ryce Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 Hi all, we're divorced for a year now, but kept in touch, sex including. I had some health related issues in Nov-Dec, 2005, so couldn't call her in a while. Put it like a life changing expirience or change of heart, but when contacted her back in mid Jan I told her I'm ready and willing to start with her again, if she wants too. She said she's talking (only) to someone, but, as me, willing to start and try with me again. Well, everything started great, better than ever, as you may imagine, b/f was put on notice but... But, the guy she was talking to only (according her) kept calling. I didn't pay attention in the beginning, as this seemed natural to me, I would call too. She's working a shift until midnight and then coming to my place in a very regular basis. One night, she called about 9pm and said she feels very tired and needs to go to her place and rests, so we'll see each other the next evening. As we had some infidelity issues in our marriage and they were some of the reasons for the divorce, I at first was somewhat of upset and suspicious,but decided to show I'm a new man and said OK. Two days later I had a chance to take a look at the log calls in her cellphone. That same night she called me to tell she was going home, she called her "talking to only" b/f after leaving work after midnight for 5 min. Now, that's a very major issue for me. We're talking geting back together, but I'm not willing to do that, if she's lying to me. She admitted calling and talking to him, but just to tell him to stop calling her. I, for sure would prefer her calling him in the morning and could not accept this for true and think it was arranged and she just called him after work to say she was coming. I could somehow understand (not approve) her going with him for one night stand, beeing it first or last time, but I cannot accept lying at all, as it was an issue before. In the days after there were other small things, as she saying she met him on a chance when walking the dog, then admitting it was arranged, then saying she returned him some small things he gave her, just to duscover she didn't. As you may see, credibility is not her strong side. So guys (and girls), it seems not like a very big deal, but it's of an enormous importance for me. Would you believe, she went home that night or she simply wanted to finish the affair with the other guy in "style"? Because of the reasons mentioned above, it becomes more and more of a deal breaker or deal maker for me. Help and peace! Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 You said infidelity was the cause of your divorce in the first place. She continues to lie to you and changer her story about this guy time and again. She calls him after 1 am to tell him not to keep calling her....Oh please. I think it is highly likely she called him to tell him she was coming over again. You divorced her because of her cheating and you are dating her again and she is doing this crap again and lying to you over and over again. I don't mean to be harsh but get your head out of your ass. Why in the world do you want to go through this again. Her actions indicate that she has no problem lying and probably cheating on you again. I think you would have to be masochistic to allow yourself to be made a fool again by this same woman. Fool me once - shame on you. Fool me twice - shame on me! Link to post Share on other sites
ryce Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 Bryan, thank you. You're probably right, I shouldn't fool myself. I was interested how would ladies respond to my post. Maybe they could see something, I(we, men) cannot. Please everyone, take a look again, maybe you have similar expirience or know someone that has. I need to find answer to that old as the world question about trust. Link to post Share on other sites
InLovebutConfused Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 Honestly Ryce, I don't think she is giving her b/f up. The way it sounds to be is she is playing both of you. Why would she tell you that she is going home and then call him? Why would she keep changing her story? She is using one lie to cover another to cover another and so on. Trust is a major issue in a relationship. If there is no trust than there is no relationship. If she was really intent on getting back together with you she wouldn't be calling him. Link to post Share on other sites
Presario Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 This is an affair by the book. So boring to read... Link to post Share on other sites
StrivingtoSucceed Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 The lies are what would be the deal-breaker for me. Without complete truth, there would be no chance of getting back together for me. None ... Zip ... Nada! Getting different stories each time ... a little bit more information each time ... not for me. It is either all, or nothing. I can also understand your feeling of wanting to understand her being with this guy and ending it ... however, if she really wanted to work things out with you and get back together, there would be no calls, or different stories along the way. Maybe she is scared that you are not in it fully and therefore, not willing to give up something she thinks may be something for her to fall back on? I don't remember if you stated this, or not ... but was the infidelity issues in the marriage from you, her, or both? Link to post Share on other sites
Presario Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 This is an affair by the book. So boring to read... I meant my message above to go to a different thread; it shoudn't be here, and now I can't edit it. My appologies. Link to post Share on other sites
ryce Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 "In Love but..... and Striving to...." thank you. That's what I'm asking myself, if she wants to be with me, why did she call him and (very possibly) went with him that night. On the other hand, whatever happened that night, I think I have the right to know, before I make my mind. Mind blowing sex or just holding hands all night long, neither of those bother me. It already happened, I wasn't asking for the truth to feed my sick imagination. All I want is to understand, what was the thinking behind her decision to go and how she'll make me at ease it won't happen again tomorrow with the same or another guy. "Striving to..." some isolated cases of infidelity trough the years from both sides. When I decided to go back to her and try again, I had a long converstion with myself about everything that went wrong in the marriage and made some decisions. About infidelity I decided that I would never do it myself again and that I would never mention to her again, about her infidelity faults during the marriage, if she's up to the level where happy couples should be. It just happened naturally, that I started to think about that, after I saw that miserable call she made to him and I don't blame myself for not sticking to the promisses I gave myself. Link to post Share on other sites
jonesgirly Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 ryce.....You may be in a 'different' place than she is right now. Sounds like she's enjoying the playa status, and may NOT be ready to commit. This relationship sounds doomed to me, just because of the history. And even now, when you're attempting a 'reunion' of sorts, the trust is already gone! Enough! Maybe when she's ready for a REAL commitment, she could give you a call? Link to post Share on other sites
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