This One's a Challenge (For me anyways...)

[Work3d]

Hey guys,

 

I met a girl in one of my classes late last year. In December, it was then I realized that I really had a thing for her. I had found out that she has a boyfriend around that time, too. He's in the same class as us - Me and her sit next to eachother while he [her boyfriend] sits a few rows back. Tricky part:

 

She seems very flirtatious towards me. She likes to get close to me (Everyday that I see her), lay her head on my shoulders at times, she always wants to listen to my iPod (We share - She uses one headphone while I use the other) & she's gotten friendly; she's touched my leg a few times [Now if you read the underline part above: Her boyfriend does see all that goes on]. Just last week, when her boyfriend wasn't present that day, she wanted me to walk her to her next class... Of course I took the opportunity to do so -- In terms of how we get along, well, I always can make her laugh and we do have an easy time talking to eachother and we both seem to enjoy it... I know I do. Well, now there are some con's to her friendliness that I would like to get out of the way (Mostly just one):

 

If I call her, she'll never answer. If I text her, she'll maybe text back once and then after that, the conversation seems to be over with her.

 

Now, I don't know if she's just a very friendly girl or what, because I believe she does have some pretty strong feelings toward her boyfriend still. Because of this, I don't want to make a strong move on to her, make her feel like she has to choose.

 

So, what do you guys think I should do? I'm just so confused with the situation, I've never even seen this sort of thing even in a movie!

 

Thanks all!

[amerikajin]

And I'll be willing to bet that this chick is pretty good looking, too, right??? What's more, she's good looking, and she knows it.

 

Think about what she's doing here. She's flirting like crazy with you right in front of her boyfriend. Is that the kind of woman you want to be with??? She does this because she's trying to send a message to her boyfriend, and that message is 'I can do whatever I want and you'll just have to sit and take it, boy!' Yep, she's hot and she knows it, and she gets off on her power. She can't help it, though, because most hot chicks will do the exact same thing. There are so many stupid guys out there who will lose control at the sight of a pretty woman and fall into her trap, and start doing things for her and complimenting her. This is almost like a game to her at this point, second nature.

 

If I call her, she'll never answer. If I text her, she'll maybe text back once and then after that, the conversation seems to be over with her.

 

As you said yourself, she does have a boyfriend. She's tormenting the poor bastard, but at the end of the day, she's taken - for now anyway.

 

Now, I don't know if she's just a very friendly girl or what, because I believe she does have some pretty strong feelings toward her boyfriend still. Because of this, I don't want to make a strong move on to her, make her feel like she has to choose.

 

Cut the crap. You want her, and there's nothing wrong with that at all. But back off for now. Not only is it the right thing to do, it'll also help your cause.

 

Back off. Don't text her. Don't call her. In fact, the next time she flirts with you, don't even respond to it. Go hang out with a group of people that includes some females next weekend, and next week, tell her about how you hung out with 'Melissa' or 'Jane', and talk about how much fun you had. Be vague. Let her fill in the blanks with her own imagination. She'll start to think. And just tease her and joke with her a little bit every now and again, but don't respond to her flirtation. Take control of the dynamic.

[Work3d]

See, I thought about the whole "She's really into herself thing" too. But wouldn't she act the same around other guys? I don't see her commiting these actions with others. And based on her personality and how much I know her, I actually don't think she is one of those kinds of girls - It does sort of sound like it in text. Also, I think we both have our fair share of flirting with eachother. If I'm leading her on, and she was interested, isn't it only natural for her to maybe play along? Also, she's older than me, wouldn't that have her take a more bold approach towards me? And if it's any consolation, we've hung out alone together before - Nothing happened, but I guess she's shown me she cares? She also always asks me a question like "So, when am I going to Orange County with you?" - When she asks these questions, she says it like she's joking, but the expression on her face is almost like she's serious. Sort of like she's unsure whether she should ask me that.

 

Also, taking that into account: Her boyfriend and I are complete opposites. He's the quiet "skater-punk", too quiet infact (It's annoying almost ). I'm one of the out-goning "bro/boardshop" type - I get along with everyone. I think they've been friends for awhile, and when he came around to asking her out, she couldn't say no because of their past and because he is a nice guy, maybe hard to turn down? Thing is, he may not exactly be the guy for her but she sticks it out anyways and she's maybe waiting for an excuse to leave him.

 

Possible?

[amerikajin]

I'm not saying she doesn't have an interest in you; she probably does have some interest in you. But the fact is, she does have a boyfriend, and she's not leaving him until the interest level gets so low that she can't stand being around him anymore. Until then, she's going to flirt with you and occasionally throw you a line to see if you take the bait. I think the opportunity may present itself one day, but not right now. I think that you should go out and date or at least give her the idea that you're dating other women. And don't be so eager to play along with her little games, but at the same time, don't totally ignore her either. Don't give her attention so often, but when you do give it, make sure it counts for something.

 

You've got to make it seem that you're taking control of the dynamic. That's hard to explain, but basically, what I mean is that right now, she's the one initiating everything, calling all the shots...like when to flirt, how much flirting, when to pull away - she's in control, you see? What you've got to do is to see if you are at the point where you can start taking some control. The way you do that is not by initiating anything with her, but instead, pulling back a little, making her work harder for your attention while not giving off the impression that you're no longer interested in her (and believe me, she already knows you're interested). Women - especially hot women who get showered with attention - actually like to work hard for what they get, even though they might complain about it alot along the way like little children.

 

I think they've been friends for awhile, and when he came around to asking her out, she couldn't say no because of their past and because he is a nice guy, maybe hard to turn down? Thing is, he may not exactly be the guy for her but she sticks it out anyways and she's maybe waiting for an excuse to leave him.

 

No, not unless she's really homely, needy and insecure. If she's attractive - and I'm guessing she is - then she doesn't 'need' him, especially when she's in her physical prime. Women like these usually have more than one 'option', too. You're one option, but there are probably at least two or three others - maybe even one in each class. You may run into one or more of them on campus when you see them walking together.

 

But no, she's with her boyfriend because she's attracted to him in some way. If he's a skater punk, it's probably the kind of independent, rebellious nature that she's attracted to. So now you may have a little something to work with, knowing that. Be a little bold or daring, cocky and funny. Not too much so, though.