waitingforlove Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 Hi, I just wanted to ask a general question: Does anyone ever fear that you'll be getting too old before anyone wants to marry you? I just got dumped recently and what bothers me is the fear of never finding "the one" who will truly love me and not abandon me. Everybody's saying that it's better to wait than to keep a relationship that's wrong for you. But I'm just so afraid that nobody would want me; or by the time somebody does, maybe I'll be too old to get married and have children ... That fear is keeping me from moving on entirely; otherwise I'm doing okay. Please do offer some advice on how to cope with a fear like that. I'd really appreciate! Thanks a bunch in advance! Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted May 31, 2006 Share Posted May 31, 2006 A year ago, that was one of my biggest fears. I'm currently going through a divorce, but we never had kids. So getting married and having a family was a big wish I've always had. A year later, I've come to realize that if it's meant to be, it will happen but for the moment, I need to just focus on myself. I wasnt emotionally ready to have a family when I was with my ex, and even tho it hurts to break up, I know deep inside my heart it happened for a reason. I wasnt emotionally healthy, and I'm starting to become healthy again. And I truely believe that I needed to go through this breakup so that I could become healthy again and hopefully my dreams will come true in the future. But for the moment, I'm just living in the moment. The best advice I can offer is simply dont look so far in the future. Focus on the moment and get healthy again. Focus on yourself, start making yourself happy and realize that even if you have kids or you get married, it still doesnt make you any different. You still need to focus on your life and what you want to accomplish in it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author waitingforlove Posted June 1, 2006 Author Share Posted June 1, 2006 Hi dgiirl, Thanks for your advice. You're right; I need to focus on myself first. Right now I've lost a lot of my self-esteem because of the experience of being "dumped," so I guess I need to rebuild it first. Hopefully, as you and everyone say, if it's meant to be, it will be .... Link to post Share on other sites
mikethmn Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 Hi, My insight on this is as follows: We all die alone. Plain and simple. Unless you are in a cult and drink the "saving juice" at the same time as everyone else, or are group skydiving with a bunch of defective shoots, you too, will die alone. I am married and was always afraid of being alone, when one day I realized... The survivor in this relationship after the other dies will have to get on with there life and move on. You see, although we will be at the other's bed side when death finds us, the first to leave will still go alone. This made me believe that you should not be with someone just for the sake of not being alone... You should be having fun and doing what YOU want to do as long as you're a good person and don't hurt anyone in the process... (I'm finding this out more now too) So move on and live a rich and full life, because god knows, it goes by fast. Link to post Share on other sites
Author waitingforlove Posted June 2, 2006 Author Share Posted June 2, 2006 Hi mikethmn, I think you have a very good and strong point! It's almost scary but the thing is it's SO TRUE! I'll remember that. Thanks for your input!! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 The only thing that will help you get over your fears of being alone/ending up alone is to get your life together so you feel confident and strong on your own. Not only will you feel better and less 'alone' but you will be a more attractive partner for a good man. Link to post Share on other sites
BlackCat Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 We all die alone. Plain and simple. Unless you are in a cult and drink the "saving juice" at the same time as everyone else, or are group skydiving with a bunch of defective shoots, you too, will die alone. Hmmm .. that's the truth. We're also born alone. Lots of people spend lots and lots of time trying to deny this simple fact. It's literally taken me years to 'get' this. And now I get it, I'm quite happy alone. I get lonely from time to time, and crave company and affection (and other stuff of course, who doesn't? But finding a lasting relationship isn't the be all and end all anymore. The trouble is, none of us can make anything happen or last with anyone else. We have absolutely no control over other people in our lives - only ourselves. That can be a bit scary to realise. So maybe the best we can do is work on finding that security within ourselves, that bit of us that will truly 'stay'. There ain't no guarantees, no binding contracts, no magic potions .... YOU are the person who will never leave you ... (gee - this is SUCH a depressing post!! sorry guys - hehe) but I feel like an old dog with its paws over its head groaning - remembering the feelings I've been through myself in the past, and all the years its taken me to come to this stage. In a nutshell, when you are truly secure in your own skin, you can choose to have relationships. Because you want to, not because you're terrified of being alone. You're alone now, and you're ok, yes? Yes. Waitingforlove, if you want to belt me over the head, feel free ... but I do understand, even if I sound a bit flippant. Anyone else out there agree with me? BlackCat:rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
Love Hurts Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 Did you hear this one? A female over the age of 40 has a better chance of getting killed by a terrorist as appose to getting remarried. It's not true. Older females have as good a chance of getting remarried as as a younger female.. The only difference is ... there is a greater chance of getting another females cast away. (At least you'll have something in common right from the start.) Inplace of a man that has never been married and has no children. If you live long enough ... anything can happen. Just live. Link to post Share on other sites
Author waitingforlove Posted June 4, 2006 Author Share Posted June 4, 2006 Hi norajane, BlackCat and Love Hurts, You are all so strong!! And you're all so right!!! I guess I need to grow stronger and believe more in myself ... Love Hurts, the problem is I don't want to "steal" other people's husbands or boyfriends .... so the older I get, the harder it will be to find someone who hasn't married before, right? ... Oh well, I do agree, though, that anything could be possible ..... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 You get married, you have (or not) children and from then on it's like habit. You lie that you love him and then go and complin to your girlfriends that he "does not understand", "does not listen" or what have you.... He does not listen to you, does not understand, turns fat and ugly and spends too much time in front of the footie and complains that you want too much from him. This is death at its worst - whilst still breathing. A woman in this day and age should feel confident enough to focus on what is important - procreation, finding love and having a useful and fulfilling life. It does not happen through marriage. I have been married for 10 years and I'm here on this site - does that tell you anything. We spent a lot of time lying each other and ourselves that we had loved and now we are starting to get it - it's not love - it's habit, economics and laziness - both secretly want something else.... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 *sigh* - that's so true for a lot of couples. Now I've reached a 'certain age and stage' in life, and I'm single, I look around at my friends and see them grabbing what they can ... and it's ghastly. They talk themselves into 'being happy', but they're not. The longer they stay in it, the more 'resigned' they become, and it seems to be partly about what society expects of us and partly about this fallacy of the horror of 'being alone'! I'd much rather be on my own than in a ghastly relationship any day!! BlackCat Link to post Share on other sites
Love Hurts Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 Right on baby! Link to post Share on other sites
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