What is it that attracts a MM to another woman?

[kitten chick]

I'm just trying to understand for my own benefit so please don't beat me with a stick for asking. What is it that attracts a MM to another woman? I am constantly being hit on by married men or men with fiances or in LTRs. More of the latter than the former, which is good, but I still view it as the same thing. I figure I must be doing something or there must be something about me that attracts men already in committed relationships. I was hoping you could provide some insight so that I can stop whatever it is that I'm doing.

[NTB]

MM are attracted to women with cats, i know for a fact you have some

[kitten chick]

MM are attracted to women with cats, i know for a fact you have some

I hate you

[NTB]

I hate you

 

nah you want me, i know don't try and fight it......

[JackJack]

MM are attracted to women with cats, i know for a fact you have some

 

 

 

I think its different for different men maybe depending on whats going on in their own lives. Are you meaning finding someone else attractive in the sense that they look/stare? Thats pretty much human nature for people to do. As far MM crossing the line thats proabably a whole nother ball game. JMO.

[kitten chick]

No, not just looking but actually conversing. I understand it's human nature to look and I don't really care about that. I wouldn't even mind talking (and nothing more) with a committed man if he were upfront about being in a relationship. And like I said, most are just engaged or have girlfriends but I figured it was the same concept. Once I find out about the gf/fiance I stop whatever is going on. But there must be something that I'm doing to attract them. Could I appear naieve enough to fall for it? Or maybe I'm too standoffish so they can sense that I don't want a commitment? I don't know, that's why I'm asking.

[kitten chick]

No takers on this one huh?

[movinon05]

You got me cookin'

 

Do you find yourself in places where there are more attached people or maybe if you hung out with singles?

 

What kind of places do they meet you?

[kitten chick]

Anywhere and everywhere, from bars to museums to the coffee shop. The majority of my friends are single so I am hanging out with other single people. My friends get hit on by married men but not as frequently so I figure it must be something about me in particular.

[onmyownagain]

Being married doesn't stop you wanting to talk to women. I talk to woman and even flirt a bit sometimes especially if I know them really well, but doesn't mean I want to get into said girls panties :-) What would the wife say if I did that!!

[LexiB]

Good question.

 

I too have been cursed with OMMAF ~ the old married man attraction factor :/

 

I don't know what the deal is but for some reason these guys openly acknowledge their marriage one second ~ some even showing me pictures of their children and then the next, they're talking abt how much "fun" we cld have together and inviting me out places!?

 

Seriously don't get it. I don't dress provacatively, I look and am (usually) at least half their ages, and while I am always nice and talk to everyone, I am a self-prolaimed Horrible Flirt so I know they can't think I'm leading them on so....wtf?

 

My guess is just a major case of blue balls...

[Pyro]

No, not just looking but actually conversing. I understand it's human nature to look and I don't really care about that. I wouldn't even mind talking (and nothing more) with a committed man if he were upfront about being in a relationship. And like I said, most are just engaged or have girlfriends but I figured it was the same concept. Once I find out about the gf/fiance I stop whatever is going on. But there must be something that I'm doing to attract them. Could I appear naieve enough to fall for it? Or maybe I'm too standoffish so they can sense that I don't want a commitment? I don't know, that's why I'm asking.

 

I guess that you are just that damn good looking.

 

Some people just have that personality that many are attracted to, but also many men are pigs and are never satisfied with what they have, whether they are married or committed.

[jerbear]

KC,

 

Even when I was in a relationship, I would look but not touch. Most guys would look and some even try to touch.

 

For some MM, like an emotional bf / gf for some, it is easy to get a OW/OM without the commitment. Get the goods and go home to get more goods; without commitments.

 

One tries to go after things one can't get, i.e. the chase, "the game", grass is greener on the other side, etc...

 

You are an intelligent woman and very attractive. That to me would attract my attention. Not many women turn my head, you're one that would; that is because you already proved you have some form of intelligence.

[ronnieromance]

Maybe your like, one of those hot women. You know, like on TV or on the leg press machine at the gym. Do you smell good?

 

Now that I know you don't eat meat I'm theoretically a little attracted to you. Steak and women is a deal breaker for me.

 

But I'm single, so my opinion may be worthless.

 

 

 

 

-R-

[kitten chick]

Ok, I was going to let this thread die because I don't think that I'm getting objective advice here. Not that I don't appreciate the compliments everyone, it was nice of you all, but I really was trying to understand if there is a factor that A WOMAN has that is attractive to a MM. Maybe we can take it away from me and make it less personal. There must be something that draws a MM to the OW when they are looking to have an affair.

[a4a]

I would like to hear more about this topic as well!

[Pyro]

Ok, I was going to let this thread die because I don't think that I'm getting objective advice here. Not that I don't appreciate the compliments everyone, it was nice of you all, but I really was trying to understand if there is a factor that A WOMAN has that is attractive to a MM. Maybe we can take it away from me and make it less personal. There must be something that draws a MM to the OW when they are looking to have an affair.

 

It has to do with how selfish that some MM can be. They see and meet another that they find attractive and if they feel that they can get away with it, they will go for it. There is no specific trait or factor that these MM see in the OW. Its whatever their personal preference may be. Its all about just how selfish society has become.

[JadeStar]

Theres probably different things that attract MM to other women. I wil take a stab and guess. Of course this is pure speculation.

 

 

*They are usually totally different from their wife. Looks/personality maybe?

 

*Thrill of the chase. Something they want but can't have. Its a game to some.

 

*They either lack sex in the bedroom, maybe that intimate connection. Or they are looking for more of an emotional one from another if it lacks with their wife etc.

 

*They were raised that way. Maybe they feel its in their right to touch or go after another if its what they were taught or maybe seen growing up.

 

 

These are just guesses, I'm by no means saying these are the reasons for all MM but maybe some.

 

 

 

Jade

[alphamale]

I was hoping you could provide some insight so that I can stop whatever it is that I'm doing.

maybe just some people don't like to end one relationship until they have a guaranteed new partner... this is my "Monkey swinging from the trees" theory. In essence the Monkey does not let go of the last branch until he has the next branch firmly in his grasp, otherwise he'd fall to the ground and break a few bones or his skull

[babydoll_mimi]

I don't know what MM see in women like us, not that we don't have lots to offer, but hello, they're TAKEN. At first I was repulsed by the idea that men could be such dogs...but to be honest, it's almost an addiction now. Not one that I'm proud of. I think that men just get bored, so even if they love their wives, they'd like to know that there's more out there...

[target-d]

Maybe a better question is what attracts a man to a woman. From studies that I have read, it is almost ALWAYS the woman who makes the first advance, even if they are not necessarily aware of the fact that they are making it.

 

The woman makes first eye contact, or in some other way shows they are both available AND INTERESTED in the man. This contact can go on for some period of time, usually escalating in flirting/interest on both sides before anyone even acknowledges the fact that a relationship is being built.

 

The problem is that some women, and some men, don't really realize what is going on until they are well into the situation. There have been some men who have posted on LS that have fit this description. There have been many women.

 

Usually these are the people who are so very angry about the relationship, feeling that they were tricked by the partner in the affair, and in a way they were. The problem is that usually they tricked themselves with the idea that "it's only a friendship" until all of a sudden it isn't.

[lovernotafighter]

Ok, I was going to let this thread die because I don't think that I'm getting objective advice here. Not that I don't appreciate the compliments everyone, it was nice of you all, but I really was trying to understand if there is a factor that A WOMAN has that is attractive to a MM. Maybe we can take it away from me and make it less personal. There must be something that draws a MM to the OW when they are looking to have an affair.

 

all I can tell you is what it is my MM has told me why he was and is attracted to me.

 

well first of coarse it was my looks..men are visual, and he often referred to me as a woman he fantasised about.

 

he says after really getting to know me it was more because I treated him like a man..flattered him and his ego..and because I was his best friend he could share all his secrets with.

[eyeswideshut]

My MM says it's because we have this long history together, and he never thought I would give him the time of day, because out of all my brother's friends, he was the one I spoke to the least. And when I did speak to him I never took him seriously, like he was just a little brother or something.

THen he said it was my energy, that he always wanted to be a part of it.

Then he said that when we got to talking this summer, there were all these things about me he was finding out and was loving about me, and it thrilled him to know me more intimately than anyone in the gang.

NOw, it's just that he thinks we are so compatible in every way.

and that he thought this was the kind of feeling he only thought belonged in the movies or novels. He never connected this way with anyone before.

I'm such a sap. Is he gonna leave her already??? :mad:

[enoughisenough]

You attract desperate slimeballs.

Since mostly married and taken men want to do stuff with you, chances are they see you as an easy target to manipulate or sense you lack morals and think you would actually be ok with doing something with a married man.

 

I'd be very wary of what you are doing to attract such disgusting men. Because once you spot that, maybe eventually you could do something to attract decent men. Or at least learn how to spot the jerks from the nice guys. Cause it doesn't look too good. Chances are you will wind up marrying a dickhead.

And sometimes even too much beauty attracts slimeballs. Because the cocky a**h***s are the only ones with the guts to approach.

So they either see you as an easy target and easy lay, think you lack morals, or the cocky aholes are the only ones likely to come up to you because they aren't intimidated by your beauty.

 

 

Scary that so many married men are actually looking to cheat. Ouch.

[gypsygal44]

Kitten,

 

My EXH told me that the reason he ended up in an affair with OW was that she listened to him. BS I tried for years to listen to him, he would never talk to me. Even went so far as to discuss our marital problems and ie. solutions with OW.

 

We were married for over 20 yrs. I still haven't figured men out. They definietly are another breed altogether. But I have a friend who is over 300 lbs. and is constantly hit on by MM. She can't figure it out either. I say it is her personality. She is a consummate flirt and she is just out there. I mean she is friendly and outgoing and maybe that is what attracts them. My EXH's OW is 3 yrs. younger than me but looks around 60. Wrinkles and bulemia together,what a combo. She is married to boot with active H and 2 kids. She has no intention of leaving her family or she would have done so by now. So it is not just men doing it. Anyway he says it was never about looks to him.

 

He did this before in the past, always came home. I forgave him and we even had a child together. Now he is gone. But if it weren't her it would be someone else. I think they are really looking for something that they are missing inside themselves and think they can find it with someone else. I don't think you are a MM magnet. Come on. No matter what you look like, it is probably the fact that you have a friendly attitude and you listen to them. But mostly realize it probably has not much to do with you, but with them. Don't beat yourself up. Give yourself Kudos for stopping it once you find out. A lot of people don't. They just don't care or have no integrity.

 

You should be proud of yourself. I am. Thanks for letting us know that not everyone approached by a MM will give in. If you get into another situation like this try looking them up on the internet. Check out where they work and live. It will be an eyeopener sometimes. Good Luck.

 

Gypsy