What is it that attracts a MM to another woman?

[RealityCheck]

LNF....*laughing*

 

Are we having an A with the same man or what!! Way too many similiarities with mine and yours....*laughing*

 

My MM told me that he was initially attracted to my smile and face and then when my clothes came off it threw him over the edge.....lol

I have alot of self-discipline when it comes to keeping my body in shape.

 

However, though physical appearance can play a part, I really don't believe that is the entire reasoning to an A. My MM feels attached to me on many levels.

 

If I had the same personality as his W, I don't believe it would have lasted nor would he have felt the same attraction. His W is very needy and I am the complete opposite in that respect. I am very independant.

 

In my case, my MM was looking for the complete opposite of his W and with me, he certainly got that!

[kitten chick]

Interesting posts everyone. I really thought that I was sending off some kind of vibe but maybe it was just the luck of the draw.

[lovernotafighter]

LNF....*laughing*

 

Are we having an A with the same man or what!! Way too many similiarities with mine and yours....*laughing*

 

My MM told me that he was initially attracted to my smile and face and then when my clothes came off it threw him over the edge.....lol

I have alot of self-discipline when it comes to keeping my body in shape.

 

However, though physical appearance can play a part, I really don't believe that is the entire reasoning to an A. My MM feels attached to me on many levels.

 

If I had the same personality as his W, I don't believe it would have lasted nor would he have felt the same attraction. His W is very needy and I am the complete opposite in that respect. I am very independant.

 

In my case, my MM was looking for the complete opposite of his W and with me, he certainly got that!

 

we really do have the same MM RD :-)

 

his W and I seem to have the same backgrounds but that is where the

similarity ends.. I am not jealous, insecure or clingy, if it was a thrill of a chase sort of speak he was after he got it..but then he landed me and acted like a retard..the end

[Chump64]

This is a complicated question. There are a lot of factors / answers.

 

One thing that attracted my husband to his OW was that she was in an established marriage with three kids (same situation for my husband and me). He knew that she would never ask him to leave and that they had no real "future" together, other than their workday chats and emails, and their noonhour liasons. This was also a factor in their long-term relationship. There were no real expectations or demands.

[Guest]

I have attracted several unavailable men---both married and single and have wondered why also. I think it has to do with being standoffish. I'm very standoffish at first but then when I fall for them, I really fall for them.

'Course they don't really want something that deep, so they push me away. That makes me feel insecure and I try to cling MORE, which pushes them away more. Then I try to be whatever they want me to be in order to keep them.

 

Anyway, that's just my analysis of my own experiences which I'm trying to change.

 

I think it's because you act standoffish and at the same time, you might have low self-esteem which makes you vulnerable. If you combine that with being non-judgemental and a good listener and you fit all their criteria.

[RealityCheck]

I would have to say.......

 

Chemisty, horny, unfulfilled, unhappy, selfish, cowardly, etc...etc....

[ridingthebulls]

They are attracted to doormats.. women who would allow that garbage!

[RealityCheck]

They are attracted to doormats.. women who would allow that garbage!

 

Oh!!!

I see we have a person who knows EVERYTHING pop into this Forum!!!!

 

WTF...who are you calling a doormat!!! Things happen in life, its called experience!

 

I can see you really know each person in this Forum really well, don't you!!

 

Take your judgement and pathetic self elsewhere!

 

Go explore the world and get some life experience! It may help to loosen your judgemental mind!

 

Your user name is appropriate for you! If you actually "ride a bull" and get rattled a bit it may help to release some of the bulls*** you have cluttering your brain!

[alfagrl]

Kitten,

I don't think there is a one size fits all reason why men take on an OW.

You have the MM who is not happy at home and is looking for some attention Thus, Jadestars post.

 

The MM who knows his relationship is over w/ Wife and is looking for a new one, thus Alfamales response.

 

And then you have the men like in Ridingthebulls post- because its a thrill and the OW initially accepts this position.

 

I asked myself this question when i was constantly being approached by MM/ unavailable men. I had to take a step back and really evaluate myself to see what type of message i'm sending to make them think i'm ok with being a mistress and not a wife/gf. I had to make appropriate changes and now I get the looks from afar but alot less approaches from scum like this.

[kitten chick]

I have attracted several unavailable men---both married and single and have wondered why also. I think it has to do with being standoffish. I'm very standoffish at first but then when I fall for them, I really fall for them.

'Course they don't really want something that deep, so they push me away. That makes me feel insecure and I try to cling MORE, which pushes them away more. Then I try to be whatever they want me to be in order to keep them.

I think it's because you act standoffish and at the same time, you might have low self-esteem which makes you vulnerable. If you combine that with being non-judgemental and a good listener and you fit all their criteria.

 

This pretty much describes me to a T. When I wrote this post I was particularly frustrated after an experience but I kind of just don't care anymore. I'm not going to let it get to me. If that's what I'm going to attract then so be it.

[lovernotafighter]

Oh!!!

I see we have a person who knows EVERYTHING pop into this Forum!!!!

 

WTF...who are you calling a doormat!!! Things happen in life, its called experience!

 

I can see you really know each person in this Forum really well, don't you!!

 

Take your judgement and pathetic self elsewhere!

 

Go explore the world and get some life experience! It may help to loosen your judgemental mind!

 

Your user name is appropriate for you! If you actually "ride a bull" and get rattled a bit it may help to release some of the bulls*** you have cluttering your brain!

RC I love ya girl *hugs*

 

sorry missed this riding the bull sh*t post man..someone must have burned this one..or rather scorched him..yuach!

 

Riding if you come back to this forum have some experience or some decent advice to contribute or just stay away, your trolling post are not welcome here any more than they were in the infidelity forum.

[yesmaybe]

In my case...MM was attracted to me because I'm 27, nubile, and really enjoy sex. There was never a friendship. We only knew each other for about 2 days, and never had even a single intimate conversation. It was truly supposed to be a fling.

[Chump64]

Pay no mind to Riding. S/he calls us betrayed spouses doormats, too -- especially if we don't cut and run immediately.

 

In my husband's case, he was attracted to the OW because she stroked his ego, not to mention his, uh, nether parts.

 

Seriously, we are early into this 'reconciliation' thing, but it seems obvious that he was looking for someone who would praise him and adore him. I guess as his wife, I didn't do enough of that. That's just one thing we've discovered so far.

 

But I'm sure there are a lot of answers to this question.

[RealityCheck]

Pay no mind to Riding. S/he calls us betrayed spouses doormats, too -- especially if we don't cut and run immediately.

 

In my husband's case, he was attracted to the OW because she stroked his ego, not to mention his, uh, nether parts.

 

Seriously, we are early into this 'reconciliation' thing, but it seems obvious that he was looking for someone who would praise him and adore him. I guess as his wife, I didn't do enough of that. That's just one thing we've discovered so far.

 

But I'm sure there are a lot of answers to this question.

 

Oh Boy! Can I relate to this!

 

If my exH so much as screwed in a light bulb he expected praise!

Look what I did, I took time (from doing absolutely dick all) to do this for you! Grrrrrr.....

 

He took longer to get ready than I did if we were going out and he would ask 20 times before we left "how do I look"!

 

He drove me up a freakin wall!

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

Hi KC,

 

Most of my friends are married so perhaps I can answer this question for you. Most MMs look for an 'uncommitted relationship' if they want one outside of their marriage. They want the companionship and the sex but they don't want a clingy woman who may pull a 'femme fatal' on them!

 

You are probably confident and emotionally stable - hence, you will attract MMs - who secretly hope that you'd be happy being a side dish.

 

Of course, there is nothing you can do about attracting men like these (scums). Most of them will try to see how far they can go with you first... so you do have the upperhand in the beginning.

 

The other thing is, depending on where you work, especially at a place where most people are older and married, you are more likely to meet married men.

 

Knowing this, you may want to avoid meeting men at your workplace.

Hope that helps!

[Guest]

Married men are looking for a target. They have to find someone who will allow them to "do the deed" and not talk about it to anyone. They have to find someone who will expect nothing in return from them as they are giving all to their wife and children already. They have to find someone who will believe (Naive enough) that they are sincere in their feelings for this OW all the while leaving to return to family which is placed first always on their list of importance.

 

Etc, etc.........it's not hard to figure why MM seek certain qualities....it ain't about being pretty hon....lol

 

Sorry, but that is the truth....

[ridingthebulls]

Married men are looking for a target. They have to find someone who will allow them to "do the deed" and not talk about it to anyone. They have to find someone who will expect nothing in return from them as they are giving all to their wife and children already. They have to find someone who will believe (Naive enough) that they are sincere in their feelings for this OW all the while leaving to return to family which is placed first always on their list of importance.

 

Etc, etc.........it's not hard to figure why MM seek certain qualities....it ain't about being pretty hon....lol

 

Sorry, but that is the truth....

 

Yep guest that is the truth. Unfortunately for those still naive and in major denial on this board, it hurts and strikes a nerve. Oh well.. you asked a question and I answered. No reason to throw juvenile tantrums over it children.

 

They allowed themselves to be taken advantage of and hurt in the first place, in most cases knowing full well this man was married and a cheat? They have to be meek, naive, extremely gullible and desperate... and then mm are all over them like flies on s*** and/or vice versa. Just the truth.

He screws you but goes home to his wife... yeah, its obvious he's using you. And probably using his wife as well.

 

 

Yeah chump, well i cant think of a better word to describe someone who would allow a decade of s*** to be done to her even unknowingly from a man who obviously has no conscience (since he needed to be caught, after 10 years no less, in the act for him to fake guilt so he wouldn't lose his "good life").

ANY woman whether ow or bs has problems if she accepts all that behavior.

 

It's one thing if a man makes a mistake or two, owns up to it and feels real remorse by confessing to wife and wanting to change.. your case is quite another.

 

10 years of a mistress.. they had sex over a thousand times and I guess that is something fine for you to get over and work out... the JERK/BAD guy always wins.. cause ridiculous women let them.

If it's ok to be a masochist.. put pain onto yourself daily and let a louse of a husband get off the hook.. have at it.

[bullhunter]

and sometimes the MM is not "looking" for anything. They (OK me) are not careful, they misunderstand, they think a "friendship" is just that, a friendship, but the other person, the woman, has other plans.

 

That doesn't make it right, and doesn't excuse the A, in my case an EA, but I wasn't looking for an OW, rather got involved in my own selfishness and anger.

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

I think that these attacks on KC are unnecessary. She didn't say that she liked being pursued by MMs. I think that she honestly wants to date a man who is not committed to someone else but she finds that the only 'men' (scums, really) who are pursuing her are in fact married.

 

There are many different scenarios how a woman becomes the OW. I don't think that all of them are meek, naive, and insecure. There are some very strong and intelligent women who unwittingly become the OWs. It is not an easy life to be an OW - and it takes someone who's been in love to understand this.

[movinon05]

Hey Ridingthebulls,

 

I'm sure you've heard this term before. Everything in the world is NOT black and white! You're ignorance is astounding!!

[kitten chick]

I think that these attacks on KC are unnecessary.

Thank you KHLF. I don't take it personally though because I actually resemble the BS more than the OW. I've never been married but I did end up on LS when my exbf cheated on me. I've never cheated on anyone in either an EA or PA. With the exception of that one, I stay in relationships when I'm satisfied and move on when I'm not and believe the relationship is beyond repair. I'm happy single, maybe too happy single, and I'd rather be happy and on my own than with someone who makes me miserable. I don't venture into the OW forum often because I don't necessarily agree with it but I do want to understand it more. And yes, you were right KHLF, I don't ask for these guys to hit on me and I always turn them away once I find out about their girlfriend or fiance or wife, more than anything else because I don't want to be responsible for another woman ending up shattered as I am.

[RealityCheck]

Yep guest that is the truth. Unfortunately for those still naive and in major denial on this board, it hurts and strikes a nerve. Oh well.. you asked a question and I answered. No reason to throw juvenile tantrums over it children.

 

They allowed themselves to be taken advantage of and hurt in the first place, in most cases knowing full well this man was married and a cheat? They have to be meek, naive, extremely gullible and desperate... and then mm are all over them like flies on s*** and/or vice versa. Just the truth.

He screws you but goes home to his wife... yeah, its obvious he's using you. And probably using his wife as well.

 

 

Yeah chump, well i cant think of a better word to describe someone who would allow a decade of s*** to be done to her even unknowingly from a man who obviously has no conscience (since he needed to be caught, after 10 years no less, in the act for him to fake guilt so he wouldn't lose his "good life").

ANY woman whether ow or bs has problems if she accepts all that behavior.

 

It's one thing if a man makes a mistake or two, owns up to it and feels real remorse by confessing to wife and wanting to change.. your case is quite another.

 

10 years of a mistress.. they had sex over a thousand times and I guess that is something fine for you to get over and work out... the JERK/BAD guy always wins.. cause ridiculous women let them.

If it's ok to be a masochist.. put pain onto yourself daily and let a louse of a husband get off the hook.. have at it.

 

Geez.....

 

You are full of ignorance aren't you!

 

Let me feed you some reality food to your ever delusional, egotistical thought process.

 

Never did I put my life on hold for my MM. I remained dating and he SERVED my needs, as much as I served his. We both had the best of both worlds. Do you honestly think that even single men/women don't have a few on the side in order to decide which one brings them the most to a relationship!

 

Puleeease!!!!

Whether someone is married and having an affair, or single everyone has their needs as to why they CHOOSE to be in any type of situation!

 

So let your ego go buddy! Women can play the game even better than a Man. You know why? Because Men, such as yourself are of the mind that women are naive, when in fact it is the complete opposite!

 

Bye the way, TOYS work wonders as well, we don't have to stroke a batteries EGO!

[Chump64]

El Mejor, is that you?!

[alfagrl]

They have to be meek, naive, extremely gullible and desperate... and then mm are all over them like flies on s*** and/or vice versa. Just the truth.

He screws you but goes home to his wife... yeah, its obvious he's using you. And probably using his wife as well.

 

Whats so wrong with ridingthebulls' statement? I think she and Guest have it right. The ow who is not happy in the situation and stays or the wife who is constantly forgiving H for A's has to be those things. Its understandable if the wife wants to work things out when its a one time thing, but if its consistant behavior- you have to look at yourself and say 'whats wrong w/me for putting up with this.'

[RealityCheck]

Whats so wrong with ridingthebulls' statement? I think she and Guest have it right. The ow who is not happy in the situation and stays or the wife who is constantly forgiving H for A's has to be those things. Its understandable if the wife wants to work things out when its a one time thing, but if its consistant behavior- you have to look at yourself and say 'whats wrong w/me for putting up with this.'

 

What is wrong with his statement is that he generalized like it is EVERY WOMAN'S position! When in fact, there are MANY who do not even come close to his perception!