Feeling guitly, but should I?

[WhyYouWanna]

Just a bit of background on my situation, I'm 18 years old, as is my "girlfriend", we've been together for two and a half years to the date today, and we genuinely thought we'd be together forever. We've always planned kids, houses, cars etc, dispite being "so young". However, to cut a long story short, at the end of last year is when all the problems started. I started spending time messing about with my car (it's a classic and I've been restoring it), starting my business up and generally trying to improve life for the both of us, and not being the attentive pupitier (sp?) like we both were in our relationship. I was always there for here but we just didn't spend as much time together.

 

Well come March we began arguing a lot, blah blah blah and we ended up splitting up. I came back trying to sort things out, but she didn't seem to want to know. Whether it was because she was generally annoyed, or because she enjoyed the attention, I don't know, but she didn't. I stayed persistant for the last few months, and when I thought we were close to sorting things out, we went and things'd get worse. I tried begging, pleading, asking her to go on holiday, phoning her... you named it I tried it. I wanted her back that badly.

 

Well 2 weeks ago was the final staw, I cut off all contact, stopped calling her, ignored her calling me, didn't reply to text messages, everything. I'm not a bad looking lad, I get attention off girls no problem (not being big headed) and that weekend, while out with people I work with, a good looking girl who I work with came on to me, I responded and kissed her back. This girl has liked me for ages, but has always known about my ex and I didn't feel guilty because I'd tried everything to sort things out with my girlfriend, and thought blow it, why not? Well after 3 days of trying to contact me, the day after I kissed the other girl, she called my house phone and spoke to my mom who lied for me saying I wasn't in. She asked my mom to call me because it was "urgent". I thought to my self, ok if it is urgent I should probably answer. I spoke to her and it wasn't urgent, rather her wanting to know what was going on and if I'd been with another girl or anything. I just said no.

 

I saw with the other girl other the weekend, and we constantly text one another. I felt good, I felt as though I'd gotten over my ex and that I could move on. Even if nothing came of it with this girl, I'd proved I could move on. My ex kept texting and calling, and asking to meet up and I just passed it off as though I was busy. I just genuinely didn't want to be around her, I felt in control. After a week of having nothing to do with her I met up with my ex, and we talked, kissed etc and she told me she loved me and wanted to sort things out. I just played it cool and let her do the talking. The next weekend, I didn't see the other girl until the Sunday, I was supposed to have met my ex but she called later than she said she would and I told her I'd made other plans, which annoyed her, but I thought blow her, she's done this enought times to me. I saw the other girl and we kissed, talked etc and almost (as bad as I feel) had sex at the end of the night. We didn't, thank God, because that would have screwed my head up even more.

 

Next day, I met up with my ex, and we've agreed to try us again. What's astonishing is that my now girlfriend has told me she wants to get engaged at the end of the year and that she wants to make a proper go at us because she's realised what she's missing. The engagement doesn't bother me, I know I want to be with her forever, but it's just shocking that she feels like this after everything. She's asked me if I've been with anyone else and I've just said no. I know if I said yes it'd break her heart, as it would if she has, but she's sworn to me she hasn't, and I know she's not lieing.

 

I'm scared that she'll find out, and what's worse is that I've lied. Ny girlfriend doesn't like the girl I kissed because she's known she's liked me ages. Although my gf doesn't know anyone who I work with, so there's not real way of her finding out, I just know it'll get back to her, and it'll most likely happen when we're at the happiest time.

 

Although all this happened when I wasn't with my girlfriend, she finished with me and I tried everything to get her back, I still feel guilty because I've lied to her. If this girl hadn't come on to me I wouldn't have her, but I felt better she had, that's why we carried on. It's screwing my head up, what should I do?

 

Thanks

[Guest]

The key to a great and successful relationship is communication and honesty. I think you need to tell your girlfriend about the kissing incident while the two of you were on a break. She might be upset that you didn't tell her at first but how can she be mad that you were honest and told the truth before she heard it from someone else? It takes a big person to stand up and admit something you're not proud of or something you've lied about. So, I commend your thoughts to even try doing so. Wipe the slate clean and start a fresh relationship. If you want to spend the rest of your life with her, you need to establish a lot of trust between one another. This is a perfect opportunity to get the ball rolling in the right direction.

[atreyu3]

I dont know what the big deal is about you kissing another girl....you werent dating at the time so who cares if you kissed her your allowed to. My g/f of 3 years broke up with me 5 months ago, im 19 right now.....We started the arguing and fighting a few months into college and she broke up with me cuz it was getting out of hand, I thought I wanted a breakup, but when she broke up with me I was a mess, still am, I just recently started NC after 5 months of pleading and begging, wish I came to this site before and knew that it was pushing her away rather than bringing her closer.

 

I am assuming you both will be attending college in the following year if you can't make it now, you have no chance going to college.

 

If you want to make it work sit down discuss wuts wrong in your relationship. Listen to what she has to say. Do it every so often because it will be good for awhile and then go right back to where you were.

Good luck with everything.

Jon

 

And you can pull my wings apart

And pin me down under glass

Until the end of days if it can help you

Discover that we share the same pain

I just hope you write your thesis

Before your subject is dead

[KittenMoon]

You weren't dating the girl at the time, so it's ok you were with the other girl. BUT if you really want to marry your gf, you should fess up. You LIED. Someday she might find out, and not from you, and imagine what that will do?

 

Don't start an entire life out on a lie.

[WhyYouWanna]

First off, thanks for the replies

 

The reason I feel guilty is because we always considered each other to be our first in everything. Love, sex, life, everything. I feel as though I've broken that, because now we're trying again.

 

Telling her who the "other" girl is would also be a problem, because my girlfriend has always been jelous because she knows the "other" girl likes me. There's nothing ever gone on while we were together, I've never cheated on her, and neither has she, but if I told her, and told her who it was with she'd probably flip and never trust me again, especially as I work with her every week, which would make the whole going to work a problem, and my gf is quite insecure

 

I think I'm going to have to play this by ear, I don't want to hurt my girlfriend, I love her to bits.

 

Thanks

[norajane]

What you should be feeling guilty about is how you played the 'other girl' when you weren't really interested in her. Have you just dropped the other girl now? How does she feel about you going back to your girlfriend? Does she know you just used her to get over your girlfriend?

[WhyYouWanna]

Nah she's known the situation all along, in fact she's been telling me for ages before all this began between us to sort things out. She's not bothered either, she's more of a "party girl" and has said she doesn't want anything serious full stop and I told her I agreed with her. She and I aren't really an issue, as bad as that sounds because there's nothing there to be an issue over... I guess she sorta showed me I didn't need to be hung up all the time, which helped a lot I guess

[milokins]

You said "but if I told her, and told her who it was with she'd probably flip and never trust me again"

 

I think that if you don't tell her and she finds out on her own, the consequences would be even worse. If your ex loves you as much as it seems like she does, she'll get over it. Be honest...