What are your thoughts on this?

[theantibarbie23]

This post is not meant as an attack on anyone, so if I hurt anyone’s feelings with what I’ve posted here I apologize. I am just interested in other people’s views on marriage and divorce in our western civilization.

 

Back in my grandparents’ day, marriage vows seem to have been taken pretty seriously. Now marriage is on it’s way to becoming a joke. A marriage is considered a success and gets kudos if it outlasts a gallon of milk. It seems like some people will leave their mate on the drop of a dime. No longer get goosebumps when your husband walks in the door? Dump him. Your wife gained ten pounds? Leave her. Some people don’t just drop their old spouse but their entire family and act as though their own flesh and blood never existed…. How did people come to be so disposable?

 

Is it that we as a society, have become so obsessed with self-gratification that we are becoming less and less concerned with who we step on in order to achieve our desires? Is it because people are finding it easier to leave then to work out their difficulties? Have we as a whole, begun to believe that true love shouldn’t take any effort in the first place?

 

I’m NOT suggesting that people should stay in a truly miserable marriage but with the sheer number of divorces in this era you really have to question how many people are putting serious effort into keeping their marriages healthy and how many just lie back and let things unravel. It really scares me.

 

Out of all the weddings I have been to in my lifetime, not a single one of those marriages have survived. If things are that bleak now, I dread to imagine how it will be when my newborn is of age.

 

I’m left to wonder if the marriage ritual itself is, in fact, going the way of the horse and buggy. It seems like it’s becoming more about the piece of paper from the government than the promises made. I’ve been with a man for a number of years, we live together and have children together but I doubt I’d marry him, ever. Not because I don’t love him but because it almost feels like I would be jinxing my relationship if I did. Anyone else feel this way?

[Curmudgeon]

Anyone else feel this way?

 

My first marriage lasted 25 years, and shouldn't have. However, it was those very vows you mentioned that kept me in place that long. My current and last wife and I have been married almost 10 years and short of infidelity, I can't imagine anything that would rock our marriage to the point of dissolution and that simply won't happen. We were friends for five years before going out so our marriage is built on a very solid foundation.

 

I agree that marriage has taken some bad hits in the last several decades and vows don't seem to matter much to all too many. However, there are still a bunch of us oldsters around to, hopefully, keep the concept around.

 

Before we married my wife and I met with my priest for a discussion. Before we left he told us that we were already married in God's eyes because we had a marriage of conscience.

 

We don't care and aren't influenced by what society thinks because we know that we're forever.

[Woggle]

The change in attitudes back in the 60s and 70s were good for the most part but now the pendulumn is swinging too far in the other direction. It is an example of the self centered and superficial society we live in and it is sad. It's funny how people get so up in arms about gay marriage but then treat marriage as a joke. Are people perhaps scared that gays will treat marriage better than heterosexuals. I think one day our culture will get sick of this emptiness and snap back to some sense.

[Outcast]

Is it that we as a society, have become so obsessed with self-gratification that we are becoming less and less concerned with who we step on in order to achieve our desires?

 

In a word: yes. Not only that, but the idea that people should strive to be loyal, noble, decent, honest - all the traditional 'virtues' - has fallen by the wayside as quaint and outdated. It's not 'cool' to strive to be the best human you can be. Much better to make life all about pleasing yourself.

[Pyro]

This post is not meant as an attack on anyone, so if I hurt anyone’s feelings with what I’ve posted here I apologize. I am just interested in other people’s views on marriage and divorce in our western civilization.

 

Back in my grandparents’ day, marriage vows seem to have been taken pretty seriously. Now marriage is on it’s way to becoming a joke. A marriage is considered a success and gets kudos if it outlasts a gallon of milk. It seems like some people will leave their mate on the drop of a dime. No longer get goosebumps when your husband walks in the door? Dump him. Your wife gained ten pounds? Leave her. Some people don’t just drop their old spouse but their entire family and act as though their own flesh and blood never existed…. How did people come to be so disposable?

 

Is it that we as a society, have become so obsessed with self-gratification that we are becoming less and less concerned with who we step on in order to achieve our desires? Is it because people are finding it easier to leave then to work out their difficulties? Have we as a whole, begun to believe that true love shouldn’t take any effort in the first place?

 

I’m NOT suggesting that people should stay in a truly miserable marriage but with the sheer number of divorces in this era you really have to question how many people are putting serious effort into keeping their marriages healthy and how many just lie back and let things unravel. It really scares me.

 

Out of all the weddings I have been to in my lifetime, not a single one of those marriages have survived. If things are that bleak now, I dread to imagine how it will be when my newborn is of age.

 

I’m left to wonder if the marriage ritual itself is, in fact, going the way of the horse and buggy. It seems like it’s becoming more about the piece of paper from the government than the promises made. I’ve been with a man for a number of years, we live together and have children together but I doubt I’d marry him, ever. Not because I don’t love him but because it almost feels like I would be jinxing my relationship if I did. Anyone else feel this way?

 

Yes, overall society has worsen and its not going to get any better. People have become obsessed with greed. Its a sad reality. As a result, people do seem to take marriage less serious now a days. I for one am not in any rush to get married but I will someday when I know for sure that the girl will be right for me and when I am ready.

[Guest]

I'll chip in here...

 

Mine has lasted 12 years (anniversary next month) but it won't last any more. She has consulted an atty, I have retained an atty, and I am going to file in a week or so.

 

We both realize we probably should not have married. We went to counseling (both solo and joint) and the counselor said told both of us that.

 

For us, it was something I addressed after Christmas--I told my wife that it could go either way. She was deeply hurt, and at that time, felt that she had done nothing to justify that. But as time has passed, she has realized the damage that we did to each other over the past 12 years. It's not to say that the marriage is not salvageable, but in our situation too much damage has been done by both of us (she called my mom a whore, for example...I can't forgive for that)

 

We do have a daughter, and she is the reason we have stayed together as long as we have. It will hurt me (and her) but it has got to the point where I would see and get to do more with her divorced, than I do married. Sounds unlikely, but true.

 

I never thought of my marriage being disposable. My folks have been married for 40 years; my wife's folks each have one divorce. There are times I feel like a failure, but at the same time, I feel like it will renew me.

[InLovebutConfused]

My H and I have been married for 8yrs (will be 9 in July). We are currently fighting to save our marriage.

 

Here is my side of our problem:

 

He constantly brings up how his ex cheated on him (Which I take that he doesn't trust me either). He goes out a minimum of 4 days a week and plays his frisbee golf. We both work full-time and when I get off work I go pick up our kids and cook them supper do the dishes, clean the house, do the laundry. He gets off work he either goes to play his frisbee golf or work on his motorcycles. I feel he needs to stay home more with the family(The kids are lucky if they see him 1 night a week, They seem him for about 15-20 mins in the morning). I have to wait up to see him or I go have lunch with him at work.

 

He is trying to stay home more, but his addiction to frisbee golf has him scrambling to every tournament he can go to, including in the middle of a barbecue with my parents on Memorial Weekend.

 

Back then men and women respected each other and wanted to spend time together. Now a days some people (I won't say men and I won't say women) want there cake and eat it too. Now adays I think some people are way to selfish to care about anyone but them selves.

[Outcast]

Back then men and women respected each other and wanted to spend time together.

 

Um. Actually 'back then' men worked longer hours and women had so much housework and child care to do that they didn't do a heck of a lot of spending time together. Plus they died much younger than people do these days. Too many people have a dreamy vision of what 'back then' was like which isn't even close to reality.

[RecordProducer]

Anyone else feel this way?

Nope.

 

Actually, I think that nobody owes another person anything when it comes to love. It should be grounded in our hearts, not in the vows we made. The new-age divorce era has given us the possibility to change the partner that is not compatible with us. With or without the paper, in a romantic, family or friendly relationship, if the love is real, people will give their best to make things work before abandoning the sinking ship.

 

I don't think that divorces happen because people don't want to work on their problems enough - I think they happen when people realize that they picked the wrong partner. We should have freedom to love and the privilege of knowing that someone is with us only because they love us- and not because they feel morally obligated to stay with us. We shouldn't take anyone for granted and we deserve to not be taken for granted.

 

If someone doesn't want to change - it's their right. It's our opportunity though to try and motivate them to bend over a little. Same with us. It should be a free market where you strive to improve the quality of your goods (yourself) constantly in order to attract the buyer (your partner).

 

I couldn't possibly imagine myself living in the old times and staying with my ex-husband. He dumped me at the first signs of incompatibility - long before I could recognize them - and I am thankful to him for that. But at that time, I was thinking like you, that he should've tried harder to work on our marriage. He left me and he left our two little children, although he was seeing them regularly. I could never be happy if they didn't live under the same roof with me. But he left us all in a blink of an eye. Now he is paying the price for that - I moved from Europe to the United States and all he gets is to talk to them on the phone twice a week.

 

I met my new husband thanks to that divorce too. I met my chance to be truly happy in love and not struggle in a dis-satisfactory marriage. And my kids are much happier also.