stacey2005 Posted May 27, 2006 Share Posted May 27, 2006 I've put myself into a tricky situation that I'm not sure how to handle. My partner and I have been together for 2 years, engaged for the last 9 months. For the last 6 months we've been trying to have a baby with fertility help as I'm 42. Obviously this puts strain on any relationship and my partner has recently been finding it more and more difficult to have sex on the prescribed days. As a result, our normally healthy and happy sex life has become rather strained and lacking. A week ago, I found out that he has recently been active on a website dedicated to finding other sexual partners. I signed onto this website with a pseudonym and have engaged him in a rather explicit ongoing dialogue. Of course, he doesn't know its me and I'm not sure how to continue with this lie and what to do about an eventual meeting, should it happen. Should I keep quiet, confront him or trap him?? Please help! Any advice would be much appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 Sounds like your sex life has become work instead of fun, and he's turning to the internet for no-pressure sex talk. I know you might feel hurt that he's having sexual conversations online, but it's likely that it's just an outlet for him and means nothing. Try and bring back the great sex life you had together before taking any drastic measures. Make sure he knows you think he's hot and sexy, and that he turns you on. Be affectionate, grab his butt when he least expects it, be the person he fell in love with, the woman that made him feel like a million bucks. Make sure he knows you want him because he's him, and not just because you're trying to conceive. There's nothing sexier than a woman who's hot for you. However, if he's online and talking about meeting up with her/you, then you need to have an open conversation with him about what's going on with you two. Don't try to trap him into anything - it would be much better if you didn't, no matter what's going on. Don't bring up the online stuff, and stop chatting with him. You don't have to be deceptive just because he is - take the high road and recognize that his online activity is a sign that something isn't feeling right elsewhere in your relationship. Just tell him that you've noticed that the two of you are getting stressed out with the baby thing, and you'd like to check in with him on what he's thinking, and figure out how to make things less stressful and more passionate for both of you. If you're getting married, I'm sure you must be good friends, and can talk about this stuff. Listen to what he's saying and how he's saying it. You might find that he's been afraid to bring this up with you and it helps both of you feel better about the whole thing...which ought to dampen his enthusiasm for other sex partners. Or you might find that he's not sure anymore that he wants to go through with all of this. Maybe you can help calm his fears, or maybe you can work through them, or maybe you have to accept them. Either way, you're better off hearing it from him now, and dealing with the real issues - the online stuff is just a symptom and not the real problem. Good luck - I hope you can work through this! Link to post Share on other sites
Solachica Posted May 29, 2006 Share Posted May 29, 2006 Wasn't this same situation posted before? and replies were given there? Link to post Share on other sites
bounty Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Do Not Wait Get Ur Freinds To Help U Let Them Be The Trap!! I Will Help If U On On East Coast Link to post Share on other sites
menchi Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 i say trap him and see what happens. if he tries to bring up bs about how you "lying to him by using a pseudonym..." i think you know what to say. my best thoughts go to you, love. Link to post Share on other sites
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