How do you get over someone you work with??!

[SweptAway]

I've stuffed up. Big time. Now I know why people tell you not to fish in the company pond. See my previous posts for more detail.

 

Anyway. Long story short. I work with this guy. He initially had a g/f. We hooked up one night. He chose to stay with her. I was devastated as we had become really really close during this time. He tells me he wants more frmo me but it was a bad way to start a relationship. True. Fine. We leave it alone. I kept it light and simple at work. No intense conversations etc.

 

A month later. He breaks up with her. I go out with him, we hook up again. We decide to just muck around with each other, see where it goes etc. This was my idea. Neither of us were ready for a relationship as we both just got out of really long ones. It was all going rather swell, until I realised how attached I had become and how distant he was becoming.

 

So we just drifted and nothing was said. I'm infuriated. NO exlpanation, but we are friends and talk to each other at work like nothing ever happened. Normally I would talk about it, but I was distraught and confused I just had no dignity left and couldn't bear the thought of humiliating myself (again) by demanding to know how he felt (again).

 

It's a mess. How do I get over him when i see him at work? Part time but still, I just can't get over him! Especially when he kind of flrits with me and theres still this obvious unspoken connection!!!! AARGH! And I hate myself for not ripping him to shreds and telling him exactly how I feel! I could call, but its been like a month since we actually were intimate and actually spoke to each other on teh phone! I'm so confused. ANy advice? I hate myself for not having more self respect and self worth. I'm a total sucker for his attention.

 

And I can't leave my job because its the extra cash I need to pay rent. ANd no other job would give me this flexibility.

[jerbear]

Lots of time, distance, and boundaries.

 

Keep the conversations strickly professional and job related. If he crosses the line, tell him to back off and be professional.

 

Without distance and being physically away from each other, it is harder to move on.

[SuperMonk]

Oh man that sucks, yeah you gotta leave the workplace or you should use your woman powers to manipulate him to get fired.

 

Women mind jedi tricks do not work on me, I am a SITH (Male power) LORD.

[Yamaha]

Can you ask for a transfer to a different department?

 

Some jobs allow you to transfer if people can't get along. You might ask your HR people at your job.

[obsession]

I am sorry, you just can't.

 

Either you find someone you really like and can get over him that way, or you'll be pining for him because the proximity with that person will cause you to have rollercoaster type feelings.

[pippen_2k]

Yep.... Im in the same boat and work is unbearable.

 

I have no advice for ya ... except it sux to be us

[Guest]

It's so hard, I'm in the same position as you. Except that I was/am married and left my husband for this man. I loved him dearly, somehow after I left my husband (we have a young child together too) it sort of went sour. It started turning into "just sex" and was on and off for about 6 months, now I've ended it cause I can't handle it anymore cause he's so distant and cold sometimes. To top it all off he got promoted while all this was going on and now he's my boss too. So not only do I have to work with this guy everyday I have to interact with him everyday cause he gives me my work. I try to keep things work related and the occasional "work" joke but it's hard, really hard. Everytime I see him in a meeting or have to go talk to him face to face about work all I can think about is how much I miss him, love him, and wish things had turned out differently. It would be nice to just take another job but unfortunately it's not that easy. I have a great high paid, flexible job and I am a single mom now, I can't just leave my job and take anything that comes along, although I am actively looking. I work from home a few days a week too so that helps. The only advise I can give is try to focus on the bad things and how he treated you badly sometimes, that usually helps me for awhile. I try to avoid him whenever possible, but it's really really hard and I'm not sure I'll ever really get over him working with him every stinking day. In the back of my mind I secretly hope that one day he'll just realize he loves me too and tell me and everything will be perfect, but wow is that ever stupid of me, cause I know it's NOT going to happen, but not getting away from him is a constant reminded of the good times unfortunately. I'd like to say in time it gets better but it doesn't. You need to find someone else to focus on that's true, but for me I haven't gotten to the point I can move on yet

Good Luck to you.

[fundamental]

Never sleep with people you work with...especially when they have a girlfriend at the time. You will have to find some way to deal with the situation that you have created for yourself. I don't mean to be harsh, but all of this could have been avoided. I will just say this, take it as a learning experience and never let it happen again.

[Mary3]

Never sleep with people you work with...especially when they have a girlfriend at the time. You will have to find some way to deal with the situation that you have created for yourself. I don't mean to be harsh, but all of this could have been avoided. I will just say this, take it as a learning experience and never let it happen again.

 

True Dat !