Due South Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 here's the scenario: Having major probs with hubby for the past 3 months or so...(married for 3 years) My parents arrive in 4 days time from New Zealand. He hasn't seen them for 2 years - I havent seen them for 1. They will stay 4 days with us before going on a 5-month holiday before back to NZ. Its basically his only chance to see them and he has told me he "can't do it" - He can't see them and act "fake" (read: happy). I feel that this is really unfair. They are elderly, they love him and they are unaware of any of our problems. I even gave him the opportunity to stay away for 2 or 3 days (due to "work training" or some such s***) and only spend the last day with them.....to no avail. Monday - he calls when I am at work and tells me he is going on holiday for 3 days to a hot resort overseas (we normally go there a lot together). We have been struggling for a while and he told me he wants some space - I didnt realise how damn quick though! Tuesday - he leaves Wednesday - he calls his best friend to tell him he is OK. He knows this best mate is mate of mine too, so of course this mate told me immediately that he had called. He is due back on Friday and I don't expect contact of any kind until then. Any suggestions on the best way to handle this whole thing right now? I am walking on eggshells so as not to make the situation worse however, I am at the end of my tether. Any thoughts would be gratefully appreciated. x kia kaha x ps - yes I do love him dearly and want it to work but its a pretty unhealthy situ right now.... Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted June 1, 2006 Share Posted June 1, 2006 You didn't say why you've been having problems for the last three months. Is it possible that you've got a snake in your woodpile? (Meaning... maybe he's seeing someone else?) When your partner starts acting weird, there's some kind of reason for it. If you're not sure what the reason is, you need to find out. You can't address a problem that hasn't been properly identified. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Due South Posted June 1, 2006 Author Share Posted June 1, 2006 Thanks Lady Jane... We have had loads of problems over the last few months... lack of communication, mis-understandings - but the major one is he hates it when I drink (he doesn't). I don't do it often (usually once a month out with the girls after work) - but when I do, I tend to go overboard and obliterate myself. He really hates it and has constantly asked me to stop. But once in a while (usually after we have argued), I do it all over again. He takes it as a sign that I don't love him (even though I do everything humanly possible for him except this one thing). He is really blinded at the moment and has shut himself off. I have wondered about another woman too (as he has many female friends). He gets extremely angry, tells me I dont trust him and then tries to explain to me that he is "not like that". I do believe him although at the moment I am rather paranoid as he clams up and I.Just.Dont.Know.Whats.Going.On. I'm thinking of moving out for a while for him to decide what he really wants - but its soooo hard! I dont want to move out. My only option is to move cities as I have family there (dont want to ask friends here - also we are reasonably new to this city) Please help. I just dont know what I should be doing. He doesnt touch me anymore, sleeps on the couch and says really awful things when he is mad. He does what he wants at the moment. When I challenge it he says "you have no power over me at the moment and I can do what I want - you cant expect me to be your husband right now. I need time". I just want him to cuddle me again and tell me he loves me Link to post Share on other sites
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