year and a half

[barbiedollgirl81]

my boyfriend and i have been together for a year and a half after 6 months of dating we got engaged in jan he broke up with me for about a week we got back together and he moved back in but he called off the wedding which was supposed to happen in june we have been fine for the past 5 months then he takes a job transfer in nashville and expects me to pick up and move he tells me he wants to marry me and that we will elope next summer then he says why rush into such a big thing i have told him that me moving would be a big step for me so why cant he make a big step and marry me he gets upset and tells me we already have a commitment and we will get married sometime. he has even tried to tell me we will get married when i move down there then said that we will see what happens what should i do i am at a lost i feel like i shouldnt move until he can be sure he can commit to me by getting married is this wrong i mean i love him and want to be with him

[norajane]

Do not move, do not change your life around, for someone you're not sure of.

[Keen]

we got engaged in jan he broke up with me for about a week we got back together and he moved back in but he called off the wedding which was supposed to happen in june we have been fine for the past 5 months then he takes a job transfer in nashville and expects me to pick up and move he tells me he wants to marry me and that we will elope next summer then he says why rush into such a big thing i have told him that me moving would be a big step for me so why cant he make a big step and marry me he gets upset and tells me we already have a commitment and we will get married sometime. he has even tried to tell me we will get married when i move down there then said that we will see what happens what should i do i am at a lost i feel like i shouldnt move until he can be sure he can commit to me by getting married

Hey, I understand that you feel a lot for this guy but all I can see from this side of the fence is that he's causing you a lot of confusion and hurt. Why? He's saying one thing today, and tomorrow he changes his mind. Then he gets a job transfer and expects you to move out to him. Did he ask you about whether or not it's convenient for you? If you're already working, or if you're in school, it will not be easy for you to just up and go.

 

Remember, girl, a good relationship is NEVER one-sided. Sure, there is a lot of give-and-take in between, but if a man does not respect you enough to find out if you're okay with doing things that should be done together as partners, then he can go to hell.

 

It also sounds to me that he is working hard, and since he got a job transfer, he is probably also worried about how he is going to cope and perform in a new environment. Because men are almost always the main breadwinners, your guy probably wants to build up his career before really diving into something as big as marriage. For a man, marriage is a BIG thing because they have to earn enough money to support not only himself, but you, and future children that you'll both have. If a man doesn't feel sure about himself to provide his family, it's cruel to try and push him until he feels that he can.

 

Don't rush him, because nothing kills love faster than pushing a guy when he's not ready, not to mention downright disrespectful of what he may be going through.

 

Ask yourself, are you really ready for marriage, or are you just wanting him to marry you so that you can be near him?

 

Try to see his point of view. If moving out to be with him is such a huge step for you, can you imagine what marriage is to him? The feeling is similar. That brings me to ask, don't you think it's a bit hypocritical of you to ask him to marry you when you aren't willing to move? One of you has to give way or you're going to be stuck in a cycle of confusion.

 

Talk it out with your sweetie and see what happens.