Should I report this??

[Chloe89]

my family always has big, im talking big fights...but recently my dad did sumthing that i dunno if it qualifies as abuse or what...but he grabbed my neck n i couldnt breathe for like 2 mins. even tho he's hit me n pushed me b4 that was just discipline but i think hes gone too far.... n then pushed my head into a closet door n im not sure if he meant to do it so hard but...i was seeing stars. im just realli confused i was yelling at him....so i know i probally deserved it but it just didnt seem like normal discipline to me...it almost was like he tried to choke me.....i wuz realli upset i ran out of the house in my sox...it was night n raining n cold...but i didnt care. i just dont like even being around him ne more....n i dunno if i should tell authorities or sumthing cuz im pissed at my dad but i dont want him to get in serious trouble because i still love him....but at the same time, if this is abuse, how else do you get it stopped? i dunno what i should do....

[DarkDwarf]

It's Completely up to you. I think it does qualify as abuse though. If it continues I would DEFINATLY report it. You may love your dad, but you would be better off without him hurting you.

 

Hope Everything Works Out

[Art_Critic]

did he leave any bruises or marks ? if he didn't then reporting it will not do anything but piss him off.

 

If he lefted marks that last a few hours/till morning then he abused you and you can call the police..

The law in Georgia uses the marks or brusies or cuts or scrapes to make the determination to whether or not it is abuse..

 

I heard a counselor tell a class once that you can do anything you want to your kids.. except make sure you leave no marks

[whichwayisup]

i know i probally deserved it but it just didnt seem like normal discipline to me.

 

No matter WHAT, you didn't deserve it, so please don't ever think like that. It's NOT right for you to be hit, choked, or anything! If your father is angry at you, then he really has to learn to control his temper and NOT strike out at you! That isn't discipline, it IS abuse out of anger. Banging your head against the closet is WRONG! Did he even ask if you were OK? Show any concern, or did he appologize?

 

Can I ask how old you are? If you can, find a family friend or a close friend of yours parent and talk to them about this.

 

Sadly A_C is right, unless you're bruised or someone actually see's it happening first hand, it will be hard to prove he did something to you.

 

Stay safe and please, if you are feeling threatened by him and scared that it will get bad, call 911. Maybe he needs a night in the jailcell to cool off and realize that hitting his kids is WRONG!

[Chloe89]

thankx so much for all the advice....n to whoever asked i'm 16. my dad didnt leave ne marks xcept for sum read spots that went away after about an hour.

im realli gonna think about what im gonna do. ill let you know tho.

[Mary3]

thankx so much for all the advice....n to whoever asked i'm 16. my dad didnt leave ne marks xcept for sum read spots that went away after about an hour.

im realli gonna think about what im gonna do. ill let you know tho.

 

I feel so very bad for you that your father has done such cruel tactics of abuse.

 

Marks or No Marks it is ABUSE !

 

I feel for all the kids out there that have families with huge fights that escalate into violence.

 

Your father has NO right banging your head against any object, pushing, shoving , hitting or hurting you in any way.

 

He will NEVER have that right and it will NEVER be Okay.

 

I would tell your father that you will not tolerate anymore and you will consider moving into a Safe Home. ( I would talk with the school counselor and find out how you can be protected from your Dad. )

 

Your father has *learned* behavior meaning someone treated him that way when he was a kid and now he is doing this to you. IT IS NOT NORMAL.

 

Kids are abused everyday . Emotionally, sexually, neglect and so on and while we can't save everyone we can try to get the message out to you.

 

Sadly , kids who grow up in these kinds of homes often treat their offspring similar. Not to mean you WILL but if you get some therapy and learn the signs of abuse so it does not perpetuate into your new family when you grow up and have one of your own.

 

Get help soon.

 

His violence is escalating and he is doing it out of uncontrollable anger and you can be seriously hurt .

[Fun2BMe]

All states might not use marks as sole evidence of abuse. In case your state does, I would still make a report to the police. If nothing else, they will have a report and without enough evidence not press charges. In the future you can build up a case should it tragically happen again.

 

He could have killed you even if it wasn't intentional like so many parents do in a fit when they shake their babies too hard. If there is a child protective service or agency I would contact them as well. I'd rather your father get mad at you for telling than for you to get hurt and let him get away with abusing you. It could only get worse the longer he gets away with it.

 

They might provide you with support and information for him not to get upset at you for going to authorities and for you to feel safe. After all he will know that he will not get away with it any longer. They are trained to help kids in your situation and you shouldn't put up with getting choked and beaten up.

[Art_Critic]

All states might not use marks as sole evidence of abuse. In case your state does, I would still make a report to the police. If nothing else, they will have a report and without enough evidence not press charges. In the future you can build up a case should it tragically happen again.

 

 

In my opinion this is poor advice..

 

You are telling the person who is being abused to report the abuser knowing that it will make the abuse worse.

 

He already posted that no marks were left.

 

If the abuser is confronted by the police the anger will be taken out on him.

He needs to talk to someone from child services while keeping his identity hidden till he can find out what options he has to remedy the issue..

 

Only call the police if you feel threatened for your safety

[Art_Critic]

They are trained to help kids in your situation and you shouldn't put up with getting choked and beaten up.

 

No they aren't .. I have Police Officers in my family and I can tell you that their hands will be tied.. they may feel for you but until your father crosses the line there isn't much a police officer can do. and by getting the police involved right now will do nothing but pour gas on the flames.

 

You do need someone that you can confide in and someone you can go to that you can trust if you feel you need help..

[Art_Critic]

I'd rather your father get mad at you for telling than for you to get hurt and let him get away with abusing you.

 

If your Dad is indeed an Abuser then this will make the abuse worse not better.

You will be blamed for his embarrasment..

[Fun2BMe]

Only call the police if you feel threatened for your safety

I definitely don't want to give any advice that would make the situation worse. But as far as him feeling threatened for his safety, HE COULDN'T BREATHE FOR TWO MINUTES!!! A few more seconds and he could've been dead.

[Fun2BMe]

You do need someone that you can confide in and someone you can go to that you can trust if you feel you need help..

Maybe one of your teachers, your mother or a close relative you can trust. I used to think policemen were heroes there to get you out of all your problems but I guess they can only do so much.

[Alexandra]

Chloe89, I'll just echo what many others said to you on different threads. Please look into therapy. See if there isn't any support groups for abused teenagers and from then on try and find a counselor for one-on-one sessions too. Some schools guidance counselor could provide reference on where to get free help.

 

Trust me, you really need to talk to someone about your feelings, it will make you feel better and provide you with clarity.

[BeFree]

I had flash backs reading your post. My father was so angry when I was growing up. He started out just spanking us when we were little and then started slapping our faces and grabbing our necks when we were teenagers. I never did anything to deserve it. I tried to talk to him and express my feelings but it just made things worse. We weren't aloud to express our feelings even if it was done in a calm manner. He was the boss and that was it.

 

To this day at the age of 32, I still have resentment for him and what he did to us. But he is a calmer happier man, who doesn't even raise his voice anymore.

 

I don't think going to the police will help. If you do, be prepared to find a new place to live as he will make your life at home a living hell. Instead, I would recomend going to a counsler so you can at least express your feelings to them and it may help you carry less of a burden as you get older. Good luck. And just try not to go to his level, stay calm and keep away from any potential arguments with him.

[Pink_Tulip]

I am a social worker in CA. If you made a report here, a social worker would go out and interview you and your father, and any other family members/possible witnesses. Social Workers have a lot of discretion about these things, there is no specific guideline about when to pull a child and when not to. Here are some possible scenarios:

 

-SWer believes you, pulls you from the home and puts you in a group home. Most teens don't go to foster homes. If you have siblings, especially young ones, they will be pulled too and put in foster home or group homes. You will have a court date within three days where a judge will decide if you go home and under what circumstances, such as family counseling, parenting classes for your dad, etc., or if you stay in the group home while your dad completes a court ordered case plan.

 

-SWer is convinced by your father that you are an unruly kid who exaggerated about the incident to get him in trouble. SWer files a report and leaves. And as AC said, this could make things worse for you, depending on your dad. Or maybe it will make him realize he has been going too far.

 

School counselors are mandated reporters. If you go to them, they are required by law to report the incident. So if you just want someone to talk to before deciding what to do, keep that in mind. Good luck.

[Grrlish]

Chloe, if your father is doing these things to you now, and the extent of the ABUSE is getting worse, it could continue to get worse until you are seriously injured, or worse.

 

You need to report this abuse to your school counselor or the authorities. You need to contact a teen hotline or a reputable local teen shelter. If you don't know where to find one, you should be able to anonymously contact Social Services (or health and human services, or something like that in your city or county) for some referrals.

 

Sorry to be blunt but you love him more than he loves you, otherwise he wouldn't be doing these things to you.

[flowergirl]

Man, that's ABSOLUTELY abuse, and you need to report this. In addition, the fact that you stated that you're used to your family being aggresive and hitting each other is a serious sign that you need to get out of that house. Go find a shelter or a trustworthy friend. Good luck girl, and I'll keep you in my prayers.

[flowergirl]

Man, that's ABSOLUTELY abuse, and you need to report this. In addition, the fact that you stated that you're used to your family being aggresive and hitting each other is a serious sign that you need to get out of that house. Go find a shelter or a trustworthy friend. Good luck girl, and I'll keep you in my prayers.

[a-j]

i know this is no conselation to you but something similarish happened to me about 2 years ago, it wasnt quite as bad as being choked but just posting really because I can relate to just how you handled the immediate situation - i ran out of the house in just my socks aswell!!!

 

My situation unfolded differently though because my mum wasnt happy with what he did and this along with other things led to them splitting up, which i feel quite guilty for, although i shouldnt because i did nothing wrong!

 

I now get on with my dad really well after the non stop arguments we used to have, everything got better after i stood up to him but i wouldnt reccomend this, its just because i felt more powerful than my dad after growing bigger than him and working out and the next time he sort of threatened to do something to me I stood up to him and said if he did anything to me i'd do it back harder, after this as i said we get on really well, so basically just saying things will get better! look up!

[a-j]

sorry previous post implies im saying do nothing, what your dad did was serious, you need to tell someone, even if it be school counsellor or something they will give you advice on your best options!

[RecordProducer]

Nobody deserves to be hit like that! It's one thing to smack your kid (if you choose to) and another to really hurt him or her physically. It's definitely abuse!!!

 

You should talk to the local social worker, in my opinion. This has to stop. Perhaps then you will be a better son too, although I truly doubnt that you're such a bad kid given all the fear you live in. I am afraid that your self-esteem has gone so low that you don't even realize who you really are and whether you're wrong or right about things.

 

Children who have been exposed to abuse go through very difficult psychological problems. You must try and stop this treatment NOW.

[YellowLioness]

Hon, I would do my best to leave the situation. I know that you are very young, and I know that you may feel at times that you would have no where to go, or maybe that you deserved what happened to you.

 

None of this is true.

 

Is all of your family in this state?

 

If you have normal relatives, would any take you in until you graduated high school?

 

Do you have any friends who would understand your situation and take you in?

 

If I were you, I would talk to a trusted teacher, or counselor at your school. Here is why: If you tell a teacher, you are already in a safe place.

 

If your teacher(s) is/are worth their salt, they already sense a problem.

 

There is a program in place to help kids who need to escape potentially dangerous situations.

 

I know you love your family; but you must be strong now, or you could end up dead.

 

Please, for your safety, when you do turn your dad in for choking you, don't tell him you did it.

 

Make sure the school makes prior arrangements before your father finds out. That way, when he does find out, you will be far away and safe from his wrath.

 

*hugs* Please be strong, and make the right decision. Things will not get better.

[Mary3]

Hon, I would do my best to leave the situation. I know that you are very young, and I know that you may feel at times that you would have no where to go, or maybe that you deserved what happened to you.

 

None of this is true.

 

Is all of your family in this state?

 

If you have normal relatives, would any take you in until you graduated high school?

 

Do you have any friends who would understand your situation and take you in?

 

If I were you, I would talk to a trusted teacher, or counselor at your school. Here is why: If you tell a teacher, you are already in a safe place.

 

If your teacher(s) is/are worth their salt, they already sense a problem.

 

There is a program in place to help kids who need to escape potentially dangerous situations.

 

I know you love your family; but you must be strong now, or you could end up dead.

 

Please, for your safety, when you do turn your dad in for choking you, don't tell him you did it.

 

Make sure the school makes prior arrangements before your father finds out. That way, when he does find out, you will be far away and safe from his wrath.

 

*hugs* Please be strong, and make the right decision. Things will not get better.

 

Absolutely Excellent Advice ! I hope the OP reads this and gets into a safe house.

[Guest]

If the father has any money at all, he will simply go to court and get those SWer records. Next he will go back to court and a judge will order said SWer to give him copies which do not have the names (identities of those who were involved with complaint) blacked-out. He will know the child turned him in.

 

I think the OP needs to understand the gravity of the situation and the legal position he is in. Precarious at best, proceed very cautiously. Most people have to report these conversations (someone to talk to) to child services.

 

Further, foster care is usually worse than the child's homelife. Not saying it would be but it is certainly not a light at the end of any tunnel for this child.

 

Be careful......... do you have any other family who would take you in and not make a big scene about this. I'm sure your father would blow if this became public knowledge....when you are older you will be better able to deal with him then..........?

[slinkysu]

In my opinion this is poor advice..

 

You are telling the person who is being abused to report the abuser knowing that it will make the abuse worse.

 

He already posted that no marks were left.

 

If the abuser is confronted by the police the anger will be taken out on him.

He needs to talk to someone from child services while keeping his identity hidden till he can find out what options he has to remedy the issue..

 

Only call the police if you feel threatened for your safety

 

I'd have to say that grabbing a 16 year old girl by the throat so that she couldn't breath and then throwing her head first into a closet so that she sees stars is a definite threat to her safety.

 

To Chloe - do you have any friends or relatives that you can go and live with for a while? your dad needs help to manage his anger and whilst it is understandable that you love him and don't want him to get into trouble, he clearly has problems that need addressing before he gets worse with you and it is too late.

 

You are at such a crucial stage in your life and education and you need stability - is there anyone you can turn to close to home who can offer you refuge whilst your dad seeks help?

 

Are you a member of a church or youth group? is there a trusted adult or school counsellor who you can talk to about this?

 

It isn't right that he hurt you and it's never right for him to get physically violent with you. Please do try and speak to someone and maybe just get some space between the two of you so that he can work through his feelings. It's never right to hurt a child and it's never right to hit a woman (or anyone for that matter, but a fully grown man against a 16 year old girl is wrong in any language!)

 

I really hope that things work out for you my dear.