Guest Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 Oh gosh, I will make this a shortened version. Met my hubby when I was just 16-he was home from college and we were a blind date. We were married when I was 22-today is my 32nd birthday. Our 10th wedding anniversary will be this December. We have 2 beautiful kids 7 and 4. sounds perfect huh? not so. I am miserable. I love him-but don't think I am IN LOVE with him. WHY??? Let me list the reasons.... I am like a single parent-he does NOTHING with the kids. I did the baby duty, toddler duty, etc. He travels a lot for work, and does work long hours due to him being in a high level position. As I write this, I sound ungrateful, but that is not the truth. I am grateful for a beautiful house,nice cars, etc. but he is not there for me emotionally. He comes home from work , the kids are pretty much in bed, I am EXHAUSTED and he doesn't get it! He doesn't take care of them or give me a break on the weekends...actually I haven't been away from my kids for longer than 2 hours (unless it is with him on a "date night".). He is an only child, so his mom catered to him and I seem to be repeating the trend. Yes, it is my fault....I realize that now. I am emotionally exhausted, and to top it off I have a child with severe food allergies that are a constant battle that I am fighting ALONE . I try to tell him and talk, he doesn't get it. Now I am on anxiety meds for the stress I am under. I take Ambian to just get a good night sleep. I have recently been diagnosed with Chrohns disease and ulcers (due to stress)........I honestly feel that if I had his support that I wouldn't be where I am today. I think I would much rather be ALONE than stare at him on the couch and be frustrated as to why he isn't helping. He says his job is working 7-6pm. and my job is the kids ...whatever hours that may be. I feel like just taking the kids away for a few weeks in the summer and going to visit a relative . Give him a "REALITY" check. But, would that help??? He doesn't want to see counseling because he thinks that he is right and nothing is wrong. auhhhhhhhh. Any advice, help, a smack long distance, whatever would help. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 Oh gosh, I will make this a shortened version. Met my hubby when I was just 16-he was home from college and we were a blind date. We were married when I was 22-today is my 32nd birthday. Our 10th wedding anniversary will be this December. We have 2 beautiful kids 7 and 4. sounds perfect huh? not so. I am miserable. I love him-but don't think I am IN LOVE with him. WHY??? Let me list the reasons.... I am like a single parent-he does NOTHING with the kids. I did the baby duty, toddler duty, etc. He travels a lot for work, and does work long hours due to him being in a high level position. As I write this, I sound ungrateful, but that is not the truth. I am grateful for a beautiful house,nice cars, etc. but he is not there for me emotionally. He comes home from work , the kids are pretty much in bed, I am EXHAUSTED and he doesn't get it! He doesn't take care of them or give me a break on the weekends...actually I haven't been away from my kids for longer than 2 hours (unless it is with him on a "date night".). He is an only child, so his mom catered to him and I seem to be repeating the trend. Yes, it is my fault....I realize that now. I am emotionally exhausted, and to top it off I have a child with severe food allergies that are a constant battle that I am fighting ALONE . I try to tell him and talk, he doesn't get it. Now I am on anxiety meds for the stress I am under. I take Ambian to just get a good night sleep. I have recently been diagnosed with Chrohns disease and ulcers (due to stress)........I honestly feel that if I had his support that I wouldn't be where I am today. I think I would much rather be ALONE than stare at him on the couch and be frustrated as to why he isn't helping. He says his job is working 7-6pm. and my job is the kids ...whatever hours that may be. I feel like just taking the kids away for a few weeks in the summer and going to visit a relative . Give him a "REALITY" check. But, would that help??? He doesn't want to see counseling because he thinks that he is right and nothing is wrong. auhhhhhhhh. Any advice, help, a smack long distance, whatever would help. Thanks. Well, I've been where you're at ~ except I was him ~ sixteen years ago. i was carrer miltary (Gunny = Gunnery Sergeant) ~ Marines. I pulled two tours on the drill field ~ working 70 ~ 80 hour weeks. The wife was pretty much as you've described yourself ~ back then ~ I didn't "get it" Well, after the divorce, losing everything I owned and had worked for, 12 years since having graduated, declaring bankruptcy, paying child support out the nose and other part of my anatomy ~ problems with the IRS, being alienated from my children and just now getting back into their lives ~ crawling inside of whiskey bottle ~ reading everything I could get my hands on about divorce, relationship, marriage, men and women, dating, seduction, romance~ guess what? I "got it!" One of the books about divorce described a man about like you described your husband, (and myself) he climbed the coorporate ladder ~ worked his butt off ~ finally made excuative VP ~ came home and told the wife. As he was walking in ~ she was walking out with the kids. Leaving him ~ she told him ~ that's great that you made VP ~ but I wished you had just spent more time at home with me and the kids. As far as the Ambien ~ I use to drink BIG TIME just to sleep at night ~ I finally found out about Melatonn ~ an over the counter herb that you will find in the Vitamins and herbal section at Walmart. Melatoni is the hormone that you pretitory gland produces to regulate your sleep cycle. Once you've reach 40, it produces less and less of it. The bottle says to take one ~ I take 3, becuase of my size (6"1" 215 pounds) works like a charm, non addictive, over the counter, about $8 a bottle. Fror the stress ~ you're going to have to get out and get some kind of physical exercise ~ even if its just getting a treadmill in the house ~ you need to get some physical exercise. That will help with your sleep as well. As for the husband ~ try this sight ~ despite the title ~ (and it will work wonders for your romantic life as well ~ because it addresses the core problems of most relationships ~ communication) it will help him understand that when you say "X" he will hear "X" and not "Y" which is what he's hearing now ~ because he's filtering what you say through a "male filter" This is basic communication ~ of Speech 101 as taught in college. In the course they teach you ~ that what you say, (that's called what you "infer") is not what someone hears (that's called "imply") Thus what you inferring is not neceassrarly what you're implying! It can get pretty confusing ~ pretty quickly! http://www.lightyourfire.com/ To throw another wrech in the works ~ women (I AM NOT SAYING THAT WOMEN ARE NOT LOGICAL NOR RATIONAL) are more in-tuned with their feelings and their emotions ~ and because of that experience and preceive the world differently than men do ~even though they're occupying the same space on the planet! Its kind of like six people seeing a wreck occur at the same time ~ and when the police investigate ~ they'll get six similar but different persepctives. In all fairness to him ~ yes he does have blinders on ~ so to speak ~ he's thinking mortgage, roof over the heads, clothes, cars, housing, transportation, medical, dental, premiumns, getting ahead, etc ad nausem. His world isn't all that much fun either! Trust me, ..........I've been there ~ a lot of pressure ~ stress ~ which is to NOT to dimisnish your pressure and stess. A SAHM is the equivalent of working TWO full time jobs ~ think I'm kidding try that on for about six months! To help you out with that I offer you this link: http://www.flylady.net/ Finally, it sounds as though you've gotten caught in the lie. Bills, bills, and more bills trying to live the American dream ~ have all ~ do all ~ be all ~ .............it'll kill you! Thus I offer for your consideration this site: http://cheapskatemonthly.com/ I'm a finance major and they don't teach that stuff in college ~ I'm here to tell you ~ BUT they should! In closing ~ the two of you need to get back to the fundamentals of living of life ! You need to sit down and re-figure, re-negotiate the deal. The who, what, when, why, how we started all this to begin with. Is it the house? No! Is it the Benz? No! Is it the exotic vacations? No! Was it the diamonds? No! Was it the gold? No! Was it the $20,000 home entertainment system? No! It was about ONE man loving ONE woman! With both of them going to sleep at night hugging and snuggling with a smile on their face! Its about going to the grave with a smile on your face and the undertaker saying, "We tried like HELL to get that smile off his face ~ but we just couldn't do it!" God bless! Prayers! And finally, go with these words ~ "IT WILL BE ALRIGHT!" No matter what happens ~ "IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT!" Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts