otherluck Posted May 22, 2006 Share Posted May 22, 2006 ok i meet this girl at work about 10 months ago, we hit it off and became good friends. I come to find out about 4 months ago that her boyfriend of 5yrs is abusing her, 9 weeks ago he almost killed her(i filpped i was ready to kill him but what good would that do). so she got a restraing order but she keeps going back to him. I am trying to help her by being her friend and trying to build her self worth up, but over the last 2 weeks she has stopped calling me and we no longer hang out. i have no idea why ether. she is my best friend and i am in love with her. I just want to save her but i know i cant, she has to do that her self and that pains me so much, i feel helpless and useless. I just want this women that i have come to love to be safe and happy and i have no idea how to do that. any advice would be great thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
CantCutitOff Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 You're in a tough situation, but you're right - it's difficult to help someone who does not want to help themselves. You sound like you've been really helpful and supportive so far. I would warn, however, against threats to her BF -- people in abusive relationships are already surrounded by violence; when they turn to you for support and you respond with violence (or even talk of violence), it puts you in similar light as the abuser. As for continued help now that she's cut off contact... I would suggest starting off by calling your local domestic violence agency & explaining to them the situation. Most (if not all) of those agencies offer free, confidential counseling. They also may be able to give you some local resources to help your friend and also a support group for people in your particular situation. Do you know any of her family members or close friends? Can you rally with them at all? Sometimes DV victims realize the severity of their situation when approached by a support network of close family & friends rather than assorted individuals. Also - if there is ever a point when you're concerned about her immediate safety (like she doesn't come to work for several days).. most local police departments will do a "check welfare" call on a residence where there's suspected abuse. They'll simply drive by the residence & stop in to make sure everything's OK. I hope that helps! Good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
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