opinions please

[SWM]

I'm curious of peoples opinion on the following matter, which I will attempt to present in a brief manner:

 

About 12 months ago, I (32yr) was dumped by a girl (28yr) due to reasons only known to her. I thought we would eventually get married (and bought a ring). The only reason she gave was, she was unsure about us, and whether I was the one for her. It was her first serious relationship. She chose to end us and I chose to respect her decisions and live by it, though I was not happy and let her know, she knew I loved her. I also said not to hesitate contacting me in the event she wished to do so. It would be fair to say that I did not chase her after the breakup in anyway (though in hindsight, I realise that she would never call me to get back together, as she expects guys to ask her out only).

 

I've been single for about 12 months. It probably took me about 6 months to get over the bad stage.

 

During the past 6 months I traveled alot and generally had a good time going out and meeting people, etc. I've met some great ladies overseas and interstate, though have not met anyone meaningful in my home city.

 

Since the breakup I've only seen my ex a couple times, the last being about 6 months ago, where she happened to pass by a cafe where I was with a few friends, and we said an uncomfortable hello to each other. A couple days later I chose to email her and simply say it would be nice if we could at least remains friends and be able to chat as such, and it took another couple days for her to reply with her agreement to my suggestion. Since then, I have not seen her anywhere, I don't think shes goes out, I don't think she sees much of her friends anymore, and I have no idea whats going on in her life.

 

I do NOT expect and I'm NOT waiting to get back together with my ex. Though, I must admit she still enters my mind, and I do think shes a great girl, though I'm very ready to meet another and I'm generally having a good time until that happens.

 

NOW FOR THE QUESTIONS-

 

Some people have made some comments of late to me. These people agree that shes a great girl and say that she would not contact me (regardless of what she may think about me) because shes the type who expects guys to ask her out. They find her life in the last 12 months as sad.

 

Why did you give up on her so easy?

 

Why don't you say happy birthday to her (which is soon)?

 

Why don't you give her a call just to say hi and see how shes doing, etc?

 

What do you good peoples think.

 

Thanks in advance for your opinions.

 

HEY, and in your responses don't forget to take into consideration that, I did say I'm not waiting or expecting to get back together with her. Though, it would be nice to have a chat or similar.

[nancie]

I'm curious of peoples opinion on the following matter, which I will attempt to present in a brief manner: About 12 months ago, I (32yr) was dumped by a girl (28yr) due to reasons only known to her. I thought we would eventually get married (and bought a ring). The only reason she gave was, she was unsure about us, and whether I was the one for her. It was her first serious relationship. She chose to end us and I chose to respect her decisions and live by it, though I was not happy and let her know, she knew I loved her. I also said not to hesitate contacting me in the event she wished to do so. It would be fair to say that I did not chase her after the breakup in anyway (though in hindsight, I realise that she would never call me to get back together, as she expects guys to ask her out only). I've been single for about 12 months. It probably took me about 6 months to get over the bad stage. During the past 6 months I traveled alot and generally had a good time going out and meeting people, etc. I've met some great ladies overseas and interstate, though have not met anyone meaningful in my home city. Since the breakup I've only seen my ex a couple times, the last being about 6 months ago, where she happened to pass by a cafe where I was with a few friends, and we said an uncomfortable hello to each other. A couple days later I chose to email her and simply say it would be nice if we could at least remains friends and be able to chat as such, and it took another couple days for her to reply with her agreement to my suggestion. Since then, I have not seen her anywhere, I don't think shes goes out, I don't think she sees much of her friends anymore, and I have no idea whats going on in her life. I do NOT expect and I'm NOT waiting to get back together with my ex. Though, I must admit she still enters my mind, and I do think shes a great girl, though I'm very ready to meet another and I'm generally having a good time until that happens. NOW FOR THE QUESTIONS- Some people have made some comments of late to me. These people agree that shes a great girl and say that she would not contact me (regardless of what she may think about me) because shes the type who expects guys to ask her out. They find her life in the last 12 months as sad. Why did you give up on her so easy? Why don't you say happy birthday to her (which is soon)? Why don't you give her a call just to say hi and see how shes doing, etc? What do you good peoples think. Thanks in advance for your opinions. HEY, and in your responses don't forget to take into consideration that, I did say I'm not waiting or expecting to get back together with her. Though, it would be nice to have a chat or similar.

you seem like a nice person. don't waste your time on her. obviously she does not recognize what type of person you are. you will find the perfect person that will love you as much as you can love. take care and good luck!

[midori]

So, she broke up with you because she had doubts that she was unable to elaborate on. You, understandably, were very hurt and it took you a while to recover. In the year since the break-up she has been distant and has not really been giving off any signs that she's having second thoughts.

 

This woman clearly has the ability to make her own decisions -- she broke up with you after all, didn't she? If she wanted to get back together with you, she could certainly get in touch with you. But she hasn't, has she? Your mutual friends would probably do best to keep out of this, whether they spoke because she's been feeding them stuff to convey to you, or they just took it upon themselves to tell you what they think. She took drastic action a year ago and if she wants to undo what she's done, she needs to take drastic action again. No intermediaries. No hinting so that you'll get the message and take the initiative because she thinks that's what guys are supposed to do. She ought to know that, even if typically guys do make the first move, she will definitely have to be the one to do so this time. In this situation hiding behind a social convention like that is passive and weak, and in so doing she's avoiding taking full responsibility for her actions. She doesn't want to feel foolish or risk rejection, so you're supposed to? After what she put you through? I wouldn't go along with that.

 

She sounds like someone who still has some growing up to do. If she does come around eventually, I'd advise you to take her with a whole shaker full of salt. If she can't provide a meaningful explanation for what had prompted her to break up with you then I'd bet that she's still so clueless about what she wants and needs that getting back together with her would only bring you more hurt and frustration.

 

I hear you saying that you don't expect to get back together with her. But clearly you're open to the idea, otherwise this wouldn't be a question.

 

Don't call her. If she wants you back, make her do the work.

[SWM]

I agree with you Midori.

[Tony T]

It's simply not fair to you to keep her in your mind. She broke up with you and I'm sure she had her reasons. It's not your job to wait around for the outside possiblity the two of you could get back together...and my BS alarm goes off big time when you write that's not what you want.

 

Get your mind off of her totally. I don't even think you should be friends now. You are definitely not over her. Move on. You will not find a lady for yourself until you get over this woman and take your life forward. That won't happen if you are trying to be her friend, thinking about her, or whatever.

 

Put her in your hard drive, press the delete button, empty the recycle bin and get on with your life.

[viktress]

Please make some contact. It is possible she is undergoing some strange and painful catharsis (since you mentioned she isolates herself) and she needs a friend. You seem like a straight bloke. But maybe she's a twisty girl? Put your ego away for a day and make contact with this fallen angel. But, what do I know. If you read my message, you will learn I'm slightly maladjusted. You obviously are curious. Don't be afraid. You seem like a good man.