How do I handle this

[cinsi]

Last Sunday was the end of a 3.5 yr relationship- it was my idea and my doing b/c I finally decided to stop being on the fence and break it off. Now, the thing is that we still live together. He is working on buying a home and will move out once it goes through. But it looks like its going to be a month or maybe longer. What is the best way to deal with this type of situation? How do I keep my sanity? Help!

[Tony T]

When you break up with someone, that's the time one of you should part. Staying together after that time can be very awkward and even depressing. It certainly doesn't do the healing process any good and usually one or both of the parties changes somewhat and the discomfort overall can be unnerving.

 

If the place is yours, ask him to find a somewhere to stay as soon as possible. Let him know why. You can do this in a kind way if you let him know how you feel. If the place where you're staying is his or the lease is in his name, go find another place to live as soon as possible.

 

You should be able to work this out amicably if it's done in a calm, mature fashion. But don't put yourself through a month or two of agony. The closing of his new home could drag on and on.

[cinsi]

Thanks Tony. I appreciate your thoughts on this. I know that he should go (the lease is in my name), but I dont know that I will make him. But with him still living here it is difficult to feel like we are really broken up. He should have a new house soon b/c his mom is a real estate agent and she is doing it all for him, down to filling out his loan application. Which to me is funny, because one of the reasons I broke up is b/c in my opinion its not so good to be reliant on your mom for such things...I am not interested taking over her role. Anway, I am going to talk with him about leaving. As of yet the splitting up has been very calm and rational. Actually, we are now getting along really well. Which, does not help me to feel any better about breaking it off. The hardest thing for me about it all is having to seperate from friends. We all hang out together each weekend and I dont know how to handle it. He is not going to stop hanging with them,and I dont want to either. But, I feel that the friend situation will work itself out. Again, thanks for the input and I also appreciate advice from anyone else who has gone thru a similar situation.

When you break up with someone, that's the time one of you should part. Staying together after that time can be very awkward and even depressing. It certainly doesn't do the healing process any good and usually one or both of the parties changes somewhat and the discomfort overall can be unnerving.

 

If the place is yours, ask him to find a somewhere to stay as soon as possible. Let him know why. You can do this in a kind way if you let him know how you feel. If the place where you're staying is his or the lease is in his name, go find another place to live as soon as possible.

 

You should be able to work this out amicably if it's done in a calm, mature fashion. But don't put yourself through a month or two of agony. The closing of his new home could drag on and on.

[AllyM]

My boyfriend and I moved in with each other only after being together 3 months. We started arguing alot over stupid things and last Friday I decided to move out. I am still living with him right now but I have a new apartment that will be ready at the end of this month. At first we were not going to try to make things work but now we have decided to. What happened to us was...we never spent anytime alone, all of our extra time was spent together. In the beginning that was great but now we decide we need our own time. It is too hard to do that living together. We have the same circle of friends also. Are you talking at all about trying to make things work or is it past that point? Thank god we did not get past the point to not allow things to work out, we caught the problem early. We rushed our whole relationship and we realize that. We had a good talk about the things we both did wrong and what we can do to make it work. You have to live separately as soon as possible because it might keep you holding on to the relationship. I know it is hard thing to do.

Last Sunday was the end of a 3.5 yr relationship- it was my idea and my doing b/c I finally decided to stop being on the fence and break it off. Now, the thing is that we still live together. He is working on buying a home and will move out once it goes through. But it looks like its going to be a month or maybe longer. What is the best way to deal with this type of situation? How do I keep my sanity? Help!

[cinsi]

No, I decided that the relationship is not what I want long term. After 3.5 yrs I think I would know if he is the guy for me to marry, and he is not. He is putting a bid on a house today and will move out soon. In the meantime, we are still friends. We have been friends for 11 yrs, and so its not difficult. I am sad that he isnt the one, but glad that I am strong enough to admit that I was not going to be happy with him for the rest of my life. Now I am looking forward to being single and finding the person that is meant for me.

My boyfriend and I moved in with each other only after being together 3 months. We started arguing alot over stupid things and last Friday I decided to move out. I am still living with him right now but I have a new apartment that will be ready at the end of this month. At first we were not going to try to make things work but now we have decided to. What happened to us was...we never spent anytime alone, all of our extra time was spent together. In the beginning that was great but now we decide we need our own time. It is too hard to do that living together. We have the same circle of friends also. Are you talking at all about trying to make things work or is it past that point? Thank god we did not get past the point to not allow things to work out, we caught the problem early. We rushed our whole relationship and we realize that. We had a good talk about the things we both did wrong and what we can do to make it work. You have to live separately as soon as possible because it might keep you holding on to the relationship. I know it is hard thing to do.