mr.gerbick Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 Okay my last post "I screwed up..." was getting too long, and there has been new progress made. Last we had a conversation about wether or not we would be seeing other people in this period we are now in. She said she wanted to take it slow and didn't agree with my view of not seeing other people, but she understands my side of it and respects it, and will not date anyone for me. She said that if I didn't ask about it was already 99% sure that she wouldn't have dated anyone, but because I brought it up for confirmation it seems like it is one step closer to being back together, when she just wants to take it slow. When we finished that conversation she asked me to give her space for the next two days, she specifically said no texts that will make her worry about me...this conversation was on saturday. Yesterday at about 3am in the morning I sent her a text asking if I can call her, and assured her it was not about our issues. She replied she wasn't home yet. So I replied saying well, call me if you want when you get home, I just wanted to know if she wanted to have a "no talk" cuddle session, which we have done before within the last 7 weeks. About 20 minutes later she replied that she was now home. I asked if she wanted me to call her and she replied with yeah, when you get here. So I went over there, we talked a little, hung out and fell asleep together. We woke up in the morning and were acting goofy, having little pillow fights and whatnot. She asked me I wanted to go see a movie later, of course I said sure. So I left her house at around 5pm, went home for awhile, then picked her up for the movies. We went and I dropped her off and asked if she wanted to hang out, she said she was tired and just wanted to go to bed. So I just came home. It has been a really strange weekend...It went from sort of a fight into us hanging out for 2 days in a row, and her initiating one of them. She keeps saying how weird it is that even though we were seperated for 7 months, when we hang out it feels like there was no time apart. I feel the same...everything is just so natural. Do you think that would be brought on from comfort, or does it maybe mean something bigger and better than that? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 I had addressed a meeting of sorts with a neighbor. Truthfully I didnt engage in focusing further contact other than your usual 'hellos' or small chit chat. This was due to the fact for many I believe, solid issues that entailed MY self and did not want to 'lead' anyone that I met here on otherwise. This was sufficient in my minds eye or anyone with any common sense. Yet, this one particular individual kept 'appearing' either here or there and yes we were once neighbors, but really not solid 'friends' in the sense he or I would just drop by for anything, inquiries, ect. As months went by he asked me for a pen. I then told him to follow me but left him outside my door. Well one thing led to another and one evening he appeared at my door and I kindly told him it was late [it was], and said good nite. Again, it happened except, I relunctly invited him in, [it was early] as he and I had exchanged pleasantries over the months [many] and did not foresee any real problems. As time would have it we engaged more than I bargained for and realized many things not only about MY reasons for my behavior and decisions but also my hesitance for including someone as he I deemed unnecessary or irregular. I say this due to the 'time' factors. His and mine. In essences, due to lonliness, or even exchange, [which one didn't exist] I have accepted the fact, that my intuitions and feelings were close if not on target. No one can escape the truth you feel in your heart regardless of the circumstances. TAke heed all. Link to post Share on other sites
rising Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 i think this is great, the same thing is happening to me right now... after 3 months of nc/lc, he is coming around... persuing me a bit. i'm taking it really slow, and i don't want to give what's happening a "name", nor do i want to talk all heavy about everything with him. i just want to hang out and be more like when we first dated and have fun. i had a great night with him 2 nights ago (similar to the one you both had), and i didn't call him since then... but today i called him (the first time i initiated a phone call since a month ago, it's been him calling me that made us have contact). we are going to go on a bike ride later this afternoon. i'm going to really take this slow, and be confident since really i know that spending time with me is gold. i know he misses that, and is now remembering how much fun i am. i think it is so important to visualize how gold we areselves are, and visualize what is good about a relationship and focus on that and the good of life. then those vibes are what is inside you and what come out of you. i'm going to have a good life, no matter what. if he is lucky, he may get to spend some more time with me in a magical way, like it was before but somewhere along the line, forgot or took it for granted... true love finds it's way, it goes where it needs to go. i have faith in myself and i will refuse to be bitter or unforgiving, and will never be a doormat to someone either. my plan is to have one or 2 dates with him a week (instead of everyday like before), and not be needy at all, keep it light... and still maintain less contact so that it does not go into the patterns that before clouded love. keep independence while spend only quality time together and see what happens... not talk about heavy things re the relationship. be friends and be romantic. no pressure... we'll see......... Link to post Share on other sites
atreyu3 Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 Excellent story Rising. Always makes me feel better when I read a story like that. Best of luck to you also Mr. Gerbick. Hopefully I will be telling a similiar story sometime in the near future. Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 You're one of the lucky ones Mr. G. Don't screw it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr.gerbick Posted May 30, 2006 Author Share Posted May 30, 2006 I know I had and sometimes still have a rough time coping with what she did, but you are right kitten...I am lucky. She could have just walked away and said...I don't want to deal with this. The strange part of all of this is that I did everything opposite of what was advised to me, not saying that the advice wasn't good, but I just couldn't control myself. I am sure kitten knows what I am talking about, it seems like she has been steadily through this with me, she read and replied to a lot of my crazy experiences. Maybe this is true love, I feel like it is on my end. Despite how crazy I was, she is still here and we are still working on things. I hope everything stays as smooth as it is right now. We just agreed to go stay at a bed & breakfast for a weekend soon, because we are both from the city, so to get out and enjoy nature and talk about our situation without all of the everyday distractions should be nice.(I hope) I would love to start giving other people advice with their issues, but honestly, craziness is what got me a second chance, as weird as it sounds. So this is an isolated experience, compared to other people's issues. I will try with things I feel I am logical about. For now, I would like to thank everyone who has given their opinions and concerns up until this point. If I have anymore issues I am sure I will be posting again. Link to post Share on other sites
milokins Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 It is so nice to hear a positive story for once. Congrats to both of you! Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 Actually, G, you guys were NC for like 4 months right? And seperated for 7? It sounds like you took the first step just the way you were supposed to. Do me a favor, and send a little of that luck this way! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr.gerbick Posted May 31, 2006 Author Share Posted May 31, 2006 Actually, G, you guys were NC for like 4 months right? And seperated for 7? It sounds like you took the first step just the way you were supposed to. Do me a favor, and send a little of that luck this way! Yes, but she was still emailing me within those 4 months and I was replying, so it wasn't literally no contact. This whole situation spawned from me finding out what she did. I am just glad that she didn't just walk away from the situation after I flipped out, otherwise all of the times she told me she loved me within those six years would have meant nothing. That is just a "sign" within itself. I really do hope the best for you kitten. You seem like a good hearted person with a lot of love to give. You will find someone out there, you just need to open up to more people. I appreciate all of your advice and have tried to utilize some of it, but I was just out of control at the time and still am sometimes. I am not exactly sure on what your ex wanted you to change for him, but if he is going to be stubborn and not try to compromise for you, then he don't deserve you. The only reason me and my ex are talking now is because of my realizations that what was important to me when we were breaking up are not as important to me now, because I lost her for them, ans we are both willing to compromise. We already said, that is why we need to talk and take it slow still, because if one of us is not willing to compromise, then it won't work and we are still trying to figure that out. Your ex sounds like he is not willing to compromise ANYTHING. It cannot be all or nothing, or else the relationship is bound to fail, second chance or not. He sounds like he is standing his ground. I know its hard, but if that was the case with my ex I would be forced to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 I really do hope the best for you kitten. You seem like a good hearted person with a lot of love to give. You will find someone out there, you just need to open up to more people. I appreciate all of your advice and have tried to utilize some of it, but I was just out of control at the time and still am sometimes. I am not exactly sure on what your ex wanted you to change for him, but if he is going to be stubborn and not try to compromise for you, then he don't deserve you. The only reason me and my ex are talking now is because of my realizations that what was important to me when we were breaking up are not as important to me now, because I lost her for them, ans we are both willing to compromise. We already said, that is why we need to talk and take it slow still, because if one of us is not willing to compromise, then it won't work and we are still trying to figure that out. Your ex sounds like he is not willing to compromise ANYTHING. It cannot be all or nothing, or else the relationship is bound to fail, second chance or not. He sounds like he is standing his ground. I know its hard, but if that was the case with my ex I would be forced to move on. Wow- nail on the head. All I ever did was compromise. I tried to explain comprise to him several times. You give a little to get alot in the end. And does fighting over most things even matter? I wish I knew why he was so unwilling to compromise for me- or if he is just incapable of it. If he just couldn't communicate what he was thinking. I have never known anyone who could work so hard at everything... exept personal relationships. Still, I have so much love for him. I dont want to hijack, but it makes me so sad. I only ever want to fall in love once. It's hard to believe anyone else is out there for me, when I want no one else other than him and what we had. I am doomed to be a hopeless romantic. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 Well that sounds like what I have been going through myself. I felt betrayed and now I go and question my self every step of the way. You love them and they say they want you too and then they pull back a little and want space. Right now I am in the space section and I think I am to the point that I may stay here. The whole thing is making me sick mentally. So there is something to think about. I'm sad but in the end I will be a stronger person. Let go, I was told just the other day. It hurts but over time the pain will fade away. There are many other people that will treat you the way you want to be treated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mr.gerbick Posted June 1, 2006 Author Share Posted June 1, 2006 Sometimes things on tv or just random thoughts remind me of what she did. Sometimes I feel like I can't get past it when I am alone, I just feel like calling her and talking to her about it. When we are together it is different though, I just want to enjoy the time we are having, even when I hold her I am not thinking about it, well maybe sometimes, but it don't get to me as much as when I am alone. I don't know what that means. I don't know what to make of it, and most of all I know it is not healthy for the second chance, but I can't control it, I can just try my best to forgive & forget. Any other theories? Link to post Share on other sites
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