Tangent Posted October 28, 2001 Share Posted October 28, 2001 All, I've been dating a woman for 8 months. She's smart, beautiful, sarcastic and we can make each other laugh. The problem is, in the last month or so, I find I don't want to make physical contact with her. My arms feel like they want to go limp when I hug her. Sex isn't that appealing. I just don't feel like making any effort to touch her. I've felt this way before with other women. In the past, I've always thought this signaled that I was tired of the woman I was dating--and the situation couldn't be salvaged. But maybe it's not. Help! If my lack of physical ardor right now is something I can work on, I want to work on it. I love this woman; I want to feel in love again. tangent Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 28, 2001 Share Posted October 28, 2001 It sounds like you have fear and intimacy issues. Did someone significant in your life die or abandon you in some way when you were young? People who have this problem usually retain excitement about a relationship until they get to a point of becoming afraid that it will end at some point and devastate them. This process is subconscious most of the time and that could be what's happening here. That's my best guess. Many men have a deep phobia about committment. When the relationship gets truly great, the go limp and freeze. Many have no idea why because the psychological dynamics that cause this operate in the background. Get some professional help. There is simply no way anybody in this forum can give you a definitive answer. You must be interviewed extensively by a professional before an evaluation can be made. I urge you to get help with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Tangent Posted October 28, 2001 Share Posted October 28, 2001 It sounds like you have fear and intimacy issues. Did someone significant in your life die or abandon you in some way when you were young? Age-old story: dad's an alcoholic. Many men have a deep phobia about committment. When the relationship gets truly great, the go limp and freeze. Many have no idea why because the psychological dynamics that cause this operate in the background. Right. I do a lot of thinking and working to improve myself, but I have a hard time understanding WHY I feel the way I do sometimes. Get some professional help. There is simply no way anybody in this forum can give you a definitive answer. You must be interviewed extensively by a professional before an evaluation can be made. I didn't think so, but I appreciate the effort. I'll call to make an appointment to see a counselor this week. tangent Link to post Share on other sites
LA Girl Posted October 29, 2001 Share Posted October 29, 2001 I feel that you should talk to a professional about these issues as well. You know you don't want to lose this woman - so do something about it. Women sense when a man is not into sex ... every action, breath, hug tells a story. Is it possible for you to share your thoughts with her? I know honesty is a hard thing in these situations in fear of rejection ... but if she doesn't know why this is happening and senses somthing is amiss, she might leave! I think telling her might be a good start - but only if you're comfortable in doing so. All, I've been dating a woman for 8 months. She's smart, beautiful, sarcastic and we can make each other laugh. The problem is, in the last month or so, I find I don't want to make physical contact with her. My arms feel like they want to go limp when I hug her. Sex isn't that appealing. I just don't feel like making any effort to touch her. I've felt this way before with other women. In the past, I've always thought this signaled that I was tired of the woman I was dating--and the situation couldn't be salvaged. But maybe it's not. Help! If my lack of physical ardor right now is something I can work on, I want to work on it. I love this woman; I want to feel in love again. tangent Link to post Share on other sites
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