The stripper question

[catgirl1927]

Hijacking is rude, so I want to start my own thread.

 

It has been brought to my attention that if I believe that getting a lap dance is cheating I must hate strippers.

 

I genuinely do not understand this logic.

 

It seems to me that what is being said is that if I'm not ok with my boyfriend having a lap dance, that it can only mean that I am insecure and have an irrational hatred of any woman who takes off her clothes outside her bedroom.

 

That sounds to me like someone blaming me for a behavior they want excused.

 

I have said before that I am jealous of strippers, and I have said why.

 

But I don't have any problem with a guy who doesn't have a girlfriend going to see one.

 

Will someone please explain this to me. I feel that my point is being missed and I'm being labeled as a lunatic because I don't agree that a lap dance is not sexual in nature. It honestly, truly makes no sense to me.

[a4a]

CG I see it just like you do. But I am not jealous of the strippers....... I am so f***ing hot I do not need to take off my clothes to get men to hand me their wallets

[catgirl1927]

CG I see it just like you do. But I am not jealous of the strippers....... I am so f***ing hot I do not need to take off my clothes to get men to hand me their wallets

 

Yeah, men throw their wallets at you when you're fully clothed on the street!

 

See, my BF thinks I hate them too. I really don't. Why would I? They aren't doing anything to me.

[Tim'sAngel]

I by no means see a man going to a strip club as cheating, unless of course the dude sleeps w/one of the strippers or gets a blow job or some kind of sexual act, but it doesn't make sense to say that you hate strippers!! That is rediculous. DOn't worry about what others say. EVen if we don't see eye to eye I respect your opinion. People just seem to get very judgemental crazy on these forums. I wouldn't worry about it...

[JadeStar]

I don't have a problem with strippers either. I have gone to a strip joint with my husband a few years back. Of course it was just once and no I might like it if he went without me, but if a guy is single and wants to visit a strip club so be it. I'm pretty secure with myself and perhpas thats why strippers don't really bother me. Thats just me of course though. And while I may not be really hot like a4a is, I'm at least cute. Always cute, never hot!

 

 

 

 

 

Jade

[tanbark813]

I hear you CG. I'm the same way with gfs. They can look at a stripper but they're not allowed to touch.

[Alexandra]

It's an interesting issue. I doubt any stance except for the far extremes (such as "I'll divorce you if you even look at a stripper IRL, online or on TV" or "ohhh push her over here, c'mon hone, you promised me half that lapdance!") have very meaty emotions at play beyond a rather natural amount of jealousy, possesive spirit and last but not least personal preference.

 

I trully can't see how any of those last three can "mean" something in the way of either deciding someone is "right or wrong" or of telling them they are "insecure".

 

For my part, I find the stories of the "before you" strip clubs adventures entertaining at times but it's in the boundaries that they are not to continue it once I'm in their life. I doubt any really wanted to it either:laugh:

 

There are many things that I find are part of the arsenal of a single man and should naturally be reduced or left aside once he's partnered and I've learnt in time it makes a world of a difference to voice what those things are to begin with and make sure they are included in the boundaries we can both live with.

[catgirl1927]

I by no means see a man going to a strip club as cheating' date=' unless of course the dude sleeps w/one of the strippers or gets a blow job or some kind of sexual act[/quote']

 

See, this is what I think too. And while there may be the random case where the guy doesn't get touched by a stripper, come on now...

 

You know, here's a scenario that just makes my blood boil. I don't know if this is cheating, but it just seem SO disrespectful to me.

 

This friend of my BF's and his wife just had a baby. She's put on a little weight. I'm not sure when this behavior started or if it's new from the baby.

 

Anyway, he goes to strip clubs (without her), gets all turned on and comes home to have sex with her. He says they love it and my BF and I should try it.

 

I see that as him getting turned on by someone else and using her as a warm wet hole. I see it as horribly, horribly disrespectful. I would be humiliated to be used that way.

 

But no one else seems to agree with me.

 

Does that mean I hate strippers? No, it means I think this guy has no respect for his wife and uses women like they aren't even people.

 

And how, if a lap dance has nothing to do with sex, does he come home with a hard on?

[alphamale]

But I don't have any problem with a guy who doesn't have a girlfriend going to see one.

As long as there is no sexual activity taking place I think its OK for any dude to get a lap dance. Its only simulated sex.

 

What about all the women who are married or have boyfriends who use other men such as friends or co-workers for emotional support.

 

Its the same thing as far as I can see....

[catgirl1927]

As long as there is no sexual activity taking place I think its OK for any dude to get a lap dance. Its only simulated sex.

 

What about all the women who are married or have boyfriends who use other men such as friends or co-workers for emotional support.

 

Its the same thing as far as I can see....

 

Wow. That's an interesting point about the emotional support. Not really the same in my eyes, but I'm a chick, so I'll see it differently.

 

If you're taking a moment to be serious, AM, tell me this: would a guy go to a strip club, get a lapdance, and then not be attracted (or as attracted) to his girl anymore? Because her body isn't as perfect as the strippers, wouldn't he be kind of disgusted the next time he saw her naked?

 

And, if you were in a serious relationship with a girl, what would you consider to be a reasonable frequency of trips?

[alphamale]

If you're taking a moment to be serious, AM,

 

tell me this: would a guy go to a strip club, get a lapdance, and then not be attracted (or as attracted) to his girl anymore?

no, not if he truly loved and cared for her.

 

Because her body isn't as perfect as the strippers, wouldn't he be kind of disgusted the next time he saw her naked?

no, not if he truly loved and cared for her.

 

And, if you were in a serious relationship with a girl, what would you consider to be a reasonable frequency of trips?

once or twice per year maybe....as long as he went with a group of buddies. if he's going twice per week by himself then there is a problem.

[Tim'sAngel]

See, this is what I think too. And while there may be the random case where the guy doesn't get touched by a stripper, come on now...

 

I have never been to an actual strip club but I have always heard, well, at least in the classy clean ones, no touching is allowed.

 

You know, here's a scenario that just makes my blood boil. I don't know if this is cheating, but it just seem SO disrespectful to me.

 

This friend of my BF's and his wife just had a baby. She's put on a little weight. I'm not sure when this behavior started or if it's new from the baby.

 

Anyway, he goes to strip clubs (without her), gets all turned on and comes home to have sex with her. He says they love it and my BF and I should try it.

 

Ok, I can totally see how this could disgust you, but this is how I see it. Some couples are very experimental, and they use things like porn, strippers, and even letting a 3rd party in there bed to spice up the sex life. My SO is an independant film maker, and he knows alot of the local actors and actresses around the Houston area, and most of them are super hott. One night he had all the actors and actresses over that are in the movie he is working on and they were out in the studio for a few hours going over the stript and what not. When he came in that night, he was raging horny. I knew why, and it didn't bother me at all because he had a blast in bed!!

 

It is all about what works for you. I wouldn't suggest that to anyone who wouldn't be into it. If it doesn't work for you, it doesn't work for you. I have to add also I think it has to do w/security. If someone is insecure, then things like the above would never work for them. I'm not the most secure person in the world, but I am experimental and I do trust my SO. He might have fun looking at other women and maybe get a little aroused, but only because he knows I'm into it. I know he would never do anything that I wouldn't approve of.

I see that as him getting turned on by someone else and using her as a warm wet hole. I see it as horribly, horribly disrespectful. I would be humiliated to be used that way.

 

And how, if a lap dance has nothing to do with sex, does he come home with a hard on?

 

Haha! Hunny, I've given a man a hard-on by walking past him! Men are just horn dogs. A thought coudl get them going.

[catgirl1927]

My personal experience with open relationships is a friend in my hometown who had an open marriage until her husband broke it off with her to be with his girlfriend, and my coked up aquaintance here who has to stay stoned all the time to deal with the fact that her husband has sex with other women all the time. Not positives, and those girls aren't exactly secure.

 

I think AM's post is sweet, but I don't really believe him. I think after seeing strippers, a guy is sad to go home to someone who doesn't look like that.

 

I try, but I don't see how letting your SO be with someone else is something that comes from trust.

[alphamale]

I think AM's post is sweet, but I don't really believe him. I think after seeing strippers, a guy is sad to go home to someone who doesn't look like that.

So what? After a woman and her girlfriends go and hit the movies and watch some sappy romantic chick-flick don't you think they are also sad to go home to their man who's watching TV naked and scratching his balls whilst drinking beer and eating 4 day old pizza? WTF!

[Tim'sAngel]

My personal experience with open relationships is a friend in my hometown who had an open marriage until her husband broke it off with her to be with his girlfriend, and my coked up aquaintance here who has to stay stoned all the time to deal with the fact that her husband has sex with other women all the time. Not positives, and those girls aren't exactly secure.

 

I think AM's post is sweet, but I don't really believe him. I think after seeing strippers, a guy is sad to go home to someone who doesn't look like that.

 

I try, but I don't see how letting your SO be with someone else is something that comes from trust.

 

But you have to understand that men don't think like we do. Now, some people use that as an excuse for bad behavior, like cheating, and I don't. But it is a fact that to men things like porn and strippers are just fantasies. They don't expect all women to look that way. ANd if they truely love you, you don't have to look like a swim suit model for them to fidn you attractive, its other things they are attracted to like your loyalty, and the way you take care of them and the children... JMO

 

Help me out alpha, am i right?

[Tim'sAngel]

So what? After a woman and her girlfriends go and hit the movies and watch some sappy romantic chick-flick don't you think they are also sad to go home to their man who's watching TV naked and scratching his balls whilst drinking beer and eating 4 day old pizza? WTF!

 

:lmao: MMmmm.. sexxxy!!

[catgirl1927]

So what? After a woman and her girlfriends go and hit the movies and watch some sappy romantic chick-flick don't you think they are also sad to go home to their man who's watching TV naked and scratching his balls whilst drinking beer and eating 4 day old pizza? WTF!

 

This is so sweet. He's helping me with my insecurities! Nobody make any sudden moves, he's being so nice...

[Alexandra]

So what? After a woman and her girlfriends go and hit the movies and watch some sappy romantic chick-flick don't you think they are also sad to go home to their man who's watching TV naked and scratching his balls whilst drinking beer and eating 4 day old pizza? WTF!

 

Oh Gawd are you trying to make us all feel like you did while food poisoned with those mental pics?!?

 

*Replaces mental pic of AM doing what was described above with image of gorgeous husband and new pizza* Ahh.... I'm good now.

[ronnieromance]

My personal experience with open relationships is a friend in my hometown who had an open marriage until her husband broke it off with her to be with his girlfriend, and my coked up aquaintance here who has to stay stoned all the time to deal with the fact that her husband has sex with other women all the time. Not positives, and those girls aren't exactly secure.

 

I think AM's post is sweet, but I don't really believe him. I think after seeing strippers, a guy is sad to go home to someone who doesn't look like that.

 

I try, but I don't see how letting your SO be with someone else is something that comes from trust.

 

Well since the stripper question is being posed publicly, pose this question: IS a lapdance sex?

 

Cat, was this not the original point of contention?

 

And as for your friends open relationship...That's not an open relationship. That's a husband turning his wife into a concubine. An open relationship would be founded upon mutual agreement and trust. Just like all healthy relationships.

 

You think in absolutist terms a good deal of the time, eh? It sems that way anyway.

 

 

-R-

[alphamale]

But it is a fact that to men things like porn and strippers are just fantasies.

Yes, for most men. A few get carried away and cannot seperate the fantasy and the reality...

 

They don't expect all women to look that way. ANd if they truely love you, you don't have to look like a swim suit model for them to fidn you attractive, its other things they are attracted to like your loyalty, and the way you take care of them and the children... JMO

 

Help me out alpha, am i right?

yes, that is true. a stripper represents empty and emotionless sexual gratification to the majority of men....she is the "bad girl" who could fulfill sexual fantasies for one night or torrid lust-filled sex. but the "good girl" at home can balance a checkbook and make a mean pot-roast.

[catgirl1927]

Well since the stripper question is being posed publicly, pose this question: IS a lapdance sex?

 

Cat, was this not the original point of contention?

 

And as for your friends open relationship...That's not an open relationship. That's a husband turning his wife into a concubine. An open relationship would be founded upon mutual agreement and trust. Just like all healthy relationships.

 

You think in absolutist terms a good deal of the time, eh? It sems that way anyway.

 

You know, I'm genuinely interested in your opinion of this, there's no need to be snippy.

 

I think what I'm hearing here is that most people feel that a lapdance doesn't not constitute sex. Sex constitutes sex, and sex sometimes goes with lapdances.

 

What I'd really like to know from you is why you think that because I think a lapdance is cheating that I must hate strippers? Whether I'm right or wrong about the cheating, I really don't see the connection.

[Alexandra]

yes, that is true. a stripper represents empty and emotionless sexual gratification to the majority of men....she is the "bad girl" who could fulfill sexual fantasies for one night or torrid lust-filled sex. but the "good girl" at home can balance a checkbook and make a mean pot-roast.

 

Someone must have made a sudden move, Catgirl, right? That last one can't possibly be helping. At least it doesn't fly for me. I don't want the latter just or the former only. I wanna be both. Don't you?

[catgirl1927]

Yes, for most men. A few get carried away and cannot seperate the fantasy and the reality...

 

 

yes, that is true. a stripper represents empty and emotionless sexual gratification to the majority of men....she is the "bad girl" who could fulfill sexual fantasies for one night or torrid lust-filled sex. but the "good girl" at home can balance a checkbook and make a mean pot-roast.

 

Yes, but you don't want to have nasty sex with pot-roast girl.

[catgirl1927]

Someone must have made a sudden move, Catgirl, right? That last one can't possibly be helping. At least it doesn't fly for me. I don't want the latter just or the former only. I wanna be both. Don't you?

 

Yes. Yes I do.

[ronnieromance]

Good point Alpha. I know this is at the heart of mens apparant dichotomy, but I didn't want to bring it up.

 

You illustrated really well, so I guess I can; It's the Madonna/Whore thing. We want both and probably in the back of our minds want it in the same person. But the things that make one be what she is, usually translate to not being the other.

 

For instance, the women I've datedthat I've found most sexually open and gratifying couldn't cook for s***. They burned oatmeal, put too much milk in cereal, etc.

 

The good girls my mom actually liked were attentive and sweet, but left me with a wandering eye most of the time. I don't know why it's like that, but it is.

 

-R-