lilly126 Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 Forgive me, for this might be long-winded, but I really want honest opinions of people "outside the situation." I've heard everything I can take from my family and friends and honestly want the advice of people who don't know the story. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years this summer. Now, before you freak out, you must realize that we're high school sweethearts. We started dating (not seriously) when we were 16. We're 23 now. It was off and on for the first 3 years or so, but for the past 3 we've been very solid. We followed each other to college and been together through a lot. We've lost family members to passing away, we've been through our share of rough patches, but over all, we've been a great team. When graduation was over, he asked me to move in with him. So I did. I was very excited. We've been living together for nearly a year. The time is coming for us to have to move again and we're trying to figure out what to do. I, of course, want to continue in this relationship. For as hard as it gets, I love him very much. It goes without saying that I can't imagine my life without him. We talk about marriage all the time, and I've even gone as far as to ask him, "Why haven't we taken the next step? I can't be your 'girlfriend' forever." He says he will, but I don't feel that it's fair for him to string me along. I hate not having 100% faith in our relationship, but it's tough. I don't want to sign a new lease with him somewhere without knowing where this is going. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't understand why if I'm his "best friend" and "the best thing that's ever happened" to him (as he has said before) that he hasn't asked me to marry him??? It's causing a rift in our relationship, and no matter how hard I try not to bring it up, I manage to...and it makes him angry. Should I have faith and see what happens? Or do I have a legitimate reason to feel strung along? Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 Forgive me, for this might be long-winded, but I really want honest opinions of people "outside the situation." I've heard everything I can take from my family and friends and honestly want the advice of people who don't know the story. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years this summer. Now, before you freak out, you must realize that we're high school sweethearts. We started dating (not seriously) when we were 16. We're 23 now. It was off and on for the first 3 years or so, but for the past 3 we've been very solid. We followed each other to college and been together through a lot. We've lost family members to passing away, we've been through our share of rough patches, but over all, we've been a great team. When graduation was over, he asked me to move in with him. So I did. I was very excited. We've been living together for nearly a year. The time is coming for us to have to move again and we're trying to figure out what to do. I, of course, want to continue in this relationship. For as hard as it gets, I love him very much. It goes without saying that I can't imagine my life without him. We talk about marriage all the time, and I've even gone as far as to ask him, "Why haven't we taken the next step? I can't be your 'girlfriend' forever." He says he will, but I don't feel that it's fair for him to string me along. I hate not having 100% faith in our relationship, but it's tough. I don't want to sign a new lease with him somewhere without knowing where this is going. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't understand why if I'm his "best friend" and "the best thing that's ever happened" to him (as he has said before) that he hasn't asked me to marry him??? It's causing a rift in our relationship, and no matter how hard I try not to bring it up, I manage to...and it makes him angry. Should I have faith and see what happens? Or do I have a legitimate reason to feel strung along? Maybe he wants to do it at a special time? Or does he have the $$$ for a ring? Are you both out of school? Are you dealing with any stressful situations (like said move) that perhaps he wants to get out of the way first? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilly126 Posted May 30, 2006 Author Share Posted May 30, 2006 Well, he has money. We're both finished with school, and I know that he has money. Granted, it's not like he has a lot of money saved, but we've been talking about this for so long, and we've looked at rings. He has said every excuse in the book, ranging from "I just want to get the finances stronger" to "I'm waiting for the right time." However, who ever REALLY has their finances straight? I don't expect him to give me a huge rock of a diamond. This isn't even about the ring itself...it's about the committment I'm looking for. I feel I've put a lot into this relationship and we both deserve to know that we're in this for the long haul and that all of this work isn't for nothing. I fear moving with him again without a committment, as I'm afraid that I'll be too available for him, if you know what I mean. The old saying goes "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" And I do everything for him! I love him very much, but it's so upsetting! The latest thing from him is "I'll take care of it before we move." As much as I try to just take his word for it and trust in him, I can't stop fearing that he has no real intentions to marry me. Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted May 30, 2006 Share Posted May 30, 2006 Well, he has money. We're both finished with school, and I know that he has money. Granted, it's not like he has a lot of money saved, but we've been talking about this for so long, and we've looked at rings. He has said every excuse in the book, ranging from "I just want to get the finances stronger" to "I'm waiting for the right time." However, who ever REALLY has their finances straight? I don't expect him to give me a huge rock of a diamond. This isn't even about the ring itself...it's about the committment I'm looking for. I feel I've put a lot into this relationship and we both deserve to know that we're in this for the long haul and that all of this work isn't for nothing. I fear moving with him again without a committment, as I'm afraid that I'll be too available for him, if you know what I mean. The old saying goes "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" And I do everything for him! I love him very much, but it's so upsetting! The latest thing from him is "I'll take care of it before we move." As much as I try to just take his word for it and trust in him, I can't stop fearing that he has no real intentions to marry me. Well, let's get the painful out of the way first: It's possible he is unsure and doesn't know if he wants to get married this young. However, I do know a couple that is very similar to your situation. He DOES want to marry her, but is constantly waiting for the right time. And their mutual friends (me included) are not making it easy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilly126 Posted May 31, 2006 Author Share Posted May 31, 2006 So do you think it's legitimate for me to tell myself that if he doesn't propose by the end of our lease, that it's time to move on without him? Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 I think ultimatums are always dangerous. You might be better off asking exactly WHY he has not proposed yet. Don't make him answer right away maybe, tell him to take a few days to think about it, but let him know how you feel. That you are insecure about signing a lease with him because he seems to be avoiding committment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilly126 Posted May 31, 2006 Author Share Posted May 31, 2006 KittenMoon, I think you're right. Sometimes it takes an outsiders opinion to "click" in my brain. That's a good way to put it. I'll wait through the summer, and if the time to move is nearing and I havne't received any sort of "feeling" from him on this, I will do just that. I'll ask him why and tell him I need time to figure out if I want to be with someone who seems to be avoiding committment. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts