FWB - How do i get rid of him?

[exotic_angel]

I have known him for over six years now. He was my best friend, my first kiss and the first boy I ever got close to. However, as fun and sincere our relationship was, we became friends with benefits. Late 2004 we started drifting away from each other. Him being with many many other girls and me wanting and missing the attention I used to have. Anyway we eventually stopped talking. It took me some time to get over him, but eventually I was okay.

But now he’s back!

He’s been back since Christmas.

I had a greattt year without him. I did miss him and wish to see him sometimes but I was generally ok.

The events of Christmas brought us back together, we talked we danced, it felt as pretty and safe as the first time we met. Since then we’ve been hanging out and spending time together.

I told him we need to keep a safe wall between us that means no romance, no sexual anything.

However, the other night we went out, had a great time, he got wasted.

He said pretty things and did pretty things.

The next day he said he couldn’t remember anything.

That hurt! However, he said he knew he was with me and surely he meant everything.

He is dating and again, he only wants me when he’s lonely.

I’m addicted to this relationship because I feel safe and accepted with him.

I don’t wish to control him, but I need some attention.

I know this isn’t healthy because we’re always threading on something less than lovers, but more than friends.

Everyone always talks about how much I am his favourite girl, the one he truly needs and loves. And I am sure of this, but I can’t endure his childish, selfish ways any longer.

How do I make an escape?

It’s more complicated because we party within the same circle. I am a corporate publicity and events director for a leading vodka company and he is a struggling engineer.

Should I just ignore his calls, stay away from him?

I feel like 3 – I can’t figure this out. I know I may seem ditzy and gullible, but I need some advice?

[whichwayisup]

The time has come to just tell him goodbye. He's bringing more heartache and bad feelings more than good. And it's doing YOU harm.

 

Tell him it's best to not talk anymore, and tell him to respect your decision. Considering how long you've known him, I think you need (for yourelf) to tell him exactly how you feel and that you can't handle it anymore.

[westernxer]

Everyone always talks about how much I am his favourite girl, the one he truly needs and loves.

 

Everyone but him.

[SoleMate]

NC = no contact.

 

Try it.

 

Also go find a new man. The thrills of the hunt will take your mind off the party boy.

 

How dare he come to you only as an afterthought!!??!! The gall!!

[exotic_angel]

he can be such a pest sometimes - always talking about what once was. but all of you are right, i need to let him know how i feel, keep my distance and date again.

I met this really amazing guy - funny, smart, great job, family loves him. and i don't want to let him slip away - but i have become so confined to being best friends wth my previous loser that i always find it hard to let anyone else in. sigh.. it really was/is an obsession that has gone on for too long. i appreciate all the replies.

should i cal the loser and tell him how i feel or leave it up to the next time he calls to let him know?

[luvtoto]

he can be such a pest sometimes - always talking about what once was. but all of you are right, i need to let him know how i feel, keep my distance and date again.

I met this really amazing guy - funny, smart, great job, family loves him. and i don't want to let him slip away - but i have become so confined to being best friends wth my previous loser that i always find it hard to let anyone else in. sigh.. it really was/is an obsession that has gone on for too long. i appreciate all the replies.

should i cal the loser and tell him how i feel or leave it up to the next time he calls to let him know?

Exotic_angel, I was in this same situation as you just a few months ago. I finally got rid of him by giving him a dose of his own medicine. Find my previous thread in my history called "He can give it, but not take it."

 

After receiving everyone's advice, I was able to walk away. Finally! After four years of his bulls***.

 

I know that comfortable feeling you are talking about that you get when you are with your guy. That familiar feeling is like no other. He used to talk about the old days when we first got together. He would make me feel so special. Saying, I was the best GF he ever had.

 

Ahhhhh...Bulls***. I think, honestly, he just liked the sex. Hence, the no commitment and the FWB relationship.

 

I am currently dating a new man now.

[exotic_angel]

it's so annoying.. because i really thought he had changed.

we were best friends.. but FWB secretly.. and it happend 3 years ago.

his sister still calls me, goes out for lunch wit me.. his mother and i are really close..

no one really knows the problems i've been going through..

thye all tink.. "we like each other" but we're okay..

should i lose all contact.. ????

and tank u luvtoto.. i'm goin 2 read ur post now!

[luvtoto]

it's so annoying.. because i really thought he had changed.

we were best friends.. but FWB secretly.. and it happend 3 years ago.

his sister still calls me, goes out for lunch wit me.. his mother and i are really close..

no one really knows the problems i've been going through..

thye all tink.. "we like each other" but we're okay..

should i lose all contact.. ????

and tank u luvtoto.. i'm goin 2 read ur post now!

I can relate completely with you problem, exotic_angel. It's a very difficult situation.

 

The last date my x and I had, every time his cell phone rang, he would tell them he was at my house. Whenever we went out on dates, we would be around his friends. Whenever, I would see his friends, they would just tell me to hang in there. They would tell me that he loves me. They would make me admit that I still love him, too.

 

I did hang in there...for 4 freakin' years. The strange thing was, we would go through periods of NC, because I would get mad at him for not committing. He would then date other women a bit. They were short-term flings.

 

I, on the other hand, stayed faithful to him during that time. Now is that crazy or what?!

 

I don't know if I'll ever truly get him out of my system. However, I am moving on and dating someone new. It is something I must do, or I will have regrets later in life. I also got tired of being with someone who didn't respect me. That was the kicker.

 

I am sure, you will get tired of waiting for him. You will know when it's time to move on.

 

Are any other men asking you out? Are you turning them down to be with this guy?

[Grrlish]

 

Originally Posted by exotic_angel

Everyone always talks about how much I am his favourite girl, the one he truly needs and loves.

 

Everyone but him.

 

Very good point.

 

Exotic Angel, I'm in your same shoes at this very moment. I've come to the realization that I'm hiding in my FWB's arms. Maybe you're not hiding but I'm with you on finding it hard to let anyone else in. Per our understanding, he's seeing other people and I'm fine with that, but I'm not (although he doesn't really know this - we just don't talk about it). In order for me to start dating again, I'm going to have to stop sleeping with my FWB.

 

I'm not completely clear on what you want from him.

 

If you're hoping for a committed relationship with this person, then tell him. If the answer is No, then you should choose to either A) just be friends or B) stay away from him completely. Sounds like B might be difficult since you hang in the same circles.

 

If you just think it's time to end things, then end them, and then choose A or B above.

[exotic_angel]

All I want from him is a real friendship, something sincere, I can do without the commitment and we don’t have any kind of sexual interactions anymore. The other night, was a perceptible mistake, he claims he was wasted and don’t remember anything. I can deal with all of this, but I hate the way he treats me sometimes.

Every time he picks up a new fling, I’m suddenly placed on the back burner and I’m supposed to understand and be patient, because apparently “he loves me deeply.” I don’t think this is love – anymore. It’s a familiar, warm safe place. I LOVE his family and I probably will always keep in touch with them all. But as for him, I think he’s childish, selfish and unappreciative.

Maybe he’ll change one day – I’m sure he’ll regret all of this. And I’m glad I’m going through this predicament because I need to date, need to give the really nice guys a chance.

I do date, but I don’t ever really make an effort to see them again, most date just ends up being friends.

I think I’m okay now.

But luvtoto, I read your post and wow, I see what you mean. It’s comforting to know that other wonderful, successful and beautiful women go through this same thing. I know we’ll be alright because in retrospect I’ve learnt a lot. And now I can see him for all the ugly other things he is. That is helping me a lot!

[luvtoto]

All I want from him is a real friendship, something sincere, I can do without the commitment and we don’t have any kind of sexual interactions anymore. The other night, was a perceptible mistake, he claims he was wasted and don’t remember anything. I can deal with all of this, but I hate the way he treats me sometimes.

Every time he picks up a new fling, I’m suddenly placed on the back burner and I’m supposed to understand and be patient, because apparently “he loves me deeply.” I don’t think this is love – anymore. It’s a familiar, warm safe place. I LOVE his family and I probably will always keep in touch with them all. But as for him, I think he’s childish, selfish and unappreciative.

Maybe he’ll change one day – I’m sure he’ll regret all of this. And I’m glad I’m going through this predicament because I need to date, need to give the really nice guys a chance.

I do date, but I don’t ever really make an effort to see them again, most date just ends up being friends.

I think I’m okay now.

But luvtoto, I read your post and wow, I see what you mean. It’s comforting to know that other wonderful, successful and beautiful women go through this same thing. I know we’ll be alright because in retrospect I’ve learnt a lot. And now I can see him for all the ugly other things he is. That is helping me a lot!

It helped me alot when those LS members smacked me upside the head a couple times in my previous thread. I needed that so badly. I will never go back to him. We couldn't be friends because whenever we tried, we would wind up in bed every time.

 

Now, I have a new man in my life, and it is soooo refreshing to know where I stand in a relationship.

 

To know exactly how he feels about things. To be with someone who is straight-forward and not always have to guess about things.

 

I wouldn't give that up for nothing! I can exhale now.

 

I do, however, find myself hiding my feelings from him. I mean, that's all I've known for three years. Just have fun...don't talk about feelings. It was my defense mechanism to not get hurt around him.

 

With my new guy, he told me he is going to eventually get me to come out of my shell. He understands how a person can get that way. Just be careful and don't allow yourself to push down what you really want, to the point where you don't know what it is that you want anymore. Does that make sense?

[exotic_angel]

I went with his sister 2 pick up his mom in the nursin home - we talked casually and then he called me later. i had not spoken 2 him (on friendly term) since about a week ago. so he called talkin casual, yet askin wat was wrong.. i told him how i felt about the way he treats me wen he's with other girls.

he denied it all.. havin a convinient excuse for the phone cuttin off and the female voice i heard in the back ground

i honestly don't mind if he dates.. i love his friendship.. but i need it to be sincere..

[luvtoto]

i honestly don't mind if he dates.. i love his friendship.. but i need it to be sincere..

Honestly don't mind if he dates? I don't believe that. I can tell how much it bothers you. Trust me, I've been there. This friendship you are settling for with him is hurting you.

[darrren12000]

Everyone but him.

 

great observation....although my OA used to say I was his favorite too...what manipulation.