Expensive gift?

[a4a]

What is your take on this situation?

 

H's friend purchased a very expensive gift it is something that really means a lot to me. The friend stated it was for both of us, however it was geared towards me. My H has never recieved such a gift from him on his own. Nothing with the thought or cost of this one........way out of the norm.

 

This is the same person I have posted about before that confides in me and often discusses sexual matters in front of me and act very different when in my presence vs just my H's.

 

Is this another sign that he may have thoughts about me in more than a friendly way?

 

And no I do not have an interest. But no way in hell am I willing to give the gift back either, it is way too awesome! Funny he offered me something else not long ago and I declined it in a very nice way. This was a complete surprise. Very thoughtful gift with great personal meaning to me not my H.

 

We will all be going to an outting that lasts for several days so I am of course wondering what the hell is up with this situation.

[jerbear]

Depending on what it is, Dionysus statue for the hallway or fountain for the front lawn, etc...

 

It depends, some items do have dual purposes and is the gift appropriate.

 

I've given expensive gifts to other people's SOs. iPod, VS gift certs to her to benefit him, etc...

 

Without getting an idea of what the item is, the appropriateness can not be determined.

[JadeStar]

What was the gift? I think its fine you accepted it, however what was his motivation for giving it you and your H? A just because gift? I think its like you said its more geared to him giving it to you, he just passed it off as a gift for the "both" of you.

 

 

 

 

Jade

[a4a]

It was a very very expensive horse/home related item.

 

This is the same friend that handed over a couple thousand for my little horse endeavor without hesitation.

 

My H is acting a bit weird about the gift I think It seemed to be no big deal to him at all. He would have normally recieved some DVDs or a tool related item or something.

 

I have to really wonder what is going to happen at beer fest 2006 this upcoming weekend

[a4a]

sorry ...it was a combo B-day gift.

Which this friend knows I was not exactly happy with my H on my b-day.

 

Could be why my H seems semi miffed with the gift as well?

[JackJack]

I understand you not wanting to give the gift back. It was a pretty expensive gift and one I'm sure you can use. However, by you accepting these gifts might give him the wrong impression. I know you say you don't have an interest in him, and thats fine, but to HIM, he might misread you accepting these gifts as being interested.

 

Your h may not see a problem with this, becasue his friend passed it off as something for you both. However, if your h is miffed about it, its possible he is picking up on the fact that his friend has more of an interest in you, and maybe he's on the down low with the whole thing to see what is going to happen. Is it possible your h would set you up to see how you would react to a situation such as this? I know that might sound far feteched but I'm just asking if you think he would do that? I highly doubt thats the case though. I think your h's friend want's something more from you. JMO.

[Sassy]

I understand you not wanting to give the gift back. It was a pretty expensive gift and one I'm sure you can use. However, by you accepting these gifts might give him the wrong impression. I know you say you don't have an interest in him, and thats fine, but to HIM, he might misread you accepting these gifts as being interested.

 

Your h may not see a problem with this, becasue his friend passed it off as something for you both. However, if your h is miffed about it, its possible he is picking up on the fact that his friend has more of an interest in you, and maybe he's on the down low with the whole thing to see what is going to happen. Is it possible your h would set you up to see how you would react to a situation such as this? I know that might sound far feteched but I'm just asking if you think he would do that? I highly doubt thats the case though. I think your h's friend want's something more from you. JMO.

 

Totally agree with JackJack on this! H is miffed because he aware something isn't right. I do think also that he has an agenda with this gift as well. IMO I wouldn't except the gift whether it was given to both of you or not. Strings are attached and that can't be good otherwise he wouldn't have given such an expensive gift!

[jerbear]

sorry ...it was a combo B-day gift.

Which this friend knows I was not exactly happy with my H on my b-day.

 

Could be why my H seems semi miffed with the gift as well?

 

I agree with JackJack about the gift with strings attached, especially with the H feeling miffed with the gift.

 

H is semi miffed with the gift and he sensed something is going on. I would return the gift.

 

Like a roomba or something.

[bab]

I have to really wonder what is going to happen at beer fest 2006 this upcoming weekend

 

Hey, I thought you were going to the race this weekend? If you aren't there, who will supply the rubber chickens for my wedding??

 

But really, you need to be careful. If this guy is putting that much thought into you, then it's likely he has interest, even though he may be denying it to himself. Through to much alcohol into a situation like that, and there may be some inappropriate action. If he's as nice of a guy as you make him sound, maybe it won't happen, or a simply brushing him away will be enough for him to get the message. Careful, and enjoy the gift!

[a4a]

well thank you all for your input.

 

I am pretty retarded when it comes to these things but it seems like there are just too many signs. But then again I tell myself "Yeah right, like somebody would be interested in me that way. It is all in my head". (could be and I think it is )

 

No I do not find it flattering because it is not appropriate however it is not my doing. I have never done anything that would cause this.

 

I certainly hope I am wrong. But returning the gift would make things worse in my view.

 

I still cannot believe such a thing would happen that is why I wanted to throw it out there to see what others thought.

 

and yes it is rubber chicken fest weekend..... zoom zoom! It should be one hell of an interesting weekend.

[Lishy]

what EXACTLY was it?

 

What was the cost of it?

 

Why are you getting so jumpy hon? It was not given to you slyly and has he ever mentioned he likes you or come on to you?

[a4a]

what EXACTLY was it?

 

What was the cost of it?

 

Why are you getting so jumpy hon? It was not given to you slyly and has he ever mentioned he likes you or come on to you?

 

cost was about $400.

 

I will not state what it was because LS keeps threads around way too long.....I don't think his wife is aware of the gift, I know she is not aware of the $4,000 given to me. (which is under pay back terms)

 

He talks about sex infront of and to me, confided about a one night stand, inquires about our sex life...... but never has directly made an advance towards me. Nor do I think he would unless I did allow a hint of availability towards him.

 

His wife hates my guts though I am very pleasant and cordial towards her. She is constantly knocking him in front of me, he is constantly knocking my H to me.

 

Who the hell knows....... I guess it happens? I just got that odd feeling, I cannot describe exactly what it is. I think H may have it as well and has dissolved their friendship........ I don't know, I don't bring it up or discuss it.

 

One thing I will never get in the middle of is a friendship my H has.

[Sassy]

Well as long as you keep excepting his gifts he will think it is ok to give them! IMO The best thing you can do is give it back and reassure your h .

[catgirl1927]

It's only a problem if it's a problem for your H. IMO, based on your previous posts, this guy kinda crosses the line a little, although not very far.

 

The biggest red flag to ME is that his wife hates you. That just says there's stuff going on you don't know about. Gives me the willies.

[a4a]

It's only a problem if it's a problem for your H. IMO, based on your previous posts, this guy kinda crosses the line a little, although not very far.

 

The biggest red flag to ME is that his wife hates you. That just says there's stuff going on you don't know about. Gives me the willies.

 

Gives me the willies as well

 

Could I be that special that maybe they fight about me?

 

As for returning the gifts ...... I will not do so. I think that is rude and seeing how I may be off base in even thinking such things it certainly could make things worse.

[vampress1]

How about honesty? Is that so foreign a concept these days? Ask the friend what was up with the expensive gift. Tell him that, while you appreciate the gesture, it has been making you a little uncomfortable. Have you actually talked to your hubby about this guy? If not, why not? COMMUNICATION!!

You are completely within your rights to tell your friend that conversations that revolve around sex, his sex life or questions about yours are off limits! It's very inappropriate... how would you feel if your husband were having discussions about intimacy and past conquests with a friend of yours?

I haven't read your previous posts about this guy, but creepy comes to mind. There are like a billion lifetime movies that start out this way... guess how they end? It's better to set the boundries now. Who knows? Maybe he doesn't realize his behavior is questionable.

[a4a]

Well this is not something that I can protest. They are in business together.

Friends for over 30 yrs.

 

To pipe up and state "your friend is probably trying to screw me" is not the best idea for any of us.

 

I have discussed his choice of topics about sex with my H, inquiring if this is normal behavior for him. It is not. We have discussed his friends behavior in depth but I have never accused his friend of being attracted to me. I will not do so nor do I have absolute proof. It would also be pointless to tell my H even if I did have proof. It would cause way too much negativity between them and thrust me right smack in the middle. My H trusts me and knows that I would never do such a thing. This would not be the first friend of his to show that they are attracted to me, hell one even offered to screw me at our wedding reception. I did inform my H of this later. As H said what is he supposed to do about it? Go beat him up?

 

I have no desire to change this mans behavior or delve into his life. Nor do I wish to rock the boat between my H and him. It is none of my business. His marriage is none of my business either. I have never offered one neg. view point when he complains or tells tales of his marriage.

 

My H would never discuss his personal life nor does he discuss feelings with even his friends. He is a very private man. I am quite private myself with the exception of LS. This is our understanding. Our agreement.

 

I do not understand what the lifetime movie reference is. If you are saying an affair would happen....... not with me. It would take two to do that wouldn't it? I have way to much self respect for myself and my expectations of my self would not allow such a thing to occur.

 

Yes, it does feel uncomfortable to think that there is a possibility that his friend has some odd feelings for me. He is in a nasty marriage, he does seem to want to talk to me about things he does not talk about with others. I cannot control what comes out of his mouth. Nor am I a prude when general discussion about sex comes up. I can joke with the best of the boys.

 

My feelings on this matter consist of guilt and worry that it will effect a friendship and finances.

 

My reason for posting this was to see if others thought that it was a sign that he was actually attracted to me. I am not good at reading people when it directly involves them showing affection towards me.

[JackJack]

Well since you have established that you wont give the gift back which is fine, I would have to say you don't have to ruin your friendship between your husband and his friend by saying anything. I think with his behavior and gift giving he will eventually ruin it himself. However, I don't think he is much of your husbands friend anyway, IF he infact is attracted to you, or has some kind of hidden motive going on where you are concerned. He obviously doesn't care what he wife thinks, and its hard to say what it is they really argue about, but if its you and he keeps giving gifts that might be just it.

 

He needs to lay off the gift giving for everyones sake.

 

He needs to respect his wife a little more and quit talking about her to others.

 

He also needs to quit talking about his sex problems or making sexual references to things to you. He wants to get in your underwear its plain to see. I don't think you will let that happen, but I do think its possible you like the attention. I think your h and his wife think so as well.

 

He is NOT your husbands friend.

 

 

JMO.

[a4a]

Well since you have established that you wont give the gift back which is fine, I would have to say you don't have to ruin your friendship between your husband and his friend by saying anything. I think with his behavior and gift giving he will eventually ruin it himself. However, I don't think he is much of your husbands friend anyway, IF he infact is attracted to you, or has some kind of hidden motive going on where you are concerned. He obviously doesn't care what he wife thinks, and its hard to say what it is they really argue about, but if its you and he keeps giving gifts that might be just it.

 

He needs to lay off the gift giving for everyones sake.

 

He needs to respect his wife a little more and quit talking about her to others.

 

He also needs to quit talking about his sex problems or making sexual references to things to you. He wants to get in your underwear its plain to see. I don't think you will let that happen, but I do think its possible you like the attention. I think your h and his wife think so as well.

 

He is NOT your husbands friend.

 

 

JMO.

 

Well the gift was supposed to be to both of us... returning it would not really make a whole lot of sense. It did not come with a card or wrapped assigned to us.... but it was said.

 

You are right he does not care what his wife thinks. Nor do I think he should. She stated in front of all of us that he is only good for his paycheck. I can understand why he would actually look elsewhere. I just do not want to be his target.

 

My H would hardly notice if we were found buck ass naked in bed. My H is totally oblivious to such matters. I think he was miffed about the gift actually because it was something that I like instead of something he liked.

 

As for enjoying the attention...... NO! It puts me in a place of losing a friend as well. I do get along very well with him. A good time friend lots of laughing and fun when we are all together. I have zero attraction to him, even if he was one to drool over I would not consider him a prize as he did screw around on his wife, he does constantly talk about other women, and he basically does not meet my standards as a human that I would ever be involved with in a relationship. Now if I did respect him and admired him in some way I would probably be flattered.

 

As for joking about sex or making comments about giant boobs on that one or the big ass on that woman..... it is part of the banter we engage in with my H present. But to ask if my H is satisfying me sexually is out of line in my view. Telling me my H is a retard out of the blue is out of line. I do not call him nor does he call me privately..... these things come up when we are alone for just a few moments or if I answer the phone when he is calling for my H.

 

I am retarded on these matters because to me I see some evidence that could point to the fact he wants to get into my pants. I just find it difficult to believe without concrete evidence. I do tend to look at the possiblity that I am off base in my thinking before assuming that my thought is correct. I guess I will find out soon enough after we spend more time together over the holiday.

 

I highly doubt that his wife is even aware of the gift he gave to us/me. He picked it up while away. My view on her is that she is a raging bitch that is self centered and acts like a 16 year old. However I have never expressed this to him nor will I as it is not my place to do so.

 

As for him not being my H's friend, that is not for me to decide but for my H to decide. I have stated that at times he is not being a good friend but they have their friendship and I am not here to dictate to either of them how they should handle it. I am only in control of me.