Wife is moving to a new apartment complex, she says she wants her space and time

[skydvr]

My wife and I had been arguing for the past year about her "personal time' with her friends and co workers. It all started out when she started going to a once a month German women’s meeting/dinner. I never had a problem with it but she would stay out till 3am in the morning and leave me at home with her 7 year old boy, my step son. I couldn’t sleep at night, waiting for her to at least give me a call. When she would get home I would be hurt and upset and we would get into big arguments. It really got bad when she told me the place "her friends" liked to go to. It was a typical pick up joint where all the single soldiers would go to pick up on married women. When she got a job she started going out with her co workers late as well. It got worse when two weeks after her "best girlfriend" had her baby. She called my wife on a Sunday while we were out furniture shopping and asked her to take her out and get her drunk. As soon as we got home and put together the furniture she got ready and left. She got home at 1am Monday morning. I dont think this woman is very classy or mature to leave her two week old child at home just to get drunk. My wife accuses me of being controlling and abusive. I admit we have gotten into pushing matches and asked her to forgive me for everything I was responsible for. This past February on a Wednesday she didnt even come home after work. She picked up our son from school and then went to her "best Friends house. She and my son didnt get home until 11pm and he had to go to school the next morning! I was upset and it led to physical abuse oby both of us. Pushing, bad names, then she bit me on the lip. I called the police and she was arrested for spousal abuse and taken to jail. After a Month of living apart and having her served with divorce papers, in March, she and I met. She said she was sorry and didnt want a divorce. She said she wanted to make the marriage work. She agreed to go to counseling and fix her problems.

Anyway she has decided to move into her own apartment, doesn’t want me to help her move because her friends will be there. She has told me that if I ever asked her to choose between her friends and me she would pick her friends. We go to marriage counseling and individual counseling. She says that she goes because she wants the marriage to work and still loves me.

Now, this Friday she is moving out. She still goes out with her friends and this past weekend we were suppose to spend Saturday and Sunday together at the pool. Well she didn’t get back to her apartment until 5am on Saturday and was still asleep when I knocked on her door at 1pm. She and I live in the same apartment complex until this Friday when she will move away.

I have tried very hard not to contact her and respect her "space". She says that she needs time to learn how to trust me again. She says that she needs to find herself and her independence again. She says she doesn’t need me and wants to prove it to me. My cousin feel she wont accept the responsibility of a marriage and wants to have her cake and eat it too.

I love my wife and miss her terribly. I want to give her time but as soon as she signs her lease I know that she will be out of my life for at least six months. What does a guy do?! Why are her friends more important than her marriage? Why does she give more respect to her friends than me? Why does she find her comfort with her friends and not with me? She says she isn’t seeing anyone but when I had asked her she got very upset and claimed I was trying to turn things around. She says that I try to make her do what I say and she thinks I am fully responsible for what has happened even after I asked for her forgiveness and said I was sorry.

I miss my wife! What do i do?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Honestly, I feel your wife needs time and space in order to fill it with someone else. Your first move should be legal advice from a good divorce lawyer (even if you've done it before and you don't intend to divorce, you need to have your bases covered right now because the wool is over your eyes BIG TIME), and your second move should be to get advice from your lawer on hiring a good PI to expose exactly why it is she needs this 'time and space'.

 

This stood out for me:

 

She says that she needs time to learn how to trust me again.

 

Her actions are not those of a person seeking trust from you. They are the actions of a person who right now cannot be trusted herself. She has turned this on you and made it look like she is the victim and you are the one who can't be trusted. Perfect justification for what it is she is out there doing, eh?

 

She says that she needs to find herself and her independence again.

 

Hanging out in bars, getting drunk and G_d knows what else isn't about independence. It is about escape. She wants out, but wants the comfort of a fallback, hence why she is keeping you on a chain. If you want to show her what her independence will be like, file for a legal separation/divorce - go to complete and utter 'no contact' and cut her loose. She'll be independent then, won't she? Isn't that what she wanted?

 

She says she doesn’t need me and wants to prove it to me.

 

What better way to show her than to cut yourself out of her life and stop allowing her to keep you around while she is out 'finding herself'?

 

She says she isn’t seeing anyone but when I had asked her she got very upset and claimed I was trying to turn things around.

 

That is what wayward spouses *do* when asked point blank about something they know they can get away with lying about. Right now you have no idea if she is with someone and she knows that and is exploiting it by turning it back on you and making it your problem.

 

Seriously, consider a PI. You need to cut through the lies and deception first before you will get out of this rut. At least you'll know one way or the other what is going on.

[Gunny376]

I use to know sixteen years ago ~ ME! Went through the same thing ~ girls night out ~ first one night ~ then two, then three ~ and then four. And , we had children together. But, the party was ON! When I called her on it ~ same thing ~ she tried to turn things on me ~ make me feel guilty ~ saying that I was TOO possessive ~ jealous. etc. Bottom line ~ she was in party mode ~ and wanted to party ~ and her friends were more important to her than ANYTHING ~ thing is she's not heard from any of them since that time.

 

I did EVERYTHING under Heaven and Earth to save my marriage ~ all to no avail. She wants time and space ~ I've give it to her ~ as in the rest of her life! Especially if you and she don't have kids ~ I'd bail ~ quick ~ fast and in a hurry like! As soon as you kiss the lips of another woman ~ who appreciates you ~ for being you ~ as you are ~ you'll forget all about her. What one woman will abuse ~ another certainly can use! You've got to respect yourself Man ~ because she sure as Hell isn't! And, if you don't respect yourself ~ no one else is! I'd contact a divorce lawyer ~ tomorrow ~ you deserve better ~ you owe it to yourself! She's not the only woman in the world ~ you know!

 

And, when she brings up "Why are you doing this ~ just tell her ~ I deserve better than this ~ I deserve better than you! ~ I deserve better than what you're giving me! I'm a good man ~ with a good heart with a lot of love to give! You want your freedom ~ you've got it! You want your friends ~you've got it! You're friends are more imporatant than me? Not a problem, Babe! Have a nice forever the rest of your life without me! And, then get back out there and find someone who's worth a damn.

 

She's out there around those military bubbas, and they're just looking for a piece of "duty station" azz. I know! I'm carrer military. What is "duty station" azz? Its some gal you wine and dine, and sleep with in so long as your stationed where you stationed ~ and then you move on without them! The old "girl in every port!" thing. They will absolutely flirt, wine and dine, and tell her any and everything she want and needs to hear ~ and they're pros at it!

[skydvr]

A legal seperation sounds like the ticket but she prbably wont sign it either. I love my step son and we have a very good relationship. My counselor says I should give her time, her brother says I should give her time. My wife has a lot of baggage from earlier relationships. Men lying to her, steeling from her, even physical abuse such as threatening her life with a knife and a gun. She was admitted to a mental hospital years ago for depression and atempted suicide as well. She says she will never be a door matt for anyone again. I feel like the door matt now. I love her and will wait for her to get her head on streight again but a PI sounds like good advise. She wants time and space, she'll get it! Maybe then she will realize what she is missing, maybe not. Either way I have a vow that I made to her and owe her at least the time. My vow to her is more important than any selfish excuses. It's so hard not to call her. My Cousin says that whatever she does with her friends gives her temporary self esteem, when she is alone at home she comes to me. Obviously she is not happy with herself. She just doesnt want to be in the marriage and is using me as her safety net or security blanket. It's easier to go to counseling and play the game than to divorce and be on her own. Easier to be the married woman with her friends because someone someone at home loves her (back up). She feels guilty about the gifts I bought her because she feels she has to give something back in return (not wanting to owe me anything. She may want to be married, just not with me. She is not a happy person. The only way to get out of her unhappyness is to stay married (back up).

My cousin has a very good point. I just wish she would tell me the truth and lets move on. What do you think?

[skydvr]

Does anyone have any possitive advise on this issue? I am still in this fight and I wont quit! It's so hard to leave her alone and I miss her so much but I have to. I have noticed that when I do she is calling and asking where I am. I think that I should let it go and see what happends. Anyone? Anyone? I need to be fed with good advise! Thanks.

[Ladyjane14]

Does anyone have any possitive advise on this issue? I am still in this fight and I wont quit! It's so hard to leave her alone and I miss her so much but I have to. I have noticed that when I do she is calling and asking where I am. I think that I should let it go and see what happends. Anyone? Anyone? I need to be fed with good advise! Thanks.

 

Sorry, I can't see any 'positives' here.

The bottom line is that if there is physical abuse in the household, it's best for you two to be apart until it's resolved. Saying "I'm sorry" isn't good enough, because it doesn't really solve the problem. You BOTH need the assurance that you're safe with your partner in order for your relationship to be a healthy one.

 

And kids don't need to see the grown-ups freaking out like that. Living in a violent home is traumatizing for kids. There's no good excuse for putting a child through all that.

 

Counseling, either together or separately, is your best bet. It's important to find out why your disagreements become physical, and how to make sure it never happens again.

 

Your wife doesn't sound like she has her priorities straight, but there's not a whole lot you can do about that. Everybody gets to make their own decisions afterall.

[Gunny376]

having done 20 years in the Marine Corps, having been married to a cheating wife ~ that I was married to for 12 years, had two children with and a step daughter with ~ having gone through a bankruptcy, problems with the IRS, having given everything I worked my azz off for 12 years and that was worth stealing, took all of the bills frolm the marriage ~ all for the sake of my children ~ NOT the ex-wife. I have this to say.

 

We've all had to struggle~ we've all got issues from our past that we have to deal with ~ and we can all use them for an excuse to rationalize one type of behavior or the other. Just the s*** I've been through the with the MC ~ I could use as an excuse to lay around a freaking drunk ~ so could most cops, and other first responders ~ we could spend the rest of our lives sitting around some coucselor's office holding hands sanging Kuman Ja ~ or whaterver, or in some psych ward.

 

I understand that you love your wife, and your SS, (what does having a relationship with him have to do with her? It may have been a packaged deal going in ~ but now that your a part of his life and he yours, that's not necessarly so ~ and divorce courts recognize this ~ so much so that the State of Neveda requires men who become stepfathers to pay child support ~ when the biological father can't be found). But, here's the litmuch test my friend ~ what she's doing ~ her behavior is un-acceptable behavior for a married man ~ any woman friend of hers would tell her (if the roles were reversed) ~ "NOT NO ~ BUT HELL NO~! YOU AIN'T GOT TO TAKE THAT FROM NO MAN! YOU NEED TO KICK HIM TO CURB ~ GIRLFRIEND!! You know it, I know it, everyone woman that reads this KNOWS it!

 

So if its un-acceptble behavior for her, why is it un-acceptbale behavior for you? Either she's married or she's not ~ either your married or your not ~ and from what you've described ~ doesn't sound like a marriage to me ~ not even a shadow of one.

 

I'm going to help you out with what its taken me sixteen years to learn actually a lifetime ~ and what I'm about to reference is for YOU, not her.

The first one ~ will cost your about $20, the second and third will cost you about $100 a piece ~ and that's as much as I would invest in "marriage couseling"

 

The first one is a e-book ~ which mean you'll have to download it to an Adobe file ~ if you print it out it will be about 140 pages long ~ Its titled

Double Your Dating ~ I want you to read this because of the new attitude that you need to women and about relationships with women ~ and about what actually works and doesn't.

 

The second one, I stumbled upon in the $5 papaerback version back when I first divroced ~ ITS SOME SERIOUSLY POWERFUL STUFF ~ just in the paperback version ~ this is the full blown seminar version ~ but first check out this self ~ test: http://www.lightyourfire.com/manquiz.cfm

 

Then check out the reviews http://www.lightyourfire.com/products_ind.cfm?catid=6 then order the "Light Her Fire" program ~ even if it doesn't work out with the ex-wife, it will give you the tools your need to move forward and regain your life back.

 

By the way Bro ~ this stuff is so strong ~ that I'm 49 and dating women in their late 20's and 30's ~ and I'm NOT buying them expensive cars, going out on expensive dates, taking them on trips etc. (I should say ~ I'm NOT sleeping with each and everyone of them either ~ when you go through David's program ~ you'll understand why I choose NOT to ~ and it comes down to a couple of things ~ 1. Because of how I make them feel about themselves, 2. Becuase I treat them like (especially the drop dead gorgeous ones) no other man ever has, 3. I can give them something no man ever has ~ and I'm talking about much more than intimate ~ physcial.

 

You wife is acting like a spoiled little child ~ and you "re-acting" to her the same way everyone has her entire life. (Ref: BIL etc ~ "Just give her time!" Which is why you should be doing the exact oppossite.)

 

Its ALL her way~! What about your wants, your needs, your hopes, your dreams, your desires? What about your laughter? Your good tmes? Life is short Bro ~ real short ~ I'm here to testify! From age 20 to age 70, you've got exactlly 50 years, that's 600 months, 31,200 weeks, only 218,400 days!!!!!! And, each day you waste your precisious resource of time, effort, energy, and money on this woman is a day you can't get back! Time you could be spending with someone who tells their friends and family ~ "I thank God everyday for ____________ being in and a part of my life! I LOVE him to death!" That's the kind of woman you deserve!

When she moved out of the bedroom ~ out of the house ~ she moved out of your life! Just that plain and just that simple! From my own experience and as well as the experience of countless others ~ I don't care how much fussing and fighting is going on ~ if you're still lving and sleeping together ~ there's hope ~ once that's gone ~ its all over but the crying, signing on the dotted liine.

 

The sooner you realize this ~ and quit playing "her" game ~ and start playing your own inner game the better off your going to be. I don't care if you never have another GF or wife again in your life ~ and end up being alone the rest of your life ~ you'd be better off than with what you currently have with her.

 

Now~! I'm not saying throw the towel in ~ I am saying take some time to get your head together to figure out what you want and need for yourself ~ bargin from a position of strength and not weakness, a position of independence and not depnedability ~ go ahead and have the papers drawed up ~ let her know they're drawed up ~ and then give her a deadline ~ draw the line in the sand ~ let her know ~ that you're going on with your life ~ and that you hate she's choosen the path that she's chossen and that you hate to see her make a decision that she's going to regret for the rest of her life ~ and then get busy living your life!

 

I can see giving her time ~ but don't put your life on an in-definate hold ~ waiting for her to get her head together, etc. Because the way its going she's going to come back to you and tell you ~ "I've meet this guy ~ and we've just got the most incrediable chemistry together~! Bla, bla, bla! And there you are ~ just got throwed under the bus ~ emotionally, mentally, spiritually etc.

 

Bacause in effect what she's saying is "I'm going to put you up on a shelve while I go out and have a good time with my friends, and resolve some un-settled issues via flirting, having emotinonal affairs ~ if not actual affairs at your expense with you footing the bill~ what are you? Dog meat?

 

My ex-wife did this ~ I knew she was doing this ~ and I sucked it up at the time for the sake of the kids (ages 10 and 6 ~ now grown) for a year, and she went through no less than six different guys! You know what she was doing? She was looking for a suitable replacement for me! That's what your DW is doing to you, and if during that time she can't find one ~ then she'll come running back to you! Not out of love ~ not out of passion, ~ nor compasssion ~ but because you're her good, old dependable meal ticket!

 

And in all fairness, I will tell you the reason she was looking for someone else ~ is because I made such demanding demands upon her ~ such as staying at home and not laying in the roads with her so called friends, (all of which were cheating on their DH and getting a divorce) getting and working a job ~ and not giving into her every little whismical demand. Her excuse? Not that I was running around with her, laying out in strip joints getting drunk everynight, gamblilng away the rent money, snorting up the grocery money, beating her and the kids ~ her excuse was I was a workaholic. (Good as any ~ I guess!)

 

In closing my friend ~ your playing a game ~ you can't win! The sooner you realize that and move on with your life ~ the better off you are going to be! The time to get real about your life ~ is NOW!

[Gunny376]

If your having trouble getting to sleep over all of this ~ stay off the alcohol and illegal drugs. Get some over the counter melatonin from the vitamin and herbal section of Walmart. I use the 15mg ~ and take about three ~ about an hour before I go to bed.

 

http://www.melatonin.com/melatonin-faq.php#WHEN

[Woggle]

Gunny is a very wise man.

[Gunny376]

http://www.doubleyourdatingprogram.com/10107/catalog/catalog.asp#eBook

[skydvr]

Lady, good advise and thank God she has realized she needs counseling. She and i both go once a week to individual and then once a week we, together, go to marriage counseling. I guess i will just have to be patient. I read what you wrote to "is it really over' and found a lot of good avise. Thank you! Do you have any more?

 

Gunny, thanks as well for your advise. I have been on active duty for a total of 17 years. My wife is 35 and I am 42. I think she has a lot of before "us baggage" as well as a lot of trust issues she has to deal with first before we can move forward. I will try to ignore her calls for assistance anytime. If she wants to see me, then it will be on my terms. Ya know the old saying, "if you love someone..." Well I will only give her till August and if I dont see any change then i will have to "cut sling load". Of course, understand, I have my own issues to deal with as well. I use to tell her to not yell and fight in front of the kids. She would draw me into conflict with them around. Now, when she is pissed, i just walk away and not say anything sarchastic. I feel this pisses her off even more but not at me but at herself for being such an ass. I will give her time but time is very precious and I dont have much left. Setting a deadline is way off. As soon as I would do this it would just push her away more. I will keep my own "deadline' to myself. I read a book by a guy named Smilley (or something, I dont have the book with me now) called, "Winning your wife back before it's too late". WOW, what a book! I had it read in less than a day. As a good man, I will give her time and try my best to think she doesn't even exist. God, I miss my wife, God I miss my friend.

Please keep the advise comming.

[Gunny376]

Does anyone have any possitive advise on this issue? I am still in this fight and I wont quit! It's so hard to leave her alone and I miss her so much but I have to. I have noticed that when I do she is calling and asking where I am. I think that I should let it go and see what happends. Anyone? Anyone? I need to be fed with good advise! Thanks.

 

Yea! Your still in the fight ~ guess who's the one that beating you up? Its not her!

 

Here's your problem spelled out ~ and it NOT her ~ its YOU:

 

"I've meet this women that I'm married to ~ that's dysfucntional, with a dysfunctional past and un-resolved issues ~ that I'm "in" love with, and who I have strong feelings about, and who makes me feel and experience life as I never have before ~ and if I lose her ~ I'm afraid I never will again!"

 

Trust me, there is live after divorce, and life after the ex.

 

Yea~! I got drug through the mud, the blood, and the beer, and got throwed under the bus, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, went throught the bankruptcy, the problems with the IRS (because of her BS)

 

But, now I've got way too sweet of a low-stress, no stress job, an early retirement with all the same benefits I had before when I was on active duty, a brand new loaded out ride (paid for) making more money than I've ever made in my life, all new furniture and appliances (paid for) name brand clothes, jewelry, and currently building my house.

 

The ex? She's on husband No.#3, working as the lunch room lady at the local elementary school for $7.50 an hour, living in a house trailer, driving an 92 Toyota Corrola. I date when I want to, but not getting serious about anyone ~ and I'm up-front about that, because I don't want a "grilfriend" because I like going to the lake on my boat, playing golf, riding my dirt bike, going to motorcross etc. All of this ~ didn't come over night ~ I had to work for it ~ sometimes two jobs ~ but I never got re-married, ~ didn't do ANYTHING but go to work and come home everyday for years, but I had a clear vision of where I wanted to go and be in life ~ and now its paying off in spades.

 

I've also got a contingencey fund set aside ~ to where I could go a year without a dollar coming in and still pay the bills. I've got money set aside for auto maintenace, $3000, insurance dedcutables, (I pay $60 a month in premimums ~ becuase my deducatable is $2000 ~ which I have sitting in the bank), my premimums I pay once a year for the entire year. I've got a clothing fund, vacation fund, dating fund (its all in one account ~ I've just got certain amounts pegged for certain things, once I draw on it ~ my current income goes back toward it to bring it back up to the mimum level that I've set for each catagory ~ for instance if I buy tires for $400 - $500 ~ I put money back into the auto maintance fund until its back up to $3000.) I filed bankruptcy sixteen years ago ~ nor my FICO is back up to 700+. I've got one credit card ~ which I pay in full each month ~ as soon as the bill comes in.

 

This is where you can be ~ as well ~ instead of being where I was at ~ staring at the walls and the ceiling obsssed over some woman? (Actually, I was doing that and drinking heavily ~ until I made the decision ~ "Forget that~! Get busy living ~ or get busy dying!)

[DesperateDad]

I have to agree with Gunny here. Dude, you really should try to get some distance from this woman. I have a step daughter myself as well as my other children and I know how you feel about your step son. You should be able to work something out where you can spend some time with him without spending time with the mother until she gets her act together.

 

Your wife needs to figure out what she's going to do with her life, but you don't need to hang around and get your ass handed to you while she's doing it. If she wants to party, you can't stop her, but you don't have to put up with it.

 

I also agree with Ladyjane. The physical aspect of the arguments is disturbing. I'm sure it's come up in your counseling sessions and it should be dealt with before anything else.

 

You might be able to reconcile if you both really want to change and stick with counseling, but you should also be prepared to go your separate ways. Ladyjane posted something very wise (not at all unusual for her!) on another thread about setting boundaries. You have to decide what you can live with and what you can't and then make decisions based on that. I'm thinking the same thing myself right now...

[skydvr]

Gunny, thanks for your reply. I'm happy you have your financial things taken care of. As far as I'm concerned, i will give it time. If things go down from here then i will have to "ruck" up and go. As of now I am living my life for myself. If she gets herself together then I will be there for her. I am planning on building my house but before I make this decission I will at least get a legal seperation. Time is all I have left. Time is what she wants. Whatever! I'm going to try and keep strong so i wont fall on my ass if she never comes back. God, i miss my wife.

[Gunny376]

Lady, good advise and thank God she has realized she needs counseling. She and i both go once a week to individual and then once a week we, together, go to marriage counseling. I guess i will just have to be patient. I read what you wrote to "is it really over' and found a lot of good avise. Thank you! Do you have any more?

 

Gunny, thanks as well for your advise. I have been on active duty for a total of 17 years. My wife is 35 and I am 42. I think she has a lot of before "us baggage" as well as a lot of trust issues she has to deal with first before we can move forward. I will try to ignore her calls for assistance anytime. If she wants to see me, then it will be on my terms. Ya know the old saying, "if you love someone..." Well I will only give her till August and if I dont see any change then i will have to "cut sling load". Of course, understand, I have my own issues to deal with as well. I use to tell her to not yell and fight in front of the kids. She would draw me into conflict with them around. Now, when she is pissed, i just walk away and not say anything sarchastic. I feel this pisses her off even more but not at me but at herself for being such an ass. I will give her time but time is very precious and I dont have much left. Setting a deadline is way off. As soon as I would do this it would just push her away more. I will keep my own "deadline' to myself. I read a book by a guy named Smilley (or something, I dont have the book with me now) called, "Winning your wife back before it's too late". WOW, what a book! I had it read in less than a day. As a good man, I will give her time and try my best to think she doesn't even exist. God, I miss my wife, God I miss my friend.

Please keep the advise comming.

 

Ah! This puts a whole different light on it! My ex got to cutting a fool while we were stationed in Okinawa ~ you sound like you're Army. Think just you and your wife being stationed up on the DMZ ~ literally 10,000 guys and very few round eyed women. She got over there and lost her damn mind! I gave in like an idiot and bought her some store bought boobs, and it went to her head. Then, I got shipped out to Kuwait for the First Gulf War.

 

If you've been married to her less than ten years, with 17 in ~ you've GOT to look at making a decision before you hit that ten year annivesary! I've been retired for ten going on eleven years ~ have a college degree in business administration ~ finance ~ and have played the devil finding a good decent job ~ mainly because of where I live ~ rural Alabama ~ near Fort Rucker, Alabama.

 

The Corps use to have unit rotation between Camp Pendleton, California ~ and Hawiai. They would have one battalion replace another battalion from the same regiment. It got so freaking bad ~ that the wives were saying goodbye to their husbands one week , and hello to their boyfriends coming back from Okinawa the next. Finally, some genius at Headquarters Marine Corps finally decided to have a battalion out of Pendleton replace a battalion out of Hawiai. Duh?

 

My ex was planning and plotting on leaving me for a Lance Corporal ~ E3 ~ he was banging her while they were in Okinawa ~ as soon as they got back stateside ~ he told her that he had gotten his HS sweetheart pregno ~ and that he just had to do right by the child~! (Translation ~ "What do I want with your 35 year old azz ~ with three children ~ when I can have this sweet young thing) I was an E-7 at the time

 

Another bro of mine also an E-7 had a drop dead, googled eyed. drop jaw, un-believable wife from Turkey. I mean she was so fine ~ you would literally stop in your tracks, stand and turn and stare at her as she walked by. They had two kids, and she was with yet another E-3, who was black, (there's relevance here) and he told her he was an Lt. He also told her he was going back to CA to Camp Pendleton, turned out he was going to Camp Lejuene in NC. She goes back to Pendleton, he drops the bomb on her. Jim, had it bad for her and their two kids. She cops to the affair tells him everything ~ he still wants to get back with her ~ she tells him she can't becasue she's pregno with the Lance Corporal's kid. (Jim's white) I nursed him through a weekend drunk ~ he called her up and tells her ~ he doesn't care ~ he'll adopt the other guys child and raise it as his own!

 

Do you by chance know the words to this song?

[Gunny376]

Gunny, thanks for your reply. I'm happy you have your financial things taken care of. As far as I'm concerned, i will give it time. If things go down from here then i will have to "ruck" up and go. As of now I am living my life for myself. If she gets herself together then I will be there for her. I am planning on building my house but before I make this decission I will at least get a legal seperation. Time is all I have left. Time is what she wants. Whatever! I'm going to try and keep strong so i wont fall on my ass if she never comes back. God, i miss my wife.

 

NEGATIVE ON THE LEGAL SEPERATION! D-I-V-O-R-C-E~! If she gets her act together down the road ~ you can always get re-married. I know a guy here that's been married to the same woman ~ FOUR times~! Thing is ~ in Alabama you can only marry the same person ~ THREE times~! The fourht time ~ they had to drive to Georgia to get married!

[Gunny376]

God, i miss my wife.

 

Get busy ~ getting busy! Stay busy! PT, go to the gym ~ go hit the punching bag ~ go for the longest run of your life ~ (When I was PO'd at the wife ~ we had an argument ~ I said screw it ~ I'm going for my run ~ ran ten miles I was so pissed off). Go to the movies, go out dancing ~ go out partying ~ go for a drive ~ the last thing you do is go home, sit around and stare at the walls, and ceiling. The only thing you do at home is change clothes, take a shower, sleep becuase your exhausted. Don't sit around watching TV, DVD's. Volunteer to work extra. Spend time with your kids, get creative, be creative.

 

Remember action must oftentimes precede feeling like doing something.

[skydvr]

I joined the Army in 82, got out in 87, then back in 95. Working on my third marriage now and hoping not my third divorce. My wife and I will be married two years in July so my retirement is safe. What I dont understand is that since she didnt come into this country for her citizenship, doesnt need my financial help, then why is this happening? She has told me that I smothered her. I realize, now, that everytime I argued with her about her going out, the more she went out. She even addmitted it in counseling. I guess it was her way of showing me her control. She says, as well as her friends, that I am controlling. If you look at my situation, who is really in control here! It damn sure aint me! So she can have "control" of her self and I will control myself. If she falls on her ass, then, maybe she will wake the hell up! Then, I can assume my roll as Husband, father, leader, provider and protector. Our rolls have been reversed by her selfish ways. She is the Dude in this and I am the winnie, crying chick. NOT NO MORE! This NCO has woken up and is doing his thing from now on. Let her figure it out by herself. make no mistake about this, I love my wife, but I must dissapear. This, I hope, will give her time she most desperatly wants (she thinks).

[Gunny376]

For your consideration?

 

http://www.teamtechnology.co.uk/tt/t-articl/midlife.htm

[Gunny376]

I joined the Army in 82, got out in 87, then back in 95. Working on my third marriage now and hoping not my third divorce. My wife and I will be married two years in July so my retirement is safe.

 

Good ~ keep it that way!

 

I realize, now, that everytime I argued with her about her going out, the more she went out.

 

That's been my experience and the experience of other's I have known

 

 

She says, as well as her friends, that I am controlling.

 

They're her friends ~ NOT yours ~ and they're probally running the same game on their husbands. Have you considered ~ contacting them?

 

 

Then, I can assume my roll as Husband, father, leader, provider and protector.

 

Can't help but play Devil's Advocate ~ but where the role of romantic lover?

[skydvr]

Gunny, As far as romantic lover thats a given! I always brought, not sent, brought her flowers to her work. I would drive 30 minutes to her office just to being her lunch, give her a kiss, then drive back to base. I called her every day to see how she was doing. She called me the other day at 1300hrs and I typically expected her to ask for something or have me answer a question she had. When I asked her what she needed she said," nothing I have some free time because our system is down and just wanted to know how you are doing" Dude, it floored me! I couldnt believe that after two years she finnaly called ME to ask ME how I was doing. maybe thats a good sign. So as far as romance is concerned, I got that covered, and I miss it too.

[Gunny376]

Talk to me bro!

[Sup]

A legal seperation sounds like the ticket but she prbably wont sign it either. I love my step son and we have a very good relationship. My counselor says I should give her time, her brother says I should give her time. My wife has a lot of baggage from earlier relationships. Men lying to her, steeling from her, even physical abuse such as threatening her life with a knife and a gun. She was admitted to a mental hospital years ago for depression and atempted suicide as well. She says she will never be a door matt for anyone again. I feel like the door matt now. I love her and will wait for her to get her head on streight again but a PI sounds like good advise. She wants time and space, she'll get it! Maybe then she will realize what she is missing, maybe not. Either way I have a vow that I made to her and owe her at least the time. My vow to her is more important than any selfish excuses. It's so hard not to call her. My Cousin says that whatever she does with her friends gives her temporary self esteem, when she is alone at home she comes to me. Obviously she is not happy with herself. She just doesnt want to be in the marriage and is using me as her safety net or security blanket. It's easier to go to counseling and play the game than to divorce and be on her own. Easier to be the married woman with her friends because someone someone at home loves her (back up). She feels guilty about the gifts I bought her because she feels she has to give something back in return (not wanting to owe me anything. She may want to be married, just not with me. She is not a happy person. The only way to get out of her unhappyness is to stay married (back up).

My cousin has a very good point. I just wish she would tell me the truth and lets move on. What do you think?

 

Time to leave, and NOT look back! You said, she lives in another apartment? With or without her son? See a lawyer, find out about YOUR rights on this. If your step-son is still living at your apartment, it may classify as ABANDONMENT! The lawyer WILL know. You may try to get FULL custody of him, It may be VERY hard to do in this case, however, it may be deemed as an UNSTABLE home environment for your step-son. She has abandoned you already, in the marriage. She's out ALL night, while YOU take care of HER son? Tell all these things to a Lawyer, find out YOUR RIGHTS in this matter. Laterz.

[Sup]

You may wanna get tested for STD's, since you're sure shes messing around, to be safe you probably shouldn't sleep with her until she has been tested, and has stopped all this messing around.