UNsureCda Posted June 1, 2006 Share Posted June 1, 2006 It is long...but I beg you for advice--anyone!! I have been exculsively dating my boyfriend for 4 years. We have lived together for 2 and I have recently moved to be with him across the country away from my friends and family (work related...more so for his work than mine..but I found something in my field). before we moved-He has had a huge history of being jealous/controlling-about me talking with people from the opposite sex, me going out with my girlfriends without him, wants to know who I talk to everyday, doesn't want me to go to company christmas parties if he isn't allowed to come (and then if I go-which I did-he texts me every 30 minutes and tries to tell me that I have to be home at a certain time), wants to know who I email and what we talk about (friends), is critical and doesn't like me talking to my friends who are still friends with my "EX" (yes..of over four years ago) as they might mention his name in conversation. If a girlfriend calls and wants to go out for dinner he has to come as he "want to get to know my friends better." When the phone rings and I answer he asks while i am in the middle of the conversation who it is. He acts out in jealous rages and then make excuses for being tired, over worked, not getting to spend enough time with me etc. I have a friend who I dated in grade 9/10 (yes a LONG TIME AGO like 8 years) and who has liked me up until about 3.5 years ago. we are still friends, and see eachother maybe 1 or 2 times a year..talk once every month type of thing (he's in LA, I'm east coast) and who has recently become a popular actor in the last few years.We made this childish pact in grade 10 that if we weren't married my 23 (come and gone) then we would "pity" marry each other. Two years ago the BF hacked into my email and found an email from my actor friends mother joking about the pact that we once had. WEll my BF found out about this stupid pact (yes it was stupid and a childish thing) and freaked out as if I was actually going to marry his guy. My BF is now freaking out about me having anything to do with him. I am supposed to meet this friend of mine and his sister next weekend for lunch and my BF is being controlling and irrational. My BF and my friend have met, but now since my friends new fame is even more jealous! He doesn't trust him, as hollywood actors always think they can get what they want.The BF blames his irrational behaviour on not getting to see me enough. So now that i am living away from everyone he won't show me how to use certian things on the computer, has blocked me from downloading certain thing from the net, I don't have a car, he tries to tell me not to be too long on the phone- when everyone I know is across the country----how else and i supposed to call my friends and family. My family see's him as controlilng and jealous- not to mention insecure. Which he admits to all of the above. He's previously been cheated on. I have told him how much I love him, that I would never cheat, and that I picture myself marrying him etc etc...but for some reason it's not enough. ANY help would be SSSOOO appreciated. I feel trapped in this relationship and am getting to the end of my rope!! S Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 12, 2006 Share Posted June 12, 2006 Hi. I feel for you. Some people do not know the difference between control & love and it signifies a very unhealthy relationship. Boundaries in a relationship are one thing and control is another. People are controlling for different reasons, you might want to go to a counselor. Abuse in a relationship; be it emotional, mental, verbal or physical should not be tolerated. It sounds like you know what is happening is wrong, but why are you staying? Do you really want to deal with this for the rest of your life? I dated a guy for a year that was very controlling and I paid a very high price for the relationship. He completely broke my spirit. I reached the end of my rope also and knew that I needed to get out. I couldn't find a good exit. I let it go on for way too long. I started having panic attacks. It was really a nightmare, so don't let this happen to you. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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