Lynn Posted October 26, 2001 Share Posted October 26, 2001 I have been dating my boyfriend "P" for 7 months now. We just moved in together almost 2 months ago. We have spent almost every moment together, except when working, since we met. We hang out with each others family and friends and spend a lot of time alone. We get along so well. He is my best friend. I have been in a few long term relationships and thought I was really, truly in love. I was married to one man for 3 years and with him for a total of 7. The point is that this man I've only known for 7 months is the most amazing person I have ever met. I have never clicked so well, been so happy, felt I made someone else so happy ever in my life. I feel as though things could not possibly be better 95% of the time, however lately, we have been argueing a little. It starts off really small, someone will say something in the wrong tone or just something that rubbed the other person the wrong way or made them feel bad, and it turns into a huge ordeal. This happened the other night. I interrupted him because we were in a hurry and I was trying to remind him of that(he has a self admitted problem with bumping around when trying to get stuff done). He took it like I didn't care about what he was saying, like his thoughts were unimportant to me. I assured him immediately that I was still very interested in what he had to say and that I was just trying to get him to stop bumping and talk to me at the same time. He said he was just being sensitive and if I didn't think it was a big deal he didn't either. I didn't. About 1/2 hour later he was upset, sad, and I asked why. He said it was because he was hurt and I didn't care. He said, "if you were sad or hurting I wouldn't ignore your feelings and walk away." I understand what he is saying but I thought he was fine. He said he was fine! Arrrg! Help! Link to post Share on other sites
Munky Posted October 26, 2001 Share Posted October 26, 2001 I have been dating my boyfriend "P" for 7 months now. We just moved in together almost 2 months ago. We have spent almost every moment together, except when working, since we met. We hang out with each others family and friends and spend a lot of time alone. We get along so well. He is my best friend. I have been in a few long term relationships and thought I was really, truly in love. I was married to one man for 3 years and with him for a total of 7. The point is that this man I've only known for 7 months is the most amazing person I have ever met. I have never clicked so well, been so happy, felt I made someone else so happy ever in my life. I feel as though things could not possibly be better 95% of the time, however lately, we have been argueing a little. It starts off really small, someone will say something in the wrong tone or just something that rubbed the other person the wrong way or made them feel bad, and it turns into a huge ordeal. This happened the other night. I interrupted him because we were in a hurry and I was trying to remind him of that(he has a self admitted problem with bumping around when trying to get stuff done). He took it like I didn't care about what he was saying, like his thoughts were unimportant to me. I assured him immediately that I was still very interested in what he had to say and that I was just trying to get him to stop bumping and talk to me at the same time. He said he was just being sensitive and if I didn't think it was a big deal he didn't either. I didn't. About 1/2 hour later he was upset, sad, and I asked why. He said it was because he was hurt and I didn't care. He said, "if you were sad or hurting I wouldn't ignore your feelings and walk away." I understand what he is saying but I thought he was fine. He said he was fine! Arrrg! Help! Hrmm well if it were me ( Keeping in mind, im a straight male, so I might not be a very accurate source ), but like if the shoe was on the other foot and my g/f was upset and told me she wasn't. I'd definately sit down with her, and just talk. I find even though talk is cheap alot of the time, if done propperly it can REALLY make someone feel better Link to post Share on other sites
Ed Posted October 26, 2001 Share Posted October 26, 2001 Well, looks like the honeymoon is over. Now you two can get down to the nuts and bolts of whether this relationship has any sustainable substance to it. Now you will find out if each of you, together, have what it takes to make it as a couple. Don't expect to see eye to eye on everything. Don't expect each of you to handle conflicts and disagreements in the same way. Do expect to be able to work out a compromise to each others satisfaction in a mature way and abide by it. This is most important! From what you posted, he seems to be acting kind of wimpish. You did not give many details so it's hard to say why. Just tell him you want him to be up-front about things. If he is such a sensitive person, then he knows how he feels. He just needs to express those feelings to you in an appropriate way. People pout for a variety of reasons. Among them are...they want attention, they are mad because they are not getting their way or they are struggling with a feeling and don't know how to express it. This type of behavior could be an indication of immaturity in dealing with one's own emotions. It doesn't necessarily mean he is an immature person altogether, but he may be having trouble in this area right now. I can understand your frustration and at this time in your (and his) life you may not want to deal with someone who acts like this. This may be just a little glitch in an otherwise good thing that can be easily overcome by talking about it, but it could also be an indication of more serious issues. Either way, it needs to be addressed soon so you can find out where each other stands. Link to post Share on other sites
Carrie Posted October 26, 2001 Share Posted October 26, 2001 You are so lucky to have found such a nice guy. I'm jealous. Anyway, I think this is all part of the getting to know you process. You two do spend a lot of time together, so you may expect a little more from each other. He's just sounds like a sensitive soul and over time you'll either learn how to deal with his sensitivity, or you'll find that his sensitivity will just plain annoy you. It all depends. Just wait and see what happens. In the meantime, just talk to him. Listen to what he has to say and then once you've listened, explain how you're feeling. He seems like someone who's willing to listen. He obviously really cares about you. Be happy and enjoy the stuff that you love about him. Remember in any relationship, there's always something about the other person that's going to annoy you. That's why they say relationships & marriages are hard work filled with compromises and understanding. No relationship is 100%. It would probably be boring if it was. Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Posted October 27, 2001 Board of Directors Share Posted October 27, 2001 Munky, Hrmm well if it were me ( Keeping in mind, im a straight male, so I might not be a very accurate source ) I'm curious to know... what is it about you being a straight male that makes you a poor source of insight? Paul Link to post Share on other sites
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