have you dated a socio path for 2 years?

[PeanutHead88]

I dated one when I was 14 up until the age 17, been broken up for 9 months...I read the characteritics , and here are some..I don't want to go in to detail of what my ex has done to me been going out...but everyone new it wasn't normal...

 

1. Glibness/superficial charm. - always when doing something wrong,
   
2. Grandiose sense of self-worth. - very much so
   
3. Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom - smokes pot every day
   
4. Pathological lying - never told the truth, and it wasn't normal lying it was excessive lying.
   
5. Conning/manipulative - manipulating me to think his way.
   
6. Lack of remorse or guilt - kicked me down the stairs, broke alot of my things
   
7. Shallow affect - very
   
8. Callous/lack of empathy - very
   
9. Parasitic lifestyle - dropped out of high school soph more year, doesn't mix well in society,
   
10. Poor behavioral controls - yes
    
11. Promiscuous sexual behavior - I woulden't know
    
12. Early behavior problems - I reamber him in middle school hitting people, doint mean things to people-
    
13. Lack of realistic, long-term plans -yes
    
14. Impulsivity - I dont know about that
    
15. Irresponsibility - yes
    
16. Failure to accept responsibility for own actions - yes always blamed them on me
    
17. Many short-term marital relationships - not with me
    
18. Juvenile delinquency - yes
    
19. Revocation of conditional release - I don't know

This is not normal for anything, there are so many stories that tells he is a sociopath, his sister new he was crazy and his close friends who are no longer friends with him

 

I tell my friends stories about things that happend ( which I thought were normal) and they are in shock that I dealt with this craziness...he always had control..

 

the love he fealt was false, he got my weakness and used it to his own control

 

 

trust me my relationship was NOT A YOUNG girls normal relationship

 

did you have to deal with this????

[mullins]

Sounds as though you are better off out of that relationship, drugs change people and a few of those who take them take them because of childhood hang ups.

 

You could either hang in there and offer to help (using proffesional help) but he would need to want help himself, unless that is the case there is little hope.

[PeanutHead88]

I haven't spoken with him in 10 months.

 

He is far away from my life as possible

 

But I am still curious to see if anyone dealt with a socio path for 2 1/2 years and was soo blinded..

 

It could have done some emotional damage, just because it was not a relationship but a control factor

 

kind of scary of you think about it, but would like to see if any one dealth with one, and what they behavoirs were like, they now like a sociopath anti social beahaviour and my ex was some of that

[In Sync]

I haven't spoken with him in 10 months.

 

He is far away from my life as possible

 

But I am still curious to see if anyone dealt with a socio path for 2 1/2 years and was soo blinded..

 

It could have done some emotional damage, just because it was not a relationship but a control factor

 

kind of scary of you think about it, but would like to see if any one dealth with one, and what they behavoirs were like, they now like a sociopath anti social beahaviour and my ex was some of that

 

Sadly yes, the guy I knew had traits similiar so a label I would describe him as verbal abuser/ pathological or bottom line a narcissist. I'm sorry that a your age you had to endure such an experience but I am happy to read you have not been in contact with him for 10 months and I do hope you never encounter him again.

Now that a considerable amount of time has been between myself and the ex, I look back and thank god and buddah and nature that the relationship ended. At the time I didn't see it that way because no one wants to believe the person they are with are truly this way. A lot of denial enbles people with theses "socio path" to keep abusing those that continue to love them to stay in the relationship. It takes a long time to recover. Even to this day, I think wow about the episodes of rage and wonder WTF was I doing with this person. That's where the tough work begins. Figuring out what lead me there, because I don't want to repeat that again with anyone. Ignoring red flags with him and gut feelings in myself that said "this is not good" was the major factor.

That said you are out of the relationship and as the saying goes ..if t didn't destroy you..you learn and become stronger.

[PeanutHead88]

I am going to be sad to look back on it, because than I'll feel ashamed to have kept going back to him, when he was doing all this?

 

Do these people ever feel pain, do they ever realise that they need help?

 

Man was I dumb one, but his charm always had me coming back for more, I'm sure he loved me...but a person can love someone and can still due damage

[In Sync]

I am going to be sad to look back on it, because than I'll feel ashamed to have kept going back to him, when he was doing all this?

 

Do these people ever feel pain, do they ever realise that they need help?

 

Man was I dumb one, but his charm always had me coming back for more, I'm sure he loved me...but a person can love someone and can still due damage

 

 

There's no reason for you to feel ashamed. You went back because, you cared

for this guy. You had feelings for him. And even though he was a socio path, you probably denied the hurtful feelings that occured during the time and buried just how bad it was and you forgave. Of course on hindsight that pattern of allowance enables them to continue behaving as they did.

You were not dumb. I was not dumb. Afterall no one displays these true socio-path tendencies when you first begin to date someone them. They are extremly charming. which makes it ever more difficult to believe that the same person can become cruel, unempathetic beings with aggressive and abusive traits. You would naturally walk away if they showed their true nature right away..out of fear. The mind sees what it wants. And we want to see that our loves are worthy of our love in spite of them being actually toxic and damaging to us.

I oftened wondered if my ex was able to love. I even thought that it must have been somehing about me that brought out his trigger-happy rage ..When I look back I see that he was no able to love. He feigned artifically what in his head looked like love (I'm almost embarassed to admit it but when he attempted to be sweet it always rang a bit fake...only I closed my eyes and wanted to believe it was real). Since it was so difficult to keep that facade going he resorted to what he knew best, being sarcastic, aggressive, and bullying.

[daphne]

I once dated a narcissist or sociopath for a couple of months. I can't imagine going 2+ years. He was a walking nightmare. A charming liar, completely self involved, parasitic, a cheater, acted like he was a victim in situations to obtain pity, hostile when he didn't get his way, manipulative. A host of other crazy things. And I only dated him for a couple of months! He actually fit 1-11 excluding 3 and 10 on your list (that I know of).

 

A clinical sociopath feels no remorse. They only feel pain when it relates to not getting what they want. They feel no empathy for others pain which is why they can be a menace to society. They tend to fall in 2 categories: the antisocial who ends up in jail or the charming liar who fakes it. He is very good at figuring out how he's supposed to act to get what he wants and will use anyone he can. He's the most insidious because he's harder to detect. I say he because the ratio of male to female sociopaths is so high. Makes me wonder if empathy is a hormonal thing.

 

I don't know if your guy is a real sociopath but if he fits a lot of the criteria, he's a big can of crazy and you should be Happy with a capital H that he's out of your life. Just feel sorry for the next girl he makes miserable. Becuase you know he sure as s*** won't feel sorry for her.

[PeanutHead88]

He fit basically all, he was charming in the begining, a liar...and I always noticed his terrible lying.

 

On the girls myspace it says how charming he is hahaha.

 

He did crazy stuff to me, stuff that would really blow your mind, he was so manuplative and he only felt pain when he didn't get what he wanted, now when i WAS in pain once, he ripped my pance off of me...it was so scary ..and there is more.

 

He was such a liar, it amazed me of how mcuh a person can actually lie like that

 

It is good that he is out of my life, but I hope to reconize these things in other guys

 

I stayed with him because I was indenial and young and naive and obbssessed. crazy but I am getting over it and will

 

do they eventually lose their power?

[Fun2BMe]

do they eventually lose their power?

Do you mean their power over you or their power in general to lie and take advantage of unsuspecting victims?

 

I too recentlly was dating a sociopath. He was manipulative, very charming and I was putting up with more than I should have. He hurt my feelings but I was convinced he didn't feel any remorse or guilt. I started to wonder what his problem was and I came across sociopath/psychopath terminology.

 

I am now reading a book on it over the weekend. It is very inoformational. The sad part is that it is not a treatable behavior and they do not lose their power but instead get better at it and of covering up their tracks. It is helping me to get completely over him knowing that there was nothing I could have done to make him change or feel differently.

 

They do not feel emotions like a normal person does. If they hurt someone, they blame the victim for the inconvenience they experienced because of them. They are walking monsters with a lot of charm but very poisoness.

[In Sync]

He fit basically all, he was charming in the begining, a liar...and I always noticed his terrible lying.

 

On the girls myspace it says how charming he is hahaha.

 

He did crazy stuff to me, stuff that would really blow your mind, he was so manuplative and he only felt pain when he didn't get what he wanted, now when i WAS in pain once, he ripped my pance off of me...it was so scary ..and there is more.

 

He was such a liar, it amazed me of how mcuh a person can actually lie like that

 

It is good that he is out of my life, but I hope to reconize these things in other guys

 

I stayed with him because I was indenial and young and naive and obbssessed. crazy but I am getting over it and will

 

do they eventually lose their power?

 

I had done alot a reading on socio-paths and narcissistic behavior because I too needed answers and was trying to come to terms that not only was I recovering from a break-up (which is difficult alone) but couple with his narcissistic-pathological behavior it was like wtf was I dealing with. I don't think these types lose their power. For one thing they would never seek out being with someone who is equally like them. Especially if the other holds themselves in illusions of grandiuer. They feed off of being with someone they can assert their power and influence on. And when that relationship runs its course they tend to find another person who they can date and charm and them bit by bit manipulate and fully start their cycle of patterns again. Of cousre if they do someone that warrents being locked up thats the extreme case, but they don't hold a feeling of remorse for causing hurt feelings. In my case, my ex, would actually say..it's not my fault if your feelings are hurt. I mean technically no my feelings are mine to control, but he was speaking purely from the viewpoint of taking no responsibility or showing compassion if he said something to hurt me.

I know that you want to be on guard about any future guys and want to be cautious that this will not happen again, but at the same time we should not become fearful that all guys will be like this because of one bad experience.

It's easier for me to say this than put in practice. I think its a lesson for us to always be mindful of the when something doesn't feel right in our guts. If a guy iis charming that's wonderful, but if something he says or does doesn't sit right, do wait after the fourth time or the tenth time address it right away.

I never spoke up to my ex rage becuz I figured well he was annoyed about something and everybody gets mad. When really, I should have told him to piss off and walked away. Nipped it in the bud. Be soft and understanding is one thing being a doormat is another.

[Brittanyjean06]

I ALWAYAS HAD this terrible gut feeling, that something wasn't right...and let me just tell you...he was truely evil, I don't think He ever had a good thing to say to me..everything was so mean and hurtful and damaging and cut me up inside...he did feed off my weakness

But when I did something to him, he would go crazy..

hes turned against friends, and his sister,,because they know how he is...he is controlling his new gf, and thats what he likes

 

Do bad things happen to them? I know the kid had a sensitive side, I saw him cry before...but the bad takes over him terribly,, it was like he switched in to different gears and there was no stopping him, he went crazy...

 

Are you guys managing well with this? man hahaha what a crazy life style I lived

 

it does damage, but I now know that regular people aren't like him, they respect me..

 

I guess always listen to your gut, but we all get indenial.. you know??

I will be fine i will survive over these creeps.. It's a good thing their out of our lives , you woudlen't even be able to have a friendship with them, I hope bad things happen to them that can give them a sence of how we all felt at one point, but I guess thats impossible..

 

It shocks me that I had that at 14, and how badly I was mistreated, so young but than again age doesn't matter..

 

I thought know one was going through the things I have went through, cause all my friends had normal relationships..

 

you know?

[In Sync]

I was rereading my prior post...I made alot of typos so some of what I was trying to convey seems incoherent.

one correction: If someone does or says something and it doesn't feel right, DON'T wait after the fourth time or the tenth time address it right away.

 

After many people on this website and others website I was at surpirsed at first to discover I wasn't the only one who had exerience this type of relationship with this type of personality type. Now I realize loads of women and girls probably experience the same thing and just like myself they don't quite realize it, but their bfs/lovers are socio-paths. We think its only us having this kind of experience. I mean in truth he never exploded out in public, it was always out of view of anyone else. And then as quickly as he behaved in any way manipulative or lied or yelled or (pick one thing off that list of yours peanuthead88) he would be "normal again." So even though I was trying to sort out his lies or why he was enraged, then he'd be charming again. And my tendency was to not want to keep tension so I'd go along and try to brush it aside. On hindsight, the brushing it aside was like taking drops of poison daily. Because I became anxious always on guard and atthe same time pleasing to keep the peace. Being with him was a living hell. And can you believe it I was miserable that he finally broke it off. That's how twisted being with a socio-path can get you.

[Brittanyjean06]

Hi peanut head88= brittanyjean06 , Sorry If I have confused you but I have two differene names on here!

 

 

You make perfect sence, i hope I understood it correctly but you push off the bad things and your indenial, you tell your self okay he did something good I'm back at peace again, because once you face the truth you go crazy. His behavior was unexplainable at times, it was so scary and I'm sure the guy you were with was to.

I am also shock that there are people who are going through what I went through, let me see you how crazy things can actually get, when your with a person who lacks so much empathy. We used to do drugs together, Extacy, and one time things got so bad that I turned around and he kicked me down the stairs, after that I had told his sister, and I didn't think he new about it( but he did, he played the part of a charming guy and put me on different drugs that passed me out, I don't know what happend from there

 

But still to this day it sketches me out, I think the past had a damaging effect on me

 

Tell me sync what did he do to you? If you had done one thing to them, they would do something so horrifying and try to confince yyou that you desearve the punishment?

 

your stories?!

[In Sync]

Well, my ex was more of a verbal abuser. And that is just as bad as physical.

It ususally came about because he could not stand that I would have a difeent viewpoint on anything, politics, a film or clothing or anything you name it. One night we were talking about something political and I should have realized he was getting annoyed but as we were over the phone I didn't see him, all of a sudden he snapped and started yelling..calling me names, at first I thought he was joking but then it was like he sounded (and I kid you not, demonic) his voice deepend, he kept spewing at rapid pace you this b-----, you whack-job! You this and that...Then out of the blue he start snarling at me "YOU THINK I'M EVIL DON'T YOU?" and all of a sudden he slammed the phone down. Now in my mind I was in shocked blood drained out of me...I had no idea what happened to him. I tried to call him back but to no avail. He disappeared for a week and then he popped back and pretended like nothing was wrong. He had completely forgotten about that call. Offered no explanation. He'd always snap and start berating me, he was tall and much bigger than me, so these sudden rages would scare me. One time I told him (after a lighter moment with him that I loved him) Wham! That sent him on a tirade. I was literally shaking from his rage. he was bi-polar I suppose.

[Brittanyjean06]

He woulden't speak to you for a week? than just pop up??

 

My ex did that to me once a month, pretending things were over man the pain of never knowing.

 

It's weird they do something so outrages than come to you like oh nothing ever happend, I think it is mixed with alot of bipolerness

 

My ex was very verbally abusive to, saying things that just teared me up

 

and throw things or break something, that would also leave me shaking lol

 

DAMN WACKOS! did he ever break anything?

[In Sync]

He woulden't speak to you for a week? than just pop up??

 

My ex did that to me once a month, pretending things were over man the pain of never knowing.

 

It's weird they do something so outrages than come to you like oh nothing ever happend, I think it is mixed with alot of bipolerness

 

My ex was very verbally abusive to, saying things that just teared me up

 

and throw things or break something, that would also leave me shaking lol

 

DAMN WACKOS! did he ever break anything?

 

He didn't throw things it was more just him yelling and saying sarcastic or hurtful things. my body frame was smaller than his so I felt intimidated, because I for one am not a yeller or fighter, so to calm him down I would just drop whatever point I was making. His other traits at manipulation would be dropping hints and comparing me to other females he'd see or say that he was hanging out with "his friends" (of course he'd never invite me to join him and certain friends) I asked him during the final days and got it out of him that for obvious reasons that he was trying to hook up with someone else that's why he never asked me to join him when he hung out with his pals. Just thinking about him fills me with disgust. He was not kind at all.

[Brittanyjean06]

He actually admitted to you, that he was trying to hook up with other girls, key word trying jk haha

 

Damn what a Bas*ard

[KittenMoon]

Wow- I can't believe you guys put up with that crap!

 

My ex liked to snap sometimes and yell too, but it was never name-calling, sometimes he swore at me though which I hated (not swearing in general cause I have a mouth like a sailor, but yelling "f*** you" hurts). It was a totally inappropriate way of dealing with anger or a fight, but I don't if I could call it abusive... immature yes.

 

I hope y'all learned not to take that anymore!

[In Sync]

He actually admitted to you, that he was trying to hook up with other girls, key word trying jk haha

 

Damn what a Bas*ard

 

It started subtlely. now I see what was going on, while I was in I would deny deny that he could be sweet and intimate one day and then be putting me down in the next breath. Nobody wants to see that.

[KittenMoon]

It started subtlely. now I see what was going on, while I was in I would deny deny that he could be sweet and intimate one day and then be putting me down in the next breath. Nobody wants to see that.

 

It's amazing what you find deep down inside people.

[Brittanyjean06]

Yeah It was all a tactic to make them selves feel better though, I heard deep down inside a sociopaths mind is that they want to be like you but can't and subcounsly want to hurt you 24/7

 

man how can one have put up with so much? I jsut want to go back in time, I so wish I new what I know now haha

 

THanks! I hope I never enter in a type of relationship like that, hopefully we all don't repeat history , but if we can get over it I'm sure we can easily push that new person out of the way!

[In Sync]

It's amazing what you find deep down inside people.

 

 

Part of my denial is that I still can't get over that the charming guy whom I fell for had so much venom in him. I blamed me. Because I truly thought perhaps I did say something out of line, so started second guessing myself. There was no debating him. Eveyone else was intellectually inferior. In fact that was his key thing he'd constantly say to me, in private. "I am a person of superior intellect." (he was a kid from england studying acting in ny okay, and he wasn't very good at it, but he was adament that everyone was ignorant and he was superior. He was quite serious. Which is why he could not tolerate disagreement)

[Brittanyjean06]

We fixate on what there cover up was, and we hope for them to have really truely been like that, but nope

 

oh well hopefully we can meet someone better~ much better!

[In Sync]

We fixate on what there cover up was, and we hope for them to have really truely been like that, but nope

 

oh well hopefully we can meet someone better~ much better!

 

Absolutely no more of these clowns! HELL NO! I learned my lesson. Only a better man after that.

[kitkat826]

I dated one for about four months. The most stressful four months of my life. At the time, I couldn't imagine how I could get rid myself of him. I was addicted to our relationship. Now, five years later, its as if he never existed.

 

Funny how time puts perspective on things.

 

Overall, I don't regret it as I know it made me a stronger person. I'm sure one day you'll find the same peace if you allow it to come.