Guest Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 My husband plays online video games. I know he chats with lots of different people because he meets them in the game and game related forums. That was hard for me to get used to, but I did. However, I discovered that he chats with a 16-year-old girl. I was extremely shocked and upset. He doesn't say or do anything inappropriate with her - but I think it's wrong for any 30+ year old man to be chatting online with any 16 year old girl. This is driving us apart. He deleted her and quit chatting with her, but he resents me and thinks I'm controlling him. I didn't demand that he quit chatting with her, but I let him know how much it bothered and hurt me, and why. Every since then he's been aloof and angry. I tell him that he wouldn't want a 30-year-old guy talking to his teenage neices, and he agrees. I told him he had a double standard, and he said "whatever" and walked off. I don't understand what is going on. If he felt hurt or disturbed or uncomfortable with something I was doing, I would care about his feelings. Please give me an objective opinion. If I'm out of line, let me know. I don't want to control him. I love him. But I also have very strong feelings about this particular issue, and his chatting with her bothered me a great deal. I don't know what to do. I want to say, "Go ahead and chat with her" if not chatting with her is going to make you feel controlled, resentful, and angry - but at the same time I'm hurt. It's like chatting with her is more important to him than my feelings. I was raped as a teenager by an older man and that is where my discomfort stems from, but I also tend to be jealous as well. I'm not sure what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 While I think that you might have overreacted a bit,BUT I can also see why you would feel the way you did. Now you might not have told him flat out that you didn't want him talking to her anymore, but from the sound of the post you made sure that he was well aware that it wasn't something that you wanted him to do and that in fact it sounds like you keep bringing it to his attention and rub his face in how wrong it is even more so. You should have brought it up in more of a nonconformtational way, and let him know why it hurts you and not why you think that he is a dirty old man. And while I know I may get some slack about it, I am going to say what about his feelings? I think that you have several under lying issues that need to be worked out beyond him talking to this girl, the rape, the jealously and the fact that you both can't seem to communicate with eachother. Perhaps you should try theorpy together and or apart Link to post Share on other sites
Chump64 Posted June 1, 2006 Share Posted June 1, 2006 Tell him he can chat with her as long as he agrees to install a keylogger so you can read the transcripts of the conversations. If he readily agrees, there's nothing going on. If he balks? Hmmm. You can install a free keylogger by searching for one online. The free ones aren't the greatest but I got what I needed from a freebie version. Link to post Share on other sites
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