freespirit Posted May 26, 2006 Share Posted May 26, 2006 Hi all, just wondering if anyone can shed some light on a situation I've landed myself in. Here goes. I'm 26 years old and just gotten over my ex-bf. Met him when I was 17, broke up at 23, and took 3 years to just get over it all. I am finally okay with the idea of meeting new ppl. But after the last relationship, I really just want to meet ppl who are fun to hang out with. I decided to try meeting ppl online and did eventually meet a guy. It was very clear from the beginning that both of us were just looking for some fun. He's lonely, having uprooted himself from Europe, and I know he actually does have a girlfriend who is not in the country right now. So... he's lonely, I want to have some fun, we're both physically attracted to each other... I would say definitely friends with benefits or f*** buddies, right? Before we met, we both confirmed with each other that it was just about sex. He also knows I'm meeting other men and that I'm not about to get serious with anyone right now. It's all good when we meet up, but it's the times we're not together that really get to me. When he sees me online, he sends me messages saying that he is depressed with life and that he is unhappy with who he is and that nobody likes him. At first I tried to comfort him, but he seems determined to be depressed. Or perhaps he's just needy and insecure??? The other thing is, he knows I'm meeting other men but doesn't want me to, and says things like, if you find someone else, I don't think you will make time for me anymore. I simply told him that I don't know what would happen if I met someone new. Another thing that bothers me is that he is always upset with me. He says I never contact him first and that I don't reply to his messages. Let me clarify the situation. He usually contacts me, but it's not fair of him to say I never contact him. I've propositioned him for sex when I've felt like it. I see him as a f*** buddy and nothing more, so it's a fair deal. If he wants to fool around, he's free to ask me, and likewise if I want it. Regarding not replying to his messages, I am just fed up with his constant messages about him being a loser and how nobody likes him and stuff. It is such a turn off! I want him to be someone fun to hang out with, not someone who is depressing. And honestly, I don't see why he should be upset with me all the time. Oh, one more piece of info. I'm 26... He's 30... I just thought men would be more mature at that age. Why is it that he is so whiny, needy and clingy??? Anybody there who understands what's going on here? Can any men in here relate to this man? Any women who can relate to me? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Solachica Posted May 27, 2006 Share Posted May 27, 2006 So why are you still in touch with him if he's clingy etc and you don't like it?? You two became friends and you want to help him? You think he cud be suffering from Dysthymic Disorder or some type of Depression? Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 It might be easy for a guy to say : " Hey, sex great with no strings ? Alright sounds good..." Then he gets territorial and wants you to be intimate with him and only HIM. He has some sort of depression for whatever reason and is not feeling so strong and secure. He is confused. You can end this you know. Stop talking and stop sexxing him., Let him find his own way out of this. Or you can hang around and help him out. Your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freespirit Posted May 28, 2006 Author Share Posted May 28, 2006 Thanks Solachica and Mary3, I'm gonna take your advice and stop talking. If he calls, I'll let him know he's got to sort out his issues. He could be depressed, but that's something he's got to deal with and not something I can help him with. Already moved on and meeting other ppl. Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
Solachica Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 You are welcome. That was pretty easy for you to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freespirit Posted May 28, 2006 Author Share Posted May 28, 2006 LOL. Learning from experience. With my first boyfriend, I was so emotionally dependent on him and my happiness depended on him. Now I know I'm alright and that I don't need to depend on anyone to be happy. So I met a guy who's not right. Never mind. I had fun with him while it lasted, and as they say, there are plenty of fish in the sea. No more moping around! Haha! Link to post Share on other sites
Solachica Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 Thts great. Effective way to look at things. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted May 29, 2006 Share Posted May 29, 2006 LOL. Learning from experience. With my first boyfriend, I was so emotionally dependent on him and my happiness depended on him. Now I know I'm alright and that I don't need to depend on anyone to be happy. So I met a guy who's not right. Never mind. I had fun with him while it lasted, and as they say, there are plenty of fish in the sea. No more moping around! Haha! Good Going ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author freespirit Posted May 29, 2006 Author Share Posted May 29, 2006 It's taken me three years to learn that moping around gets you nowhere. I'm so much more positive now than I was before and I realize I don't need to be around ppl who breed negativity. Thanks for all the advice! Link to post Share on other sites
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