From fuck buddy to relationship?

[funkify]

Some of you may remember my situation from my 'appearing needy/overeager' post. I figured out the guy I've met a few weeks ago has been out of a 4yr rship for 6 months and is not looking for anything serious. He's used terms such as 'Not ready for anything at all, maybe just a little fun' etc. In other words, a f*** buddy.

 

Now I have grown to really like this guy and ideally would like a rship. I've never had a fb and am the type to girl that gets attached quite easily. But, I'm considering this because 1) I've also recently broken up from a long-term rship so this might be ideal to help me forget about him and get back into the game, 2) He is the sexiest guy I've ever met, 3) To inject some fun and sponteneity into my life.

 

However, I am very scared about getting hurt. I'm the type of girl guys want relationships with rather than just sex; I'm a good person, educated, good career and family-orientated etc.

 

If I decide to go for this fb arrangement, what are the chances he will eventually want to develop something more with me? How can he say he doesn't want anything close to serious without even knowing me? Any advice?

[phyrespryte]

I'd avoid it if I were you. You're already quite fond of this guy and your feelings will probably get stronger. The whole FWB thing only works if you can keep that whole emotional thing out.

 

And when a guy says he isn't looking for a relationship. He isn't looking for a relationship. It doesn't really have anything to do with you. He probably wants to enjoy himself or he's been burned and doesn't want to get hurt again. Don't think he'll change his mind because he won't.

[masala]

if he says he doesn't want a relationship, he probably means it. you should probably look for a relationship somewhere else.

[Javelin]

May I add!

 

1) I've also recently broken up from a long-term rship so this might be ideal to help me forget about him and get back into the game,

 

Try not to use him as a rebound! That'll hurt even more.

[crazy_grl]

If I decide to go for this fb arrangement, what are the chances he will eventually want to develop something more with me?

 

The chances are very very very low.

 

He doesn't want a relationship. You're the type of person that wants a relationship and not just sex. Don't try and convince yourself you're something you're not or that you want something that you don't so that you can be with this guy. You'll just get hurt.

[SuperMonk]

Usually when someone says "I'm not ready for relationship, I don't want a relationship, blah blah blah" it means they don't want a relationship with you. Can you change their mind? Nope, for a girl maybe cause they're one of those "No means Yes, Yes means No" types, but Men.. well their word has much more honorable than a pitiful woman. I will trust an ex-con male with my life than a policewoman or a firefighter woman. Why are women joining those forces, it should be ILLEGAL because they risk my life, your life, their life, everyone elses lives.

[crazy_grl]

Usually when someone says "I'm not ready for relationship, I don't want a relationship, blah blah blah" it means they don't want a relationship with you. Can you change their mind? Nope, for a girl maybe cause they're one of those "No means Yes, Yes means No" types, but Men.. well their word has much more honorable than a pitiful woman. I will trust an ex-con male with my life than a policewoman or a firefighter woman. Why are women joining those forces, it should be ILLEGAL because they risk my life, your life, their life, everyone elses lives.

 

There was a good point in that post before the misogynistic rant began...

 

Woman troubles, SuperMonk??

[vi_pn_babe25]

Been there done that...and still doing that with this guy that I've known for a year. Current status:still f*** buddies. When I first met him I thought I had met my ultimate fantasy guy. He's extremely hot, killer body and what really roped me in was the fact that he played pro baseball (I have a thing for baseball players, lol) BUT we started off as f*** buddies because we were so into each other (still are) sexually. Well eventually I developed strong feelings for him, but it was a mistake.

I say that because after being with him for so long, I realized that he really isn't my type, personality wise..he's the most cocky, arrogant guy I know. SO he's not the type of guy I want to be with the rest of my life, but he's a good friend & definitely worth having fun with for now. AND we both made it clear that it is what it is, just sex.

To make a f*** buddy relationship work, you both have to be on the same page. Because if you get you're feelings involved it will become one sticky page...no pun intended lol

If you're thinking it could ever turn into a serious relationship, you're wrong. And DON'T try to change him into something he doesn't want to be. And YES you will develop strong feelings for him especially after the first time you have sex with him. I don't know if you know, but it's a proven fact that after you have sex with someone (particularily girls) the brain releases this lil chemical called oxytoxin. It is what makes you feel emotionally attached to that person after becoming initmate. So unless you're emotionally strong, DO NOT go there!

My situation was kinda like the movie,"Life or Something Like It" with Angelina Jolie. She was dating a pro baseball player who was hot, and hot in bed. One day she asked him what he like about her hoping it would be something meaningful, but it was nothing but. He said he liked her because she had a great ass! She quickly moved on.

Anyway to make a long story short, it's not worth it because a f*** buddy relationship is ONLY about sex and ONLY about physical attractiveness. Which is fine if you can handle it, but if you want a REAL relationship and not a superficial one, then I would dump the guy and start looking for a new one that's worth your time. Don't think of him as the exception because there is no such thing in a f*** buddy relationship it is what it is!

[Grrlish]

Why is it that men often tell women exactly who they are and what they're looking for, and women don't listen? He already told you that he doesn't want to be anything more than f-buddies. Take this statement at face value.

 

I have a f-buddy and neither of us is looking for a relationship with the other. I think that these situations are far and few between.

 

I also agree with the person who wrote: Usually when someone says "I'm not ready for relationship, I don't want a relationship, blah blah blah" it means they don't want a relationship with you.

 

To be straight about it, he will eventually meet someone that he wants to have a relationship with, and if you're still hooked on him, you're the one who is going to get hurt. And since he's already been honest with you, well, you won't really be able to fault him for it.

 

Remove yourself from the situation now, or accept it for what it is.

[Mary3]

Usually when someone says "I'm not ready for relationship, I don't want a relationship, blah blah blah" it means they don't want a relationship with you. Can you change their mind? Nope, for a girl maybe cause they're one of those "No means Yes, Yes means No" types, but Men.. well their word has much more honorable than a pitiful woman. I will trust an ex-con male with my life than a policewoman or a firefighter woman. Why are women joining those forces, it should be ILLEGAL because they risk my life, your life, their life, everyone elses lives.

 

If you like Men so much why don't you go play with one ?

[Guest]

Usually when someone says "I'm not ready for relationship, I don't want a relationship, blah blah blah" it means they don't want a relationship with you. Can you change their mind? Nope, for a girl maybe cause they're one of those "No means Yes, Yes means No" types, but Men.. well their word has much more honorable than a pitiful woman. I will trust an ex-con male with my life than a policewoman or a firefighter woman. Why are women joining those forces, it should be ILLEGAL because they risk my life, your life, their life, everyone elses lives.

 

What does most of that post have to do with the original topic? (Uh, nothing...)

[dancehead]

I'm having a bad time of it with my FB. Or FWB, but anyway. I will try to give some advice from what I've learned.

 

This situation for you is bound to fail (like it has for me) because you are already questioning yourself as to why he does not want a relationship with you at the start. The longer it goes on, the more attached you will probably get to him. The problem with a lot of these FB things is that although both of you agree that you are just FB's - no more, quite often one or both of you may secretly wonder why the other person doesn't want more, or wonder what it would be like if you ever did get together. These feelings can lead to feelings of rejection and a desire to make that person fall for you even though the person may be totally incompatible with you long term.

 

You can try to kid yourself that you are ok with it, but if you are the type of person who likes a stable normal relationship i don't think it will work for you. If he finds another girl to play with, that could hurt you and more still if he got serious with her when he didn't with you.

 

I think it takes a very strong and disciplined person to make FWB's work. You have to ask yourself can I handle it, am I strong enough?

 

For me I wasn't, especially if you have feelings for the other person. Equally, the other person could develop feelings for you, but you don't for him. Its a risk. Good luck.

[cliffistheman]

If you're even semi-attractive, you can find a sexy guy who would like to become involved with you, as well as have great sex with. Why waste time with someone who already thinks you're not good enough for him to become involved with? Get out more or date online. There's plenty of guys!