Why would my ex of ten years call 2 hours before his wedding?

[Guest]

Simplytobeme,

 

In fact you *are* asking for someone to answer an impossible question: the "How long will the marriage last?" question.

 

And you're dissatisfied with the answers, -although, in my opinion, they have been extremely honest and forthright.

 

This marriage could last *indefinitely*, -that is- if you can stop meddling with the bridegroom.

 

You're calling it 'friendship' , but it's obvious that it's much more. At least, on *your* part.

 

I also ( in my *honest* opinion) think that the real 'beef', here, is not so much about any true love or even friendship between you and the ex, -but rather, about a little 'poodle-fight' between *you and your ex's new bride*.

 

You seem to be in a sort of 'competition'.

 

It's obviously all about 'winning' the guy from another woman, -and seeing just how much pain and drama you can pull out of this whole situation.

 

The more I read your posts, I'm actually, beginning to feel sorry for the poor bast*ard that's standing in the middle of this.

 

In the beginning, I was ready to "hang 'em high" where he was concerned, -now, the picture is becoming much more clear what your post was all about, in the first place, and I'm almost ready to recommend to him a far-away island in the middle of nowhere -complete with martini bar and topless dancing girls in grass skirts- just to get away from you both.

 

Stop manipulating.

 

-Rio

No, actually, I was asking for opinions on how long it would last.

I am not in battle with anyone, why is it obvious that there is more than friendship.

You are rather quick to assume. And, for the most part the answers have been great. It is the one liners with no input that are annoying.

Rather than judge what you don't know, why not try to get background. Often more difficult than just tossing out an opinion or snap judgement.

If you have no interest, then back out, please.

[In Sync]

Simplytobeme,

 

In fact you *are* asking for someone to answer an impossible question: the "How long will the marriage last?" question.

 

And you're dissatisfied with the answers, -although, in my opinion, they have been extremely honest and forthright.

 

This marriage could last *indefinitely*, -that is- if you can stop meddling with the bridegroom.

 

You're calling it 'friendship' , but it's obvious that it's much more. At least, on *your* part.

 

I also ( in my *honest* opinion) think that the real 'beef', here, is not so much about any true love or even friendship between you and the ex, -but rather, about a little 'poodle-fight' between *you and your ex's new bride*.

 

You seem to be in a sort of 'competition'.

 

It's obviously all about 'winning' the guy from another woman, -and seeing just how much pain and drama you can pull out of this whole situation.

 

The more I read your posts, I'm actually, beginning to feel sorry for the poor bast*ard that's standing in the middle of this.

 

In the beginning, I was ready to "hang 'em high" where he was concerned, -now, the picture is becoming much more clear what your post was all about, in the first place, and I'm almost ready to recommend to him a far-away island in the middle of nowhere -complete with martini bar and topless dancing girls in grass skirts- just to get away from you both.

 

Stop manipulating.

 

-Rio

 

 

Rio's post got me thinking....why doesn't the ex bf want to marry you, simplymeto be? I mean you were in a 10 year relationship and he turns around and wants to marry someone he met shortly after breaking off with you. He still sees you BUT he wants to marry the other woman. I mean he may have a lousy character to be seeing you on the side, etc. etc. But he's still willing to become this other woman's husbnand. That's no small potatoes. He's willing to commit to her. Perhaps this over curiosity about how long the marriage will last is covering the biggest insult to your face. He's willing to hang with you but not interested in being your partner. Hmmm.

[bendit]

if you were in a 10 year relationship with someone and you don't get married you were with someone who has commitment issues. major commitment issues. so was he.

 

regards

[RecordProducer]

if you were in a 10 year relationship with someone and you don't get married you were with someone who has commitment issues. major commitment issues. so was he.

Are you joking about the commitment issues? He got engaged to his current wife after one month! It also didn't take him long to marry her.

 

Perhaps he found the mommy type to marry and the more glamorous type to keep as a mistress? Or maybe he is just a dog and couldn't give up his ex. or he loves both women, but he knows Simply's faults too well and doesn't want to go back to old things.

[simplymetobe]

Rio's post got me thinking....why doesn't the ex bf want to marry you, simplymeto be? I mean you were in a 10 year relationship and he turns around and wants to marry someone he met shortly after breaking off with you. He still sees you BUT he wants to marry the other woman. I mean he may have a lousy character to be seeing you on the side, etc. etc. But he's still willing to become this other woman's husbnand. That's no small potatoes. He's willing to commit to her. Perhaps this over curiosity about how long the marriage will last is covering the biggest insult to your face. He's willing to hang with you but not interested in being your partner. Hmmm.

 

Good thought and one that has not really escaped me. Fact is, I did not want to remarry. The odds for a third marriage being successful are slim at best. Stats show an amazing 80% failure rate. Frankly, if someone told me I had an 80% chance of being in a car crash within a mile of my home, I would really hesitate to leave the house. If that makes me not want to commit or be a commitment phobe then fine, I guess I will go with that.

He told me, not 4 weeks prior to this wedding, that he had NO need to be married in 4 weeks. My response was, then don't. He said, well she picked the date, so I am going with it. I then said, what if it does not work, he said, well, then I will just divorce her.

In all honesty, I had made peace with the fact that he was getting married, had the day all planned to do something nice and fun for myself and to just enjoy the day. Then I checked my voice mail on my cell. And, there was the message. It did throw me for a small loop. I truly could NOT imagine why he would call two hours before he was to be married.

Most of my friends feel this is a rebound (she also got out of a LTR shortly before she met him ) for both of them.

She makes a LOT more money than he does and lives on the "gold coast" of CT. Somewhere he LOVES to be. I have lived that life and found it to be plastic and unreal and it was not somewhere I wanted to return to.

She buys him VERY expensive gifts and takes him to wonderful places and while that is their business, I think that is one reason he was willing to marry her.

Yes, I was insulted and very hurt by his decision. Who wouldn't be? This was WAY too fast and furious.

He did not listen to his friends who told him it was: too fast, they did not see them working as a couple, he was nuts, she has a terrible temper, she is too needy, too possessive etc. That is his problem now.

Thank you for asking the question and thank you for not being judgemental.

[simplymetobe]

if you were in a 10 year relationship with someone and you don't get married you were with someone who has commitment issues. major commitment issues. so was he.

 

regards

 

I do disagree, I did not want to get married. Stats for third marriages working are very much against success. If you want to call that a commitment issue fine, but, again, I do disagree. It was more a personal choice.

[RecordProducer]

The odds for a third marriage being successful are slim at best. Stats show an amazing 80% failure rate. Frankly, if someone told me I had an 80% chance of being in a car crash within a mile of my home, I would really hesitate to leave the house.

But in a car you never know your real chances for avoiding the crash - someone else could hit you! If however you knew that the road was empty and the weather was nice, you would rely on your driving skills and reflexes, right?

 

Besides, divorces don't kill. If you were right for each other, you wouldn't rely on statistics. You would hope with all your heart that you would belong to the 20% that succeed. Please don't tell me you broke up with the love of your life only because other people divorce very frequently!

 

 

She makes a LOT more money than he does and lives on the "gold coast" of CT. Somewhere he LOVES to be. I have lived that life and found it to be plastic and unreal and it was not somewhere I wanted to return to.

She buys him VERY expensive gifts and takes him to wonderful places and while that is their business, I think that is one reason he was willing to marry her.

That's probably the only reason why he married her.

[In Sync]

Thank you for asking the question and thank you for not being judgemental.

 

 

Your welcome. The reason I think I asked my former question is based on the age factor of this man. Maybe this man simply wants security of having a wife at home when he gets home at the end of his day. You say he's in his 50's and so is she. Of course they are not in a retirement home with one foot in the grave, but this woman I imagine is not deaf, dumb and blind. Who knows what he's telling her in private and who knows if for her his seeing you is not a problem BECAUSE at the end of the day he does come home to her. And he will let his gard down when he comes home. She will see him and his human flaws when he gets home. She will offer cover him in bed if he sick...yes he makes you laugh and yes you can say that the statics of a marriage being sucessful are tthis high or low, but the fact is...you have to get married to be a part of those stats. One can't avoid things in life because of stats otherwise you would nevr get in a car.

 

BTW what's up with your defensivenes about being judged? Afterall, no one who writes here knows you personally. Judgement is in your mind. No one here is putting a scarlet letter on you...

[Love Hurts]

What he is doing to her................. he did to you..........

You are the smart chick that left him.

 

 

If you had him back in your life............. he would do that to you again.

 

I feel sorry for the naive new wife. You know what she is in for.

 

You could do her a favor and stop responding to his emails, text and or phone calls. Up to you.

 

Unless you two have children together.. that is different.

[simplymetobe]

But in a car you never know your real chances for avoiding the crash - someone else could hit you! If however you knew that the road was empty and the weather was nice, you would rely on your driving skills and reflexes, right?

 

Besides, divorces don't kill. If you were right for each other, you wouldn't rely on statistics. You would hope with all your heart that you would belong to the 20% that succeed. Please don't tell me you broke up with the love of your life only because other people divorce very frequently!

 

 

That's probably the only reason why he married her.

 

Ok, bad analogy. Guess I am overly cautious. No, I did not break up with the love of my life because of the stats. In reality, we were taking a break, as it were. He does, however, still admit that I am the love of his life but, considering the two personalities, it could never happen for us.

About 3 weeks ago he said that he hopes that they can acheive the level of communication that we still have.

All bizzare.

[simplymetobe]

Your welcome. The reason I think I asked my former question is based on the age factor of this man. Maybe this man simply wants security of having a wife at home when he gets home at the end of his day. You say he's in his 50's and so is she. Of course they are not in a retirement home with one foot in the grave, but this woman I imagine is not deaf, dumb and blind. Who knows what he's telling her in private and who knows if for her his seeing you is not a problem BECAUSE at the end of the day he does come home to her. And he will let his gard down when he comes home. She will see him and his human flaws when he gets home. She will offer cover him in bed if he sick...yes he makes you laugh and yes you can say that the statics of a marriage being sucessful are tthis high or low, but the fact is...you have to get married to be a part of those stats. One can't avoid things in life because of stats otherwise you would nevr get in a car.

 

BTW what's up with your defensivenes about being judged? Afterall, no one who writes here knows you personally. Judgement is in your mind. No one here is putting a scarlet letter on you...

 

She is VERY upset about our communication, happy hours and friendship. It is huge source of angst for her. I asked what her problem is and he said it was " You exist". I am making her feel insecure. I am in the same age group as he. In fact I am closer in age than she is. She will not be home when he gets there, too busy at work, in fact, he, is the one that cooks, cleans, etc.

She fears she might break a nail and cannot cook. Sort of high maintenance, something he heretofore disliked BIG time.

 

I have a problem being judged by anyone. The fact that no one knows me is not the issue. I don't judge others and don't expect to be judged by others. Just me.

I love stats. I feel they help you make good or bad choices. I did admit the analogy using the car was not all that great.

BTW, great shot of the kitten, how adorable!!!!

[simplymetobe]

What he is doing to her................. he did to you..........

You are the smart chick that left him.

 

 

If you had him back in your life............. he would do that to you again.

 

I feel sorry for the naive new wife. You know what she is in for.

 

You could do her a favor and stop responding to his emails, text and or phone calls. Up to you.

 

Unless you two have children together.. that is different.

 

Hi,

I did not leave him, we mutally agreed to a time out,as it were. He never cheated on me in our relationship.

I don't feel sorry for the new wife, she can handle herself and trust me, she already knows what she is in for, just not the degree.

Yes, it is up to me and I would pass this woman in a blizzard. Favors, NEVER? Why? That is an entire separate topic. No, no children together.

[In Sync]

She is VERY upset about our communication, happy hours and friendship. It is huge source of angst for her. I asked what her problem is and he said it was " You exist". I am making her feel insecure. I am in the same age group as he. In fact I am closer in age than she is. She will not be home when he gets there, too busy at work, in fact, he, is the one that cooks, cleans, etc.

She fears she might break a nail and cannot cook. Sort of high maintenance, something he heretofore disliked BIG time.

 

I have a problem being judged by anyone. The fact that no one knows me is not the issue. I don't judge others and don't expect to be judged by others. Just me.

I love stats. I feel they help you make good or bad choices. I did admit the analogy using the car was not all that great.

BTW, great shot of the kitten, how adorable!!!!

 

 

Meow again (just keepin it light)..can you clarify something? Are you saying she directly told you that, "You exist" or was this his quote. This is a releveant point because this is heresay. Again, unless you spoke with her directly why do you think this man who is being dishonest is suddenly conveying the truth about your existance is a problem to her? The more information you've provided here points to him telling you hogwash. If she is so high maintenance, has a life outside of the home, why would she (no disrespect to you) feel your existance is a problem. Apparently she is confident enough to get along without him. Again he cooks and cleans for her? So where is the threat that he's leaving. Maybe she has a cookie on the side as well. (so busy at work...uh sure. wink wink)

 

I think people don't like being judge because judging stirs up an element of guilt. Judgement implies making a moral opinion of something right and wrong. We each know what is inherently right and wrong. And so we don't want finger pointing. I get the impression from your posts and how much you say you don't feel sorry for the new would be wife that unless you are cold blooded (ie, socio-pathic) you actually do feel empathy. That is why any form of judgement you don't want to hear. Because then you would have to say to yourself to yourself IS THIS REALLY RIGHT in my life. Am I doing the right thing? All of our actions tend to have a ripple effect and it is how we feel about those riplles that elevate us or not.

[riobikini]

re:

 

STBM: "No, actually, I was asking for opinions on how long it would last.

I am not in battle with anyone, why is it obvious that there is more than friendship.

You are rather quick to assume. And, for the most part the answers have been great. It is the one liners with no input that are annoying.

Rather than judge what you don't know, why not try to get background. Often more difficult than just tossing out an opinion or snap judgement.

If you have no interest, then back out, please."

 

Backing out, now>(Me).

 

But before I go...thank you, Bendit, for your very wise and intuitive response by pointing out additional info to support my original conclusion(s)....all of them taken, by the way, from my personal perception of STBM's posts.

 

(Thought: if a man is in a so-called 'relationship' with you for ten years, then suddenly exits the relationship and marries someone else almost immediately, -it only makes the reader suspect that *he didn't want a committed relationship with you for some reason, in the first place.*)

 

(* InSync: " Rio's post got me thinking....why doesn't the ex bf want to marry you, simplymeto be? I mean you were in a 10 year relationship and he turns around and wants to marry someone he met shortly after breaking off with you. He still sees you BUT he wants to marry the other woman. I mean he may have a lousy character to be seeing you on the side, etc. etc. But he's still willing to become this other woman's husbnand. That's no small potatoes. He's willing to commit to her. Perhaps this over curiosity about how long the marriage will last is covering the biggest insult to your face. He's willing to hang with you but not interested in being your partner. Hmmm.")

 

 

Only *you* , STBM, -have the real answer as to *why*.

 

I believe my original -and subsequent- responses were right on target.

 

When someone (anyone) posts on here, they are likely to get *some* responses they may not like. Some of them may not be as full of 'soft-soap'.

 

As for 'judging': that -to a degree- is what a poster must do to arrive at some kind of response. It's normally based on how they *perceive* info in the post.

 

(InSync: "BTW what's up with your defensiveness about being judged? After all, no one who writes here knows you personally. Judgement is in your mind. No one here is putting a scarlet letter on you...")

 

If you take a moment to check, STBM, you will find that, in my other responses to many, many posters, I do not normally judge the *poster* -but rather, the *info* he/she gives about himself/herself.

 

(*By the way, InSync, thank you, also, for making the above-quoted and well-perceived points.)

 

Perhaps, though, one hopes that due appreciation can be given to the difference of opinions offered. Seems to be the object in getting through the question to arrive at the answer.

 

But I believe they are *supposed* to offer many different views and 'possibles' to a situation or set of circumstances.....and that, in my opinion, is exactly what these forums do best: give varied opinion(s) for the poster to form *their own* conclusion(s).

 

Your original question, STBM, was along the lines of "How long is this marriage going to last?"

 

I gave an answer.

 

Good luck with your circumstances.

 

Take care.

 

-Rio

[Guest]

Why the hell is he getting married?

LMFAO

[beriwhit123]

I was not that far off from you, I kissed and hugged and enjoyed my ex coming over to the house. He was living with the new women yet seeing me, no sex, but still pulling my strings. I put a stop to it. He would leave and I would cry. I just missed him too much. I knew I did not have a chance at getting on with my life if we continued. On top of that I knew he left me for her and if he wanted me he knew the door was aways open for him to come back. But he was coming over for a visit only, then going back to her. I stopped having contact with him, either he will wonder what I am up realize I am the one he really wants or to live with his mistake. I feel better most of the time now. Try it for a month let me know if you start to feel better. It has only been 2 weeks and most of the time I am better then before NC

[simplymetobe]

Meow again (just keepin it light)..can you clarify something? Are you saying she directly told you that, "You exist" or was this his quote. This is a releveant point because this is heresay. Again, unless you spoke with her directly why do you think this man who is being dishonest is suddenly conveying the truth about your existance is a problem to her? The more information you've provided here points to him telling you hogwash. If she is so high maintenance, has a life outside of the home, why would she (no disrespect to you) feel your existance is a problem. Apparently she is confident enough to get along without him. Again he cooks and cleans for her? So where is the threat that he's leaving. Maybe she has a cookie on the side as well. (so busy at work...uh sure. wink wink)

 

I think people don't like being judge because judging stirs up an element of guilt. Judgement implies making a moral opinion of something right and wrong. We each know what is inherently right and wrong. And so we don't want finger pointing. I get the impression from your posts and how much you say you don't feel sorry for the new would be wife that unless you are cold blooded (ie, socio-pathic) you actually do feel empathy. That is why any form of judgement you don't want to hear. Because then you would have to say to yourself to yourself IS THIS REALLY RIGHT in my life. Am I doing the right thing? All of our actions tend to have a ripple effect and it is how we feel about those riplles that elevate us or not.

 

You certainly ask some great questions. I have heard "you exist" from a number of people, not just him.

Why would she be uneasy? Who knows? But, she has BIG issues with me.

He cooks because she cannot and is into "health" food, organic stuff. Not a bad thing, but, neither he or I can stand that. He cleans because she is sloppy and he is a neat freak. She was also out of a LTR when she met him, personally, I think he is a rebound for her as well as she for him.

She has been in therapy for about 15 years and still has issues, she is extreamly possessive and controlling and I think that is why she has a problem with my existance. Add to that the fact that he has told mutual friends and relatives ( in front of her) that he still has happy hours with me and we remain very good friends and we talk often via phone or messenger.

RE: judgement, while I respect your opinion on this, I do disagree. It all goes back that I was taught NOT to judge people. Both in a religious way and life way.

Cookie on the side, LOL, that was good!!!!

[simplymetobe]

I was not that far off from you, I kissed and hugged and enjoyed my ex coming over to the house. He was living with the new women yet seeing me, no sex, but still pulling my strings. I put a stop to it. He would leave and I would cry. I just missed him too much. I knew I did not have a chance at getting on with my life if we continued. On top of that I knew he left me for her and if he wanted me he knew the door was aways open for him to come back. But he was coming over for a visit only, then going back to her. I stopped having contact with him, either he will wonder what I am up realize I am the one he really wants or to live with his mistake. I feel better most of the time now. Try it for a month let me know if you start to feel better. It has only been 2 weeks and most of the time I am better then before NC

 

No, you are not too far off from me. Thank you for sharing.

Good luck in your NC, I KNOW it is difficult. I have tried the NC and he always calls. Just have to get the guts to ignore the calls. Not easy.

[simplymetobe]

Okay, I don't think there's any point in ruining this lady's day, especially since she is not a teenager, but a woman in an age that certainly deserves some respect by default. Let's be helpful or shut up.

 

Simplybeme, I think you would benefit from cutting this man off completely and finding your soul mate. You're addicted to him and wasting your precious time on someone who isn't yours. It doesn't matter whether you're 20 or 30 or 40 or 50 - whenever you stay in a relationship with no perspective, you're missing your potential opportunities to meet someone that you can grow old with.

 

I think you would be happier to have someone faithful and committed near you, with whom you could spend nice moments, perhaps travel, and have fun than stick to a man who only gives you crumbs and heartache. He belongs to another woman. The reason why you want to have lunches with him is because you fancy him and enjoy his company. For as long as you spend time with him, you are not letting him out of your heart and you're closed to the possibility of meeting and loving someone else.

 

I would advise you to stop communicating with him completely and move on. He is history now. There's a reason why he is an ex, right?

 

As to the prognosis of the length of his marriage, you never know. But usually people who marry at older age STAY married to these people. I am my husband's 3rd wife (he is 49) and he is my second husband (I am 31); we got married 6 months ago. We met online, I am from Europe, I moved to the US 4 months ago. Everybody thinks that our marriage is bulls*** because of the circumstances, but nobody knows how much we love each other. Unless he cheats on me (which I truly doubt he will), I don't think we'll ever split.

 

I know your guy has been cheating on his fiancee and maybe will keep cheating on her now that she is his wife. But many husbands cheat and still remain married. I truly doubt that he got married at 58 just to get divorced at 60! The longer they stay married the fewer the chances for them to get divorced.

 

The problems you see may not ruin their marriage to the point where they will get divorced. Why do you think he married her? You think he doesn't care about her? I think he loves - or at least likes - you both and wants to keep you both - her as a wife and you as a friend and lover. That's a bigamous way of life and certainly hurtful for both of you women.

 

I just think you would be much better off without communicating with him.

 

Thank you for your kind post. And, I do tend to agree with it. Now, to get the guts to do it!!!

Given his history with women, I still tend to doubt this will last long.

I wish you nothing but the best in your marriage and your story is one that gives me hope that all is not lost.

Take care and stay as sweet as you are.

[simplymetobe]

Are you joking about the commitment issues? He got engaged to his current wife after one month! It also didn't take him long to marry her.

 

Perhaps he found the mommy type to marry and the more glamorous type to keep as a mistress? Or maybe he is just a dog and couldn't give up his ex. or he loves both women, but he knows Simply's faults too well and doesn't want to go back to old things.

 

Well, actually, they got engaged within 2.5 months AFTER some nut case wrote to her and told her about the conversations they were having and that he was still seeing me. They were married a little over a year after they met.

LOL, yep, I have faults. I always say, however, better the devil you know. Unfortunately, we were talking about reconciliation right up to November.

As to the mommy, nah, she is just better off financially.

[In Sync]

You certainly ask some great questions. I have heard "you exist" from a number of people, not just him.

Why would she be uneasy? Who knows? But, she has BIG issues with me.

He cooks because she cannot and is into "health" food, organic stuff. Not a bad thing, but, neither he or I can stand that. He cleans because she is sloppy and he is a neat freak. She was also out of a LTR when she met him, personally, I think he is a rebound for her as well as she for him.

She has been in therapy for about 15 years and still has issues, she is extreamly possessive and controlling and I think that is why she has a problem with my existance. Add to that the fact that he has told mutual friends and relatives ( in front of her) that he still has happy hours with me and we remain very good friends and we talk often via phone or messenger.

RE: judgement, while I respect your opinion on this, I do disagree. It all goes back that I was taught NOT to judge people. Both in a religious way and life way.

Cookie on the side, LOL, that was good!!!!

 

There's something so inconsistent in your posts. I mean you detail all of this man's lifestyle with his soon to be wife/wife and yet you claim he claims she has a problem with your existence. He's in his 50's! What control does this woman have if she's "too busy a work." If he's so discontented why does he stay. Again heresay is gossip. And I'm religious too...and gossip is just devil talk;) so why believe it and even worse indulge in it..in some ways that's being judgemental..in fact if you reread some coments in your reply regarding her I'd say you were making jugdements on her and you haven't even talked with face to face.

[simplymetobe]

There's something so inconsistent in your posts. I mean you detail all of this man's lifestyle with his soon to be wife/wife and yet you claim he claims she has a problem with your existence. He's in his 50's! What control does this woman have if she's "too busy a work." If he's so discontented why does he stay. Again heresay is gossip. And I'm religious too...and gossip is just devil talk;) so why believe it and even worse indulge in it..in some ways that's being judgemental..in fact if you reread some coments in your reply regarding her I'd say you were making jugdements on her and you haven't even talked with face to face.

 

There is really nothing inconsistent in my posts. I have thrown a lot of stuff out there and in no specific order, so, perhaps that is what you see as inconsistant.

Apparently she has little or no control over who he sees. She has a problem with him seeing me, I have said that quite a few times in the course of this thread. Why? I have no idea. Gossip, I agree, is devil talk, however, when you hear it from more than one person, including the man in question here, then it is hard to not find something truthful in the comments.

My comments about her are from seeing pictures of her abode. Messy does not begin to describe. Also, from seeing his house and the messes she leaves behind. It is not my intent to be judgemental, it is my opinion that she is messy and certainly NOT up to the standards he likes. I know she is high maintenance from visits to his house while she is having her weekly nail job, her bi weekly hair treatments (colored and relaxed) and a few other things.

Not sure where I said she is too busy at work, but, I believe I said she does not cook or clean. She cannot cook, and she does not like to clean.

He likes to eat and he likes a clean house, so, he ends up doing it.

I don't think he is discontented, if he was, she would be gone. I think he is enchanted with the fact that he finally has his fantasy. A professional woman who makes big bucks and spends it on him and she is his ticket into the "gold coast" of CT. That is the opinion of many, not just me.

I have spoken with her once. Not a very pleasant conversation either. And, it is not something I wish to share at this time. Suffice it to say, it is not an experience I wish to repeat and I pray that she does not ever call me. I will then break my promise to him and she will hear more than she wishes to hear.

I do know that he has told me that they fight a lot about me and the friendship I have with him. Apparently, her feelings about this don't mean a lot to him.

She, btw, is not his soon to be wife, they were married on the 27th of May.

If you feel I have been inconsistant, please, show me where, so I can explain.

[simplymetobe]

You just don't get it do you? Have you actually read any of the responses given to you? Did you ask yourself why you receive so much negative feedback?

 

 

 

That's rich coming from you. You come onto a board, have absolutely no qualms about accomodating a cheater (which makes you just as bad as him)and then you demand (!) non-judgemental advice from people who might have been on the receiving end of such blatant obnoxious behaviour? That just shows once again how utterly selfish and tactless you are. 'Me, me, me, me, me' is all you scream and then you berate others for taking offence at such egotism? Typical.

 

I have never cheated and I have never been involved with a cheater. Cheaters have tried it on with me and I told them to take a hike. Nor have I ever been cheated on. But at least I can empathise with the pain some people on this board have gone through because of people like you and your 'wonderful friend'. That's more than can be said for you.

 

And another thing. If you don't want to be judged, stop doing wrong. It's as simple as that.

 

Demand? No, I did not. I politely asked, with a please.

Hello, the post I made was because I am in pain, who would I be talking about if not "me".

Few have been judgemental, thankfully and because you think something is wrong does not mean it is. In your opinion it is and that is fine, but, don't make it a blanket statement for everyone. I am not saying what I did was right or wrong, I am stating that you have no right to set the tone for anyone but yourself.

No one here has mentioned going through anything because of "someone like me". I feel sure if that were the case I would have been blasted big time.

To date, you are, by far, the most judgemental of the group. Horay, you win.

I have found some wonderful advice from the posters here and I do appreciate it greatly.

I came here for unbiased opinions and for the most part, received them.

You have no idea what qualms I may or may not have, you have assumed that all by yourself.

I suggest you get over yourself and your high and mighty self.

I do so dislike pious pompus people.

[simplymetobe]

There is really nothing inconsistent in my posts. I have thrown a lot of stuff out there and in no specific order, so, perhaps that is what you see as inconsistant.

Apparently she has little or no control over who he sees. She has a problem with him seeing me, I have said that quite a few times in the course of this thread. Why? I have no idea. Gossip, I agree, is devil talk, however, when you hear it from more than one person, including the man in question here, then it is hard to not find something truthful in the comments.

My comments about her are from seeing pictures of her abode. Messy does not begin to describe. Also, from seeing his house and the messes she leaves behind. It is not my intent to be judgemental, it is my opinion that she is messy and certainly NOT up to the standards he likes. I know she is high maintenance from visits to his house while she is having her weekly nail job, her bi weekly hair treatments (colored and relaxed) and a few other things.

Not sure where I said she is too busy at work, but, I believe I said she does not cook or clean. She cannot cook, and she does not like to clean.

He likes to eat and he likes a clean house, so, he ends up doing it.

I don't think he is discontented, if he was, she would be gone. I think he is enchanted with the fact that he finally has his fantasy. A professional woman who makes big bucks and spends it on him and she is his ticket into the "gold coast" of CT. That is the opinion of many, not just me.

I have spoken with her once. Not a very pleasant conversation either. And, it is not something I wish to share at this time. Suffice it to say, it is not an experience I wish to repeat and I pray that she does not ever call me. I will then break my promise to him and she will hear more than she wishes to hear.

I do know that he has told me that they fight a lot about me and the friendship I have with him. Apparently, her feelings about this don't mean a lot to him.

She, btw, is not his soon to be wife, they were married on the 27th of May.

If you feel I have been inconsistant, please, show me where, so I can explain.

 

I do stand corrected, I did say she was too busy at work. To clarify. She works long hours in her line of work. As I stated, he likes to eat, so he cooks because she cannot and would not even if she was home earlier.

[daphne]

She has a problem with him seeing me, I have said that quite a few times in the course of this thread. Why? I have no idea.

 

You slept with him up until they got married and you have no idea why she doesn't want him to see you? How selfish are you? I realize you feel like you had first dibs but does she deserve your competition? You seem to relish in bad mouthing her and complaining about why he married her (for her money) when it's hiim you should be angry at. He's the heel, not her. She's an innocent by stander but you're more intent on hurting her.

 

If you don't want him back, why do you care how long it takes before they divorce? You are inconsistent. This is all about getting him back but I'm not sure you really want him. you just don't want him to be happy with someone else.