crushed2285 Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 oh gosh it is SO hard. i think we are taking things day by day and i suppose things are getting better, but how to get passed the wanting more and more from them? me and my ex (or well not my ex now, but not exactly a committed boyfriend either) We took a "break" back in dec-early feb but i was in such a horrible state after the break up i did the pleading, begging, going crazy, hysterically crying, showing up at his apt (we live in the same complex). I basically didn't leave him alone when the reason we broke up was because I was smothering him (and that I had trust issues). Now that things are better after a two month break (where I have grown ALOT, i am not so needy), I still only know him as my boyfriend who spent almost every day with me. It is very hard to take it slow when I before spent every night in his bed (we are 20, and he said it was like we lived together, and he wasn't ready for that. we had been together a little under a year. were very much in love before we moved into the same apts and then spent NO time apart). How do I just roll with the punches and not expect him to be crazy in love with me right away? We do say "I love you" quite often and sometimes he gets really mushy and tells me how much he loves me. But I know its not that crazy about me, wants to see me as much as he can type of "in love." I know these things take time but it's hard (for me) not to want to jump back in the relationship right away. I know he is making sure that this time around I give him his space, I am doing pretty well at that I believe. Sorry if this is all jumbled, I am trying to type before my computer battery dies lol. I guess the basic question is "getting back together, or should i say STAYING together and building a new relationship is hard. any advice on how to keep it together and work this out right?" Even if things end up not panning out for us, I want to make sure this time around that I am not at fault. Link to post Share on other sites
mr.gerbick Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 I am right in the same boat with you. Sometimes I get so eager, but she wants to take it slow. I have been doing pretty good at it too. We still say I love you all the time, and we are starting to see eachother more and more. I have been able to slow it down because of the fact that I know how she feels and there is a good chance that we may get back together, that is what is helping me cope. It is more out of respect for her, respect what she asking for, because if it don't end up working you can't be at fault, because you did everything required from you. That is about the only advice I can give, bc like I said, I am currently in the same boat. Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 Dear Crushed, Ever hear the saying, " Once burned, twice shy?" He knows you have a tendency to smother when you're in a romantic relationship -he has already experienced that with you- and he's not willing to put up with it in a long-term relationship. He already knows you're capable of coming on strong with all the 'ties that bind' , and the poor guy is just not ready to give his life over to a full commitment at age twenty. And I don't blame him. Whether or not you were a person prone to the 'smothering/clinging' behavior, I'd also have reservations about a long-term relationship at that age. There would be just too much life ahead of me to consider. I'd be smarter to just cool it on the heavy relationships. Even if the guy was 30-something, he'd probably still be eyeing your underlying ready-to-pounce clingy behavior with plenty of suspicion. 'Neediness' = a rattlesnake bite to relationships. If the relationship doesn't die from it, it's still probably going to suffer serious illness, injury, or loss. I wish I had better news for you, -but coming to terms with your susceptibility to being clingy and needy would be a great place to start making changes...and I think it takes more time than you have given it, as well as taking your current focus off a relationship that's, obviously, already suffered a degree of damage because of it. You keep pushing for the relationship to reignite, and that will only magnify the clinginess, from his viewpoint. *Once you've proven yourself to be clingy and needy, disproving it is an almighty mountain to tackle.* Not an attempt to disregard the emphasis or emotional impact of this one, very important relationship of yours, -but, if it doesn't work out, keep working on *yourself* to iron out some of the problems you already know you have. Doing that should smooth out the road ahead for your next serious relationship. I wish you *true* happiness, and hope I've given you a couple of good places to start, in finding it in the future. (Smile) -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
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