Yasmin 16 Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 Hi there, OK a bit of background first...I have been with my b/f for 2+ years.At the start of our relationship he cheated on me twice but he put it down to cold feet(as he got scared about how strongly he was starting to feel for me).He promised never to do it again and we started afresh. We've had a pretty rough relationship - it's either ecstacy or agony but I always tried to mend the pieces. At the start of this year he left the country to go back home due to family reasons and in the space of 2 weeks, he left me behind and decided to end our 2-year relationship without asking me what we could do about the situation. For 4 months I never let go, have been severely depressed but kept on waiting just in case he maight come back (although he kept on telling me on the phone that we are never going to work). After 2 months, he came back on business for a week and told me that it's definitely over, that it wont work due to family reasons. Still, i did not let go and tried to find all sorts of solutions to make it work. We agreed on one and got back together. Now, my hopes and waiting paid up and he came back to the country again probably to be based here again (despite his family wanting him home). His brother who is 21 came with him for a 2-week holiday. His brother is single and loves girls, strip clubs etc. On the very first day that my b/f was back we went to a bar and him and his brother was commenting on every girl passing by whilst I was sitting right next to him. Coming back to the strip club issue, when his brother was visiting last summer, the 3 of us went to a strip club and we had an amazing time. It was the first time for me but I wanted to see what it was all about. I felt kinda insecure, specially when my b/f had a lapdance but my b/f reassured throughout and I let it go. It was in fact fun and his brother thought I was the coolest g/f to be there with them and having a good time together! This time round his brother wanted to go to a strip club again. I was ok with it as I know it was fun last time. However this time round, my b/f would hardly give me any attention and when he saw my face drop as we walk in, he asked whether I wanted to leave instead of making me feel better. Of course I wouldnt want to do that and spoil everyone's evening.So I stayed and he was hawking at all the strippers, rating each of them on 10 etc. I had to actually ask him, "do u think i'm better than them" and then he said of course you are but 90% of the time he would just focuss on the strippers. He wouldnt even hold my hand etc. It was very different from the first time that we went. The following day I told him how I felt bad that he ignored me etc in such a place and it ended in a BIG fight. He told me I was accusing him etc and that he did tell me I was looking hot etc (but that was only when I bluntly asked him so!) and that I should know that he has a lot on his mind at the moment (with his business) and I'm never happy. I told him that all I was trying to say is that I felt neglected but he didnt take it this way. A COUPLE of days later, the 3 of us were passing by a strip club near my house and his brother wanted to go. I was bitter and said "yeah why dont you guys go and have a good time?!" and my b/f actually told me they were going to on their way back home! I felt so sick in my stomach that he would do this even after the big fight we just had. So in the end they did go!!After that he tells me that he and his brother are going to Amsterdam. I told him I wanted to come as I dont think going to the city of hookers,strip joints and dope is something you do when you're in a committed relationship. he said that his brother wants to go with him alone and he's been wanting that for 3 years. I told him that he is now in a relationship and this is not something that any g/f would accept. he made the plans anyway and when all was planned he told me he was going. i told him that I can and have accepted a lot but I cant budge on this one and that he'd be a point of no return for me after that. he said that he's doing this for his brother. I told him that surely is brother would understand that he is no longer single and cant do things like that.but he didnt do anything about it and still went ahead knowing that he would lose me over it. I really thought he wouldnt. I am destroyed as not only there'll be half-naked women all over him but he actually ignored me and my feelings in going to strip clubs again and in his Amsterdam plans. I just need some advice... Thanks!! P.S sorry for the long message!! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 I am destroyed as not only there'll be half-naked women all over him but he actually ignored me and my feelings in going to strip clubs again and in his Amsterdam plans. Heey girl I can imagine that you don't like the fact that he ignored your feelings. But, let me reassure you. I have lived in Amsterdam for years, and let me tell you, it is NOT that big off a deal, at all!! Yes there are stripclubs, and hookers, but you´ve got them everywhere. Are you afraid he will cheat? Because, I dont want to make you mad or anything, but he can cheat anywhere. I have had an issue with my boyfriend last weekend, he went on a 5 day trip with his single friends, drinking and partying loads. I had a hard time trusting him, but looking back, its just me. He´s a great guy and my own insecurities got in the way. You can not tell your boyfriend not to go on a trip, that is not acceptable. You can however sit him down and talk to him about all your fears, make arrangements about things that are acceptable or not while he is there. And then my friend, all you can do is trust.. But just remember, Amsterdam is not all that it is cracked up to be, really! Its just like any other city, except we have legal whores (most of them are really ugly, dont worry) and a bit more stripclubs than an average city. Trust is the key, but do talk to him about your concerns, however, give him his space, and let him have his fun in Amsterdam. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasmin 16 Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 Trust is the key, but do talk to him about your concerns, however, give him his space, and let him have his fun in Amsterdam. thanks for the reassurance about Amsterdam... I can let him have fun..but he didnt even ask talk to me beforehand and there is also the fact that he keeps on going to strip clubs although I told him that this really upsets me. When we went to the strip clus together he was giving the stippers more attention than me, throwing all kind of comments like nice t*ts, nice a*s or "take the top off!take the top off!!". We had a fight about it and 2 days after he still went!! the pic of having a girl rub herself against my b/f is killing me and he did it knowing anyway i feeling this way...Lapdances are sexualised entertainment and I cant let my b/f have this kind of entertainment w/out me.. Do u understand?Would u have been ok with it? Link to post Share on other sites
brightskies Posted May 27, 2006 Share Posted May 27, 2006 You want honest advice? Here it is: Don't be a fool! He cheated on you TWICE. That should've been warning enough for you. That bullsh*t line about cold feet is no excuse. And now he's openly oggling other women. By the way, I've been to Amsterdam --- it can get crazy. If he's going without you, you can bet your life that he'll be living it up with strippers if not prostitutes. Do you really want to be with a man like that, who thinks so little of you? Take more pride in yourself and stop wasting your time with this jerk. Find someone who treats you better. Even if he says that he loves you, his behavior shows otherwise. His words mean nothing if his actions don't jive. Sorry to sound harsh, but I hate seeing people being mistreated. Don't settle for this. You do deserve better, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts