AurorasStar Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 I'm going to attempt to keep this short just so that I can get some advice. I've kind of been off the market for a bit keeping my distance from any potential boyfriend. This past Feb. I fell into the trap of being kissed by a really good guy friend. We talked about it and he confessed he had some feelings for me. We mutually decided to take a break from one another to figure it all out. Then we talked about it more and came to the conclusion that we'd like to explore the possibility but that we'd tell one another when we crossed The Line. The Line, well... we crossed a long time ago. (I assumed the line was crossed when he said "I'm falling for you" and he assumed we crossed the line when we slept together). The problem is after we slept together he kind of dissappeared. I assumed it was because of his performance (not exactly a mind-blowing evening). We talked about things ten days later where he said he knew things were weird between us and that he didn't want that. However, this past Monday when I went over to his house to hang out becasue I'd been at work all weekend and we missed one another we ended up at it again. Afterwards things were normal. But he's only called once since and has avoided our weekend plans. Other than those moments our relationship has been normal for progressing in a manner i felt would be okay for me. He talks of his family a lot, his past a lot, his future... meaningful things. He was the first to say he was 'falling' for me and demanded at one point whether or not I was feeling the same. I admitted and since then we've kind of just been friends who hang out and talk a lot more than usual. We're physical and intimate with one another and it's great... other than the actual act of sex. Which, in my mind, won't ever be great until we decide if we're in a relationship or if we're just FB. I don't want to be that (anymore?). I know that when a guy says he's not ready for a relationship he means 'he's not into you.' But what does it mean when the guy says he's falling for you but wants to take things slow, initiates sex and then wigs out after the sexual part? I've never had a problem in my past relationships with this type of behavior and am really just wanting to know what's up. At the moment I'd ask him but I'm not sure he's ready to talk about it. We both want to keep our friendship in tact and normal, yet don't want to lose this chance of something more... but at what cost and when does one say now or never? Any advice on how to approach the situation? Any insight into what you think he may be feeling, etc... I'm so stuck and usually can tell with him. At the moment the only thing I know is that he's avoiding me but checks in with my friends or with a text to see where I am and what I'm doing. Then he's out of communication again. many thanks for any and all replies! Link to post Share on other sites
Solachica Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 Maybe he's ashamed of his failing in the bedroom department? Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted May 28, 2006 Share Posted May 28, 2006 Maybe he's ashamed of his failing in the bedroom department? Sometimes going * sexual * weirds people out and you wish you never did. I bet this is the case. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AurorasStar Posted May 29, 2006 Author Share Posted May 29, 2006 It wasn't a complete failure... just short, very short. That doesn't matter as much to me as letting him know that I think before we have sex again we need to find out where our relationship is going or not going. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted May 29, 2006 Share Posted May 29, 2006 It wasn't a complete failure... just short, very short. That doesn't matter as much to me as letting him know that I think before we have sex again we need to find out where our relationship is going or not going. You mean the sex lasted only a minute or so ? Link to post Share on other sites
Hitman10000 Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 From what you posted this is why from what I understand that some women usually deny or even despise their "nice guy friends" into forming romantic relationships. I'm going to assume this person is a "Nice Guy" because he exhibits those qualities that I've witnessed myself. Because there are many thousands of "Nice Guy" whine posts and explanations online, I will just describe to you the mindset of how a Nice Guy thinks because as a man I am an expert how the Nice Guy thinks. This is how the mindset of a Nice Guy works: [A] He sees girl, he's not attracted to her, he befriends her and then when she's in a moment of weakness like a beta male in the animal kingdom he swoops down and shows his true intentions after waiting a long while and is willing to wait several years for this opening. He has sex with her, does whatever. And then proceeds to dump her. So much for "a male friend" huh? Like the above except he's attracted to her. The difference is he pays extra attention to her and even caters to her need and he becomes like a virtual puppet for her. He really hates it but because he's not man enough to admit it, he sucks it up but he deeply resents it and his anger rages. Sooner or later if she's not giving him any openings (when she's sexually needy) he becomes angry and rages. He literally becomes a stalker and shows signs that he is, but the truth is like the above Example [A] person. If he does get sex, he will dump you. What can you do now in your situation? Cut all contact with him, he doesn't serve your true purpose in life: To be with the man who loves you (and wants to have good passionate moisty sex with you within the first couple months of dating, not a year later.) Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 From what you posted this is why from what I understand that some women usually deny or even despise their "nice guy friends" into forming romantic relationships. I'm going to assume this person is a "Nice Guy" because he exhibits those qualities that I've witnessed myself. Because there are many thousands of "Nice Guy" whine posts and explanations online, I will just describe to you the mindset of how a Nice Guy thinks because as a man I am an expert how the Nice Guy thinks. This is how the mindset of a Nice Guy works: [A] He sees girl, he's not attracted to her, he befriends her and then when she's in a moment of weakness like a beta male in the animal kingdom he swoops down and shows his true intentions after waiting a long while and is willing to wait several years for this opening. He has sex with her, does whatever. And then proceeds to dump her. So much for "a male friend" huh? Like the above except he's attracted to her. The difference is he pays extra attention to her and even caters to her need and he becomes like a virtual puppet for her. He really hates it but because he's not man enough to admit it, he sucks it up but he deeply resents it and his anger rages. Sooner or later if she's not giving him any openings (when she's sexually needy) he becomes angry and rages. He literally becomes a stalker and shows signs that he is, but the truth is like the above Example [A] person. If he does get sex, he will dump you. What can you do now in your situation? Cut all contact with him, he doesn't serve your true purpose in life: To be with the man who loves you (and wants to have good passionate moisty sex with you within the first couple months of dating, not a year later.) moisty sex ? Link to post Share on other sites
ronnieromance Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. -R- Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted June 1, 2006 Share Posted June 1, 2006 The question is, what do you want Miss Star...? A relationship or a friendship? Because... To me, it seems like he's waiting for you! He doesnt know where you stand or your views, so he's holding back. Why dont you sit down with him in a quiet place and tell him how you really feel. Tell him, " Don't talk, just listen to me! " Then proceed to express yourself so he truely understands you. Fill in all the gaps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AurorasStar Posted June 7, 2006 Author Share Posted June 7, 2006 As for me, well I want to try a real relationship with titles and boundries and rules. I know, through the grapevine, that he's also got questions about a relationship from a friendship that never took place because of us and she's out of state for a few months. My intentions are not to force him into anything, more to find out what his feelings are. I know he's truly confused and thus a sexual relationship with him should cease. It's just a matter now if I play the seductress while she's away or not. Haha, just thinking about that makes me wonder if our friendship will survive this. Is it wrong to try and make him look only at me again? Link to post Share on other sites
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