Author typical Posted May 24, 2006 Author Share Posted May 24, 2006 You will have to find a professional - as I am not one and will never pretend to be one - smooch Is that your disclaimer ?! Yes, I know, you were joking.....as was I. Maybe I really should look into a therapist. I went sometime 2 years ago, but I left feeling more frustrated than ever... K. thanks for the help guys! Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 No need to be defensive here. You weren't rude. Sometimes, people who are having issues will hear the *shoulds* all the time and not hear the *hows*. The *hows* are what will empower the individual to actually embark on a programme of dealing with their issues and make a better life for themsleves. Simple as that. Take addiction. "Oh, you SHOULD quit because it's terrible for your health!" Now, honestly, how does that really help the person? Contrast that with "Here is a twelve-step plan and I know a counselor who can help you implement the programme. I have his/her name, address, and number so that you can make contact." Now this is actually giving the person the tools needed to deal with the addiction. Sorry if you perceived me to be defensive, that was not my intention. Next time I'll put smilys to indicate wheather its was in a denfensive manner or joking etc. Hard to decifer sometimes I'm sure. Good luck to you typical, hope all works out for you hun. Link to post Share on other sites
grateful Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 He is not abusive, he doesnt drink, do drugs, or frequent whore houses according to him, so HOW can I not be happy?? He constantly pushes people away from me, and for a long long time, I let him. My BF puts me in a little glass tower, safe and sound, where he can watch me, but not interact with me, where others can view me, but not talk to me. He makes sure that no one can get in and I cant get out, but somehow, it doesnt feel abusive and I dont know why... I am, like Smoochie, not a trained professional. But what I've learned from this forum makes me think that you might do some reading on emotional abuse. I'm guessing by the bolded part you mean that he is not physically abusive, however the other stuff I grabbed from your post might be a sign of emotional abuse. Talking to a professional seems like a good idea since you have professed to see "fuzziness" when you think about your relationship. Perhaps a therapist could help you clear things up a bit. I agree with Smoochie to avoid a therapist who gives you a lot of "shoulds." And if you encounter another that makes you feel frustrated then leave and find another. I ran into one who thought my problems stemmed from being not white - whereas my background has always been a source of pride for me. I left her right away and made another appointment with a non-racist therapist. Whew! did that help! Therapists are like any other consumer item - you have to shop around. Link to post Share on other sites
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