My SIL is trying hard to ruin my life!

[RecordProducer]

She is literally obsessed with me. Keep on reading please, this is long, but interesting.

 

A little background

 

Our husbands are twins and they live next door. I believed she was my friend and even confided in her. Then one day, about a weak or two ago, her 7-year old son tells me that his mom and dad talk about me in a mean way all the time.

 

My husband's brother barely even says "hi" to me. He doesn't talk to me, doesn't look at me, simply ignores me. It's annoying, but I managed to pretend well that I didn't notice it and kept being super-kind to him.

 

As I found out about this from the boy, I told my husband about it and the ignoring by his brother. I told him he doesn't say "hi" most of the time and he replied: "He says the same thing about you." So I explained to him that I specifically make sure I say "hi" and smile widely every time so that's just bulls***!

 

Anyway I realize that all the confidential conversations were just an excuse to get information from me and use it against me so I tell hubby everything about her: how she gossiped about him and said he should sell the airplane (btw, his brother is a pilot too but SIL doesn't let him fly and she hates to fly herself; she told me she needs him to stay home with the child while she goes shopping for clothes and food on weekends!!!)

 

She said that my husband lied that he didn't smoke, but smokes; that he lied to her that we met in Germany through friends. I told hubby that she told our gym trainer (he works with all of us) that my husband interferes in her marriage (the trainer told me this), etc. Now about the smoking, he didn't smoke or at least believed he wasn't a smoker and I really don't care. I smoke too. The thing is, she told me this the very first time we talked, about a week after I came to the US and the only purpose was that he LIED about stupid things. Later on she told me I should never worry about other women, he is not a liar or cheat, she's known him for 10 years.

 

And about the Germany thing, he indeed told me that people are old-fashioned and perhaps we should tell them that we met in Germany (cuz he went there on business too) or whatever place instead of on the net. So I knew it, but I asked him why he told HER that story. He said he never did, he only told the trainer. So SHE lied. He wouldn't lie to his own brother and obviously knew that she would find out the truth anyway.

 

Moreover when hubby told BIL about this, she told her husband that she didn't tell the trainer how we met, that I told him. And I remember well we were in Marshalls when she told me: "Oh T (the trainer) knows you met on the net. I told him!" So... she lied to her husband!

 

Also she and her husband are blatantly honest about not wanting to get involved with our kids. They never invite them in their house and if the kids go there once in a blue moon, they find some excuse to kick them out after 30-60 min. They always criticize their behavior too with or without any good reason. And she told me to NOT ask her to baby-sit my kids, which i never did, but my husband asked his brother twice.

 

Nonetheless, we take her son with us sometimes, he comes to our house to play with our kids, and sleeps at our house when his dad is away (cuz she goes to work very early). My husband has baby-sat her daughter from her previous marriage many times. But SIL obviously doesn't appreciate it.

 

My BIL has a 15-y.o. daughter from his 1st marriage too and we were paying her $40 to baby-sit the kids when we went out twice. After that, my BIL told us that he doesn't allow his daughter to baby-sit our kids anymore. This has nothing to do with the girl, she wanted to and she said she needs money, although she didn't want to take it from us, but I made her take it. We didn't get any explanation why she wasn't allowed to baby-sit, but I assume it's because SIL hoped that it would make our lives miserable. Instead, we taught the kids to behave so well that we take them everywhere and have a lot of fun together. Now that bothers her even more!

 

THE NEW STUFF

 

Anyway, here is what happened yesterday at the picnic... She drags me away from the crowd to ask me all kinds of questions about my marriage ,cuz she heard me "screaming."

 

I tell her something just to get rid of her and she sits me down and says: "I know what my son told you... You should refine your behavior! (She smiles all the time.) For example, when you go to people's houses, you should bring something. People have complained about you."

 

Now this thing with bringing something has to do with my husband telling me that in the US people don't bring anything, but since I saw that they do, we bring something 50% of the time. Now I know that's not good, but when I forgot to bring something (relying too much on hubby's knowledge about the US manners), I tried to make it up by cleaning the whole mess after the dinner for about half an hour together with the host's sister.

 

So I ask which people complained. She says she doesn't want to give names, but gives me a look that means "Guess yourself!". I say: "Well the only people that we visited are A and B (we brought a bottle of wine there) and C and D (where I cleaned up the mess)."

 

She adds: "And me and my husband, and dad and his wife" (husband's dad).

 

So I say: "And who exactly complained?"

 

She says: "Everybody!!!"

 

Me: "Everybody??? Dad and K also?"

 

She: "Everybody! Yes, they too!"

 

Now I don't believe this for one moment. I know we brought an ice cake for Mother's Day to their house, but that's not the point. Hubby's dad and his wife would NEVER gossip about me with her. K is very open and honest (she just told me last night that we should be close friends) and she would tell ME in my face, especially something that can be said as advice, not hateful criticism.

 

So she blatantly lied about that. She also lied about the first couple, because we brought wine Terre and I simply can't imagine these people (who are the twins' old friends) complaining about me not bringing more than a bottle of wine for a small dinner. Can you? They are sooo sweet and they like me.

 

The other couple, the woman is her best friend. When SIL is around, she ignores me. When SIL is not around, she is nice to me. Can you possibly guess why? Same with a few other mutual friends. They ignored me at their party. By the way, on that party we brought an apple pie and that was the only dinner we attended at their house. And she complains that we didn't bring a cake!

 

So I tell her that all these people have known my husband for many, many years and now all of a sudden they complain about me not bringing a cake? By the way, she "used to" have ADD when she was younger (she is 43 now).

 

I will definitely tell my FIL's wife that I got the information from my SIL that they complained about the "cake." I want them to know that she makes up stories about THEM that are supposed to cause negativity in our relationship. They also need to know that if she said anything about me, it might be a plain lie, but I won't draw that for them. They are smart enough to figure it out themselves. Also when I was at their dad's house a few days before mother's day, SIL was there and they kinda looked at me in a weird way as soon as I got there and were reserved to me. I believe SIL has gossiped about me. She gossips about my husband everywhere (even to me, right?), she gossips about me with her friends, she admitted that by saying that THEY complained about me and I know it's a lie.

 

The next stupid thing she said is that my husband is too much involved with my kids, that he gets up if they need something, and that it leaves a bad impression about me as I am the mother and I should do that. She said people notice these things. Now really my husband loves my kids so much that he gets up from the table and simply hangs out with the kids when we are at somebody's place. It's not like they spill something and he cleans it up. After all, I am happy that people can see how much he adores the kids and can only think that I must be a really good woman if I deserved a man like that, right?

 

At home, I do everything around them, he just plays with them most of the time, which is great cuz I don't need him to feed them or pick clothes for them, although he does things like does their hair, etc.

 

The whole point is: she is green of jealousy that he loves my twins so much. She says her son lost her uncle. Well his uncle had to get married sooner or later and have his own family, he can't be a baby-sitter and entertainer for her child for the rest of his life. And we DO take her kid with us, but many times she didn't let him come with us.

 

I told her that her son is always welcome to come and play in our house. She said hubby told her that too, but then my kids don't like her kid. Now THEY are jealous of him too and don't want to share their new dad with him. Plus the kid doesn't let them play with his toys, but wants to play with their toys even without asking them first so all in all they are irritated by him.

 

Still she didn't say that MY kids are welcome in her house, although she said that my husband complained that the kids don't feel welcome in their house when she asked him why they run away from her.

 

I could probably remember more details about her and my BIL, but this is too long anyway. If you read up to here, thank you so much!

 

So what should I do? How should I act around them? Any similar experiences? My only goal is to get her off my back. I don't care if she doesn't like me, I just don't want her to gossip around about me and create false reputation of me. And I want her to leave me alone with her s*** and not try to stand in between me and my husband's dad and K.

 

She hates our mother-in-law too. She screamed at her because she took the kids once without asking HER, but asked my BIL (her son) instead. She came to her house and yelled at her: "How dare you take the kids without asking ME?! You should ask ME, not my husband. You'll never see your grandson again!" She grabbed the kids and left. After that she smiles at her as if nothing happened, but told me a few times that their mother is a bad person. My MIL told me that she feels like she has lost her son because of her.

[2sunny]

This is the kind of person/people in life that I tend to stay as far away from as possible!

 

She is only trying to be hurtful - for whatever reason, it doesn't matter!

 

Do NOT give her any information to work with, she is a shark looking for prey.

 

If she says anything or asks questions - all you need to say is WHY DO YOU ASK SUCH A QUESTION? or why do you say hurtful things?

 

She will eventually cut it out if she knows she doesn't have any info to work with.

 

You should consider moving a bit further from them, it seems too close a proximity for any comfort level - considering who is next door. Mr and Mrs Busybody.

 

In any event, do NOT talk badly about them in front of your children (including a phone conversation). I think you can see that kids do not need that influence - and they do listen to everything!

 

Good luck RP!

[quankanne]

great Scott, RP, you've got a pot-stirrer as a SiL!!! And that's pretty damned bad, because nothing, but nothing you try to do to be pleasant will please her. Best thing to do is be polite, then ignore her. Which will totally piss her off because you refuse to play the game – of course, she'd probably retaliate by doing something even more bitchy, but hey, if you're killing her with kindness and she's acting otherwise, she's the one who ends up looking bad, right?

 

hang in there, though, because it sounds like she's more than a little jealous of you and will do anything to make your life miserable. Just remember to kill her with kindness, then cultivate a relationship with your MiL, who sounds like a fine person to know.

 

Now this thing with bringing something has to do with my husband telling me that in the US people don't bring anything, but since I saw that they do, we bring something 50% of the time. Now I know that's not good, but when I forgot to bring something (relying too much on hubby's knowledge about the US manners), I tried to make it up by cleaning the whole mess after the dinner for about half an hour together with the host's sister.

 

uh ... don't listen to men when it comes to stuff like that, though to be honest, it's more of a cultural/family thing. I grew up with the understanding that you always brought the hosts a little something when you visited, even if it's freshly picked flowers from your garden, because it's an act of thoughtfulness. Of course, as you get to know people better, you learn their likes and dislikes – I usually take sweets over when visiting my boss because they've got kids who love anything chocolate, so everyone's happy. Some folks don't do those kinds of things, bringing something with them, and that's cool, too, because it's about being thoughtful – like cleaning up after dinner or even entertaining the kids while mom or dad have their hands full. As you get to know them, you'll know what works best for different people.

[RecordProducer]

Thanks, 2sunny. I will not give her any information, but she seems to not need it anyway. As you see, she observes my ("non-refined") behavior and finds even good things like husband being sweet to my kids - as bad. She spreads lies all over and I am sure people know things about me that I don't know about myself.

 

About moving away, unless we moved to another state (and hubby wouldn't want to live without his twin brother, at least not at this point), it would still be too close. I would see her at family and friends' dinners anyway, we'd share the same friends and in-laws still.

 

I don't go to her house and she doesn't come here anymore. I was afraid that she might make up some stories, such as that some man is coming to visit me or something to use the fact that we are neighbors, but now after this, my husband would never believe her.

 

He went to his brother's house this morning (as he does every morning) and stayed longer than usual. I know he told him about this whole s*** as he always does, but I don't want to ask him anything about it. As long as he is not coming back with arguments from there against ME, it means he told his brother what he had to tell him and nothing has changed in my husband's eyes about me - meaning: I don't have to defend myself and argue with my husband on top of everything.

 

They've been giving us s*** from day one, but this time they've gone too far. If they don't stop, something bad will happen cuz I know hubby - he doesn't take s*** from anyone especially not from SIL (he doesn't like her at all) and he won't take these lies and fase accusations lightly. He is very protective and wouldn't let them get away with hurting me just like he hasn't so far. But SIL doesn't respect anyone, she is totally in control over her husband and he is literally her marionette. She will calm down for a few weeks and then she will do some bigger s***. I can predict that this will continue until we get into some nasty verbal confrontation with them. As long as the brothers are our lawyers, things will just get heated.

 

But everything that gets heated more and more has to explode some day.

 

(My mother had this prediction like two days after I arrived here when I told her that BIL is reserved toward me and she didn't even know anything else.)

[RecordProducer]

Thanks for the advice, Quankanne. You made me make a decision: yes, i will be kind to her then ignore her. I was hesitating about how to act, but yes, i should be a saint in my husband's eyes when it comes to his family so that he defends me properly.

 

Thanks for reassuring me that cleaning up makes it up for not bringing a stupid cake.

 

So is it OK for me to tell my MIL (actually she is my father-in-laws wife, she is not hubby's mom) that SIL spilled this terrible lie about her - that she complained about me?

 

because I know it's a lie and I would like her to know and protect myself from more lies. On the other hand, i don't want to be another gossiper and seem like I just came here and am trying to ruin their family and things were so good before I came. the thing is - SIL is the one who is stabbing me all the time cuz she wants me out of their lives. Obviously she has a mission: to kick me out of my husband's life and I think she will use any weapons to achieve her goal. In any case, if that happens, the relationship between our husbands will be ruined.

[JackJack]

Ignore her. Or kill her with kindness! If she says something to you thats not true or you don't like, smile and say, "Really thats nice", then go about your business. You are obviously a good person for her to "prey" upon. If you let her know she bothers you, she will keep doing it.

[RecordProducer]

Ignore her. Or kill her with kindness! If she says something to you thats not true or you don't like, smile and say, "Really thats nice", then go about your business. You are obviously a good person for her to "prey" upon. If you let her know she bothers you, she will keep doing it.

Hm... Actually I have to tell my husband every time she does some s*** and if I pretend that it doesn't bother me, it won't bother him either. this is just too big - spreading lies to cut me off husband's family and talking bad to people who just met me but will be around for years. They trust her and she lies about me.

 

I can't live my life eating her s*** constantly. This thing has to be resolved one way or another some day very soon. She will either stop or some ties will be radically cut.

[JackJack]

Hm... Actually I have to tell my husband every time she does some s*** and if I pretend that it doesn't bother me, it won't bother him either. this is just too big - spreading lies to cut me off husband's family and talking bad to people who just met me but will be around for years. They trust her and she lies about me.

 

I can't live my life eating her s*** constantly. This thing has to be resolved one way or another some day very soon. She will either stop or some ties will be radically cut.

 

 

You have to tell you your husband everytime she does something? By your choice or he says you have too?

[quankanne]

So is it OK for me to tell my MIL (actually she is my father-in-laws wife, she is not hubby's mom) that SIL spilled this terrible lie about her - that she complained about me?

 

I'm not sure if I follow. However, best thing to do is be straight up with your MiL. If you like her, tell her so, and that you hope that nothing, esp. your SiL's poor behavior, gets in the way of your relationship with her, that you will always try to be upfront and honest with you because you do like her. I think once she (MiL) sees that you're sincerely a decent person who isn't interested in playing the games that her other daughter-in-law does, she's going to know to instinctively trust you and not your SiL. In other words, you're going to be judged by your behavior. If SiL is being an ass by trying to make you look bad, disassociate yourself from her in front of the family by saying that you're sorry that she's dragging them into this or that she's being rude for saying such and such, stuff like that. Believe me, your classiness will shine through, and your in-laws will soon figure out that you're not the evil bitch in the picture ..

 

I can't live my life eating her s*** constantly.

 

is she the bullying kind? You know, someone who can dish it out, but cannot take it herself? Call her out by telling her in no uncertain terms that you're not going to put up with such bad behavior. Depending on what she responds to, you have a choice of telling her you're severely disappointed by her behavior, or threaten to pop her one good for being such a jackass (you'd be amazed what people will believe), or politely ironic (tell her to enjoy it while she can because at some point, it's all going to fall in on her and everyone will stand around to watch). Or that she can be as bitchy as she wants, in the end, Karma will get her.

[whichwayisup]

RP, continue having sleepovers, your kids love it! Be the bigger person here and don't allow the kids ever to get in the way. They haven't a clue wtf is really going on, nor should they ever - They're too happy having fun.

 

It's too bad that she's caught up in judging you and wanting to dislike you. She isn't getting to know you or making any effort to make the peace.

 

I'd let most things roll off your back, and just pick your battles. Things that really DO matter. Like if it affects your children! The rest, well people will see you for who you are and NOT listen to your SIL. IF your SIL is going around backstabbing you, there isn't a thing you can do about it. Let her look like the fool. If people choose to believe her words without getting to know you or give you a chance, then they're not worth knowing. Do you really want mean and judgemental people as friends?

 

Try your best not to let that s*** get to you. I know it's easier said than done, but that's the only way to handle it, unless you want to have it out with them all one by one...

[RecordProducer]

Hmm... thank you very much for your replies, but unfortunately I can't apply your great advice. She does things behind my back and smiles in my face.

 

I know the post was too long and perhaps confusing so I'll resume things in a few sentences... She told me that 3 couples (2 are friends, the last one is my father-in-law and his wife) complained that I didn't bring anything in their house and she complained too (that's couple #4). We did bring wine to the first couple, and cake to HER. That means she is just trying to find things to hate me for. And she blatantly lied about the first couple. And by saying that

 

I know these people would NOT complain to her about me cuz that would make them really low and I see that she is the only one who is low here. I believe that SHE complained to them about me and made up all kinds of things just so they hate me.

 

WWIU, the kids don't like each other.

 

Obviously people like her an believe her (just like I did at the beginning) and now they think god knows what about me. Her friends ignore me. And they are my husband's friends too, but not particularly close.

 

She complained about my husband involving too much effort around the kids stating that it's MY job as I am the mother. Obviously it's none of her business plus it's a good thing that he shows to everyone how much he loves the kids. So she is trying to control my life. But instead of me telling her in the face about it, I told hubby and he told his brother. That pisses her off more than if I told her in her face. Verbal arguments with smile mean nothing to her. If I start being honest with her, I'll call her on her bitchiness and all the s***. Then I'll have to get into a fight with her and that will leave a bad impression on the whole family about me. Instead I play the victim 'till the end for now. And that's what I am as I don't do anything to her; she does to me. If I want to be totally honest... I'd have to smack her on the nose.

 

I forgot to write about the niece who baby-sat my kids. She used to love to hang out with me and she would shower me with kisses and hugs all the time. Suddenly she doesn't come over or talk to me anymore. Yesterday I asked her why she doesn't visit me anymore and she looked at the floor in a very sad way. I asked her if she was upset with me and she gently and quietly said "no." I told her that I missed her. She said she missed me too with sorrow in her voice and walked away.

 

I think they forbade her to visit me.

[933KJL]

Shakespeare would be proud. Oh the drama!

 

Not sure what to say...you are going to either have to live with it or confront it. But before you do that, you need to know if blood is thicker than water in that family--I suspect it is, and at that point, you need to just deal with it if you want to stay together.

[quankanne]

hah! maybe your BiL will wisen up and divorce this evil steaming sack of cow poop. It'd prolly be the best move he's ever made.

[a4a]

RP has a Kitchen Chicken in her life!

 

We should start a club....... maybe pass out a survival kit.

 

Take the high road..... just smile and be cordial.

 

It is so obvious that she has some serious need to control all those around her.

 

Have some fun with this. Throw some compliments her way. No matter what it is......her shirt, shoes, or food....... tell her how wonderful she is.

 

I would not share your thoughts about her with anyone but your H. It will just make you look as rotten as she is. Besides it is a waste of time and energy.

 

I stole the "uncle" away from my Kitchen Chicken as well. Part of her "fan club" went AWOL.

 

And any person who would tell you that you are wrong for not bringing something to their home is tacky. That is by far worse than not bringing something.

 

And you are much better off not having your kids around her...... think of it that way if they are unwilling to baby sit or allow your kids over. It is like sending them to a nut house for child care.

[2sunny]

I think sharing a lot of negative info with your hubby is most likely putting you in a bad situation even with him.

 

Nobody wants to listen to negativity about their family - even if it is true! They know what's going on even if you don't say it.

 

Meanwhile, he is running over there every morning telling them what you are saying, which is fueling the fire.

 

Keep your mouth shut! Even to hubby. He will think you are a gem for just ignoring all the crap, which he knows has always been dished out by his bitchy SIL. No man likes to listen to all this if they know they can't FIX IT! It only frustrates them and makes him resent you!

 

The BIL is never going to admit to you or be friendly with you since he wants to continue to get sex from his wife. He will not rock the boat, or he might be cut off by the witch on her broom.... :laugh:

[a4a]

I think sharing a lot of negative info with your hubby is most likely putting you in a bad situation even with him.

 

:

 

 

I would disagree.

 

By sharing the fact that you are trying to fit in and asking his advice on what is proper or what is expected of you by his family you are less likely to actually cause a rift between the two of you.

 

Now if you start screaming to him that she is a raging bitch from hell..... then no ........ keep your mouth shut about such things. Better off just venting here.

[RecordProducer]

Thanks for the replies, I like your posts, guys. The thing is this DOES concern my husband as it's an attack of HIS private life: his relationship with the kids that he calls "my sons" whenever he speaks about them thus it's HIS SONS and HIS WIFE. The little to medium s*** they give me, such as ignoring by his brother, gossiping around, lying and making up stories, interfering in our lives, and trying to control us with mean critisism by the SIL is just a consequence of a bigger problem - they haven't accepted his wife, the fact that he has a wife, his sons, and his privacy.

 

That must hurt him more than it hurts me. It just pisses me off cuz I don't love these people, but it HUTRS him because he loves his brother. Now he doesn't like SIL and I think a part of the s*** his brother is giving me has to do with that too beside the fact that he is a total doormat and plays whatever his wife sings.

 

I talked to my mom just now about it and she told me to:

1. Not warm up things and make them worse;

2. Not communicate with her and make sure everyone sees that so all she says comes only from her mind;

3. This will show who are my husband's real friends if they don't respect his wife.

 

I have to tell him everything as he has to know what's going on. I want him to. I don't want toprotect those a**h***s. I don't want them to count on me protecting the s*** they do to me and my "suffering in silence." They have to get the Pavlov's reflex that every time they sting me, my husband goes there to fight for me. They have to feel that they are getting lower and lower in his eyes. Plus if I don't tell him what happened, they can make up stories and it will be their word against silence.

 

As 933 said, this will either be lived with or confronted. My husband is confronting it, but for how long can you confront without cutting anything? He is not the kind of person who will let somebody feed him with s***.

 

He told me once at the beginning when I told him that I don't feel welcome in his brother's house: "If somebody doesn't like my wife, they are out - and my whole family knows it!" It's amazing that he is a person who knows himself very well. If he says something about himself - it means it's that way. I sometimes can't predict my own actions, it seems like I don't know myself too well. But he does. If he said this - it's that way. But he can't just cut ties impulsively. I don't want him to cut ties at all, I just wish that he could manage to "negotiate" some basic respect for his wife, because I don't really care about these people, they are nobody to me.

 

However, I am afraid that he won't succeed in his attempt to calm the situation down. The SIL has the self-entitled power to do whatever she wants. I can easily imagine her meeting the president of the US and talking to him without stopping (she only stops talking to hear new information) about whatever she wants to talk (certainly not politics). She is arrogant and aggressive, all that with a wide grin and sparkle in her eyes. When I came here I thought she was always cheerful and smiling. Now I see that it's just her crazyness. She talks all the time about herself and laughs at what she says, she is constantly in a euphorical state. That's why people like her so much...

[Mary3]

Thanks for the replies, I like your posts, guys. The thing is this DOES concern my husband as it's an attack of HIS private life: his relationship with the kids that he calls "my sons" whenever he speaks about them thus it's HIS SONS and HIS WIFE. The little to medium s*** they give me, such as ignoring by his brother, gossiping around, lying and making up stories, interfering in our lives, and trying to control us with mean critisism by the SIL is just a consequence of a bigger problem - they haven't accepted his wife, the fact that he has a wife, his sons, and his privacy.

 

That must hurt him more than it hurts me. It just pisses me off cuz I don't love these people, but it HUTRS him because he loves his brother. Now he doesn't like SIL and I think a part of the s*** his brother is giving me has to do with that too beside the fact that he is a total doormat and plays whatever his wife sings.

 

I talked to my mom just now about it and she told me to:

1. Not warm up things and make them worse;

2. Not communicate with her and make sure everyone sees that so all she says comes only from her mind;

3. This will show who are my husband's real friends if they don't respect his wife.

 

I have to tell him everything as he has to know what's going on. I want him to. I don't want toprotect those a**h***s. I don't want them to count on me protecting the s*** they do to me and my "suffering in silence." They have to get the Pavlov's reflex that every time they sting me, my husband goes there to fight for me. They have to feel that they are getting lower and lower in his eyes. Plus if I don't tell him what happened, they can make up stories and it will be their word against silence.

 

As 933 said, this will either be lived with or confronted. My husband is confronting it, but for how long can you confront without cutting anything? He is not the kind of person who will let somebody feed him with s***.

 

He told me once at the beginning when I told him that I don't feel welcome in his brother's house: "If somebody doesn't like my wife, they are out - and my whole family knows it!" It's amazing that he is a person who knows himself very well. If he says something about himself - it means it's that way. I sometimes can't predict my own actions, it seems like I don't know myself too well. But he does. If he said this - it's that way. But he can't just cut ties impulsively. I don't want him to cut ties at all, I just wish that he could manage to "negotiate" some basic respect for his wife, because I don't really care about these people, they are nobody to me.

 

However, I am afraid that he won't succeed in his attempt to calm the situation down. The SIL has the self-entitled power to do whatever she wants. I can easily imagine her meeting the president of the US and talking to him without stopping (she only stops talking to hear new information) about whatever she wants to talk (certainly not politics). She is arrogant and aggressive, all that with a wide grin and sparkle in her eyes. When I came here I thought she was always cheerful and smiling. Now I see that it's just her crazyness. She talks all the time about herself and laughs at what she says, she is constantly in a euphorical state. That's why people like her so much...

 

It sounds like she is STILL Suffering from ADD.

 

Does she do the following :

 

Incessant talking ?

Irrational behavior ?

Delusioal about her own worth ?

Drama queen ?

Starts trouble ?

Gossiper ?

Hell bent on your being the target ?

Anger issues for no real reason ?

 

I suspect * Yes * to all the above.

 

I don't think you will ever win here . She needs help. I doubt the entire family will desert your husband . Family and Friends are strong ties. Nor would you * really* want him to abandon his family.

 

What would I do ? I would ignore her . I would not talk to her. I would not talk to anyone that is giving you disgusting looks.

 

You have your husband. By some shear miracle this blows over some day. I doubt it. She is fu**ed up mentally. Seriously.

 

She will take you down in burning flames.

 

I would be careful what you say. Be careful what you do.

 

Enjoy your husband. Your children . Exile in your heart the Haters which is your extended family. Don't tell your husband anymore ammunition to run over there with.

 

This could well be a losing battle.

 

Enjoy him. Maybe get away from them permanantly by moving.

[Love Hurts]

Crows pick on the finest berries...................... If you weren't worth it they would leave you alone.

[BeFree]

RP, She sounds like she is a jealous bored Biotch. I'm with Jack Jack, Kill her with kindness. Ingor anything she says about you or that she claims others said about you. Do not confront them that she said that you said and all that blahh blahh. When you see her make it short and sweet. Just a "hi" how are you and then move on to the next person. Never tell her anything personal again and never act like she is effecting you just, ignor her. She will get tired of trying to stir the pot with no reaction.

 

I bet she is fat and ugly...

[RecordProducer]

Thanks for the replies, guys. Mary3, I don't know her that well, but incessant talking and gossiping is what she does big time.

 

Anyway, my husband caught her lying about some stupid things and I heard him being rude with his brother and mad at him. I told him not to ruin their relationship because of her.

 

My uncle advised me to do NOTHING so that hubby sees that all the s*** comes from her, not me. So that's what I do now, but I am kind to her. I just don't take her seriously anymore and have detached from the problem completely.

 

Thank you very much for listening to all the details, you've all given me great advice that I will listen to. I'll ignore her and be kind for the sake of not ruining the family relations. But I did tell her that she will not interfere with my marriage and I will not tailor my personality according to anybody's taste.

 

Funny, a friend of her whom I seen only once 3 months ago, saw me today at their Father's Day picnic and called me by my name right away. I am sure she's heard about my name many, many times!

 

BeFree, she is not fat and ugly, she is very cute, blonde, and looks younger than her age (43).

[whichwayisup]

RP, that's great news! I know how hard it's been for you to get to this point. To not care or react to what she does/says about you.

 

I think she's jealous, and see's how happy your husband is and she's envious of that. She sounds like an all around miserable person who has nothing better with her time than to sit and gossip about people.

 

s*** stinks, so sooner or later people will notice by what you do and not say, that she IS the person who is having all the issues and problems...Inside her own head!

[Mary3]

RP, that's great news! I know how hard it's been for you to get to this point. To not care or react to what she does/says about you.

 

I think she's jealous, and see's how happy your husband is and she's envious of that. She sounds like an all around miserable person who has nothing better with her time than to sit and gossip about people.

 

s*** stinks, so sooner or later people will notice by what you do and not say, that she IS the person who is having all the issues and problems...Inside her own head!

She indeed sounds completely miserable. There is a woman at work who acts EXACTLY like this woman you are dealing with.

 

How do we respond to her ?

 

We ignore her tirades and vicious outbursts.

 

Then all you hear is HER MOUTH .

 

Pretty soon everyone figures out that Miss Priss is running her mouth with no good things to say...

 

The more ( I ) ignore her the more pissed she gets. She has so VERY much in life to be greatful for but she bitches NON STOP , lol.

 

She never says anything kind but is quick to point out her own achievements and toot her own horn.

 

You are going to run across someone like this in your lifetime. My case , a co-worker , your case , a relative.

 

Since I have to work and you have to go over there , then just deal with her like a courteous salesman and move on to others when she whines and tries to make you out to be a horrible creature.

 

( She should take a look in the mirror )

[slinkysu]

Ignore her.

 

If she asks you a question just walk away.

 

If none of your other friends say anything like this then it's just her and you can be perfectly civil to your BIL and ignore your SIL.

 

She's going out of her way to make you feel unwelcome and its working. Just walk away and keep on with your other relationships as normal.

 

She can say what she likes but most people have a brain of their own and make their own minds up with regards to friendships, and those that don't aren't worth having as friends.

 

this woman sounds like a nightmare - i'd steer well clear of her but make all the same efforts of kindness to the rest of the family as normal.

 

Next time her son tells you she speaks badly of you just smile sweetly and say "that's a real shame, because we only ever have love for all of you". he'll report it back to his mom and she'll feel nothign but shame - or at least she should.

 

she isn't worth your time or worry though - look how much effort you have put into this thread about her - in all honesty - is she that important? She's done a very good job of having you run rings round yourself to please her. You must be exhausted. Do yourself a favour and stop now.

 

just ignore her.

[Mary3]

Ignore her.

 

If she asks you a question just walk away.

 

If none of your other friends say anything like this then it's just her and you can be perfectly civil to your BIL and ignore your SIL.

 

She's going out of her way to make you feel unwelcome and its working. Just walk away and keep on with your other relationships as normal.

 

She can say what she likes but most people have a brain of their own and make their own minds up with regards to friendships, and those that don't aren't worth having as friends.

 

this woman sounds like a nightmare - i'd steer well clear of her but make all the same efforts of kindness to the rest of the family as normal.

 

Next time her son tells you she speaks badly of you just smile sweetly and say "that's a real shame, because we only ever have love for all of you". he'll report it back to his mom and she'll feel nothign but shame - or at least she should.

 

she isn't worth your time or worry though - look how much effort you have put into this thread about her - in all honesty - is she that important? She's done a very good job of having you run rings round yourself to please her. You must be exhausted. Do yourself a favour and stop now.

 

just ignore her.

 

Excellent Advice !