temptris33 Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 Ok. Help please. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. There is this girl who is 18. She has known his family since she was little. She hangs out at his shop and works for a few hours. One time I saw my boyfriend and her riding together in his truck. He had went to get his jeep. Which was a special thing. He is building it and just got it painted. I would have loved to have gone, not her. He didn't call me though to ask. ANyways...I communicated to him that I didn't like him hanging out with her like that. He said "she just works for me". Well, if she "just worked for him" then why does he have to spend personal time with her? He knows how I feel about it. Anyways, I went to his shop because I was working near by and needed to borrow a ladder. He wasn't there. His truck was gone and her car was there. His sister said they went to do a clean up thing together. I haven't talked to him all day. I havent seen him for two days because he is so busy and so am i. So, I was kind of pissed..( I didn't let his sister know that). Ok. That was about 1230 this afternoon. I got done working at 3. Still no call back after I left a msg and I'm sure his phone showed "missed calls" from me. I called up to the shop about 4. His mom said he wasn't there ..she was alone. She also said his truck was there. Well, the girls car wasn't there now. They were together. HE obviously came back to the shop and the left together again. He still had lots of opportunities to call me but hadn't at this point. FInally, he called me from his cell. He said "HE" was driving back through town and heading back to shop. He didn't make it sound like he was with anyone else. I asked him what car he was in...he said "well, I am with Drew". She gave me a ride to get a part.......????????? 4 hrs! I didn't get mad at him. I wasn't rude. He asked if he could still come see me tonight. I told him that I wanted to take a rain check and not tonight. I just feel so lousy. So jealous. I've had boyfriends before that have said that their "girl" friend is "just a friend' and come to find out that they are having sex. So, I bring a little insecurity that way. He know how I feel. I've talked to him about it but it seems like he doesn't give a rip about my feelings. Yeah, he said she helped him, but for four hours and he couldn't even pick up the phone to give me ring when he had a couple opportunities to? I was even working a block from his shop and he didn't even swing in. HELP! Am I being completely out of line, or what? I'm going crazy right now. I don't want to yell at him or even let him know that I am feeling this way right now....I don't even want to talk to him. I would love someone to just give me a little advice. My boyfriend is 27, I am 37 and she is 18. Link to post Share on other sites
jessssss Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 i think you have every right to be pissed off, i know i would be. if you keep biting your tongue over and over about things that bother you, even though you ahve already told him once before that they bother you, i'm afraid you're setting yourself up. iknow you don't want to keep "nagging" him about hanging out with one of his employees but i think it's only fair that he hear your side and maybe even put himself in your shoes - that way maybe he can get more of an understanding...i'm sure he wouldn't be too happy if you were him and he were you, ya know? i'd stop the behavior the best i can before it gets too far. good luck! sounds like you really love this man, take it easy on yourself and just be up front with him--sometiems it does take guys more than hearing somethign bothers their gf only a couple of times, ya know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author temptris33 Posted May 26, 2006 Author Share Posted May 26, 2006 Yes. I do love him. That sucks. It makes it hard. I have mentioned that it bugs me to see some chick riding in your truck with you. He says "its just *** (her name) and she "just works" for me. Ok..well picking up the jeep wasn't working. That was the second time. This time was the third. I didn't mention that I was upset about her last night. I was mostly mad at seeing his truck gone and her car parked next to where his truck goes and the fact that I couldn't get a hold of him AT ALL on his cell for four hours. He said he didn't check his cell when he got in the truck..yet this is something he does when he's with me somewhere. He always checks it once he climbs in to see if someone had called. I just don't want to sound like a jealous girlfriend. I don't want to think that I am crossing the line. It still bugs the hell out of me that she was doing a "side job" with him...how come he never calls me to help? But the most awful part was the phone thing. His house phone doesnt ring either...so he claims but yet hasn't replaced. I haven't even talked to him today. He hasn't even called me yet. I did get really pissed on the phone tho. I pretty much screamed at him because I was soooooo sick and tired of all the s***. Oh yeah....this girls pictures and news paper clippings are posted on their corkboard at work...and her posters (for a queen contest) are still up in the windows. It's like a freakn shrine. What's up with that? It's not like clients go into this place...HELP Link to post Share on other sites
Author temptris33 Posted May 26, 2006 Author Share Posted May 26, 2006 Sorry to keep draggin this on but....I forgot to mention that when I told him that I didn't want him to come down and that I just wanted to hang out alone...he got angry. I told him I was going to wash my car and go home and have a quiet night. We hung up. I was sooo fuming from the girl thing that I just couldn't see him. So, I purposly didn't answer my phone and my son told him that I wasn't home. Well, I had 8 missed calls on my cell one of which said "oh it doesn't take this long to wash a car"! (sarcastic) and he even called the house again and got my parents number from my son and called over there looking for me...Hmmmph! Its not ok for me to ask questions of his wearabouts but he can with me....He obviously didn't like the idea that he couldn't get a hold of me. What's up with all this? Link to post Share on other sites
guest Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 He doesn't even realize how upset you are because you never tell him how you really feel. Not talking to a guy when he has tried to call you 8 times is probably going to drive him away with frustration and make him think you are seeing someone else which will make him more likely to cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck234 Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 ARGH!!! Reading your thread made me SOOOO mad!!! I am quite a jealous type of girl with my bf and I can understand COMPLETELY how you feel!! My advice, talk to him..I know right now like you siad, you don't wanna come across as a nag or whatever, but it's the best way to deal with it, cos I know from situations in the past, it just eats you up and because your clamming it up and thinking about it over and over and over, you get that worked up that in the end it usually ends up as the straw that borke the camels back and your just going to go RIGHT off at him, and althought he is most definitley in the wrong, he's just going to get the s***s and probably not even bother trying to work it out... I'd say at this point, like guest said, he doesn't realise how much it's hurting you cos you haven't really said anything to him about it. And I can understand that. When this happens to me, I clam up cos I don't want to seem the jealous, and well, "mummy" boyfriend. Cos whenever I confront my bf about somehting that's bugging me, I can see the look on his face as if to say "Gee, thanks Tess, but I've already got a mum" but by the end of it, he understands... Cos I get myself really worked up too, and I over-analyze things and end up getting physically sick from worrying that it's not helping anyone in the problem. Trust me, TALK TO HIM!! And tell him EXACTLY how you feel, and when you tell him, use lots of "I's" like "I feel as though this girl is replacing me in your life and that hurts" or "I feel like the idiot here, am in intruding in your little relationship with this girl??" Use lots of refferring to yourself and how you feel cos no-one can argue with your feelings. Then if that doesn't work, ask him if he wants to be with you...straight out, tell him your pissed off about it and if it's going to keep going on, maybe this girl's the one for you, not me, cos I don't know if you wanna be with me or not..." Also, don't forget to tell him you love him and the reason it's winding you up is because you car about him, and your not trying to mother him.... I reckon if he's decent enough, he'll understand... All the best! Link to post Share on other sites
Author temptris33 Posted July 7, 2006 Author Share Posted July 7, 2006 lovestruck234 please read my new post put under jealousy titled "Does anyone feel the same way I do...her with my man". It's the lates crap that's going on even after I've talked with him about my "feelings". Tell me what you think by replying under that post. It was just nice to hear from someone that was feeling similiar jealous issues. Link to post Share on other sites
purspeed Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 Only people who have low self-esteem and insecurity get jealous. If you know your self worth, then you have no reason to be jealous because you realize that the world is full of people that can make you happy and loved. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 i think the fact that you are 37 and she is 18 might have to do with some jealousy issues, not just low self esteem. any younger woman that is in your guy's life is going to be a threat. why he spends so much time with her, even though it bugs you, i'm not sure. i'm the jealous type as well (aren't we all!) and i would be very very upset at this point. but you have to remind yourself that you have no proof of him wanting to be with her, she does work for him and it could have been extremely innocent. on the other hand, wise up to anything suspicious like her calling him often on his cell phone or other small things like that. you definately don't want to be giving him the benefit of the doubt if its right in front of you what he's doing. anyway, of course you should talk to him. i read that you already did so i guess i'm going to go check that out and see how it went. Link to post Share on other sites
drkhairbeauty Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 I wouldn't know if she was calling him. I wish I could but I don't. I'd give anything to get him piss ass drunk and then snatch his cell away and check it out. Isn't that awful of me? Please look at my other post. i continued the saga over there....u wont believe what she did last night........ Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 yeah i read it and i believed i commented, i'm just too lazy to sign in now but i was megnog. anyway me and my boyfriend check eachothers cell phones. maybe thats not normal?? haha but we do. and i think you should ask to see his cell phone like to take a picture of yourself (if its a camera phone) and then check it out. maybe thats not right, i don't know. i would do that though. you have to make sure what youre getting into.. anyway i'm going to go back over there and read anything else i haven't read yet. Link to post Share on other sites
purspeed Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 The checking cell phones thing can be cute, but it reflects emotional immaturity. Eventually, either you or he won't give a s*** whose calling you, why and what they do with you. Then you'll be back on the boards like Stoopid_Guy. Just kidding... Link to post Share on other sites
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