What do I do?

[Prettyinblack]

I feel sooooo messed up tonight. My ex and started talking aout reconciliation after breaking up at Christmas. We had been together for 4 years and he ended the relationship after a whole lot of fighting. I was devasted but thought it was "just a break." Well, it turns out that he was playing the "field" during that time which absolutely devasted me. Then after a major confrontation at Christmas, we didn't speak until about March.

We started talking about what went wrong in the relationship, maye we should try counseling and that we would try again. I wanted him to have a test for STD's and that until that time, I was focusing on friendship.....and I was OK with that.

So, to bring you guys up to date, I am sooooo ANGRY at him for seeing another woman during that time, but don't want to be constantly bringing it up. I am trying to look beyond it, but it is killing me inside. I love him but I am so hurt.

So I wasn't making plans with him on week-ends because I don't want to fall into the same pattern because I don't want to sleep with him. So now, we just talk on the phone and it is driving me crazy. I just got back from a conference and he had called my home # while I was away and I thought that when I called him back, he would make suggestions for the week-end. HE DIDN'T. He has a guy coming over tonight and a guy coming in from out of town. So he keeps talking, asking me what I am doing this week-end and I tell him I am going to a party tomorrow night (which is a lie) and he changes the subject and starts talking about something we were talking about previously.

THen he says, "oh, Micheal is here, I should go.," I say "Ok", and he says "Ok, talk to you later....Bye." "Bye".

Oh, my god!!!!!!!!!! What the heck is up with that????

Help! Suggestions most welcome.

[mr.gerbick]

I am in the same boat with you, My relationship ended the same way, my ex did the same thing with someone else. Now we are talking about reconcilation. I am dying inside too. But she is telling me she needs space and time, and I feel like all I need is her. It's all screwed up. I feel love and the hate.

 

Sorry I couldn't offer any advice, but I just want to let you know you're not alone, people just suck.

[destination_unknown]

It is hard to think of the person you love having been with somebody else.

 

He came back to you, so now you have a choice. You can either look at him having been with somebody else and realise it might not have meant that much to him and he came back to YOU and let it go.

 

Or, you can stay with him and let it fester and bother you. In which case the relationship may deteriorate into something which is not healthy for either of you.

 

Or, you can let him go, even though you still love him, because you know you cannot get over him being with somebody else right now.

 

You have to give your heart or depart.

[Prettyinblack]

I think that I have been waiting for him to drop to his knees and beg my forgiveness..............(LOL). He said he hasn't cheated on me because we were split up but in my heart, I feel he cheated.

I think the hardest part is that we have sort of drifted into the "friends" mode. I feel too insecure to talk about it all and he is kind of waiting for me to make the moves. He is making his plans and I am making mine and nobody is giving a whole lot.

Do I still love him? With all my heart but I am so afraid. And am so angry at the whole situation. I have no idea how we got 'here' after being so in love and so complete. It scares me that things can change when you feel that you have met "the one".

Communication is an issue because we are playing it safe.

[Diver012]

For me, the EX thing just doesnt fly. The reasons you two broke up in the first place, are still there. If you take him back, but are still angry at him for leaving, then theres another obsticle in teh relationship that will cause even more problems... My advice is to tell him to get lost.

 

I recently lost someone under similar circumstances... I thought she was the one. My defenses were down... Her defenses were down. It was there.. or so I thought. I got dumped without warning or reason.. just feelings have changed. Now shes out with another guy, and he can have her. I dont need anyone in my life that shallow. Neither do you

[Prettyinblack]

It would be nice it were that simple, unfortunately,it isn't. I have known him for 22 years, 4 1/2 years of that, we were together. We have all the same friends, I do all my business in his store where he manages, and I still love him. No, I can't go to a competitor because the closest is 50 miles away. All of that being said, the thing I am trying to wade through is the confusion of it all. Is he waiting for me? Have I set this up by playing 'catch me if you can'? Often, we project onto others what we have experienced ourselves, and I think that I do that with the pain I have when others ask my advice.

If it were so simple, then I wouldn't be on this site. It would simply be a done deal. Thanks though.

[destination_unknown]

I dont think The "Catch me if you can" thing is ever productive in a close personal relationship, don't you feel like it just really confuses everything?

 

OK, if you are totally honest and put your heart on the line, there is the potential you will get very hurt. But at least you will know! I think if you are honest with him, tell him what your heart really and truly wants from the relationship then you will know that you were honest and you did everything you could, even if it doesnt pan out the way you would like it to. At the same token, it could work out exactly as you would like it to, and then you are at a much better starting point because you have been honest.