future Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 I'm full of doubt today over getting married this August. Here's my story, I'm 47 and divorced for two years, no kids, a couple of dogs, and a great job. My fiance is 39, no kids, pretty good job, and very nice family. We met online this January and I moved in with her a couple of weeks ago. We are planning on getting married in August. I am so full of doubt that I just needed to post something to get some much needed advice. I can't quite put my finger on why I have such doubt about the relationship. We get along fine together but there are moments when I see behavior in her that makes me wince because it reminds me of my ex-wife. I feel like I'm sacrificing more in the relationship than she is and that is a big concern. I seem to always have to pay for everything and I don't know where her money goes. My head is just full of confusion and my gut is telling me that maybe I'd be better off single. She asked me yesterday if I still had issues from my divorce and I told her that I didn't have any that I could think of other than just feeling like the whole marriage (ten years) was a sham. Well, I'll stop rambling and wait to see if anyone can help me figure this stuff out. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 Well, I'll stop rambling and wait to see if anyone can help me figure this stuff out. Only you can decide whether marriage to this woman is right for you. Wioth so many doubts and unresolved issues it seem rather unlikely right now. Is there some rush? If not, I'd take it slow, get to know her (and yourself) better and see where, if anywhere, it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 It is difficult for me to understand why: 1. you need to rush into marriage 2. why folks get married when older unless they intend to have more children 3. why you are not being honest with her about your reservations Communication - honest communication is what you need to be doing with her right now! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 We met online this January and I moved in with her a couple of weeks ago. We are planning on getting married in August. WHOA!!!! RED FLAG!!!! I think the situation is fraught with doubt, especially since you really haven't had an opportunity to develop a relationship in "real-time." She truly may be the one, but you're not doing either of y'all a favor by rushing into such a serious situation. My thought is that if your relationship is truly meant to be, it'll survive another 8-12 months of getting to know each other before talking marriage. but I'm silly that way Link to post Share on other sites
Author future Posted May 30, 2006 Author Share Posted May 30, 2006 I haven't said anything yet because I wanted to think everything through before saying anything at all. I think things are going way too fast too and I wanted to see if anyone else agreed with me before jumping to any conclusions. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 I second Quank's post. You haven't spent nearly enough time together to be rushing into marriage. Nothing will be hurt by postponing for a year or so and getting to know each other. In my experience, it's often people with serious flaws who try to rush you to the altar before you can figure out how bad the problems really are. Much better to find out before all the papers are signed, trust me on this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author future Posted May 31, 2006 Author Share Posted May 31, 2006 I saw enough red flags to move myself back to my old place and slow things down. Everyone I've talked to agrees that moving out and waiting is the best thing to do right now. So, thanks for everyone's advice. Link to post Share on other sites
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