implied.

 

I know you're right. And that's sad. But I still maintain that with guys and gals who have CLASS it's still the case that you don't really have to have that talk if you're already sleeping with them. Those people will assume you're exclusive. The rest won't...no class.

[Sevenmack]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kitten chick

Sorry Touche but not everyone believes that. I had to find that out the hard way. If there was no strict discussion of exclusivity then it wasn't required. I will never again believe that if someone's sleeping with me or says that they don't want to see other people that they mean exclusivity. Until I hear the words boyfriend/girlfriend, exclusive, or an absolute I will not sleep with or date anyone else, then I will believe that there is exclusivity. I used to feel the same way you do, not anymore, it's NEVER implied.

 

 

I know you're right. And that's sad. But I still maintain that with guys and gals who have CLASS it's still the case that you don't really have to have that talk if you're already sleeping with them. Those people will assume you're exclusive. The rest won't...no class."

 

The point, at the end of the day, is that exclusivity must be stated upfront. After all, that is what communication is all about. If you don't explain what you are feeling and where your head is, then you can't assume that others will know where your feelings and emotions lie. Period. You can sleep around with anyone and not be exclusive with any of them nor is it necessarily required unless the two people involved talked about all this before engaging in the horizontal hula.

 

None of the folks involved seem to have much in the way of class, but the class question has nothing to do with the communicating terms of relationship question, i.e., are we exclusive or not.

[Touche]

Seven, I see your point. Good points, BUT I don't agree that the class question has nothing to do with the communicating issue.

 

It sounds to me like those two guys each thought that the OP was exclusive with each of them since she was sleeping with each of them. And I don't think they were wrong for thinking that way.

 

Sure it should have been discussed. I'm just saying that in my world, whenever I slept with someone, exlusivity was already implied and was already in place. I guess I'm saying that OP put the cart before the horse in a sense.

[2sunny]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kitten chick

Sorry Touche but not everyone believes that. I had to find that out the hard way. If there was no strict discussion of exclusivity then it wasn't required. I will never again believe that if someone's sleeping with me or says that they don't want to see other people that they mean exclusivity. Until I hear the words boyfriend/girlfriend, exclusive, or an absolute I will not sleep with or date anyone else, then I will believe that there is exclusivity. I used to feel the same way you do, not anymore, it's NEVER implied.

 

 

I know you're right. And that's sad. But I still maintain that with guys and gals who have CLASS it's still the case that you don't really have to have that talk if you're already sleeping with them. Those people will assume you're exclusive. The rest won't...no class."

 

The point, at the end of the day, is that exclusivity must be stated upfront. After all, that is what communication is all about. If you don't explain what you are feeling and where your head is, then you can't assume that others will know where your feelings and emotions lie. Period. You can sleep around with anyone and not be exclusive with any of them nor is it necessarily required unless the two people involved talked about all this before engaging in the horizontal hula.

 

None of the folks involved seem to have much in the way of class, but the class question has nothing to do with the communicating terms of relationship question, i.e., are we exclusive or not.

 

Exactly,

 

and that is why she earned the slut reference. She never communicated that she was seeing more than one guy, so they were surprised and upset with her.

 

If she had just indicated what she had going one (honesty) then they would have nothing to question, thus leaving them to make a choice on whether or not to continue based on her honesty. She lost their trust factor.

 

Choice number two (wimpy guy) will most likely continue.... I bet money.

[Touche]

She seemed perturbed by the slut reference - even though she had obviously earned it.... even if she WASN'T sleeping with both of them.

 

IF she had been honest with both of them - there would have been no reason for them to have referred to her in this regard. Point is, honesty will help keep things clear every time, thus avoiding these bad feelings. It also gives them the opportunity to make an educated choice based on the real facts in a situation... not speculation. I'm sure they both feel as if they've been dupped.

 

I totally agree with this. And had the situation been turned around and she was with only ONE of them and found out that HE was running around screwing people she knew, she'd be on here telling us what he dog he is and a "playa."

[2sunny]

Seven, I see your point. Good points, BUT I don't agree that the class question has nothing to do with the communicating issue.

 

It sounds to me like those two guys each thought that the OP was exclusive with each of them since she was sleeping with each of them. And I don't think they were wrong for thinking that way.

 

Sure it should have been discussed. I'm just saying that in my world, whenever I slept with someone, exlusivity was already implied and was already in place. I guess I'm saying that OP put the cart before the horse in a sense.

 

 

Could it be possible Touche' that we see it differently because we are a bit older? Just wondering?

[Sevenmack]

Choice number two (wimpy guy) will most likely continue.... I bet money.

 

Agreed. He's not a man and deserves everything he gets. I'm sympathetic to the man who's genuinely hurt by a woman; but the idiot continuing to get beat down and not actually grow a pair deserves to be Darwinized -- relegated to the pile of the extinct along with Dodos and passenger pigeons.

[Cecelius]

The "sleeping with" question is pretty important. I detect from the thread that one or both of them didn't know about the other till recently.

 

From a man's perspective, understanding that the lady in question is the forum for all sexual congress, to realize that another man has been in such forum recently (recently enough that evidence/after-effects of such events are likely still around, if the CSI shows are correct) is repulsive to the second man, and it doesn't matter the type of precautions being taken.

 

Further, it means that the furum in question is open to greater, less discriminating use than the boy in question thought.

 

hence, the obnoxious name calling. This wasn't a cheating issue, it was a "if she gives it out to that guy at the same time, I'm less interested" issue.

 

However, the "sleeping with" question I think is still unanswered.

[Touche]

The "sleeping with" question is pretty important. I detect from the thread that one or both of them didn't know about the other till recently.

 

From a man's perspective, understanding that the lady in question is the forum for all sexual congress, to realize that another man has been in such forum recently (recently enough that evidence/after-effects of such events are likely still around, if the CSI shows are correct) is repulsive to the second man, and it doesn't matter the type of precautions being taken.

 

Further, it means that the furum in question is open to greater, less discriminating use than the boy in question thought.

 

hence, the obnoxious name calling. This wasn't a cheating issue, it was a "if she gives it out to that guy at the same time, I'm less interested" issue.

 

However, the "sleeping with" question I think is still unanswered.

 

Actually her non-answer kind of told me all I needed to know. I'd bet money that she slept with both of them. Besides, I don't think both guys would be calling her a slut had she just gone out to the movies with each of them.

 

And Sunny, yes you're quite right. When I said "in my world" I guess I meant say in "my generation." But DAMN, that makes me sound so OLD!

 

But yes, I guess in our generation, sleeping with someone implies exclusivity (for the most part.) Sad that it doesn't anymore, apparently.

[2sunny]

Ok I'm back talking about this subject. My concern is that my last LIGHT period was May 5. Today (May 30) I had a lil bit of bleeding, but that's it. So I dunno whether or not this is another LIGHT period or what. I don't have insurance right now, it ran out last month, so I can't really go to the doctor, but I'm wondering if the dept of health center place can see me for free? Is that how it works? I took a pregnancy test about 3 weeks ago, and it was negative. BUT is there any pill or substance that would cause a false negative? Just wondering. Anyways I dunno what the hell's going on

 

 

Okay Touche'

 

Here's our answer from a thread she posted on a few weeks ago...she was wondering if she MIGHT be pregnant...

 

God, sometimes I think I should've been a PI whith all the stuff I've had to investigate in my own life concerning the exH...

 

Missed my calling :(

[Sevenmack]

Here's our answer from a thread she posted on a few weeks ago...she was wondering if she MIGHT be pregnant...

 

Aah. Irresponsible to boot. Apparently we have three fine catches here. Hopefully they can be released back into the water and eaten by the proverbial shark.

[2sunny]

Here's our answer from a thread she posted on a few weeks ago...she was wondering if she MIGHT be pregnant...

 

Aah. Irresponsible to boot. Apparently we have three fine catches here. Hopefully they can be released back into the water and eaten by the proverbial shark.

 

 

:lmao:

Seven Mack - I'm not sure who you are - but I'm beginning to like you... :lmao:

[Touche]

Okay Touche'

 

Here's our answer from a thread she posted on a few weeks ago...she was wondering if she MIGHT be pregnant...

 

God, sometimes I think I should've been a PI whith all the stuff I've had to investigate in my own life concerning the exH...

 

Missed my calling :(

 

Good work Sunny! But see I suspected she was sleeping with one or both of them anyway. That's why I asked the question that she never answered. I was trying to make a point. Doubt she "got" it though.

 

This is really sad.

 

Hope other girls out there reading this can learn from this. This is how NOT to act, ok?

[Sevenmack]

Seven Mack - I'm not sure who you are - but I'm beginning to like you...

 

Thanks. The feeling is mutual.

 

Hope other girls out there reading this can learn from this. This is how NOT to act, ok?

 

Sad to say, but knowing some women out there, it's more likely that many of them won't learn the lesson until they're knocked up and the men have left. And even then, they'll probably end up finding a way to profit from this like going on "Maury" or "Springer."

 

At least we'll be entertained. I guess.

[Touche]

No Seven. They're so dumb that they don't even "profit" when they go on those shows. Those people aren't paid.