Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 i like this thread its help me out alot... originally posted by RealBroken I understanmd what ppl are saying. And its gonna take time to be friends and for us to be over all this. Yes i have alot to do in my life right now and need to succeed in doing that.... am doin it now! (: But inturn for us to be mates eventually i just wanna know if a birthday email or message is too much after 3 months of breakin up with NC. Will she think...... "oh god he still wants me" Or will she think "hey that was nice I guess, glad he's not angry at me" I know that i'd think the later, but i'm a guy..... are girls different. Ex's have wished me H.Birthday in the past and I was touched. look after mi and my ex bf broke up i did NC for like 4 months or so and on his birthday i didnt call him it was hard i wanted to say happy birthday but i didnt...i holded back...it seemed like he didnt even bother plus he was with his gf ( broken up now) and it wasnt worth mi spending my time saying happy birthday to him when he was f***ed up to me and he forgot MY birthday...this year i will 'forget' his birthday again... since ur the one hurt and not her she might not even notice you didnt say happy birthday.. who cares if she thinks ur an a**h*** for forgeting her birthday she deserves it anyways......i can see why people say that you gotta be selfish sometimes..i always think of other peoples feelings before mine.. its time for me to think of my feelings....i still play mind games on him sometimes...they work...most of the time... Link to post Share on other sites
MrPot Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Going "NC" and not saying Happy Birthday and such to the ex that dumped you isn't really selfish. I think it's more of a matter of self-respect. You're not doing anything wrong that would qualify as "selfish;" you're just finally remembering that you have a spine and that you're more valuable than to worship someone who hurt you. Link to post Share on other sites
MacGyver Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Going "NC" and not saying Happy Birthday and such to the ex that dumped you isn't really selfish. I think it's more of a matter of self-respect. You're not doing anything wrong that would qualify as "selfish;" you're just finally remembering that you have a spine and that you're more valuable than to worship someone who hurt you. Right on the money. They HURT YOU!! What makes them deserve anything from you? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Its not selfish. Remember that it's over. If the person dumped you, then it's over. They can't expect anything from you. It's not being cold, its just realization. Link to post Share on other sites
stronggirl Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 come on......these people DUMPED YOU. they cared so little for you that they don't really care if you are in their life anymore or not. in my personal opinion, they don't DESERVE anything from you. it's them that chose it. i would do nothing but continue NC and even truly try NOT to remember. just forget. there are many other people out there in your life that you can put birthday energy into. you are not a bad person if you do not wish them happy birthday. you are just realistic. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 I understanmd what ppl are saying. And its gonna take time to be friends and for us to be over all this. Yes i have alot to do in my life right now and need to succeed in doing that.... am doin it now! (: But inturn for us to be mates eventually i just wanna know if a birthday email or message is too much after 3 months of breakin up with NC. Will she think...... "oh god he still wants me" Or will she think "hey that was nice I guess, glad he's not angry at me" I know that i'd think the later, but i'm a guy..... are girls different. Ex's have wished me H.Birthday in the past and I was touched. Dude, why are you so obsessed with this birthday thing? She dumped you. You are no longer in her life, nor is she in yours. There is NO reason for you to wish her a happy birthday. None. I think you've fixated on this birthday message because you're hoping she'll get it and suddenly realize how much she misses you and wants you back. But that's not what will happen. She's going to get your message and think: 'Wow, what a loser. He's still not over me three months later." And then she's going to go out and party with her friends, and tell them all that they were right, her clingy ex-boyfriend is still hung up on her. And then they'll all laugh at your expense, and she'll go home and f*** her new boyfriend if she has one. She knows you're out there - she just doesn't want you, remember? She dumped you even though you were that wonderful guy who did things for her that she 'loved'. Obviously, she didn't want that, or you, in her life. IF you HAPPEN to run into her at some point after her birthday, you can say hello and something like, "Hey, didn't you have your 21st birthday a while back? Happy birthday." That's it. It's really not as complicated as you're making it. Link to post Share on other sites
thekhris Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 Its not selfish. Remember that it's over. If the person dumped you, then it's over. They can't expect anything from you. It's not being cold, its just realization. agree!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
migs Posted August 10, 2006 Share Posted August 10, 2006 True. But I was asked a different question. I think that in most cases the ex isn't worth the effort. They are usually an ex for a reason. There are, however, occasional exceptions to the rule. If anyone involved in dating thinks there are no mind games going on, they should be playing checkers. I used to think that if I just played it straight that the world would be fair and I would get what I needed. I have found that I'm way off. Whereas I don't engage in manipulative behavior that I find unethical that would intentionally hurt another person, I don't sit back and play the nice girl role anymore either. I myself am able to do the things I do because I'm not convinced at this point that the ex is what I need. Only time will tell. I must add, this holds true for marriage as well. My wife (she moved out but doesn't want a divorce) worked in hospice, accepted my adult autistic son as hers in every way, and is one of the kindest, most compassionate people I know. But when I started kissing her ***, she began playing some of the most childish, junior-high school games I've ever seen, and we are both over 50. I asked her if she liked playing power games, and she said "not really" (you know what that means, right?--it's womanese for "yes, of course"!) She said she'd rather be alone than play games. It's been my experience that quite often when a woman states she doesn't or won't play games after a breakup, you can bet your sweet bippy them games have begun. At that point you have two choices--stay and put up with it until she tires of playing with you, or walk away. If she is still stating her feelings for you while playing games, she has lost respect. The only way you will ever regain that respect is to walk, NC, and have no expectations to reconcile. She visits me every other month and always initiates affection and sex, but once the games start your best bet is to keep your mouth shut and keep her guessing what's on your mind. My situation may be a little different because she's extremely attracted to me on a physical basis. Surprisingly, this means nothing on an emotional level, and if she craves control the games will continue. I have been with a number of women who I messed up with by coming across as needy, and while they then wanted a physical relationship, any chances for romance were long gone. Never mistake physical interest for romantic--and guys, if I've learned one thing it's that you need to keep your trap shut. If she has nothing to fight for, no mystery, etc. she has no interest in romance. The more you "share", the less interesting you become contrary to a lot of popular advice. Link to post Share on other sites
vlhs004 Posted August 10, 2006 Share Posted August 10, 2006 my ex broke up with me about 4 and 1/2 months ago . . .we were together for 2 years and she got with another guy a week later and they are still dating . . .. the first 2 and a half months i tried to get her back . .. then i realized what she did to me was sick and that even if i got her back i dont know if i could forgive her so i started to the NC . . . its been about 2 months since ive talked to her and she has sent me 2 emails . . . .3 texts . ...1 phone call and one voice mail in that time . . . even sent me a message on our 2 year anniversary that said "today was two years incase you forgot". . . i have not responded to one of her messages or anything . . .and i thought it was really messed up to say something about a 2 year anniversary when we were broken up and she knew how hard it was for me . .. but due to the NC im starting to feel alot better and she is the one sending me things non stop. .. i really dont know if i ever want her back but it was be nice to have the satisfaction of knowing she wants me back . .. but the NC thing really does work. . its been about 10 days since the last message but im sure ill get another one and will not respond to any of them till she says something that i want to hear . . .i have the power now . .. im telling you the NC is the best way to go Link to post Share on other sites
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