I have ruined everything, for what?

[lisaisjaded]

6 months ago, my boyfriend and I ended our relationship. He was still living with me so I was doing everything I could be not be at our place. Now, I don't have allot of women friends. I have 6 close male friends that I have known for 20 years. We all hang out together every weekend. Now one of my friends, started calling me to do things. He's the only one that is still single and he knew that I was desperate to be away from the house. He's the only one of my friends that I didn't know as well as the others. He's a bit of an a**h*** and likes to create drama for others for his own amusement.

Time goes by and we end up spending almost all of our time together. We are having loads of fun and I find that I didn't know this man at all and he is actually a great person that I truly enjoyed spending time with. One day, he is telling me about his date from the previous night and I am suddenly hit by this attack of jealously that it freaks me out. I avoid him for a couple days and he is constantly calling to see what is wrong. I of course do the chick thing of "no, there is nothing wrong" when quite obviously there was. I met him for drinks with the gang and then we had plans to watch a movie. We go back to his place and I loosened up and we were talking and laughing when hands touch and then lips.

We stop ourselves and discuss what has just has just happening. He states that he really likes me and has developed feelings for me. I told him that I had realized this a few days before and that was why I have been avoiding him. He tells me that he really, really likes me but he doesn't want to ruin our friendship. I told him that we should try it out because we have basically told each other that want we are wanting and looking for in person is each other. I thought it was stupid no to look into this further and kind of explains why we end up in bad relationships. It's already on the table and everything has changed already. Could we even go back at this point. We of course, are totally making out while we are having this conversation. Because I'm horny (it had been a while), I push things into overdrive and the next morning we are both very freaked out. We don't talk for a few days and when we do talk again we make plans to watch a movie. The night before we talk and he tells me how ran into this girl he had been blowing off and how he was up really "late". I'm hurt and pissed but he really wants to hang out the next day. Things have just gone down hill from this and we are now in this weird place of avoiding each other, not talking about us at all, and I have thrown several very public temper tantrums. He doesn't call as much and I think he's seeing the girl he dumped. I'm miserable and I pissed and everything is a mess. I really fell for him hard and pride is not allowing me to let this go. I'm avoiding all of my friends and I just don't know how to get over this. I don't want new friends, but I can't go back.

[Mary3]

6 months ago, my boyfriend and I ended our relationship. He was still living with me so I was doing everything I could be not be at our place. Now, I don't have allot of women friends. I have 6 close male friends that I have known for 20 years. We all hang out together every weekend. Now one of my friends, started calling me to do things. He's the only one that is still single and he knew that I was desperate to be away from the house. He's the only one of my friends that I didn't know as well as the others. He's a bit of an a**h*** and likes to create drama for others for his own amusement.

Time goes by and we end up spending almost all of our time together. We are having loads of fun and I find that I didn't know this man at all and he is actually a great person that I truly enjoyed spending time with. One day, he is telling me about his date from the previous night and I am suddenly hit by this attack of jealously that it freaks me out. I avoid him for a couple days and he is constantly calling to see what is wrong. I of course do the chick thing of "no, there is nothing wrong" when quite obviously there was. I met him for drinks with the gang and then we had plans to watch a movie. We go back to his place and I loosened up and we were talking and laughing when hands touch and then lips.

We stop ourselves and discuss what has just has just happening. He states that he really likes me and has developed feelings for me. I told him that I had realized this a few days before and that was why I have been avoiding him. He tells me that he really, really likes me but he doesn't want to ruin our friendship. I told him that we should try it out because we have basically told each other that want we are wanting and looking for in person is each other. I thought it was stupid no to look into this further and kind of explains why we end up in bad relationships. It's already on the table and everything has changed already. Could we even go back at this point. We of course, are totally making out while we are having this conversation. Because I'm horny (it had been a while), I push things into overdrive and the next morning we are both very freaked out. We don't talk for a few days and when we do talk again we make plans to watch a movie. The night before we talk and he tells me how ran into this girl he had been blowing off and how he was up really "late". I'm hurt and pissed but he really wants to hang out the next day. Things have just gone down hill from this and we are now in this weird place of avoiding each other, not talking about us at all, and I have thrown several very public temper tantrums. He doesn't call as much and I think he's seeing the girl he dumped. I'm miserable and I pissed and everything is a mess. I really fell for him hard and pride is not allowing me to let this go. I'm avoiding all of my friends and I just don't know how to get over this. I don't want new friends, but I can't go back.

 

I know they talk time and time again about girls/guys hanging out together and one invariably develops feelings for the other but in this case you both did.

 

Sounds like for him sexual feelings because here he is creating distance and telling you about another chick which he probrobly went out with the other night.

 

In a situation like this I would go NC until you can sort out your feelings and make them less so.....and maybe someday you can be his friend again.

 

I know you are a circle of friends and its going to be tough BUT just tell your friends you have to be out of the circle a couple of weeks. Get out of town if you can , have some alone time,. as time goes on you should be able to put chin up and hang out with your friends again.