Clairol 321 Posted May 29, 2006 Share Posted May 29, 2006 i'm feeling conflicted about something and thought i'd ask for some advice. i've been dating my current boyfriend for almost two years and i love him more than i can say. this past weekend, however, i went to an old friend's house to drink with people i used to hang out with. my ex was there and we still are friends, but at the end of the night, we ended up kissing. now i know i made a huge mistake. the second we kissed i knew it and we stopped. and actually the only thing the kiss did was to prove to me how much i love my bf and never ever want to do anything like that again. it made me realize just how much he means to me and that he is the only one i want to be with for the rest of my life. now, should i tell my bf what happened? i know it will cause him a lot of pain, and i feel like it would be needless. it would break the trust we have w/o reason bc i would never do this again. and i've been cheated on, so i know how hard it is to rebuild trust. also, telling him would mean i would be risking losing him, which i know i should of thought of before the whole thing happened but i can't lose the man i want to be with forever. at the same time, am i obligated to? help, what do people think? Link to post Share on other sites
GreySands Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 Deep down, I think you know what is the 'right' thing for you to do and it is just a question of having strength to do it and face the music. If the guilt is eating at you now, it probably will never go away. There are worse things that could have happened. If you lose him, you did what you felt was right and it will be a lesson in life. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 So, going and getting wasted then drunkenly kissing some dude showed you how much you loved your bf? well shucks, if that isnt a hallmark moment, I really dont know what is. If you respect him at all as a person and arent going to be completely selfish after already kissing some other guy, then you'd tell him. Frankly, if I were him I'd break up with you, plain and simple, this sh*ts unexcuseable no matter if you downed 8 kegs worth of alcohol. That said, you still need to tell him and face the consequences, perhaps he's a masochist and enjoys being cheated on? you never know. Fact is you'll get a couple of genius's who will come and say "dont tell him" well, these are the same people who continually touch the stove, burn themselves, but dont learn the lesson that the stove is hot thus they should not touch it. If you love him and care about him, tell him, its that simple. It wouldnt be "without reason" to tell him, thats the selfishness talking, the act itself is reason enough, and you have absolutely no right to keep him in the dark. Theres no universal rule to make you tell him, but if you have even 1% of common decency in you, you will. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 I agree with Spectre. Not just kissing a dude, but an ex? Please understand how your post reads -- as if you "ended up" doing it without any input on your part. While you have the right to be as happy as you can be, you do not have a right to mislead your b/f into staying with you. The fairest, most decent thing that you can do for your b/f, if you do not intend to tell him, is to break up with him. It will be hard, but you will be able to hold your head high. Lastly, keeping it a secret is dicey -- given what you describe, it is unlikely that this would stay secret forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you expect your boyfriend to be honest with you? Either you have honesty in your relationship or deceit. Which one do you want? Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 it would break the trust we have w/o reason bc i would never do this again. Here's where you're wrong. Telling isn't what breaks the trust. Kissing someone else is what broke the trust, that's already been done. Obviously he can't trust you, because you fooled around on him. Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 He has a right to know that his girlfriend doesn't have any self control and the moment an ex pops up that she will stray. Its not fair to him for you to keep this from him Link to post Share on other sites
bounty Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Oh Yes You Have To Be Honest.......................... No Matter The Cost Love= #1 Trust #2 Loyalty #3 Honesty #4 Faithfullness If You Cannot Do These 4 Things You Can Never Love Any-one Link to post Share on other sites
ronnieromance Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 Oh Yes You Have To Be Honest.......................... No Matter The Cost Love= #1 Trust #2 Loyalty #3 Honesty #4 Faithfullness If You Cannot Do These 4 Things You Can Never Love Any-one I disagree. Faithfulness isn't important to some people. They seperate loyalty and fidelity. Sex is just sex to some people sometimes. But honest and loyal...yeah, I agree 100%. -R- Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 7, 2006 Share Posted June 7, 2006 DO NOT TELL HIM! I have been on both sides of the fence. He has probably done the same thing, and if you tell him, he will do it for sure. Wait till things get more serious, like if he asks you to marry him, because you can't enter into a marriage with lies. Do not go anywhere near your old friends again. Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted June 8, 2006 Share Posted June 8, 2006 DO NOT TELL HIM! I have been on both sides of the fence. He has probably done the same thing, and if you tell him, he will do it for sure. Wait till things get more serious, like if he asks you to marry him, because you can't enter into a marriage with lies. Do not go anywhere near your old friends again. That is horrible advice. Wait till things are more serious and then tell him? That is out right emotional manipulation. What so she can make him fall deeper in love so he won't leave her? And do you say he has done the same thing? Not everyone cheats so why assume he has? Because you did? She should tell him. If she doesn't she has no right to be with him. Link to post Share on other sites
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