I love her, how do I express this?

[Guest]

I'm kind of hesitant of posting here, as I have read many depressing topics, but it couldn't hurt to get some advice. One of my friends, who I haven't seen for a long while, contacted me not too long ago. She made bad decisions in her life and ended up locked away for treatment. I was never in her inner circle, but we had a great friendship where we shared a lot with one another though she hid how bad things were getting. We have talked on the phone and written each other as often as possible, though she is severly limited in when she can speak to me. I love talking to her, I missed her so much all these months. I have evaluated my life: my job, school, my current friends, and I feel very empty. One conversation with her is more fullfilling than anything my friends say. I'd drop it all in a heartbeat to go somewhere with her.

 

I am going to see her in person soon at a casual meeting place, but am limited in what I can say since she is being monitored. In my letters to her, I have tried very hard to express the passion I feel, without being explicit about my romantic feelings. She must have read between the lines, and she has to have sensed my feelings for her way back when. On the phone though, everything is easygoing but I am way too nervous to stick my neck out and risk losing everything. I want things to progress naturally, but I don't see her enough for that to work. I also fear when she is finally free she will fly away and find a new group of people that excites her as she has a habit of doing. If I don't act soon I will lose her for good. I am willing to be in a long-distance relationship where contact is limited as long as it has to be. I want her to have similiar feelings for me, but don't know if there is anything I can say or do to make chemistry and ignite the passions. Please help me out if you can.

[random.girl]

I'm kind of hesitant of posting here, as I have read many depressing topics, but it couldn't hurt to get some advice. One of my friends, who I haven't seen for a long while, contacted me not too long ago. She made bad decisions in her life and ended up locked away for treatment. I was never in her inner circle, but we had a great friendship where we shared a lot with one another though she hid how bad things were getting. We have talked on the phone and written each other as often as possible, though she is severly limited in when she can speak to me. I love talking to her, I missed her so much all these months. I have evaluated my life: my job, school, my current friends, and I feel very empty. One conversation with her is more fullfilling than anything my friends say. I'd drop it all in a heartbeat to go somewhere with her.

 

I am going to see her in person soon at a casual meeting place, but am limited in what I can say since she is being monitored. In my letters to her, I have tried very hard to express the passion I feel, without being explicit about my romantic feelings. She must have read between the lines, and she has to have sensed my feelings for her way back when. On the phone though, everything is easygoing but I am way too nervous to stick my neck out and risk losing everything. I want things to progress naturally, but I don't see her enough for that to work. I also fear when she is finally free she will fly away and find a new group of people that excites her as she has a habit of doing. If I don't act soon I will lose her for good. I am willing to be in a long-distance relationship where contact is limited as long as it has to be. I want her to have similiar feelings for me, but don't know if there is anything I can say or do to make chemistry and ignite the passions. Please help me out if you can.

 

Wow, sounds like you really like this girl.. I would say, the best way to let her know about how you feel is the same way any shy guy would.. just give off hints. Women do analyze things a guy says to try and pick up for any hints... if you dropped enough then she is sure to figure it out sooner or later! If you really do care about her as much as it seems, then don't worry about her 'flying away'. If she likes you enough back, she woun't leave you when she is free. If she does 'fly away' then you will get to know that she was not the right girl for you !

[morftran]

This will be, as you are aware, a delicate situation.

 

First, you must accept the reality of your situation and it sounds like that is what you are doing. You don't mention how long she will be in treatment, but it sounds like release isn't going to be within the next months.

 

You mention that you have given thought to your current situation and would drop it all to be with her. This is probably not the best possible situation to begin a relationship. You also say your life feels empty. I think you will run a high risk at letting this person become everything to you. That feels nice in the beginning but is not a good way to start a serious relationship.

 

My advice is to find all the ways that you can make your life full without your friend. Try not to obsess about a future relationship. Find ways to make yourself as whole and strong as possible. Don't drop out of relationships with people in your life now.

 

Your friend has a history of making bad choices. It is good that you are accepting of this as anyone is capable of making bad choices. However, you mention that you think she will fly off as soon as she is released. You can not change your friend. If your friend will leave you in the dust for more "exciting" choices this relationship is not what you think it is.

 

Be aware that while she is in treatment you may seem to be everything to her as she does not have the option of being with the "exciting" lifestyle. It will sound trite, but you will have to set this free. You can't stop her from flying. She must have the option to choose to be with you.

 

In the meantime, you very well could have a very passionate long distance relationship on paper or on the phone. You will have to decide if it is worth it for you. Since she has no other options, or at least fewer options, this would probably be a good diversion for her. But is it real enough for you? And will you feel resentment if she bails out on you when she is released?

 

There are never any guarentees in love. You can't be guarenteed she will love you when she gets out.

 

You may also want to reconsider whethor it makes sense to get into a relationship that you can't let progress naturally. Considering some of the issues that your friend needs to deal with starting a relationship under these circumstances may not be the best way to go. But maybe if you rethink you might find possibilities to let the relationship progress in a natural way.

 

I don't think you should worry about igniting passions. How do you think she feels? What do you sense from her? Also, is there any real reason that you cannot express your feelings? Is that a problem because she is monitored? Is that problem if someone overhears?

 

I understand the desire to have someone you love and that feeling that if you can just get to a certain place in your relationship, then you will find happiness.

 

Your present moment is perfect already. Try to see the perfection in what is happening now. Realize that you are bringing your friend joy. Realize that your friend is opening you to love. This is You are already doing good things for each other no matter what happens tomorrow. Trust that this moment is perfect. I wish you peace. I know how you feel.

[Soulful]

I finally told her how I felt during a conversation that lasted for hours. I said I was very attracted to her somewhere in the middle but I handled it wrongly. I didn't take my time to explain why I was so romantically interested nor how a relationship between us could work. She looked at me with a smile that confirmed she wasn't interested. We continued without skipping a beat. I felt relieved at first, like a heavy burden had been lifted and our friendship intact. But now I wonder if I should have done a better job and waited for a response. I can't speak to her for a while, so I have plenty of time to rethink this situation. Until then, I will try and find other people and places that make me happy.